Summary: Request-fic for teh manic. Three guys, a bottle, and a game of Truth or Dare. What heinous events shall be set in motion? Ties in with "Evidence of Sephiroth's Humanity".

Disclaimer: Canon characters? Square Enix's. OCs? Mine. Clear? Hope so.

Queen's Quornor: Since teh maniac won my challenge for chapter 90 of "Evidence" (guess who is who from Masai's names for them), he got a oneshot. And what he wanted was... Well, actually, I'll let you figure that out for yourselves. I wasn't originally going to put Akalara in here, but when I assessed the timeline I realized that it would seem a little odd for her to not be there, since this takes place after the puppies got new owners, and she and Seph were bed-mates/fuck-buddies/lovers up until he left for Nibelheim. This is getting bumped up to M rating simply for nudity and male discussion, nothing more. This first bit I put in simply because I wanted to show something I rarely do, namely Zack being a jerk. And also because I know at least two people reading this conversation will get a kick out of it.

Defiled!

"All right, Spike." Zack glared menacingly at the teen across the table, palms flat against the smooth wooden surface. "Truth...or dare."

Cloud mulled over the question for a moment, weighing the risks and benefits of both, then reached a decision he deemed relatively safe. "Truth."

The First Class grinned, then settled back in his seat with a smug expression. "Are you circumcised or not?"

Cloud blushed hotly, sapphire gaze dropping to the table in embarrassment. "Why would you want to know that?"

"C'mon, Cloud!" Reno tossed back another shot of whiskey from the bottle they were using as a spinner. "Some of the girls around here prefer a chopped 'shroom to a full one, and vice versa. You tell us, and we can direct you away from gals who like what you don't got. Besides, you did pick 'truth'. You gotta answer the question, or suffer the consequences."

"Tell you what: Reno and I will answer the question if you do, okay?" Zack spread his hands in a show of innocence, his face completely angelic. "That acceptable, Spike?"

The blond hesitated, still redder than Reno's hair, then gave a short node. "You go first."

The SOLDIER shrugged, smiling. "No problem. I'm circumcised."

Reno took a drag off his cigarette. "Still got my 'skin. Your turn, Cloud."

Cloud stared at the table, too embarassed to meet his friend's gazes. "Chopped," he mumbled.

The redhead beamed. "See? That wasn't so hard!"

"Valerie will like you, Spike. Most of the guys in SOLDIER and Shinra aren't circumcised." Zack poured himself a shot, downing it without batting an eye. "Reno, your turn."

The Turk nodded and grabbed the bottle, giving it a good spin. Three pairs of mako-enhanced eyes watched it twirl, and two lit up in triumph as it came to rest pointing at the blond cadet once more. "Truth or dare, Cloud!"

"Dare." What could possibly be worse than revealing the appearance of his cock?

A wicked grin spread across the redhead's face, making Cloud's stomach curdle in dread. "I dare you to..."

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The card reader beeped and the door slid open, admitting two very nervous young men into apartment 4327. The smaller held a plastic bucket with a lid in his hands, waiting anxiously while the elder crept silently down the hall and around a corner, returning a few moments later and motioning for his companion to follow.

"Zack, I'm not so sure about this..."

"Shh! Seph and Ak are asleep; if they wake up, we're dead!" the SOLDIER hissed. "No talking. Use Turk Sign!"

Cloud wanted to remind Zack that he only knew the bare basics of Turk Sign, but he knew the consequences of either the general or his lover discovering what they - or rather, he - were up to. When the black-haired SOLDIER waved for him to approach, he obediently followed. To his utter relief, neither Masai nor Xemnas stirred when he passed by their sleeping forms on his way to the bedroom.

Sephiroth was conked out on his bed, one arm slung protectively over his green-haired lover. He and Akalara were nude, but covered by the sheets and the comforter up to their waists. Cloud couldn't help staring at the sleeping woman's chest as Zack took the bucket from him; although he and Reno had set the teen up with several women in the time he'd known them, he had never seen a pair of breasts before. And the fact that these particular breasts belonged to the general's woman (in addition to the activity Cloud could easily imagine the couple engaging in prior to their slumber) only made this peek all the more deliciously forbidden to the nervous cadet. His attention remained riveted until Zack pretended to snap his fingers in front of his face.

C'mon! he signed. Get over with!

How sure no wake? the cadet clumsily asked, his fingers fumbling through the motions.

Very heavy sleeper when not in field. Wake up not likely. Zack plunked the bucket down on the carpet beside the bed and carefully pried off the cover, revealing a thick black substance accompanied by a strong, sharp smell. Do it. We go.

Cloud sighed soundlessly and reached into his pocket for a pair of latex gloves. Once the gloves were on, he gestured for a towel laying in the middle of the floor; Zack retrieved it and spread it carefully alongside the sleeping man's body, then stepped back and away.

With a heartfelt prayer to whatever gods were listening, Cloud began gently guiding Sephiroth's hair into the bucket, his white-clad hands ghosting over the long, muscular back without contact. He couldn't get all of it, since some was tucked under the godlike body and Akalara was lying on a few locks, but before long most of the silver glory was inside the bucket.

Using a recycled paint-brush and his fingers, Cloud started to paint the hair, the molten shade disappearing behind a blanket of smelly midnight. The entire time he worked, he was praying that neither Sephiroth nore Akalara would wake up and realize what he was doing.

After what seemed like an eternity, the deed was done. Zack took a picture with his camera-phone before gingerly pulling the stained towel off the bed, and the two spiky-haired fighters dumped the hair on the floor and resealed the bucket, fleeing the apartment before its master awoke. Once they were safe in Zack's quarters, Cloud allowed himself to collapse into a chair, trembling violently with the bucket at his side.

"I am dead when he wakes up."

"Don't worry about it, Spike! The stuff's washable; it'll come out the first time he uses shampoo." Zack scooped Demyx off the floor and scratched his ears, smiling in the face of his friend's anxiety. "Count yourself lucky. Xemnas woke up when we were leaving."

"He didn't bark or anything, did he?"

The SOLDIER shook his head. "No. Just stared at us until I shut the door."

Cloud put his head in his hands, still shuddering. "Until that stuff comes out, I'm going to be a nervous wreck," he moaned.

"Relax, Cloud! It's temporary dye; it'll come right out the next time he washes his hair!"

Demyx jumped off his master's lap and padded over to the pile of empty bottles surrounding the wastebasket. Zack sat up as the puppy batted a container at him. "Whatasmatter, Demyx? You wanna play?" the SOLDIER inquired, reaching down to pick up the bottle. The dirty-blond puppy whined and stood up on his hind legs to balance against Zack's knee, nosing at the bottle until it turned slightly in his hand.

The SOLDIER paled when he saw a certain word on the label. "Oh shit..."

"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, eyeing his friend warily.

"Spike..." Zack held up the bottle, ghost-white now. "This bottle's permanent."

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Akalara, along with half the apartment building, was awakened by a scream of horror roughly around seven in the morning. The green-haired trainee flailed about for a moment, then sat up as her brain cold-booted and came back online. She was alone in her lover's enormous bed, but a light shone from behind the bathroom door, alerting her to his whereabouts. Unashamed of her nudity, she got up and hurried to the master throne room, knowing Sephiroth was the screamer...

...only to stop short the moment she caught sight of him, her jaw falling somewhere in the vicinity of her knees. "Seph?" she squeaked incredulously.

Sephiroth didn't look at her, instead gaping into the mirror above the sink, his pale face the purest definition of 'horrified' she had ever seen. The fingers of his left hand were swiftly, roughly combing over his scalp, almost as if he was trying to shuck unwanted debris from his hair.

His black hair.

Or rather, salt-and-pepper. Akalara noticed immaculate lengths of silver scattered throughout the blackened tresses, stars against a midnight sky. She slowly reached out, daring to touch the defiled mass, only to draw back as her wild-eyed lover whirled to face her.

"Don't touch it!" he growled.

The trainee held up her hands in placation. She knew Sephiroth would never hurt her, but this was his hair they were staring at. His most cherished possession. With it in this state, she didn't want to risk pissing him off, knowing how much his (previously) silver locks meant to him.

"This is probably temporary dye, Seph," she said soothingly, guiding him towards the shower stall. "Here. Let's get you in the shower. It'll probably come right out when you wash it." Careful not to touch his blackened hair, the trainee pulled the door open for him and helped him inside. It would have looked extremely odd to anybody unlucky enough (or lucky enough) to pay a visit to the general's quarters right then, this petite teenager helping Sephiroth, who towered over her, into the stall as if he were a child, but Akalara didn't care. Her lover was in a state of shock at the moment, and might need help with a task as simple as getting into the shower. Plus, he could probably use the reassurance.

Sephiroth said nothing, allowing her to guide him onto the shower-seat molded into the wall.

"It's probably somebody's idea of a prank," she murmured.

"It's not funny!' he snapped, glaring at her. His eyes were glowing brighter than she'd ever seen before, strong enough that when she glanced down, she could see ripples of illumination reflected on her skin and the wall.

"I know. I don't think it's funny either." Akalara closed the door, leaving Sephiroth alone in the stall. "You shower. I'm going to go see if our prankster left any clues to his identity." She returned to the bedroom and shut the bathroom door behind her as the shower came on, cranberry eyes immediately searching the black carpet and furniture for anything out of the ordinary.

Who could possibly have the audacity to dye Sephiroth's hair, especially with black dye? He, and all of his admirers and subordinates, saw and treated the molten tresses as they would a fine treasure; Akalara would rather shave her own head than merely pull his hair. Whoever did this had way bigger balls than any of the SOLDIERs, Turks, or gang members she had ever met.

She quickly found the blackened towel and a puddle of dye dried into the carpet, where, she guessed, Sephiroth's hair must have been laid after the deed was done. There was the indentation of a circle extending outside the shiny-black area, but Akalara couldn't guess what might have made it. A few footprints led to and from the bed, both booted and non. The bare footprints must have been made by Sephiroth, but who made the booted impressions?

The green-haired teenager crouched beside the bed and examined the prints. Only one visible size, but two different patterns. She didn't recognize the soles; Tseng hadn't forced the up-and-coming Turk trainees to memorize the sole patterns of Shinra-issue footwear yet. From the size, however, she would guess the culprit or culprits had to be male. Unless it was a woman with really big feet, of course.

Down on her knees now, she painstakingly scanned the carpet for foreign hairs or miniscule items, as the Wutaian Turk had taught her. A glint of yellow caught her attention, and she reached out to pluck a golden hair from the floor by the dresser, bringing it before her eyes for closer examination. The strand was long and stiff, crusty with gel.

A blond who uses hair gel...

Only one person she knew met that description. But he was the last person she expected to do something like this; he idolized Sephiroth, more than any of the cadets and SOLDIERs she ever spoken to.

Akalara absently sat down with her back against the bed, thinking, listening to the shower run. If he had done this, there had to have been an accomplice, which the footprints suggested. Somebody who could get into the apartment and had the ability to coerce or intimidate him into committing this sacrilege. But who?

Her mind was returned to the present when something soft, wet, and cold pressed against her naked thigh. Turning her head, she saw Xemnas standing there, looking up at her with soulful golden eyes. With a tired smile, she picked him up and settled him in her lap, propping him up against her thighs, leaving his belly exposed. He whined rapturously as she quickly rubbed his tummy, and the trainee could have sworn she saw him grin. Xemnas loved his bellyrubs.

Impulsively, she decided to ask the snowy puppy if he had seen anything. "Do you know who did this do Seph, Xemnas?" she questioned, still petting him. "Hey, watch where you're putting that tail!"

To her surprise, not only did Xemnas readjust his tail so that it was no longer tickling certain...sensitive parts, but he actually nodded.

She had to be seeing things. Puppies didn't nod! But then again, this puppy was hardly an ordinary canine. Maybe he did understand human speech and expression beyond simple commands and gestures. "Can you or Masai lead us to the perpetrators?"

Another nod.

"All right. Once I get dressed and Seph gets out of the shower, will you take us to them?"

The puppy nodded again, then rolled off the cradle made by her legs and stomach and scampered out the door, presumably off to alert Masai. Akalara got up and reached for her clothes as the shower shut off.

There was utter silence for a few heart-beats, then a decidedly un-Seph-like yelp echoed from the bathroom. Surprised by the highly unexpected sound, the green-haired teen dropped her pants back to the floor and quickly moved for the closed door.

The first thought that came to her mind upon observing the current appearance of Sephiroth's hair was "piebald". Most the dye had washed out, as she had predicted. Key word: most. In some places the dye stubbornly clung to the wet strands, leaving irregular patches of black on the shining silver background.

He looked like a dalmatian.

Akalara had to bite down on her cheek hard to keep from laughing. Sephiroth looked even more stunned than he had prior to the shower, if such a thing was possible. His mouth hung wide open, and his peridot eyes were huge in his pale face, glued to an enormous black spot encompassing his left bangs and part of what was visible over his shoulder. If this had happened to anybody else, Akalara would have been busting a gut on the floor by now.

But this was Sephiroth, the most powerful man in SOLDIER and quite possibly the entire world. And that, apparently, was permanent dye.

"Ak..." His eyes never left the mirror, but his voice was more than enough to send chills of fear down her spine. Blood would be spilt for this, no matter who was responsible. "Who did this?"

Her thoughts flew to the most likely suspect, and what her lover would probably do to him, and her answer died in her throat. She didn't know him very well, since he never hung out with her, Sephiroth, and the others on Thursday and Friday nights, but she did know how innocent and naive he could be. And Sephiroth wouldn't pull punches on this issue. Not when it involved the desecration of his treasured tresses.

"I don't know, Seph," she replied. It wasn't exactly a lie; she had a suspicion, but no proof apart from a single hair. "I was thinking, though. There has to be a scent-trail; could Xemnas and Masai lead us to them? If not, Zexion could, definitely."

"Prepare the hounds," the mostly-silver-haired man snarled. "Masai will come along in case our suspect needs help remembering the crime."

Akalara couldn't surpress the rush of heat that spread throughout her body then. Sephiroth was possessed of amazingly sensual and otherwordly good looks, but in anger he was magnificent. "I'll be back with Zexion in a few minutes, Seph," she promised, forcing herself to ignore the primal urges and resume dressing.

Unsure of how much time she had, the trainee raced through dressing and hurried into the living room. Masai and Xemnas lifted their heads when she touched their backs in greeting. She knelt in front of the couch, gently forcing them to look at her. "Guys, I have a favor," she began, keeping her voice low. "When you lead us to the person or persons who dyed Seph's hair, if Cloud was behind it, don't let Seph know. Lead us to someone else, somebody he hates. Understand?"

The white tiger and puppy nodded. Akalara patted them gratefully and sprinted out of the apartment. She had to give a similar pep-talk to Zexion just in case she had to bring him over from the trainee dorms.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"So where were you last night, Cloudy-boy? Sucking off your boyfriend again?"

Cloud ignored the jeers of his bunk-mate, reminding himself that Reilay was just an asshole. He and one of the other cadets assigned to the room loved to make his life miserable. Not just him, either; they were always going after cadets they suspected - or in some cases, knew - were gay. Ever since they found out that he hung out with Zack, Reilay and Ennis made a point of bringing it up whenever they saw him.

Across the room, Arlene shot him a sympathetic look. Whenever the assholes had enough of torturing Cloud, they always turned their attention to the lone female bunking with them. He had to deal with obnoxious comments and snide remarks; she got those in addition to unwelcome groping and lewd propositions.

"Nyah. I bet he was doing more than that." Ennis leered at him from the opposite bunk. "He was gone so long, I bet he was taking it up the ass!"

"Does it feel good, Cloudy-boy?" Reilay leaned over the side, lips spread wide in a malevolent grin. "Having Colonel Fair's cock up your tight ass?"

"It must, since he keeps going back for more," Ennis laughed.

"How about leaving him alone for awhile, guys?" Arlene suggested, thoroughly annoyed. "We need to study for the written materia exam tommorow, remember? Unless you want to get kicked out of SOLDIER, I suggest you start reviewing."

"Studying's for pussies." Reilay lifted himself up, his dark brown eyes raking over the female cadet's body as she lounged on her bunk. "Speaking of which, any chance you'd let me use yours? I'm suffering from a massive case of blue balls, and the doc prescribed at least two straight hours of sex with a beautiful brunette as a cure."

"Go fuck yourself, Reilay." She gave him a sly look from the corner of her eye. "In fact, that would probably cure you. You're a brunette, too."

"You little - "

"Stuff it, Reilay!" Cloud could only take so much of his bunk-mate's shit. "Arlene, will you quiz me? I don't think I've got the individual materia characteristics memorized yet."

"Oooo... Looks like Strife wants to try a little pussy for once, Reilay," Ennis snickered, extending one finger and suggestively pumping it in and out of his opposite fist.

Arlene glared at them as she joined Cloud on his bunk, spreading her notes out between them. With a shared sigh, they tried to study and ignore their fellow cadets at the same time.

This endeavor was interrupted a few long minutes later, when the door to their quarters banged open. It hit the wall with enough force to dent it, the handle lodging in the malformed metal. The cadets looked over in shock, then their eyes collectively widened and they all scrambled to their feet, standing at attention as none other than General Sephiroth stalked into the room.

Cloud's stomach dropped into his boots when he saw the black patches scattered throughout the general's hair.

The general was not alone. His white tiger, Masai, padded alongside him as he normally did during the weekly inspections. But to the cadets' surprise, a small puppy with long white fur and whiskey-gold eyes walked in front of the pair, a black leather leash and matching collar connecting it to Sephiroth's hand. The general glared at them, his eyes glowing strongly and narrowed in cold fury.

"Which one did it?" he snarled quietly. "Show me, Xemnas."

Cloud wanted to run. He had never seen General Sephiroth this angry before, not even when Private Olsen had dared to grope his ass two weeks ago. If Olsen, a newly-promoted Second Class, had gotten thrown out of SOLDIER, what would Sephiroth do to him, a lowly cadet?

The puppy was walking up to each of them, delicately sniffing their boots before moving on to the next sweating teen. Cloud watched his life flash before his eyes when the snow-colored canine stopped at him, feeling enraged peridot eyes examining his face, and was one hundred percent certain he was going to die in the next few seconds.

The puppy moved on.

At last, it came to sit before its master's boots, looking up at him expectantly. "Well, Xemnas? Which one is guilty?"

The puppy turned and narrowed its eyes.

Reilay yelped in pain.

Cloud fought the urge to look and see what had made his bunk-mate cry out, then they all jumped as the general's arm shot forward and grabbed Reilay by his unruly brown hair, yanking him forward with a vicious jerk. The hapless cadet grabbed the leather-clad arm and yelled for Sephiroth to let go, but the general paid him no mind. He merely yanked harder, pulling Reilay completely off his feet. The cadet was lifted by his hair until his face was even with the general's, and he immediately froze the moment the peridot eyes met his.

"It was you," Sephiroth hissed in accusation.

Cloud suddenly realized what was happening. The general thought Reilay was the one who dyed his hair! He didn't know Cloud was the one responsible for it!

Reilay whimpered, and there was suddenly the sharp scent of urine in the air. Disgusted, the general lowered his victim to the floor. But he did not let go of his hair. Rather, preceded by Masai and puppy, he stalked out of the room. "As you were, cadets," he growled, dragging the terrified, pleading Reilay along behind him. The remaining teens could hear him begging all the way down the hall.

For a long moment, none of them moved. Cloud was afraid to breathe, afraid that General Sephiroth would be back for him, but also utterly relieved that he had not been discovered. Once it became clear that the general would not be returning, they all exhaled at once. Ennis tiptoed across the room, peering outside to make sure the silver-haired man wasn't waiting around the corner, ready to drag them away too. Assured that he was gone, the cadet sighed and began tugging at the door, trying to dislodge the opposite handle so it could be shut once more.

"What did he do?" Arlene breathed, green eyes wide.

Cloud shook his head. "Maybe he dyed the general's hair?"

"He's a dead man if he was the one who did that," Ennis grunted, planting one foot on the wall for added leverage. "General Sephiroth will kill him."

"Dead man walking," Arlene agreed. "I saw General Sephiroth tear Sergeant Dravid a new one for almost stepping on his hair while we were on our endurance hike last month. I don't even want to imagine what he'll do to Reilay for dyeing it."

Cloud nodded. "We'll never see him again, that's for sure."

He almost felt sorry for the guy.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Akalara followed Zack down the corridor, heading to the Second Class officer lounge. After she and Sephiroth had split up, presumably so she could retrieve Zexion and follow the other scent-trail, she had pulled the black-haired man away from drilling MPs to act as her accomplice. The trainee had explained the situation, and a plan. Rather than Cloud, why not implicate somebody Sephiroth hated, somebody nobody would be sorry to see go?

She had not missed the look that crossed his face when she mentioned his blond friend. Zack had been the other man in the apartment, she realized.

"I won't tell anybody either of you did it if you help me set him up. I swear, Zack! Seph's out for blood, and I'd rather not let him spill yours or Cloud's."

He had agreed.

And he had grinned like a demented weasel when she told him who was going to be taking the blame.

But she needed his help getting into the lounge. Trainees and cadets weren't able to enter most upper floors of the Shinra Building. When they were promoted into SOLDIER proper or the Turks, the appropriate floors were made available to them. For a Third Class, say, they were able to access the SOLDIER offices, simulation training rooms, and Third Class gym and wreck room, but they were not able to get into the Third Class officer lounge or the Second and First Class gyms and break rooms. So Akalara needed Zack to get onto the Second Class floor, not just the officer's lounge.

"Got the cuffs ready?" the black-haired SOLDIER queried over his shoulder.

"As always, Blackspike." She held up the heavy-duty irons, handcuffs specially designed to withstand the strength of high-ranking SOLDIERs, for his approval.

"All right, Ak. Let's catch ourselves an asshole." He grinned, stopping outside one door. Akalara watched him close his eyes and stand in place for a moment, his hands slowly balling into fists. The happy, mischievious expression he normally wore was replaced by one of cold fury, and when his violet eyes snapped open, they were glowing just like Sephiroth's had earlier. The glow got even stronger when he looked at her, and the trainee suspected she knew what he had been doing: getting himself mad, reminding himself of all the things their unsuspecting target had done to him and five people he cared about.

The target would suspect something if Zack came in cheerful. The act would be a hundred times more convincing if he was visibly furious, and Zack hated this guy anyway. They all did.

Trembling with anger, the black-haired SOLDIER turned and pulled out his ID card, running it through the reader mounted beside the door with a quick jerk. The slide beeped and the door smoothly opened; Akalara had to hurry after him as her friend stormed inside the officer's lounge.

Relaxing Second Class officers all looked up as they made their entrance, and a few stood up as if to stop them, but thought better of it. Zack was second only to Sephiroth in rank, and could easily beat them to a pulp if he wished, even without his massive sword.

Besides, he was mad as only a SOLDIER First Class could be. None of them wanted to mess with him when he was makoed up like this.

Zack paid no heed to the Second Classes shying away from him; his attention was riveted to a single man relaxing in front of the television with a glass of scotch. Akalara stood clear, but ready to act, as he reached out and grabbed the back of the man's chair, spinning both the recliner and its surprised occupant around without any visible effort.

"Razor..." he snarled.

The blond SOLDIER stared up at him for a moment, then set his scotch down and smoothly rose to his feet, looking down his nose at the higher ranked man. "Yes, Colonel Zack?"

"We have orders to bring you to the General, in cuffs if necessary."

"For what reason?" Razor inquired arrogantly. "I have done nothing deserving punishment."

Zack glared at him, knuckles white as he clenched his fists even tighter. "That is already known to you, Razor."

"It's Sergeant Razor, Colonel Fair. You may be of higher rank, but you will address me properly. Now, how did you plan on taking me to see the General, pray tell?" His cerulean eyes went to Akalara, and she flushed with anger as his gaze raked over her lustfully. "Are you going to tempt me into compliance using the General's whore? I hope you received his permission, if that is your intent."

"Like hell you're going to touch her!" Zack growled. "She's here in case you resist arrest."

"And just what will she do? Hypnotize me with her lovely breasts? I would cause trouble if only for the chance to see those luscious tits again." Razor leered at the trainee, licking his lips suggestively. "Or if not hers, then your secretary's. Share her favors with me as you do the General, and I would submit to any punishment."

Cerulean eyes noted the tightly-clenched fists trembling violently at Zack's sides, and Razor tilted his head to the side in malicious amusement. "Oh, did I say something wrong? My apologies, Colonel; I should have sampled her charms during her tenure at the Honeybee."

Akalara lunged to catch Zack before he threw the punch, and when he glanced at her, his purple eyes glowed a little more, but he quieted. She turned to Razor, feeling her temper rise when she noticed that his eyes were fastened directly on the cleavage exposed by three unfastened snaps of her shirt. "Sergeant Razor, you are guilty of something directly involving General Sephiroth. I would suggest you not add to your crimes by antagonizing Colonel Zack."

"What are you offering me for taking your suggestion?" He bowed slightly, gesturing towards the door. "An hour with you, Miss Forrest. Allow me to taste that which enthralled our esteemed leader, and I will agree to whatever you ask of me."

"Okay, that's it." Zack reached out and, before any of the Second Classes could react, put Razor in a headlock, his forearm tight against his neck. "One more word about Ak or Kandi, and I'll snap your lousy neck, understood?"

Don't! Akalara quickly signed, praying that none of the gathered officers had taken the time to learn Turk Sign. Witnesses!

To her relief, and disappointment, Zack obeyed her. He merely held Razor still while she cuffed him, then released him once the irons clicked shut. "Come on, Razor," the black-haired SOLDIER sneered, heading for the door. "You've got a date with a court-martial."

Akalara kicked the taller man's ass viciously when he stopped in his tracks, shocked. "Get moving, Sergeant. It would be in your extreme best interest to not keep General Sephiroth waiting."

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

In the end, everything turned out for the best. Razor and Reilay were dishonorably discharged from the military and sent home (despite Scarlet's attempts to step in and save her nephew). Akalara kept her promise, and convinced Reno to keep his trap shut; nobody ever found out that Cloud and Zack were the guilty party. All evidence of their participation was disposed of without discovery, and the security tape from the night of the crime mysteriously went missing and could not be found, despite the rent-a-cops' best efforts.

Even better, the permanent hair dye did not last the night. Cloud secretly slipped gil to Zack to purchase the solution needed to get it out of Sephiroth's hair, as thanks for not ratting him out as well as a sort of apology to the general. When told that Akalara was the one who kept it quiet, the cadet asked his friend to buy her a present for him.

The green-haired teen was pleased to find a twelve-inch glass vibrator and three pornos sitting on her bed the next morning, with a sweet little thank-you note from Cloud.

She was not the only one to receive unexpected windfall. Xemnas, Zexion, and Masai all ate well the following night, for their food bowls were filled with prime ribeye steak. Sephiroth wondered at her expensive generosity, but was suitably distracted by a different sort of meat a moment later.

Sephiroth was just happy to have his natural hair color back.

All in all, it was a better outcome than any of those involved could have predicted. Well, except for ex-cadet Reilay and ex-SOLDIER Second Class Razor Worthington, but they don't really count.

Injustice never felt so good.