Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Maximum Ride, but if I did…what fun! This is just an idea, people, so let me know if you want more. I'll try to do about ten ways a day.

Claimer: florescent light bulbs.

99 Ways to Kill Fang

Put him in a room with Britney Spears. He will have clawed his eyes out within 30 minutes.

Put acid in his coke. Watch him disintegrate from the inside-out!

Somehow transport him to Mars, and strand him there with only a camera. Smile with glee as he asphyxiates before your very eyes.

Make him listen to the Jonas Brother's "When You Look Me in the Eyes" 1,287 times in a row and he will slowly die for no apparent reason.

Put him in a frilly pink dress. With lace. And ribbons. LOTS of ribbons.

Bash his brains out with a sledge hammer autographed by scientists from the School, adding insult to injury.

Force him to be a pre-school teacher for a day. When you come back to fetch him, the children will be playing with various organs.

"Accidentally" push him off the Empire State Building...after cutting off his wings with a chainsaw.

Force him to appear on American Idol, wearing nothing but a princess tiara.

Stab him with a Spork (a.k.a a fork-spoon hybrid.)

Take Fang to a Spice Girls concert wearing pink cargo pants, jimmy choo heels, and a pink t-shirt that reads: "I heart the spice girls", while wearing his hair in pigtails. Fang will die a slow and painful death while listening to catchy Spice Girl's tunes. (Thank you dancer1234 for this!!)

Stick pins covered in acid into Fang's eyes.

Get lots of fan girls and have them hunt Fang down and shower him with love! ("NO! FANG IS MY BOYFRIEND!") Seeing as none of the fan girls can compromise on which girl gets Fang, they simply spilt him 78 ways.

Give Fang an electric shock whenever he moves.

Shrink him down to ant size, and burn him with a magnifying glass.

Bake him in an oven. Sell it for half price at a local deli as "Mystery Meat".

Have Fang be chased down by rabid dogs and devoured on National Geographic.

Pay the serial killer Freddy from the movie Nightmare on Elm Street to kill Fang in his dreams.

Have aliens abduct him for scientific experimentation.

Give Fang 2,387,102 consecutive paper cuts.