Michelerene: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Yes, after three years, I figure Jack really has Eureka's number, and in some corner of my mind, I imagine Nathan probably got stuck in a 48 hour quarantine on Wednesday! But Jack being Jack would have dragged everyone up there for a ceremony anyway. D Only in Eureka, right?
Plasmagun: Nah, we usually feel pretty good when the darker characters get theirs. I'd be a bad hostage too- I can come with it in writing, but while there I'd be like, what, you couldn't come up with a better time to tell me? Nathan and Allison are co-directors of GD now, both in charge, since Nathan never really stepped down, and he asked the DoD to leave Allison also in charge, so he could have more of a life and spend more time on his own research.
An Epilogue, In Which There Occurs A Tragic Mistake, An Inability To Make A Hard Choice, And The Unmaking of A Lifetime
7:00 am, October 3, 2006
The blaring sound woke Nathan, and he sighed. "Ten more minutes, S.A.R.A.H.," he sighed sleepily, rolling over and reaching for Jack. His hand met cool sheets and an empty bed. He sat up suddenly, reaching over and slapping the alarm clock. He looked around his old bedroom, seeing the oddly familiar furniture that should have been in storage somewhere. The empty space in the bed next to him seemed to mock him, and he threw himself out of the bed and scrambled quickly for clothes. He stopped halfway through putting on his socks, spotting an unfamiliar gold wedding band on his left hand. It was his, from his wedding to Allison.
"Given what I'm about to do," he murmured, sliding the ring onto the bedside table. He'd done the same thing the morning of the experiment, but he had no idea why he had done it the first time.
He finished dressing, his frantic pace slowing as he started to regain control of his actions. He drove to Café Diem, knowing he was too early to meet Jack, but found he was grateful. If he were to see Jack, he wasn't certain he would be able to go through with the plan. "Vince, I need a very, very large coffee with espresso," he told the chef, who nodded.
"Big test today, huh, Dr. Stark?" Vince asked cheerfully.
"Yeah," he agreed, slumping onto one of the stools. His heart was thudding dully, echoing in his ears. "It's a very big day."
"Hey, Vince!" He heard a too cheerful and familiar voice greet the chef.
"Hey, Zoë!" Vince's tone was very fond and gentle when he greeted the teenager. "Vinspresso for you too?"
"Yes, please," she replied, setting her backpack on the counter. She spotted Nathan, and her face closed down a little. The automatic reaction cut Nathan deeply. "Dr. Stark," she greeted him politely.
"Zoë," he greeted her, aiming for casual. "Expecting a bad day at school?"
"I have gym class today," she said, rolling her eyes. "We're doing ballroom dancing. That can't be useful to anyone!"
Nathan chuckled, shrugging. "I don't know, I once made a deal worth nearly 30 million in research grants for Eureka while I was waltzing with a German ambassador." He'd told her this story once, a lifetime ago.
"Really?" Zoë asked, looking charmed.
"She wore the biggest spike heels you've ever seen and stomped my toes half a dozen times," he recalled, grinning at Zoë. "Personally, I think the guilt did her in, but maybe it was the waltzing."
"I'll be sure to tell my gym teacher that," Zoë said, as Vince handed Nathan his coffee. Nathan paused for a moment, considering Zoë, before nodding a goodbye to her. For a moment he'd felt like Atta again, not Dr. Stark. He stepped outside, watching the stirring town around him for a moment before heading for his car.
He managed to avoid running into any familiar faces once he got to GD, hiding himself away in his office. He jumped when Beverly entered, his defenses automatically kicking in, but managed to pull himself together, acting casually indifferent.
"Dr. Stark? They're waiting for you in Section 5. The big test?"
He found himself uneasily pushing past Beverly and making his way down to section five. Everything moved in exact precision with his memories, which Nathan supposed was a good thing. Half his mind was showing him images of Jack, Zoë, his home and family, while the other half went through the necessary motions. An image of teaching Zoë to waltz flickered into his mind, something that would never happen now, as he wouldn't be hidden away if the test went forward. The chip Beverly planted wouldn't activate its secondary systems, and he wouldn't be spending time alone with Jack.
"Dr. Stark, are you all right?"
Nathan turned to face Kim, realizing he must seem dazed to her. "I'm sorry, Dr. D- Anderson," he said, cursing his near slip.
"We're all set for the trial on your go ahead," she told him, the excitement clear on her face.
Nathan felt sick, knowing what was about to happen. Unable to speak, he nodded, and she turned back to the console in front of her. "All rover computer links are up and running."
"Let's mark the time and date," Nathan instructed, his voice wavering. He swallowed, trying desperately to compose himself. In the back of his mind, he saw Jack, injured and leaning into his arms, while Nathan gently ran his fingers through his hair.
"9:27 am, October 3rd, 2006," Kim announced.
"Let's take her for a test drive," Nathan quipped, sounding more at ease than he felt. He watched intently as Kim reached for the rover's controls. He could choose to stop this still. His mind flashed to his wedding, Jack sliding a platinum band around his fourth finger.
"We're at marginal proximity," Kim reported to him. She looked exactly as he remembered, her eyes lit up with curiosity, waiting for a go order from him.
"Let's proceed," Nathan replied, forcing a slight smile to his face. She smiled, turning back to the controls. She was about to move the dial as the doors burst open.
"Stop!"
Even though he knew it was coming, Nathan's startled reaction was genuine. Henry had entered through a different door. Things had already been altered. His mind flashed briefly to dancing with Jack at Henry and Kim's wedding, and suddenly he couldn't find it in him to do what he had planned. Kim's death couldn't be the deciding factor in creating a paradox, he told himself desperately. It had to be the accident.
"I don't know what the hell is going on, but get him out of there, Kim," he ordered, pointing to one of the other scientists. "Dr. Matthews. Take over from your panel. The test proceeds."
He saw Henry trying to object, trying to stay in motion, but Kim had forcefully removed him from the area, the door closing behind them. He was sure Kim was angry at being removed from the test, and she was immovable when angry. Henry was out of the equation. This time, the events spiraled out of control, and Nathan found himself waking up in the infirmary a couple of days later.
-
6:45pm, November 1, 2006
It wasn't really a surprise to him that he was removed as head of GD. Henry was campaigning hard for the job, using the accident as leverage, and Nathan in turn didn't really fight it. He'd pushed his recovery, managing to compact what should have been two months of physical therapy and cellular reconstruction into less than a month. When he left the infirmary today, he would leave Global for good, he had decided. Jack had only been by to see him once, asking questions about the accident in a very cool and clinical manner. It had taken Nathan aback, and he had begun to think that he would need to consider a massive campaign to win Jack this time. Starting as soon as the doctor finished with him, he planned to seek out the sheriff.
Nathan sat still as the doctor removed the last burn scar from his face. "Sir, I really think you should let me treat the last of the scars on your arm," the doctor told him, but Nathan silenced her with a dark glance. The scar happened to be almost identical to the gunshot scar on his arm in the last lifetime, which left little whispered doubts about his decision in his mind.
"I want the reminder," he told the doctor darkly, looking up as Henry entered, looking sharp in his suit and tie. "Can you leave us alone for a moment?" he asked the doctor. She nodded, scurrying through the door.
"Disable the cameras," Nathan instructed Henry, who frowned, but complied, taping several keys on the pad next to the door.
"You going to beat me up?" Henry asked, looking skeptical.
"I know what you did, Henry," Nathan informed him, carefully looping his black and green silk tie around his neck. It was Jack's favorite. Had been Jack's favorite. Last time. "I know that you changed time, came back, saved Kim."
"How—" Henry started, and Nathan looked up at him, his heart heavy.
"It created a paradox. I was supposed to stop you," Nathan replied quietly. "I couldn't do it. I'm hoping that the accident occurring, without Kim dying, will be enough to avoid the paradox. If I'm wrong…"
"Wait, you're saying I've done this before?" Henry asked, looking incredulous.
"And prevented the accident," Nathan confirmed, shrugging. "I guess we'll see if this way works."
"Why would you do that?" Henry asked, looking surprised. "You're risking everything now too."
"Before I went back, you told me I would do the same thing for—" Nathan broke off, unable to vocalize the name and hold a neutral façade. "Turns out you were right. If you'll excuse me, I need to go find… Carter."
"He's having dinner with Allison this evening," Henry informed Nathan, looking a little ill. "A date. I'm so sorry, Nathan. I think you've lost her this time."
Nathan felt his jaw set, a cold look on his face. "It wasn't her," he ground out, pushing past Henry as he left the infirmary. He wasn't sure how he knew for sure that he'd find Jack and Allison in Café Diem, but he walked past, spotting them sitting near the window, both laughing. His heart fell, seeing Jack reach out and brush a hair off Allison's cheek.
The chemistry between them was intense, and Nathan walked away quickly, ending up sitting on a cold bench in Copernicus Park, near the fountain where Jack had found him after their first huge fight, where Jack had promised to come to find Nathan whenever he felt the need to run, watching the stars slowly appear. The air got colder, and Nathan welcomed the chill. His memories slowly played in front of him, showing him why he would never be able to regain what he'd had, and Nathan allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts.
"Stark."
Nathan jumped, surprised by Jack's voice. Jack had found him. He turned his wrist realizing that somehow it had reached midnight. "I got a report that you were out here."
"I'm fine, Sheriff," he said, but his voice was flat. Jack wasn't looking for him. Nathan was just part of the job now.
"Park closed at 10," Jack reminded him, shoving his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels. The gesture was so familiar and endearing that Nathan had to shut his eyes, the feeling threatening to overwhelm him.
He opened his mouth, intending to say something, anything, to ask Jack to be his, but the memory of the happy smile on Allison's face stopped him. "You in love with her?" Nathan asked, and Jack blinked at him startled.
"It was just our first date, Stark," he replied dryly. Nathan stared at him, and Jack ducked his head. "I really care about her," he admitted, shrugging. "Not sure I should be discussing this with you, though."
Nathan saw the sheepish half grin on the other man's face, and his heart sank. He remembered that look well, as Jack had begun falling in love with him. And he knew from experience that once Jack started giving his heart to someone… "Well, I guess I won't be much competition anymore," he concluded, standing slowly. "I'm accepting a position in San Francisco."
"Oh," Jack nodded, but Nathan couldn't detect any trace of disappointment in his expression. It stabbed into him, making him realize that Jack felt nothing now. He was looking at Stark like a stranger. "Well, good luck."
"I almost think you meant that," Nathan replied, letting his usual callous sarcasm act as a shield for his pain. "Goodbye, Sheriff. Try to keep the town from going to hell, if you can."
He left the park, opening his cell phone and making a few calls as he walked. He pulled his tie from around his neck, running a finger over the green and black stripes, before throwing it in a trash bin on his way out of the park.
-
May 15, 2010Stark Industries was a success, due in large part to being built by a CEO who used the company to bury a broken heart. Over the years, Nathan had frequently packed a bag, gotten everything together, planning to go back to Eureka and not rest until he won Jack over, but he found he could not bring himself to hurt both Allison and Jack by doing so. He had extracted a promise from Henry to call him if the pair ever broke up, and the call had never come. He had also tried a number of failed methods to figuratively and literally purge his mind of the strongest memories from a lifetime that had vanished. Today, he had cancelled all appointments and sat in his office, worrying.
While he waited, he hacked into the Eureka news system, pulling up information. It turned out Zoë was the valedictorian this time, and Nathan smiled to himself. Maybe it was the small explosion he'd helped her create during a science fair that led to her being named salutatorian in the last lifetime.
The intercom buzzed. "Dr. Stark?"
"Yes, Marla?" he asked, all the while repeating the mantra, 'don't let it be Eureka, don't let it be Eureka' in his head.
"Allison Carter is on the line, she says it's urgent."
Nathan glanced at the empty ring finger, missing the platinum band fiercely. So Jack had married Allison, he mused to himself. If the call was what he suspected, at least he could work out some pent up hostility at last. "Well, this should be interesting," he mused, picking up the phone with feigned casualness. "Allison. What a surprise," he couldn't help tossing out, feeling a very dark irony as he said it. He'd been afraid this day would come for four long years. He'd been equally afraid of needing the pill sitting in his desk if he'd woken up tomorrow morning, one that would erase his mind completely.
His overnight bag was already packed, so Nathan simply removed it from the closet and headed to the roof, where his helicopter had been ordered to stand ready since early that morning. "It's like he knew there would be trouble," he overheard his assistant, Marla, saying to Tim, the Stark Industries pilot.
"I have a little psychic twinkle," he joked, winking at them. It had been remarked upon once or twice before, so Marla simply rolled her eyes and handed him the financial reports from the previous week for review during the flight. Nathan tossed it aside. He really didn't need to review the file when there wasn't going to be a tomorrow for this timeline. He wanted to feel some trace of sadness at the fact that he would never see them again, but all he felt was relief. He sighed, settling back in for the ride and wondering, not for the first time, what sort of monster this life had made him.
Eureka hadn't changed much, Nathan decided, striding through security with a grand showing of confidence. "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Carters, and little Carter to be," Nathan snarked, loosing a small corner of his venom. "Pregnancy suits you," he told Allison, a flash of the pregnant Allison, carrying his and Jack's children, entering his mind.
"Yeah, it does," Jack said, obviously taking offence.
Nathan turned to look at the man he loved, seeing him for the first time in four years. He was surprised how easily the words dripped off his tongue. "Hello, Sheriff. Ready to save the world?"
"Go, save the world. Next lifetime, I want dads who aren't superheroes!"
Zoë's voice echoed in Nathan's ear, freezing his smile in place. He turned, sauntering toward the elevator, glad for the few seconds respite to gather his focus. One last performance, he told himself, just once more. He kept his gaze high, pretending he was not watching as Carter looped a possessive arm around Allison, and resisting the urge to snarl that it wasn't Allison he wanted.
He remained quiet as Allison talked him through the situation and corrected Jack's attempts to help explain. "So let me get this straight," he said, enjoying the chance to make them uncomfortable. "I get fired for cutting corners on the artifact, but Henry gets to play with the space-time continuum?" He couldn't resist looking at Jack as he delivered this, surprised to find he still enjoyed watching the Sheriff squirm a little.
"We didn't realize what he was doing until after he did it," Jack retorted, and Nathan frowned, the words hitting too close to the error he'd made in allowing this timeline to exist.
"You realize that was a rhetorical question?" he asked, covering quickly.
"I do now, yeah," Jack admitted, and Nathan fought the urge to smile. The banter felt so easy, so familiar.
"So what are we dealing with here?" Nathan suddenly remembered Allison was in the room, and shifted himself into lecture mode, the way he dealt with new recruits at Stark Industries.
"A mess," he said simply, crossing to the whiteboard. He drew the diagram instinctually, having learned a lifetime ago that Jack was a visual learner. "Time is supposed to be fixed. A straight line. Start here, you end here, experiencing everything in logical order. Henry went back and changed history, thereby creating a paradox. A completely separate and different timeline."
"We know that much," Jack broke in, sounding irritated. "What do we do about it?"
"Not do," Nathan turned, meeting Jack's gaze. He could clearly see the worry lines, and his sarcasm faded a little. "Undo. We need to stop Henry from saving Kim, thereby erasing this timeline completely." There it was, Nathan mused to himself. His big mistake, thinking that Kim alone couldn't have created a paradox.
"Okay, how do we do that?"
Nathan frowned at Allison's question. Honestly, she was smarter than this. Before he could open his mouth to speak, though, Jack answered. "Someone's got to go back." Nathan could see that Jack was thinking it should probably be Nathan, and knew he had to cut it off. Even if he could succeed this time, he refused to continue living with these memories.
"Someone?" he asked snidely.
"Okay, me." Jack took the bait, exactly as Nathan had known he would.
"Glad we got that straight," Nathan said, capping the marker and starting to plan an escape route. He didn't want to be here for another round of goodbyes.
"Hey, Nathan, thanks for doing this."
Nathan's heart sped up, hearing his name spoken, gently, by Jack. "Everyone deserves a second chance," he said, the irony cutting into him as he stared at Jack. Jack looked away, but Nathan couldn't bring himself to, his gaze fixed on the other man. He waited as Allison left, erasing his notes, then called out, "Jack."
Jack turned back, clearly waiting. When Nathan was silent, he walked closer, frowning. "What is it?" he asked, careful not to be overheard, and Nathan silently thanked the man for his intuition.
"You have to make sure you stop Henry," he said quietly.
"I know," Jack scowled impatiently, obviously thinking that Nathan was accusing him of being obtuse.
"I couldn't do it," he admitted, his voice low. "I failed."
"This has already happened before?" Jack asked, his arms folding over his chest.
"Not the same way," Nathan replied, taking a moment to meet Jack's gaze, wishing he could reach out and touch him. "Not the same way at all. Please, just stop him." Nathan would have been embarrassed by the hurt in his voice, but he saw Jack swallow hard, nodding.
"Okay," he agreed. "I'll do whatever it takes."
"Thank you," Nathan said. He turned back to the board, glad to hear Jack walk away. He let his head fall, hoping this time, finally, things would work out right.
-
As Henry plugged in the piece of the artifact, Nathan became aware of the little bit of pity in the other man's eyes. "Now, you have to do it again," Henry emphasized, making certain Jack was going back, and not Nathan. Nathan made sure his thanks were reflected in his own eyes.
"And Nathan, I'm going to leave this in your hands." Nathan barely heard Jack's sarcastic comment beyond his own anger, wondering what Henry was doing. He'd already made a mess of this once… It clicked. His turn to correct his own mistake.
"Where you going, Henry?" he asked.
"To say goodbye," Henry replied simply. He nodded to Henry, watching the older man depart. This time felt different, Nathan realized. This time would work.
He crossed the room, starting the machine, knowing it had a few minutes before he would be able to activate the portal. One ear remained on Jack and Allison, his heart twisting at the too familiar words.
"…No way we do not end up together, Nathan. I have faith in you."
This time, Nathan promised himself, as the world vanished in the flash of light from the accelerator. This time he would get it right.
Ending A/N: A lot of this story began here in the epilogue, because "Twice" was generated by watching the episode "Once in a Lifetime" (over and over) and wondering "why?" Why did Nathan walk away and go to San Fran? Why didn't Henry manage to shut down the experiment altogether? It seemed like Nathan would have listened to Henry if he'd asked Nathan to stop, especially after the events of 'House Rules', so how did Henry save Kim but still allow the accident? And then there were some great little nuances from Ed Quinn that were odd. The line 'what a surprise' was so darkly ironic it really seemed like he wasn't surprised that they were calling him at all. Jack actually does call him 'Nathan' for the first time, which is an oddity. His line about a second chance is directed at Carter, and he never looks at Allison.
It was all about the little pieces but they added up to shape the outline for this story, basically trying to answer all the little questions I piled up from 112. I also threw in a little mention of the marker board drawing, which I know Ed Quinn felt was a little out of character for Stark, but was there to help the audience, making it an insert that was all about Carter. It's fun to go back and watch those scenes with Nathan in 112, because there is a lot of odd room to play with if you look closely for it.
As snarkyandsparky over on the marshal science livejournal community observed last week, I broke some hearts with how the story had to end... okay, I'll admit it got me teary too. I always intended to plug back into the canon events, and unfortunately, the canon has a broken hearted and self-banished Nathan (don't blame me, blame the writers! D.) I'm debating a sequel, but it'll have to wait until when (if) I finish my huge graduate production, at which point we'll be into season 3, so we'll see what season 3 brings!