"One Piece, Two Piece, Red Piece, Blue Piece"

A Fan-Fiction by Neomage

(DISCLAIMER: The title of this series of vignettes was inspired by the Dr. Seuss book title, "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish." I hold no claim to ownership of that book title.

One Piece is the property of Eiichiro Oda and Shonen Jump.)

Vignette 11

"OI, SANJI!"

The blond-haired cook, standing over the stove with two pots bubbling in front of him, sighed loudly as he heard his captain yelling at him from the galley doorway. "No, Luffy, lunch isn't ready yet. Just go back outside and wait, would you?"

"But I wanna show you something!" Luffy persisted. "It'll be really cool, I promise!"

Sanji kept his eyes on the pots. "No, Luffy, you're not going to get the chance to steal any food from here."

"C'mon, Sanji! Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaassssseeeee?"

Growling, Sanji turned to face Luffy. "All right, all right, all right. But only if you promise not to touch any food in here, you got it?"

"Okay!" Luffy's face brightened. "Watch this!"

Pulling off his hat, the rubber-man stretched his arm across the kitchen and grabbed a large towel that hung on a rack near the window. Snapping his arm back to its normal length, he swiftly tied the towel over his head. Then he stretched both arms to the other side of the kitchen, this time grabbing two wooden spoons and a rolling pin from where they hung on hooks on the wall near the towel rack.

Sanji cocked a confused eyebrow. "Luffy, what—"

Then his visible eye bulged at what he saw next: Luffy put the handle of the rolling pin in his mouth, the length of the pin sticking wide out. In each hand he held one of the wooden spoons. And now, the towel on his head seemed to overshadow his brow, even as a threatening expression came over his face.

"My name is Roronoa Zoro. I am the legendary swordsman of three toothpick swords."

Sanji stared. And stared. And stared.

His lower lip quivered.

And then he burst out laughing. "WAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! That's a good one, Luffy!"

Grinning even with the rolling pin in his mouth, Luffy continued his caricature. "Fear me, for with these toothpicks I will poke you to death! Toothpick style…" He made a slight gesture with his arms and his head. "Baka no Zoro Ougi!"

Now Sanji was laughing his head off, slapping his knee helplessly…and glanced up in time to see a familiar marimo standing at the doorway. At once his laughter vanished. "Luffy…"

"What's the matter, love-cook? Scared of my toothpicks?" Luffy replied in the same threatening voice.

Seeing the umbrage growing in Zoro's face behind Luffy, Sanji frantically made swishing gestures across his neck with his hand, then waved both hands in front of himself. But still Luffy continued talking, "Yes, fear me, for I will bash you on the head if you resist me and my toothpicks!"

The swordsman's eyes narrowed into slits. Sanji desperately tried to shush Luffy. Luffy made arm and head movements with the wooden spoons and rolling pin.

"Oi, Luffy…"

Luffy froze. Slowly he turned his head around. "Ah…Zoro…uh, heh, heh, heh…we were just…talking about you…?" he said, very weakly.

Zoro had all of his swords drawn and ready.

CRAP! Sanji's mind screamed.

"SANTORYU…TATSU MAKI!"

Neomage: Yeah…hilarity has ensued. Sorry for the long wait, guys, but things have been pretty busy on my end of the world.

Review soon, please!