Hidan Questions
Narrator: Ok everyone, I managed to un-pin Hidan so that you can interrogate him today! So, you looking forward to this Hidan? (Blinks at him repeatedly, though he doesn't seem at all to notice)
Hidan: Is there something in your eye? Only if there is I'll remove it with my trusty scythe! See! Look you friggin' loon, I've just friggin' said two whole friggin' sentences without swearing!
Narrator: Yeah, should mention, when you swear in answering the questions, the word "friggin'" will appear in the text, this is a non-existent word that's just going to be used to represent the swear words, ok? And no, Hidan, they were short and simple questions so it doesn't count! Plus, I don't have something in my eye; I was just trying to encourage you to be good today!
Hidan: Good? What the friggin' hell is friggin' GOOD? I'm never friggin' Good, baby, I'm friggin' BAD!
Narrator: That include, "in bed"?
Hidan: Frig YOU!
Narrator: (Lifts an eyebrow curiously at him and responds with a grin) Maybe later…
Hidan: That won't happen; you're not willing to convert to my religion for me!
Narrator: Let's keep your religious rants at me for another time. Anyway, your first question comes from my brother Sithfirelord (insert numbers here). He asks quite simply: What was your day job as a teenager?
Hidan: (Makes a funny face like his lips are being pulled to one side of his face and rolls his eyes in pondering) I think it was just being the little kid in the ceremonies that had to give the ceremonial daggers to the high priests. You didn't' get paid for it though. I tried a paper-round once, but those friggin' idiots complained at me for swearing and smashing things! Plus I friggin' ran over some friggin' idiot's bleeding cat!
Narrator: Riiiight….. On to question two, just a general one here that lots of people want to know about, are you truly a Masochist?
Hidan: I can cope with you so I must be! But yeah, yeah, I am a friggin' masochist, I don't care about pain because it ain't friggin' gonna kill me is it? HAHA!
Narrator: (Narrator's face looks un-amused by the joke.) Let's move on, three: do you have a Swear jar?
Hidan: What's that? (He scratches his head curiously and lifts his scythe up to assist in the head scratching, blood starts pouring onto the floor.) Do you like, put swear words in there or something friggin' similar?
Narrator: No, it's a jar where you place money whenever you say bad words that you should not.
Hidan: I haven't, Kakuzu got me one and told me that he got the money each time I friggin' swore, but I took a vow of friggin' silence for a friggin' fortnight and friggin' out-foxed him. But then I friggin' kept swearing for two friggin' months after that!
Narrator: Ok then. Question four asks, what music do you like?
Hidan: KORN! At least, I think that's what they're called. I like other stuff too, but generally I'm supposed to stick to the Jashinist singing groups like "Evil Gods Love Swearing" and "Dun-Dun-Dun-Dumdy-Dum-Jashin-RULES", that band's name's supposed to sound like a funeral march. But my favourite song has to be "Kakuzu Sucks!" By friggin' yours truly! (Suggestive eyebrow wriggling)
Narrator: I haven't heard of those bands or even that song, but if you like them, then that's all we wanted to know. Now, here's a question bathed in religious curiosity: Does Jashin command Circumcision & Are you circumcised?
Hidan: (Looks nervously from left to right, his hands slowly reaching down to cover himself, just in case anyone can see him) You people are friggin' SICK!!
Narrator: Funnily enough the next question is what makes you sick, but are you going to tell us if you are snipped?
Hidan: Enough with the friggin' medical mumbo-jumbo frigger! I'm not but only because my friggin' daddy thought I'd friggin' kill him if he did. Trust me, I friggin' would too!
Narrator: And question six?
Hidan: Kakuzu and Rabid Fan-Girls!
Narrator: Question seven, due to your obvious swearing difficulties, people ask if you have ever considered a job in customer services?
Hidan: How'd you friggin' think I got the friggin' swearing problem in the first place?
Narrator: Very well, you've already been in that profession. Now, ever randomly attacked?
Hidan: (Looks slightly un-amused by the question) I'm friggin' immortal; it's the big excuse from everyone! I was once randomly friggin' sexually assaulted by a friggin' ostrich, but that's a friggin' story for another friggin' time. (Looks amazingly proud with this information)
Narrator: (Big eyes and slightly terrified) I won't ask. Now, ever Stripped to "Stripped" by Rammstein?
Hidan: (Looks at Narrator as if very badly hurt) You know I did! It was your friggin' Jashin-Day present! I've also friggin' done it for others too! Friggin' Kakuzu even friggin' filmed me doing that for extra friggin' cash! (Starts to weep at the eyes and so is handed a tissue which he rubs against his nose)
Narrator: You're supposed to be a really terrifying Ninja aren't you? (Translation you're pathetic) Anyway, Chelsea1337 wants to know if you have ever felt like worshipping another God called Kami?
Hidan: Frig Kami! Frig all other gods! Jashin is the one true frigger! Plus friggin' Kami sounds like it might be a girl, I don't like female gods!
Narrator: I won't comment on your views of feminism, but you're going back on the dart-board after this. She also has a question for all members of the Akatsuki, but you can be the first to answer it: How can she get respect from her younger sibling without brain-washing?
Hidan: Kill the frigger! Or threaten it, or sacrifice it to Jashin and instead be friggin' respected by a god!
Narrator: I think she didn't want to consider those options. But I understand you wouldn't really understand anything else. Anyway, question twelve and Rockcrab says that when Itachi insults you she gets random jabbing sensations, is that you?
Hidan: Maybe (Coy look has emerged on his face alongside suggestive eye-brow wriggling)
Narrator: Do you steal Babies? Did you Still Deidara's one? (For those not sure of what I'm talking about, look for a video called "Glitch" on Gaarasamaslover's page on photobucket.)
Hidan: Frig! I knew friggin' Deidara was a friggin' chick! But no, I don't friggin' recall it. But I've friggin' sacrificed and friggin' stolen friggin' babies before! Little friggers!
Narrator: Very personal this one, were your parents strict when they brought you up?
Hidan: Nope! Dad was a friggin' soft-touch and mum, well, we don't friggin' talk about her slightly friggin' warped-ness. She friggin' tried to drown me in a friggin' river to help assist me in becoming friggin' immortal! Like I was friggin' Achilles the friggin' jerk or something!
Narrator: Were they parents Jashinists too?
Hidan: Friggin' dad was! But women can't be friggin' Jashinists. You get a friggin' arranged marriage though! Hence why I friggin' became of Rouge Ninja, my friggin' wife was supposed to be a friggin' sweetheart that would continuously iron my friggin' shirts! Dumb female-dog!
Narrator: I see, I would ask another question linked to that but we're pressed for time. Question sixteen asks if you have ever fallen down an elevator shaft or had dangerous experiences with elevators?
Hidan: I can friggin' honestly say, yes! Damn friggers in Akatsuki strapped me to the bottom of a friggin' elevator and made it go friggin' up and friggin' down! I got friggin' smashed into pieces with a friggin' eyeball popping out and a friggin' finger being burnt by the friggin' electricity. Apparently it was my friggin' rights-of-friggin'-passage into the friggin' Akatsuki.
Narrator: (Chuckles at the thought) Would you ever consider doing commercials for Aero or Diet Coke?
Hidan: (Looks thoughtful) I friggin' tried for that friggin' Aero Chocolate one with the friggin' naked bloke telling you about the friggin' bubbles. But they told me I was too anatomically well-equipped to be able to be friggin' appropriate for day-time television. (Winks and does strange thumbs-up thing toward the readers.)
Narrator: Yes, I bet. Anyway we're almost done and once again we've got an odd one for you. Have you ever had weird dreams with a former Kage dancing with lollies and singing strange songs?
Hidan: Friggin' Kage? NO! Friggin Itachi as a lolly, yes, Kisame as a chocolate bar, friggin yes! Pein dancing in a pink fluffy friggin' Toto? YES!
Narrator: In reference to the incident in my halls earlier in the year when I was still at Writtle; question nineteen asks did you enjoy running around naked, singing, with a lampshade on your head alongside Itachi for a dare or what?
Hidan: Lampshades, no! That's just Pein and the weasel frigger! But I did dance to the friggin' Sailorsong naked, streaked around eight different friggin' campuses, and also have done the Schmutzle, and damn I'm friggin' good at it!
Narrator: Confess! You are a SIM!
Hidan: I love Sims 2, I made friggin' Kakuzu and kept friggin' killing him in inventive ways! And I'm friggin' quick at doing all the dance moves and such they do. Wanna friggin' see the Schmutzle?
Narrator: Not really but…
Hidan: Kaba Goonba Na! (Hidan starts jumping up and down, seemingly to thrust at the air, spin in circles, and say strange things whilst dancing happily to the Sims 2 Schmutzle.)
Narrator: (Looking slightly annoyed as time has run out!) Don't worry, we're onto the very last question and they you can scoot off to live your life elsewhere. Question twenty, do you eat Jashin bars and drink Jashin Brand FRIGGIN' Ear Grey?
Hidan: Damn friggin' straight!
Narrator: (Hidan still dances the Schmutzle enthusiastically around the room) Ah, next week we've got Zetsu in the question seat, though we'll have to dress him as Hannibal Lector just so he doesn't kill me! BYE!
Hidan: Kaba Goonba Na!
Narrator: (After hitting Hidan with a base-ball bat to shut him up.) P.S. to all Itachi fans, I'm not fond of him and he and I do not get along at all because I thought he should have killed Sasuke immediately! But I apologise if I sounded a little too mean to him.