I have become rather a fan of Adric lately, and the final scene of Earthshock is just... wow. This is my attempt at writing Adric's thoughts.
Spoilers for Earthshock, obviously, and little ones for Castrovalva.
Disclaimer: I would not be writing fanfiction if I owned Doctor Who. I would be writing for Doctor Who.
Adric had heard that your whole life passed before your eyes as you died.
In a way this was true. Part of him was focused on Alzarius, on Keara, on Varsh, on things he'd scarcely thought about since leaving E-space (home seems so distant in the TARDIS. He's realised that a few hours ago: he thought of his wasted effort, plotting a course that would never be used).
He thought of K-9, and Romana, of Traken, of Monarch, of the Kinda and the Mara, of the Master's web on Castrovalva.
The Doctor had got him out of that, and part of him stayed sure he'd be rescued now.
Until the cyberman had died on the floor in front of him, the thought that he might not survive this hadn't even crossed his mind. He'd had too much faith, faith in his own abilities, faith in the Doctor.
Part of him listened intently for the familiar whine of the TARDIS, waited for the Doctor to take him away from there, for Tegan to tell him that she was alright, that she knew it hadn't been his fault, there was nothing he could have done, for Nyssa... they'd both lost their planets now, he realised. He wondered if they'd bond over the mutual experience.
A part of him couldn't stop thinking about his failure, how the earth would be destroyed (he didn't know how far back they'd travelled. He wondered what would happen to Tegan if her planet was destroyed before she'd even been born. Would she just fade away? What about the crew of the freighter, those people in the escape pod?).
A planet was going to be destroyed, and it was all his fault. If he'd been just a little quicker...
But, as the earth grew closer, an increasing part of him could only think about how big it looked (planets had always seemed small, seen too close up to know their true size, or so far away they looked tiny), and how, in a few short moments, he'd be dead (he wondered briefly if it would hurt, or if it'd be too quick for that).
He stood, terrified, but staring his fate down defiantly, because the Cyberleader had all but said he wanted them to be afraid, and he couldn't give in to the Cyberleader. The Doctor wouldn't want him to give in.
The last thought to pass through his mind was that he wasn't going to be afraid.