Prompt: If I am unable to protect you, would you think me a failure?

To: Nathan, for inspiring me to write this, and for being the reaons I said those words, and for a million other reasons, even though you don't watch or read KHR!, because you've got too much going on in your life, and I love you anyway.

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"Tenth!" He turned towards me, a surprised look on his face, even as he smiled at me. Still, his smile, the fact that he's smiling at me, it makes my heart skip a beat or two (or three), and makes my breath catch, somewhere between my throat and my chest.

And I can't help but wonder how much longer I will be able to keep that smile on his face. How long until I slip, until I make one mistake, one little mistake and just like that, he's gone forever? Never coming back?

If we meet again--there is no "when," because the Tenth is innocent and pure and wonderful and everything that I'm not, so as I go to hell for being hateful and stained in blood, he will got o the place that Rokudo Mukuro had not been to, the place that he would never be to, Heaven. If we meet again in the next life, I wonder if he will be able to smile at me like that again?

Would he forgive me, if I am not strong enough to save him?

He blushes and stammers a shy, "G-Gokudera-kun!", and his face flushes with color, but I cannot think that it's because of me, even though I will bask in that smile, which feels warmer than the light of the sun in the sky, to me.

He smiles and I bask in it, and he's looking away, red-faced and shy, and I'm wrapping my arm around him and talking excitedly in his ear; words that I don't know, things that I don't even remember, and I'm just happy that he hasn't pulled away from me yet.

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That night's another strange one, for him. Another one of the nights that he would rather not have happen, a night of fighting and blood and pain and creepy people who don't stop smiling and want to kill me-him-us.

But for me, it's another test. The kind that I can't pass by logic, that I can't pass by thinking ahead and planning and not giving it my all.

It's another chance to prove myself. To prove my worth.

I almost had the guy, so close, so close, and I didn't care that I was almost dead, all because I had him right there. Just a little more and--

"Gokudera-kun!"

And the Tenth's calling my name and telling me that he doesn't care about the Rings, that he wants to have snowball fights and watch fireworks together with everyone and that can't happen if you're not there! but I'm so close so close so close and if I can get his Half of the Ring and get out alive, then I will have done it right. I will have done something to protect him and to make him proud of me, because if I don't win this, then there's one more strike against us, one more chance that he will have to fight and get hurt and be tainted and stained and in pain and I won't be able to help him because--

But he's telling me to leave and he'll be even more hurt if I stay here and die here. Much more hurt than if I were to give up the Ring and escape and still be alive so I can see the fireworks and have snowball fights with him and them, but mostly him because I don't care about them, but Tsuna does, and that's why he'll make a much better Tenth Generation Boss than anyone else.

So when I throw myself down in front of him and apologize to him, I mean it from my heart, because I wanted to protect him but I lost again, and--

Does he think me a failure?

Because it's always Yamamoto-Dino-Hibari-Turf-head, everyone-but-me who manages to protect him, does he think that I am not strong enough, not worthy enough of being his Right Hand Man?

If I cannot protect you, my most important person, will you think me a failure?

But he's smiling and looks like he would be clinging to me if I wasn't injured and if I wasn't' me, if I wasn't a boy named Gokudera Hayato, Smokin' Bomb Hayato, the Bomb Brat, the wannabe Right Hand Man of the future Vongola Family Tenth Generation Mafia Boss.

So I said, "I want to see the fireworks too," and try to quell the storm that's raging inside of me.

The thoughts of I'm a failure; I can't protect you; What do you think of me now? and I'm not worthy.

I try to smile and be what he wants, but…

If I am unable to protect you, will you think me a failure?

I just failed the only test that matters.

--End--