Pairings: TowaXAtsuro

Vocabulary...

Hai - yes

Iie - No

Oka-san/sama - Mom/Mother

Oto-sama - Father

Nan/Nani - What?

Gomen/Gomen nasai - sorry/ I'm really(very) sorry

Urusai - Shut up

Baka - Stupid, Idiot, fool, etc...

Shikuso(kuso) - Damn it, shit, etc...

A/N: oks...1st note, yaoi-serious yaoi(boyXboy), ok? so um..yeah...turn back now if u don't lik dat, other wise pls enjoy-and thanx 4 reading..all reviews n stuff r very much welcome. on another note, I LUV TOWAxATSURO!!!!! sooo cute, CUTE, CUTE!!! so if anyone knos of a good TowaXAtsuro then pls lemme kno, i so wanna read it!!!! again thanx thanx thanx thanx thanx!!!!!

Disclaimer:

Fluffy(me): I-

Santa: She doesn't own us ya know...

Fluffy(me):Eh?! -mumbles-

Santa: Haha, she only wishes..-smirks-

Fluffy: Eh?!?! -blushs- whaaa...Santa!!!

Atsuro: So it's true..?

Fluffy: ...

Towa: -giggles-

Sakuya: she's blushing...

Fluffy: -blushs-

Atsuro: Why?

Towa: -giggles- maybe it's because what she said earlier...

Fluffy: Whaaa, Yuki...their all picking on me!!!

Yuki: Hmm, she doesn't own, Kaikan(Sensual) Phrase, or any of the characters...including Aucifer(Lucifer) that is...

Fluffy: that's -sniffle- right

Atsuro: -reading the 'A/N'- mm, cute?

Fluffy: Whaaa, your so cute!!! Atsuro!!! -leaps at him unexpectedly-

Atsuro: Wha?

Towa: -no longer amused- Ahem..the pairing..

Fluffy: Eh? right..Gomen.. -glomping Atsuro-

Santa: really wishes...

Fluffy: -glares- well..er umm...Towa he's all yours...

Atsuro: wha?! -blushs-

------ ooOoo ------

Before once more removing his hand from it's former knocking position, the red head sighed. It's...no good I can't..Atsuro shook his head, trying to clear it so he could finally calm down. Pointless though, like so many times before it didn't help. All it resulted in was his dyed shiny red hair swinging back and forth to finally come and rest covering his eyes along with much of his face. More obviously it proved that he had something, probably important, on his mind and couldn't think of much else. That, for anyone who was watching, he was becoming frustrated. Standing here, outside this apartment, trying hard to come to a conclusion only to end up more lost.

With a hiss of annoyance he stepped back, he had to do something but he didn't know what. More of he didn't know how to do it. It had been a really hard day for him, so much had happened so quickly...

--Flashback--

"Hai, really that's what he said.." Atsuro laughed "honestly you should have seen it Oka-san.." His mother laughed on cue, smiling brightly at her son then at her husband as well. The red head shot a glance toward his father as well, a bit nervous at first but feeling relief wash through him and even surprise. His father had put the paper he'd been reading onto his lap and was now listening to the story with vague interest.

Atsuro smiled at both his parents before continuing with the story, "No one really knows why he said that, like that to her but he did..." He had been relating a story about Santa to them, some random event that had happened earlier. Santa was always a interesting gossip subject, with his temper and the silly stunts he pulled.

"Atsuro-chan.." his father spoke up, Atsuro glanced between his parents quickly. With that tone of voice and those looks, Atsuro didn't have a very good feeling about what was to come next. His father's eyes were narrowed, he had the 'this is serious-no joking-choose your fate' look on his face. His mother's eyes were wide, shocked slightly, but told of something akin to 'the calm before the storm' telling of something tragic to come.

"You've been working hard for your band-your career that is...and I'm very proud of you.." as his father said this Atsuro felt almost like he'd cry. For his father to say this, it meant so much to him."Ha-" before he could finish the answer he was cut off.

"Though, much has suffered for your career..."

"Eh!? B-but.." the man's son started just to be cut off again.

"I understand it can't be helped, to some point. Your kept very busy, it's a demanding career-I'm not asking you to quit! I don't want your personal life or social life to suffer.." as Atsuro's father finished this the room grew quiet as both, Atsuro and his mother, waited for him to finish.

"You need to remember, your career's important, but it's not the only thing to think about. You can't live happily with only your career. Do you understand..Atsuro-chan?"

The red head simply blinked in reply, he didn't understand. What was his father trying to tell him?'More to life...' that stuck. "N-nani?Oto-sama..what do you mean?" the boy shook his head slightly. "Are you saying..I need to be with my friends and family more?"

"Iie.."

"B-but..."

"True, you do need to spend a bit more time with us, your mother and I, but I mean in a way of saying..." he paused after this determining the best way what was to be said should be worded.

"...you..can't can't spend your life alone..you'll need someone...special." his father finished living Atsuro shocked, mouth hung open and eyes bulging.

"Nani?! Someone...special?" The red head repeated, then continued "B-but...Oto-sama, are you saying I..need to date someone, start dating that is?"His only answer was a nod of his father's head to confirm it.

"B-but..I don't have time for something like that!! What about the ba-" he cut himself off noticing his father's 'I know-do you want me to answer-you won't like it' look.

Sighing, Atsuro attempted another way "Oto-sama...I just haven't met any girls suitable for that, yet..Gomen nasa-"

"Iie, there's no need to worry about that...I have a list of names here" he set a piece of paper on the table in front of him then continued. "...that are possibly suitable for you, Atsuro-chan." he finished cutting his son off without missing how his son had worded the phrase before him.

"Eh?! umm, h-hai..but" Atsuro answered picking up the list of names, with a sigh he gave his conclusion. "Gomen nasai, but none of these girls are suitable for me Oto-sama..."

"I want you to meet all of them before you make your final decision, they are good girls and don't deserve you to put them down so cruelly. You will at least talk to to them first.."

"Gomen, I can't-"

"Iie.." his voice rose in a demanding tone, "You will, don't give me a petty excuse such as 'you already have a crush on someone-that you believe this to be true love and won't dare to date someone else.' I believe you will find love. If you had already found them you should already be with this person by now. You aren't though. You are with Aucifer(Lucifer), the infamous band, you could easily gain any woman you wish, correct? If not, then you should of told us of this person. If there is such a person then perhaps now would be a good time to tell us, who? Let us meet her..."

Atsuro blinked, growing very nervous at how this was going at the moment.

"But.."

"But?!"

"I-I...I am in love with someone!!"Atsuro felt himself blush but pushed it aside, he'd finally admitted to it aloud he...was in love.

"Hai? With whom?Let us meet...her!!"

"You've...already met...him!!" Atsuro felt his face grow hot, as tears ripped free from his blurred eyes stinging his vision as well as the burning cheeks they slid down.

"Get...out!!"

------ ooOoo ------

Sighing at the memory, Atsuro turned his half focused gaze toward the darkening sky. His eyes once more burning as hot tears filled his black eyes. "What do I do? What now? Nani?" he shook his head again, trying to clear away the fear. Though he wasn't all too sure what it was he feared so much but he just wanted that fear to go away. The fear was keeping him from doing so many things. "So many.." he repeated aloud, then continued with another thought. "Nani?! What is it that..." his voice died out.

Rejection...

Was that it? What scared him so much? What managed to freeze him in his tracks?

"Rejection.." he spoke his fear for the first time, aloud. With that said his tears sprung free of their prison and poured down his pale cheeks that were now gradually tinting red. He had already been rejected by his father, he didn't want to be rejected. Not by him, not by the man he loved.

Distantly he heard a crackling sound, sounding something. Something he knew, he knew, but at the moment he couldn't think. Not strait, he didn't want that-not rejection not again. He couldn't live with it, not if he was rejected not by him.

Another crackling sound, then a full out booming sound and small drips of icy water began to pour from the angered heavens. Not heavily but more of a slight mist, the gentle wash before a much heavier dose. Punishment...The red head thought vaguely before continuing his earlier thought. "Iie, I-I don't..want that. Iie, I couldn't live with-Iie, not rejection!! Iie, not rejection...I can't be rejected by..."

"Ah..uh-T..Towa..." he cut in as the door to the building he stood in front of snapped open. A man, that could have been easily mistaken as a woman, with long blond hair stood in the door way staring shocked at the younger boy in front of his house.

"A-Atsuro?!"

At that moment Atsuro was very thankful for the rain that had now began to pour relentlessly. His tears now hidden and soon to be forever forgotten, by the icy rain, once thought as a punishment but now none as a very sympathetic gesture.

------ ooOoo ------

"Hmm, so you'll need a place to stay.." Towa stated rather than question, in his usual quiet tone. He was sitting across from his red headed friend, two cups of tea sat in front of them. Atsuro had been relating the story to the blond, who sat quietly listening up until this point. "H-hai..." he barely had the answer out before Towa interrupted.

"Well...you know, Atsuro...your always welcome here." the blond answered smiling softly, though sadness tinted his gaze."Eh..uhh.." Atsuro blinked confused for a second before finally recovering enough to speak properly. "H-hai, ari-gato..." Towa simply smiled in return, his gaze fell down to his somewhat abandoned tea. Lifting it to his lips for a sip of the slightly bitter liquid, he sighed. It had grown cold while it had waited.

While he did this Atsuro watched silently, Towa was so inhumanly gorgeous. The red head found it impossible to pry his eyes from the blond god like man before him. Towa set his tea down, the small 'clink' sound was the only audible sound in the room.Although Atsuro was sure his own heart beat was much louder than that. His face was growing hot and he was sure his cheeks were displaying this along with all his horribly embarrassing thoughts.

Towa, though oblivious to his friends thoughts or feelings, stood from his seat across the table.Picking up his cup he walked away from the table. Setting his cup into the sink, he paused remaining motionless. He really needed a second to think.

So...Atsuro will be staying here for a while...The blond thought to himself, he didn't have a problem with that. Though he was a bit concerned, about more things than one.Atsuro had been in another fight with his father, meaning something really bad had happened. His father had finally approved of Aucifer and of Atsuro's choice. So what could it be now?Atsuro had seemed so happy lately, like everything was going well. Now...this?

He refused to pry though, if the red headed boy wanted to tell him he'd listen but he wouldn't ask it of him. Pushing him would only result in further hurting the boy pushing him further from retch. Not something that appealed to Towa in the least.

While Towa thought this over Atsuro watched carefully, the blond held a powerful trance over the boy. Atsuro lowering his eyes slowly took in large gulps of air trying to calm himself but half way choking himself in the process. "Hmhm..Atsuro don't bother with it, it's probably cold by now." Towa said amused in his normal quiet voice, glancing and smiling over his shoulder at the younger one sitting at the table. Atsuro's cheeks burned as he struggled to keep his voice from coming out strangled and uneven, "Nani?!" Shooting for calm and complete opposite of how he felt he scored slightly high pitched and poorly even.

Towa at hearing the boy's strangled voice paused what he had been doing, which was now cleaning the dishes they had dirtied for tea. Though more than for actual tidiness it was to keep him occupied from having to face the red and talk to him. This gave him time to think to himself. Turning fully around the blond blinked, surprised, his voice sounded so strange. Remembrance at what he'd saw not long ago flashed through his head, Atsuro had been crying. The rain hadn't been able to fully hide this from him, he had gotten a quick glimpse at the boys poorly hidden tears.

Was he crying?

"A-Atsuro?" Towa asked walking quietly back over to the table. "H-hai?" Atsuro asked taking in another deep breath, slowly this time. Then looking up at the blond standing near him now, he waited for a reply. Towa, though, was puzzled the boy wasn't crying. Taking another second to recover Towa answered smiling, "Gomen, your tea's probably cold now...I'll fix you more, if you like?"

"Ah, n-no that's alright. It's my fault anyways..heheh"

"Alright then..." Towa answered smiling softly as he picked up the younger boy's cup."Eh, I'll wash them..." Atsuro started retching for the cup. The blond in return laughed softly stepping away, "Iie-Iie, it's fine I'll wash them...you are the gue-"

"But your letting me stay here, so I should-" he made a grab for the cup.

"..relax and settle in first." Towa correct unable to hold in another giggle at the priceless look on the younger boy's face, while stepping out of retch. "Iie, I want to do them for you...Towa!!" the red head yelled half laughing by now, he once more made a grab for the cup. Catching the taller man off guard at his last remark, he successfully gained possession of the small cup. Though in the process he inconveniently spilling the continence on the older man before him.

"Careful, Atsuro, you'll spill it..."the blond stated sarcastically, although he still held his kind gentle smile.

"G-gomen nasai!!" the red gasped, though a second later it was all he could do to not burst into loud fits of laughter. The blond though blinked, his lavender sweater quickly soaking up the slightly warmed liquid. "Well, now...I'm glad it had cooled." Towa joked his voice laced with laughter. The red head, noting the extent of his mistake, was no longer amused.

"Urusai..." he chided gently.

"Gomen...I'll need to go change now." Towa answered smiling slightly.

"Hai, G-gomen nasai...Towa."

"It seems you've won, Atsuro." he replied before slowly walking out of the room. "Baka.." the red head whispered to himself, his cheeks now freshly tinted pink. Turning toward the sink, ready to clean, he sighed. How embarrassing.

Then forcefully pushing those thoughts aside, he took to washing each dish thoroughly. If he focused on the task at hand then his mind wouldn't wonder to other embarrassing thoughts. Such as whining about washing dishes to none other than Towa, no less. Getting so childish about it that he kept grabbing for the cup then ended up spilling it all over the gorgeous blond, that he also so happen to have a crush on. To deepen his guilt the before mentioned crush was letting him stay in his home while he fought with his father, over the blond too.

I probably ruined his pretty lavender sweater too..He is changing out of it, so maybe if it's washed quickly enough then...maybe it won't stain!!!

"Wuahh!!" He is changing... Atsuro's face once more heating up turned a dark red shade. "Iie-Iie-Iie!!" he hissed to himself then finishing the thought to himself, in his head. St-stop thinking like that, no more embarrassing OR perverted thoughts!! Sighing with that thought, he continued scrubbing the dish in his hand. His thoughts were hardly on the task at hand though. Why couldn't he think those thoughts? Harmless thoughts, they were the only place he could be...close to Towa in that way.

"Towa.." he sighed, his mind took to wondering yet again. This time leading him down a much different road, no where near as pleasurable as the ones before had been. He wondered what exactly did he plan to do? Towa wouldn't except him, he knew that. What would he do though, if Towa started to date someone? What if he was forced to watch the person he loved so much...be held by another.Watch someone else being caressed in a warm loving embrace by Towa's caring arms. If Towa kissed the lips of someone else, devouring everything Atsuro wanted. What if Towa fell in love with someone that wasn't him, Atsuro.

To think of someone other than himself, touching, tasting, holding, wanting, needing, and loving his Towa. Atsuro suddenly felt sick. Clenching his fist, vaguely he heard a crunching cracking sound. A sudden jolt of pain half way brought him back. What was he doing..oh the dishes, washing them that was. His vision had blurred, tears stinging at his eyes. Blinking a few times, attempting to clear his blurred vision. His hands were now bloody, no readable thoughts came to his head. He had broke a cup, his shocked reflex's kicked in dropping the shattered cup.

The loud crash sounded through the quiet room, "Shikuso.." he hissed loudly, half aware he'd even spoke. Thick red blood ran down his long pale fingers, dripping slowly at the tips.Hot tears were now pouring down his pale face, though it wasn't the pain in his hand that had him in tears. His mind though still stood blank, his vision blurring more as the tears he wasn't even aware of at this point continued to flow freely.

"Atsuro?!"

To Be Continued...

A/N: the next ch will definitely be a lemon -grins- pls keep reading, it'll be my 1st... -blushes- hope u lik..and thanx 4 keeping with me this far..reviews r always welcome...scratch ma back ill scratch ur's..lemme kno if theres a story u want me to check out illRnR asap :)