A/n: I've neglected this story. I decided to try it again. Let me know how ya like. Reviews greatly appreciated.

Much Love.

And we were... just friends. I think I found it harder to be just friends-or maybe it was the fact that I knew it was not going to elevate to a step up from friends. Don't get me wrong hanging out with Ashley Davies and talking to her on the phone non-stop was endearing and she always makes me smile. But how long does a girl have to wait? I know it's only been two weeks since she told me she just wanted to be friends...but just knowing that is all she wants, makes me want it more.

I skipped out on my last session at good ol' Doctor Summer's group session. I needed another week before I saw her face again. I can't switch groups; I need to be in this one. But today is group day and my ass is going to saunter in there no matter what. I am making Ashley pick me up and forcing me to go. I am really hoping Dr. Summers was just that drunk two weeks ago that she decided to hit on and practically grope one of her patients. Screw her fucking rules.

I heard my intercom buzzer go off, "Hello?" I answered angrily.

"It's me Ash."

"I'll be down in a second." I threw on my bag over my shoulder and headed down the stairs of my apartment. I couldn't help but go as slow as possible.

I hopped in Ashley's car and gave her a polite smile.

Ashley stared at me, "So did you get lost on your way down? It's been ten minutes."

I shrugged it off, "Oh well, looks like we are going to be late...shucks." Notice the sarcasm.

"You are really dreading this aren't you?" Ashley peered over at me as she was changing lanes.

"Well wouldn't you be? I don't know what she is going to say... if she is going to ask me to switch groups. Because to hell if I am going to." I crossed my arms and let out an unsatisfied sigh. Dr. Summers was pretty the more I think about it. If she was anyone other than my doctor...I would have thought about pursuing that issue further.

"It ll be all right. Just play it cool and see what happens." Ashley smiled and gently reached over to pat me on the shoulder.

As soon as we pulled in the parking garage to the office, I felt my body sink more. I was dreading this moment. The awkward looks. The awkward "let's pretend it didn't happen, but I'm going to wonder if you will bring it up" looks. I fucking hate feeling awkward and not knowing what to say. So about group helping with my issues? I didn't think that group would complicate my life more than it already was.

"Ready?" Ashley said as she held out her hand for me to grab.

I inquisitively looked at her, but grabbed her hand anyways. An excuse to hold a pretty girl's hand, I'll take any day. "Ready as I'll ever be."

We walked hand and hand as we walked into the doctor's office, and I couldn't help but smile the entire way there. Now, only if I got to hold her hand like this every day and call her my girlfriend, I kept thinking. Stop these thoughts. We are just friends.

I heard someone clear their throat behind us on the elevator. I jumped a bit, because I didn't remember anyone being there when we walked in. I think I was stuck in an Ashley-I-Don't-Want-To-Go-To-Group-And-Have-It-Be-Awkward- trance. I turned around and immediately whipped my hand out of Ashley's.

"Dr. Summers? Why aren't you in your office already..."

"I could ask the same to you two, you are late." She said sternly.

"But so are you." I threw right back at her.

She diverted eye contact; she didn't know what to say. "Looks like it."

Ashley smiled, "Rough weekend, Doc? You got a coffee in one hand and water in the other. I can spot a hang over a mile away."

The doctor laughed a bit. Then it looked like she remembered she was talking to patients, "It's inappropriate for me to say, but yes I may have a hangover." She looked over at me after she finished her sentence.

Fuck. She remembers exactly what happened a weekend ago. Mother fucker. No, no. You are just being paranoid.

"I'm sure you've had a night or two like this yourself." She looked over at me again.

Nope, not being paranoid.

"So let's keep this our little secret, eh?" Dr. Summers looked at both of us and smiled.

"Sure thing Doc," Ashley said as we all walked out of the elevator.

Ashley and I stood back as we let the Doctor walk in first. We silently looked at each other and I gave her the "you think she knows?" look, and she definitely confirmed it. I wasn't sure what to do in group today. If I should stay and talk to her about it, or just play the innocent card. I have the entire group session to day dream about it.

"All right group, I know I was late today and I apologize for that. But the most important thing is we get a move on with today's session. Last week some of us shared the first time we started using-and Spencer you weren't here for that. I'd like you to share your story today." She picked up her clipboard and set her coffee on the floor.

"Uh well," I fucking hate being put on the spot, "My choice of drug was cocaine. After I waited on the beach for my father and realized he was never coming back home. I went out to solve the mystery behind his death. There had to be something that went wrong, he wasn't a bad driver. So I stayed up day and night. I didn't sleep, literally. I slept for maybe an hour or two every couple days. But the first time I started using was when I left the beach after the third night of waiting around for him. I knew I had to stay up searching and researching. So I went with drugs. Not smart, but hey it happens." I smiled and twiddled my thumbs as the room was silent after I told my story.

"Thank you for sharing, Spencer." Dr. Summers said as she wrote her little notes on her clipboard. "Now that Spencer had her chance to share, does anyone have anything to say to her?"

Great now I am left out to dry.

"I have something to say." A girl raised her hand.

"Go ahead Mindy." Dr. Summers said.

"Well, you don't seem sorry."

"About what?" I questioned.

"You just don't seem sorry that you first started using. You didn't say hey that was the day my life went downhill. You just don't seem sorry you ever started using." Mindy stared at me with her head tilted to the side awaiting my response.

"I'm not." I blatantly said.

"Why not?" She questioned me.

I'm beginning to hate this group bullshit. "Because, I'm not. Yeah, I quit. But what is there to be sorry about? I met people in my life that I wouldn't have met otherwise. Got answers to some of my father's mysteries, I wouldn't have otherwise. So no I'm not sorry."

"You should be." Mindy now started glaring at me.

"Okay well, let's move on." Dr. Summer's interjected. She probably saw my face turn red, my jaw clench, and my fist tighten. I was about ready to punch this bitch; she doesn't know me or what I should be sorry about.

The rest of group went smoothly. I mainly just sat as a spectator today. I didn't feel like sharing much after Mindy pissed me off, so I just listened and spoke up on other people's problems when I felt like it. That's the thing I like about this group. You don't always have to share. You can listen and get to know other members. I got up to leave with Ashley when Dr. Summers spoke, "Same time next week people. Oh Spencer, hang around after would you?"

I gave Ashley an I told you so look. "I'll meet you by the car," Ashley said as she headed out of class.

"Have a seat." She said as she walked behind her desk.

I suddenly felt like I was in trouble. "I missed you in last week s group, what happened?"

"Uh, I just couldn't make it." But really I just didn't want to see you after you wanted to fuck me on the dance floor.

"Don't let it happen again, Spencer. Two absences from my group and I kick you out. And I don't want to see that happen." Dr. Summers stated.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" I don't know why I was giving her attitude.

"I can see progress being made and want to see you get better." She threw out a heartwarming smile. I knew she meant well.

"Fair enough, can I go now?" I needed to get away. Be alone.

"See you next week." She stood up and walked me to the door.

That was professional. Nothing like I expected. I slightly had a fantasy of having sex with her on her desk during group session today. I don't know why, but I just all of a sudden had the hots for her during class. But I think that's every girl s fantasy.

I was too busy still day dreaming I forgot to meet Ashley by her car and just continued to walk home. I am so used to walking everywhere, because it is such a freeing feeling. I just walked right on home.

"Hey Carmen, what are you doing here?" I saw her lying on the couch as I walked in.

"Oh nothing, just waiting for your sister to stop by the apartment." She sighed.

"Another fight?" I laughed out as I walked to the fridge.

"How did you guess?" She sat up and looked at me.

"Um, let me think...because that is all you two do? Break up already." I blurted out. I was just having a bad day. An angry day.

"Woah, what's up your ass today?" Carmen stood up and walked towards me.

I sighed as I slammed the fridge shut, "God, everything. I just don't know. Stupid bitch in group today just got me started on the wrong foot." I leaned up against the fridge as I finished speaking.

"Tell that bitch to shut the fuck up. I know a great way to get out that anger...

"We're not having sex." I blurted out.

Carmen laughed, "Hey, I figured the whole anger bang was out of the question since I'm dating your sister and all...I wasn't going to bring that up."

"Did you ever tell Kyla that we used to-"

Carmen cut me off, "Nope, no, never. She'd probably ask me all these questions like who was better and why did we and how were still best friends."

I smirked, "I know the answers to all of those. Me. Cause I'm hot. And because I'm that awesome."

Carmen laughed, "Ah, you're cocky ass got out of that bad mood quickly." Carmen walked closer to me, "Maybe because you were thinking about what I always did to get you out of a bad mood?" She raised a brow at me, still coming closer.

I still stood leaning against the fridge, "Perhaps." I don't know why I was flirting with my sister's girlfriend right now.

Carmen came even closer, "I miss those days."

I smiled. "Sometimes I do too." Plus, I was on coke those days not caring about a sole person in the world but myself, so that probably explains the crazy shit I did.

Carmen grabbed both of my arms and pushed me up against the fridge, I felt it move back from the force that was exerted. I smiled at her, "this can't happen, Car-"

I was cut off by the feel of her hand running up the side of my body under my shirt. I closed my eyes and enjoyed it for a second, until I realized what was happening and swatted her hand away. "Seriously, stop. We can't dude." I walked away from her and into my room.

She followed me, "Alright I was only teasing. Let's hit the gay bar later?"

I sighed, "Sure why the hell not." I needed to get plastered.

Soon after Carmen left Ashley walked in my room. "How did you get in?"

"Um, Carmen let me in? And where the hell were you?"

"Damnit, I forgot to meet you at your car didn't I? I'm sorry." I said as I rolled right back over.

"It's cool, mind if I join you?" She walked closer to the bed.

"Uh, well I'm about to take a nap actually." I said coldly. If she just wanted to be friends, she doesn't get to share the bed anymore.

"Oh." Ashley sounded surprised, "I'll just let myself out. I'll call you later."

I didn't say another word and heard Ashley walk out the front door.

The next thing I hear is my phone vibrating in my pocket waking me up, "What?"

"Hey, bar time bitch." Carmen said and then hung up.

I looked at the time, ten p.m. I decided to just roll out of bed and walk down to the bar. Good thing was, the bar was down the street from where I lived. I loved living here. I can walk to any bar I please, and walk home wasted or take a cab home. It was perfect.

"Two shots. Two beers." I said as I sat down. No Hi how are you, just give me what I need.

Ten shots later and who knows how many beers, I was feeling good. All my inhibitions were thrown out the window and I loved every second of it. Carmen was making out with; who looked like was Kyla, but hell I don't even remember her coming in. That was how drunk I was. I made my way to the jukebox to play some music... I felt someone come up behind me assuming it was someone I knew. "What do you want to hear? I put five bucks in. Whatever songs you want name it."

"Let's talk about Sex."

I laughed, "When and where?" I still didn't know who was behind me, but I decided to flirt with them anyways.

"Well I wanted you to play that by Salt N Pepa, but your apartment right now would be good." She laughed out.

I turned around and kissed her. I was drunk, inhibitions gone, and I wanted to fill a void. Kissing her felt better than I expected. Carmen was off doing her own thing and so now I was. I took the chicks hand and led her down the street to my apartment. At one point we were making out on someone's stoop, I thought it was my apartment the entire time until some old lady came out with a bat. Let me tell you, she was not gay friendly. Yelling how we were going to hell. We laughed and ran down the street to my actual apartment. She was hot. She threw me around; she knew exactly what she wanted. We didn't even make it to my bedroom. Everything started happening so quickly. One drunken kiss led to another drunken kiss. Next thing I knew, I'm lying on my couch without my pants on and somehow my shirt is on the kitchen counter. I silently laughed to myself but I never stopped her. I heard keys in the door, both our heads popped up and I took her by the hand and we ran into my room. Let's just say, it got a whole lot hotter from there. I'm kissing her one moment on my bed and the next thing I know she flips me over and she wants to be in control. Hey, get me drunk enough and I let you take control.

The morning was harsh. The sun was beaming down on my face at about 7 am, and I had one eye squinting open trying to figure out why the sun hated me. I suddenly realized I was entirely naked and then I remembered how I totally had a drunken hook up. I got completely wasted; I didn't even know who I brought home to fuck.

I took a deep breath. And turned over thinking in my head, "please don't be ugly, please don't be ugly...

Holy fuck.

"Dr. Summers?"