"What gives, Evans?!" Sirius Black asked, facing me with one hand on his hip. The gesture reminded me so much of myself I looked at it pointedly and he removed it. When I looked at his face again, it'd gone a scarlet colour, much the same as the flag inside the common room, five feet from us.
"What gives, Black?" I ask, putting my hand on my hip, mimicking him. Because lets face it, annoying Sirius Black is a lot of fun.
"I give." He states simply, glaring at my arm then turning to my face with a neutral expression.
"What do you give Black?" I ask, rolling my eyes at him.
"I give a damn," he says, narrowing his eyes slightly at me.
"What do you give a damn about?" I ask, a tiny bit curious. Knowing Sirius, it's probably something totally useless.
"I give a damn about other people, do you?" He asks looking me straight in the eye.
"What the hell kind of question is that? I'm Head Girl, of course I care. Sirius, good Merlin, what have you done to the second years now?" I ask, exasperated. I must admit, his admitting it would be a refreshing change.
"This isn't about me. Or the second years." Knew it was too good to be true.
"Ok, so who is this about then?" I ask, rolling my eyes again. It's late, I'd just had a huge argument with James and all I want to do is finish my homework and go to bed.
"This is about a person who has been bullying another for a couple of years now, interested?" He asks, almost as if he's offering me a deal.
"Of course, if bullying has been going on for several years, I want to know about it and stop it!" honestly, what kind of Head girl did he think I was?!
"Well this person, lets call him 'Victim', he's a really self conscious guy, and he's a real people-person, you know?" He starts, looking at me with an odd expression. Then again, everything about Sirius Black is odd. I nod and he continues.
"So he's fragile and then this other person comes along, lets call them 'Clueless' because they're clueless about the damage they're causing. So Clueless calls poor Victim all sorts of names but Victim won't do anything back because Victim doesn't like people disliking him and he likes Clueless, practically worships him." Ok, this is strange. So Victim liked Clueless, but Clueless didn't like Victim? So what?
"So what's the problem? Clueless is a bully?" why though?
"Well I don't think we should call him a bully per se, I think Victim just thought he could get Clueless to like him, and he tried the wrong way." Ok Sirius Black you have officially lost it. Actually you lost 'it' a long, long time ago. Ew, I can make that sound so dirty.
"Uh huh... So you're saying Victim isn't a bully and neither is Clueless?" what the hell is his problem? Oh right, the insanity issues, right.
"Well, no. You aren't listening!" Hand returns to his hip. What a girl! "Look, Victim gives Clueless a hard time, and Clueless gives him a hard time back. But Victim does it to get Clueless to like him. Clueless does it to get rid of Victim." Sirius Black, you are wasting my time!
"Look, Lily, what if I told you that Clueless is a girl? And that Victim is a guy in love? That Clueless is taking this guy's heart and smashing it into a million pieces. I think she knows it too." Ok, so Clueless is an oblivious idiot? So what? What has that got to do with me?
"Sirius, what do you want me to do about it? I'm not about to go to some random guy and say 'Look, I know someone has hurt you, real bad, but someone still loves you.'?" Merlin, no way!
"Let's see what you say, shall we Clueless?" and he opens the Common room door.
Hey, who's he calling clueless? Wait. There's no noise. Over in the corner, there he is. Not Sirius, James. Hold the phone a minute. If I'm Clueless, is Victim him?
"Sirius, you suck." He opens his mouth but I beat him to it. "And don't you dare make that sound dirty." I walk over to where James is, his head in his hands, covering his eyes. I glance at Remus and peter, who nod. I crouch in front of him and say the first thing that comes to my head.
"Look, I know someone has hurt you, real bad, but someone still loves you." man, why is the only thing I think of, a total pansy kind of comment?
"Look, girl, you don't know nothing about this. This is not right. I love her, she doesn't love me, she hates me!" he still won't look at me. 'Girl' hey?
"I doubt she hates you. I don't think she could. I mean after your friends explain it to her-" in very weird terms, "-I'm sure she'll see the error of her ways." He shakes his head slightly. What an idiot. Why doesn't he believe me damn it?
"You don't know jack about it, ok?" no sweetie, you don't know jack about it! Stupid, idiotic, teenage boy! Hey, the last two words sum it up nicely.
"Don't I? Who's this girl then?" tell me I don't know nothing, huh punk?
"Lily Evans of course!" he says, finally looking up to glare at me then a complete look of shock.
"I know more then jack shit too, you know." I say, smirking. Oh, I love being me.
"Shit." Hm, don't like that language much. Note to self, keep James away from Sirius more. Actually, I just said it too. Note to self, erase last note to self.
I stand up and his eyes follow my face, watching me. I raise an eyebrow then smile. I know, smile. At James Potter. Me, smiling at him.
"Tooddles!" I say, wiggling my fingers at him and walking away.
Ok. Physiological time.
So what was I walking away from? Was it just James? Or was it the idea of being with him? Was it the trials and the prejudice I knew we'd both get? I mean, I would've finally given in. I was Lily Evans. I was not supposed to give in; I wasn't supposed to fall in love. I was supposed to be above that, I was supposed to be untouchable. I mean, I've listened to so many stories in my years here at Hogwarts, about girls falling and no one being there to catch them. I was never going to be that girl. I was never going to fall in love. Sure, guys could love me all they liked and I'd like them too, but they'd be liked at arms length, never close enough to touch me, never close enough to be let into my heart.
So, I mean it would've been bad enough for me to fall in love, let alone with James Potter. He was supposed to be the one guy that couldn't get to me. Forget arms length, consider world length away. He wasn't supposed to be able to touch my heart, he wasn't supposed to be able to see me, the real me. But when has he ever done anything he was supposed to?
I am Lily Evans; I'm supposed to be above falling in love, above James Potter. I was supposed to bring him and his ego down a few pegs. He made me fall all the way down. Stupid teenage boys.
Two years later…
Lily looked at the page in her journal and smiled. She was glad she hadn't actually been above falling in love. It was the best thing to ever happen to her. She grinned at the thought of her being the conceited one, not James. She carefully took the book out of the box and retied the ribbon, and lifted out the next notebook in the pile.
Totally insane? Yes, maybe. No, definitely. Ok, so I'm in a really, really weird mood. I spent the day at the zoo with my boyfriend, and some of this is… inspired? Yeah, I guess inspired from that. And my private thoughts. Anyway, I plan to update FPP? Soon, seeing as I promised it like two weeks ago. But I'm just not there, you know? Now, if you actually read all that, good on you mate, and please review.
Otherwise, just review please!!!
D LaJaC x