Hello all! I havent written anything NCIS related in so long! And I love this show SOO much! So I fancied writing an extra long ZivaxAbby oneshot. Yes, this is femslash, if you dont like this type of thing then I highly suggest you go find yourself a corner and cry in it cause I honestly couldnt care if you have something bad to say, thank you.

So yeah! Read away, and review please!!

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Beautiful was the only word for her. Her silky hair, her all knowing yet playful eyes, and the way she could make anyone smile without even trying too hard. Ziva stared aimlessly at her computer screen until her eyes stung; she looked over the top of it and wondered. She wondered if anyone knew what she was feeling, she wondered if anyone could understand how hard it was.

"Daydreaming?" Tony asked from his desk, he'd been 'watching' Ziva act differently for the past few weeks.

Ziva blinked hard and looked at Tony, she tried a death glare but it wasn't going to work. "No" She stated simply.

Tony raised an eyebrow; he got out of his seat and began to pace up and down the small space comically. Ziva couldn't help but chuckle.

"McGee!" Tony barked.

"Yes Bos- Err, Tony?" McGee had a frightened expression on his face, he also knew he would pay for that little slip up later.

"Don't you think Miss David has been acting a bit weird lately?" Tony began, his voice lower, each word strung out as if it was to purposely annoy her.

McGee twitched awkwardly under Ziva's harsh glare. He wasn't going to reply. Tony snorted at sat back down, deciding to leave it where it was and ask more questions when Ziva wasn't so moody.

Ziva stretched her legs under her desk, her dark brown boots rubbing against the carpet.

"I'm going for a walk" And in a walk she meant taking a trip down to Abby's lab like she often did, there was nothing wrong with trying to build up friendship with a co-worker, right?

She jogged to the elevator and pushed down on the buttons hard, as if she were trying to make it come faster. She tapped her foot on the floor to a tune she was humming in her head. The doors slid open and she slid in, her body disappearing as the doors slid back shut. As she walked into the lab time seemed to slow down, she steadily moved forwards, her mouth open a little. Abby leaned on her desk discussing something with Gibbs and Jen; Ziva noted the way her eyebrows moved and how perfect her smile was. She didn't even notice that five minutes had passed and everyone was staring at her.

"Ziva?" Jen questioned.

Abby was equally as curious but brushed it off, turning back to her beloved computer and tapping away at the keyboard happily.

Ziva strolled down, trying to think of an excuse to why she was here. But she couldn't think of one, she just stood there and smiled.

"Cat got your tongue?" Gibbs rubbed the back of his neck and glared at her with his icy blue eyes.

Ziva shuffled further into the lab "I was just looking for Jen, actually" She improvised.

Jen nodded a goodbye at Abby and Gibbs before lightly grabbing Ziva by the elbow to steer her away.

"What was that about?" She asked informally, her voice was hushed until they left the lab.

Ziva didn't know how to put it. Although Ziva and Jen had a friendship, she'd never in her entire life brought up the fact 'oh by the way, I like women' She shuddered, was now the right time?

"Ziva?" Jen asked again, she stopped once they turned the corner; she looked into her dark eyes and began to search for an answer.

"Jen, I am going to tell you something, but you must not freak out" Her head started to feel a little bit fuzzy, she'd never told anyone before. Like her father said, some things were better left unsaid.

Jen nodded. She couldn't deny it; she was worried, for all she knew Ziva could have gone on a killing spree and wad now begging for an escape route. "I promise," She said half truthfully.

"I –" For the first time in her life Ziva was truly stuck for words " Jen, I –"

"Ziva? What is it?" Jen's tone had softened just as much as Ziva's defences had come down.

Ziva shook her head and began to back away, she span around and began to make a bee-line for her desk, Jen wouldn't have the balls to take it any further in front of the rest of the team. Ziva sat down like she normally would; she put her hands behind her head and looked around. Tony and McGee were talking, they were talking quietly, Ziva arched an eyebrow at them.

"Well I'm not going to talk to her! She'll bite my head off!" Tony hissed, his voice just above a whisper.

McGee shook his head "No way!"

"Why not?" Tony asked.

"I have two perfectly good reasons, that's why!" McGee's voice raised in a half real half fake anger.

"And they are?" Tony questioned.

"One, she's a woman! And two, SHE'S ZIVA!" He said the last bit a bit too loud.

Ziva's ears picked up on her name and she hopped out of the seat, a curious grin spreading across her face. She took confident strides until she stood in front of Tony's desk, where he and McGee were talking.

She put her one hand on the desk and leaned in, her face inches away from McGee's. His bottom lip was making its way down to the floor.

"Yes, McGee?" Ziva smiled, but it wasn't the nice kind.

"Uhh" McGee's eyes darted to Tony in search of backup, but yet again, he couldn't find any.

"Ziva can I talk to you for a moment?" McGee gave in, cursing under his breath as Ziva followed him to the window.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Well, Tony and I have noticed… You've been, Umm, Acting differently…" He dared himself to make eye contact with the Israeli.

Ziva looked at McGee. She had never in her time at NCIS seen McGee so concerned; he'd have to be to have the balls to ask her something when she could snap at any second. "McGee," She began softly "There's no need to worry…"

McGee was startled by her sudden change of tone; he took his hands out of his pockets and rested one on Ziva's shoulder. Her eyes locked with McGee's she never knew he could be so caring, she didn't want him to be, it was her problem.

"Ziva, we're already worried, me, Tony, Heck! Even Gibbs is wondering why you're acting out of character from time to time…" His voice was hushed but it oozed with a newfound confidence, a newfound need to help his friend out.

"It will probably sound so stupid…" Ziva muttered, her head moving from looking out of the window to staring at the ground, she felt like a deer in headlights.

"Ziva, I'm not going to judge you"

Ziva paused, if there was a time to tell him it would be now. But would telling McGee be a good idea? After all, didn't he have feelings for Abby? No one was particularly sure if he did or not, but Ziva had doubts in the back of her mind.

"McGee, have you ever been in love with someone you know you shouldn't be in love with?"

McGee thought for a second, then nodded. He didn't need to explain himself. "Who is he Ziva, maybe telling me could help…" He asked, his face was brimming with concern, it was cute.

"Well firstly, he's a woman" She muttered, her voice really was a whisper this time, her eyes were suddenly interested in her shoes.

McGee was a little shocked. He was shocked that Ziva was actually being troubled by love let alone the fact that it was a woman. But he wasn't going to judge her. He was a pretty open-minded person and he knew deep down that right now, judging was the last thing that Ziva David needed.

"Oh" Was all McGee said.

Ziva sighed heavily, not really wanting to take it any further. "Please keep this to yourself McGee." Her glare turned a little deadlier in efforts to warn McGee not to break this promise.

"I promise" McGee said, stuttering slightly.

And with that, they both went back to their desks. But someone was watching from a distance, her red painted lips formed an awkward smile. She didn't pick up all of the conversation; she wasn't in the place to. She was surprised that Ziva didn't notice she was watching. All she managed to pick up from reading Ziva's lips was "Well firstly, he's a woman" She sniggered, not quite sure what to make of the sentence.

"Didn't anyone tell you that eavesdropping was bad, Abby?" A gruff voice said from behind.

Abby span around on her large black boots, fully aware of who it was. She smiled playfully, "And did anyone tell you that I don't care?" She put her hands on her hips, grin still on face.

Gibbs grinned, handing over the caff-pow! He had just gone to get for her. His icy blue eyes looked at her for a second before gesturing that they go for a walk, then go see Ducky seeming as Jimmy was no where to be seen. They both walked side by side to the elevator, Abby looking at Gibbs with glowing eyes, he was a father figure to her sometimes.

Ziva grimaced at her watch. She still had 3 hours of her shift let and they were all practically finished up with their paperwork and whatever else anyway. She'd go ask Jen if they could leave early in a few minutes. She ran her fingers through her silky brown hair, the curls falling down onto her back and spraying across her shoulders. She could feel McGee's eyes on her from time to time. He was becoming more obsessive than Tony, but she couldn't blame him. She was really acting out of character. Tony was watching too, but his stare was constant, she didn't dare look up in fear that he'd pin her into a corner and force everything out of her. Even though she was stronger physically, her mental state had hit the rocks ever since she'd developed these feelings for Abby. She'd never felt so defenceless in her life. She was always steeling glances; being so kind it was kind of cheesy.

"How about we all go for a drink at the end of shift?" Tony suggested, for once, it sounded like a really good idea to Ziva.

McGee nodded "Sure, I'll go down to autopsy to see if Ducky and Abby want to come," He got up and smiled.

Ziva tilted her head, "And Gibbs?" She asked.

Tony snorted, "Gibbs wouldn't want to come, it's not really his scene" Tony said to Ziva, unaware of the two glaring eyes boring a hole into his head. McGee stood there trying not to laugh.

"What's not my scene, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked. As ever, he'd popped up unexpectedly and left Tony in a defenceless situation.

" I was saying that you wouldn't want to come for a drink with us, err…Not exactly your scene, is it?" Tony was secretly begging he wouldn't go any further.

"Your right, but tonight's an acceptation. Grab your jackets and lets get going, go get Abby and Ducky, don't take no for an answer. Heck, Tony, go see if Jen will come too" Gibbs said strangely, for some reason, he'd recently took into account how much his team meant to him.

An hour later the entire team we're sitting in a large pub, they all sat around a large circle type table, everyone had drinks in hand accept Ziva, she didn't feel like having a drink. Ducky was talking to Jen about something that happened a good ten years ago while Tony and McGee were arguing about you guessed it, which was better, Films or Games. This left Ziva and Abby in awkward silence, they were sat right next to each other at the far end of the table, Ziva could feel Abby's legs pressing up against her own, it sent shivers down her spine. Gibbs was drifting in and out of conversation with everyone but his eyes were nearly always locked on Ziva, his blue eyes were gathering information on why Ziva was acting so suspiciously out of character.

"So, how's life?" Abby asked, her fingers dipping in and out of the cool liquid that sat on the table in front of her.

Ziva didn't know what to say, she could be bluntly honest or lie. But she was pretty sure Abby would be able to pick up on it. "Life's been good" Ziva replied simply "What about you?"

Abby arched an eyebrow and took a sip of her drink before replying. "It's been alright, anyone special in your life at the moment?" Abby asked, easing into the conversation.

Ziva took a moment to register what Abby meant then shook her head "No, not at the moment" She said with a depressed tone.

Abby put her hand on hers and chuckled, it saddened Ziva to know that Abby would probably never know about the fireworks that rocketed through her veins every time they touched. Ziva's eyes flickered with the desire to take Abby into her arms and hold her forever, that flicker of desire didn't go unnoticed by a certain red head and a pair of icy blue eyes.

"You saw that, didn't you" Jen mouthed to Gibbs, he nodded in reply.

"You ever thought she might be gay?" Gibbs asked, his eyes fixed on Ziva now.

Jen shrugged "Suppose so, she never really showed any signs that she was attracted to any men, and when she did, you knew it was for show" Jen let a smile tug at her lips.

Gibbs didn't reply to that. He thought over everything that had ever happened in the past few years, his team had stuck to him like glue, even when he left them. He didn't like to admit it but he did have a soft spot for his team, cause that is what they were, his team. He wanted his team to feel comfortable, they'd work better if they had clear minds, he didn't really know what to do next, so he did what he always did, he went with his gut.

"Ziva? Can I talk to ya' a second?" Gibbs asked, getting up indicating he wanted a private word with her outside.

Ziva nodded her face crumpled up with confusion. She gave a pathetic excuse for a smile to Abby before walking forwards to meet Gibbs at the entrance of the pub.

She still had the same perplexed look on her face until Gibbs started talking.

"You really love her, don't you?" He did not waste time with small talk, he got straight to the point.

Ziva couldn't help but chuckle, "Your blunt. And yes, I do. I haven't felt this strongly since… Well, I have never felt this strongly about anyone in my life" She admitted honestly, her heart was beating a million times faster than it really should just talking about her.

"Then tell her, Ziva"

"Gibbs, why would she want to be with someone who's known for having no emotions?" She retorted.

Gibbs let her sharp reply pass him; the real Ziva was slowly peaking through the wall of stone.

"Ziva, just trust me on this one. Tell her, she's not the type of person who will purposely hurt you" His voice had lowered to a whisper by now.

Ziva shook her head in denial "Gibbs, I don't have a chance!" Her voice was quiet too but it was more of a long drawn hiss.

"And how do you know?"

Ziva dug her boots deep into the tobacco coloured carpet, probably chosen purposely to disguise any stains. "BECAUSE SHE'S STRAIGHT!" She shouted this time, not loud enough for her co-workers to get an ear full but loud enough for the table behind the wooden panel to hear.

Gibbs folded his arms and glared at her, as if her were mentally backing her into a corner "Ziva, this is tearing you apart, tell her or I will" He said, Ziva felt her face flush with fear, she knew he meant every last word. And it was true, it was tearing her apart.

"This is getting ridiculous, If I kept it to myself nothing like this would have ever happened" Ziva sighed.

Gibbs didn't move his eyes from her. "Ziva, you've been through enough in your life, you deserve some happiness" Gibbs could've gagged, he sounded so cheesy.

Ziva smiled, suppressing a laugh. "And I agree" She stopped and stepped aside to look at Abby who was making the entire table erupt with laughter, her knee's were threatening to buckle underneath her.

Gibbs gently eased Ziva forwards until they were walking at a steady pace back to the table, Jen's eyebrows raised at Gibbs and he just shrugged, he didn't know if his encouragement had worked.

It didn't take a rocket scientist to work out Ziva liked Abby. Although Ziva had done her best to cover things up, she could never hide it from someone she'd known for most of her life and a certain blue eyed, grey haired man who seemed to know everything. Jen was the first to notice something was up, Ziva was in the lab with Abby one time, everything was piling up on top of Abby so Ziva offered her help for the day, Jen had to ask Ziva something about an interrogation that ended up with a broken nose and arm. That's when she noticed the first sign; something had fallen on to the floor so Abby bent down to pick it up, and Ziva nearly fainted! Her eyes raked up and down Abby's back and legs, and you could swear you could hear her heart beating. Jen didn't ask any questions about it; it wasn't her business to delve into Ziva's private life. It was when he private life started to affect Ziva's life in general did she start consulting Gibbs, and he had noticed too.

"Everyone has a right to fall in love," Jen whispered to herself.

"You're right, they do" Gibbs replied, his eyes pinning Jen into a corner.

"DARE TIME!" Tony called out like a teenager, McGee twitched, he hated this part of going out.

Jen and Gibbs politely excused themselves from the game and began talking to themselves quietly. Ducky got up and stated he was 'too old' for these type of games. So it left, Ziva, Abby, McGee and Tony.

"I love this part," Abby said, her voice overflowing with a strange type of excitement.

"I don't" McGee muttered.

"Shut up McGee" Tony punched him in the arm lightly.

"Okay, who's first?" Abby intervened on their little argument; she wanted to get to the dares as quickly as possible.

"I pick…." Tony began, his eyes looking at the three people in front of him. "Ziva!" He called out, a Cheshire cat grin on his face.

Ziva rubbed her forehead and groaned. Usually, she'd always thought of a good excuse not to be part of the game but Tony had caught her off guard this time, so she had no choice.

"Hmm... What should we dare her to do?" Abby cackled.

"Well, if Gibbs was going to play, I would have said kiss Gibbs- " Tony winked at Ziva.

"I heard that, DiNozzo!" Gibbs glared at him; it was just as bad as a hard slap across the head.

"I dare Ziva to kiss Abby" McGee said, like someone who was voicing from the back.

Tony put his hand up in the air "High five, McGee!" He grinned like a happy child.

Gibbs and Jen stopped their conversation and looked over, "Shit" Jen looked at Gibbs, they didn't want to think they were making the situation bigger than it was, but Ziva had been on an emotional roller coaster these past few years.

"I uhh…" Ziva stuttered, fiddling with her watch.

Abby felt Ziva's uncertainty, but she wasn't one to turn a dare down. "It won't hurt, promise," Abby said with a sweet smile, making Ziva look up.

And before Ziva could even register what was happening, soft red lips were on Ziva's. Ziva felt her brain fizzle out and her entire body go into a temporary shut down, she wanted to kiss her back, but she couldn't. She just had to keep on reminding herself that it was just a dare.

Everyone on the table was watching, Tony with his tongue hanging out and Jen and Gibbs preparing themselves for tears, or McGee being rushed to the hospital.

Abby pulled back and looked at Ziva. She was shocked at what she saw at first, raw emotion, like for once in her life she didn't want to hide what she was feeling. "Ziva?" Abby asked, uncertain.

"Who's next?" Ziva mumbled, turning away from Abby and avoiding looking at Jen and Gibbs.

"Um, McGee!" Abby said awkwardly, turning back to Ziva to find her staring blankly at the wooden table. Her fingers tracing each intricate line.

Feeling Abby's gaze, Ziva took this as a time to leave and cry it all out at home. "I'm going to have to leave," She said quietly, everyone expecting an excuse after her first couple of words but nothing came, she simply got up and left without a smile.

Ziva walked to her car then got in. She let her pounding head rest against the seat, the cool leather sending flickers down her neck and spine. She rolled down the window, the nights air couldn't have been more welcoming on her lightly tanned skin. "Home" She muttered absently, angrily starting the engine and taking out all frustrations on the road.

Once she got back, she fell into the ritual she always fell into once she had gotten home from a long day at work. She slipped off her shoes and dumped her jacket on the coffee table. The main part of her apartment was pitch black, she flipped on a light switch to find some candles before turning the light back off as soon as the soft, moving light of the candles spotted around the room like stars.

She settled into a large armchair that stood out from any other piece of furniture in the room, it looked it had been chosen at random, like it didn't belong. She sat, her eyes glaring at the candlelight that seemed to be staring back at her. Her life was flooded with lies, lies were all she knew, if Ziva David did not know how to lie she would not be here, she would not be sat down contemplating if her life meant anything at all. If she meant anything at all to anyone. She often wondered, like any other person, if love was meant to be this tormenting. Why was it that people only ever spoke of the happiness and joy that love normally brought. Why didn't anyone speak of the torment? The nights you would lay awake, staring at the ceiling, begging it for answers until your eyes forced you into a dark slumber. That's what Ziva wondered, she tilted her head back, engrossed in her own thoughts, she didn't hear the knock at the door.

She decided to ignore it; company was not one of the things she wanted right now. She hated being so emotional and open to everything and everyone. Her training as a Mossad officer should have built her a twenty-foot wall, a wall to defend her from life's pain. She hated the fact that she had been so obvious to Jen and Gibbs. She deeply regretted telling McGee that she had interest in women; she had exposed herself too much. Maybe it was time to go back, time to go and do her job and not get tangled up in this web of emotions and real life.

The knocking got louder; she rolled her head to the side and decided to answer it. Her bare feet stuck to the laminate flooring each time she moved. The knocking didn't stop, she was suspicious.

"Abby?" Ziva was taken back at the sight of Abby at her door.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you seemed a little off when were out, I didn't want you to do anything stupid" Abby said with a light smile, her red lipstick was paler than it was before.

Ziva paused, not used to the whole concept of caring for someone. Yes, she had people who cared for her, but in her previous line of work, they could turn sour at any second. "Would you like to come in?" Ziva offered, not wanting to leave her out in the cold.

"Sure" Abby replied.

Ziva closed the door as soon as Abby stepped in.

"Nice place you got here" Abby chuckled, removing her jacket and shoes before flopping onto the sofa "Ah, I need this, my shoulders been killing all day!" She groaned.

"Let me help" Ziva whispered before she could even register what was going on.

Ziva couldn't back out now, she slipped behind Abby, moving her legs so Abby was resting against Ziva's front. Ziva's delicate hands began to gently massage Abby's shoulders. Abby let out a moan and tilted her head back. " Jesus, you got some talented hands there" Abby giggled.

Ziva didn't reply, her whole body was on fire, she just focused on making Abby moan, something she probably shouldn't be doing. "Mm" Ziva whispered, her eyes closing shut, her hands stopped.

"Ziva?" Abby questioned and she turned around, kneeling in front of Ziva. Both of Abby's hands were on Ziva's legs for support, she didn't really grasp the concept of 'personal space'

"Abby, I need to tell you something" If there was ever going to be a right moment, this would have to be it.

"Yeah? Shoot" Abby said, completely relaxed.

"Abby, I…" She stopped, was it worth ruining her first true friendship over?

"Ziva, it can't be that bad." Abby tried to calm her friend down.

"Abby, I like you" she blurted it out finally, it didn't come out just like she planned, it was kind of rushed.

"Oh, right" Abby smiled "So that's why you've been acting so weird lately!" Abby leant back against the sofa, folding her feet underneath her.

"You're not going to judge me?" Ziva asked, her voice was serious this time; her entire body language was tense but more opened up, more willing to show her feelings.

Abby shook her head "No way! I myself have been with a few girls before. I don't really class my self as a lesbian, I'm more bi-sexual"

Ziva couldn't help but smile at the fact that she might actual have a chance with the dark haired Goth. "A few? More than me then" she eased into the conversation

"And you're dead certain that you like girls?" Abby quizzed.

"All I know is I've never felt like this before, I feel complete" Ziva's words were honest.

"Kiss me" Abby whispered.

"What?"

"Just do it, Ziva" Abby knelt down on the Sofa, waiting for her.

Ziva complied in her confusion and leant forwards, her loose brown hair falling as she got closer, it tickled Abby's skin as Ziva silently pressed her lips to the one she had truly fell in love with. The kiss was soft and emotional, all emotions were being poured into the kiss, nothing hidden away. Ziva broke the kiss and rested her forehead on Abby's, two pairs of eyes meeting, both caught up in the moment.

"Before we go any further, I'd like to state that I can be a seriously messed up person…" Abby always hated this part, but it felt different.

Ziva moved back to cup Abby's cheeks. "Abby, I have never felt this strongly for anyone, I couldn't give a damn if your messed up, I love you for you" Ziva slightly regretted saying she 'loved' Abby. It wasn't that she didn't, she just didn't want to push things to far and make Abby leave in an uncomfortable state of confusion.

No one had ever made Abby cry true tears of happiness. She'd never experienced the joy that love brought until this day, and why had it kept itself hidden for so long? "Now you've gone and made me cry!" Abby joked.

Ziva chuckled, moving her hands so she could kiss each tear as it trickled down Abby's face. "Stay the night?" Ziva asked, a glint in her eyes said that the question had two meanings.

Abby clearly registered what she really meant, Ziva's strong Israeli accent made the offering sound even sexier "God yes!"

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Jodie x