Well good day fair reader, I bid you all welcome. There are two different pov's that I'm using in this story, first and third, so don't get confused. I didn't really mix them up together, I've noticeably separated them. Now, it's all up to you to read what I've written, to comment on my writing and to tell me all the terrible/wonderful things I have done or could do. By the way, I'm very well aware that this chapter is pretty short, but that's how it's going to be. So enjoy! Or don't enjoy…it's all up to you.

Disclaimer: Don't own Hellsing…don't own Alucard….and don't own Seras…this is purely for enjoyment…

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Chapter 1: The Burden of Choice

The night screamed with the presence of bodies, so many living, breathing human bodies. Their beating hearts pumping life throughout their flesh covered bones. The rhythm that drummed in the atmosphere pounded in my ears, a steady tempo, once begun that can easily stop. It was like blowing a candle out, and the feeling that accompanied such an activity felt so fulfilling and exhilarating.

It was all I needed to be a better vampire, to be one step closer to becoming a true nosferatu. The smell of blood wasn't appalling, it was rather desirable, bringing a sense of true self to mind. But how could I? I didn't want to lose who I was. To become something I did not know, to consume a portion of a human life that I did not know. Even if it was donated blood, how could I? Morality surely can be a bitch at times, and it is what holds me back, from becoming what I had ultimately chosen.

At this I knew my master would scoff. My existence as a vampire was pathetic to his eyes, I was in other words a disgrace. A failure. No matter how much I did to make him proud, it never seemed enough, and my efforts would go unnoticed. It would make anyone feel useless and unwanted.

That's why I'm here right now, away from him, his intoxicating presence, his powerful, dominating aura. No more can I bare to take his disdain at the moment and so I escape. To escape for at least a moment, which is in all honesty is the only outlet I have for the time being, as pathetic as it may seem. Even though it is simply sitting down on the roof of the Hellsing mansion and taking in the scenery, it helps and it frees my thoughts and temporarily heals my emotions.

Escape, that's all I wanted. I needed to vent my emotions, to unlock my heart and pour it's contents to the wind, for it to carry away my wretched feelings.

By this, my mind released it's clutches on my thoughts, letting them loose to be carried by the night winds, into the sea of dark clouds above that covered the full glory of the moon. A sadness slowly enveloped my body. Like ice water slowly engulfing my being from the inside out. It was painful and I felt an unbearable desire to simply throw myself from the building and let the wind carry me away to a place far from this death hole.

Tears slowly began sliding down my cheeks, causing red streaks to mark their descent. I knew time was irreversible, but if I could turn back time, I would undo what I had chosen, what I had consented to become.

My hands shielded my red streaked face from the surrounding world, and as each tear fell more furiously down my cheeks, my body began to convulsively shake with a pain that was screaming to be released.

"Oh, God! Why?" I cried into my hands, even though I knew that I would never be answered, nor acknowledged, for I was an abomination, a creature that was never meant to be, one of the damned.

Even if I hoped for that too change, hope wasn't on my side, for how could it be when life was as miserable as this.

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Alucard watched as Seras's body was racked with unyielding tears and shook from the force of her pent up emotion. Her emotions filtered through his mind; pain, fear, loss. His fiery gaze took in her delicate form and watched as she seemed to cry herself to sleep atop on the roof.

He was furious from her behavior hours before and he still was, but a part of him new that in time once she finally understood the meaning behind partaking in the sweet nectar of life, then her acceptance of her true nature would lead her down the path of becoming a true nosferatu, a powerful being of the night, his chosen mate.

"Soon Seras, soon, you will understand," Alucard whispered as he moved towards her lifting her sleeping form. Her arms instinctively locked about him, which brought a sincere smile to form on his lips.

Phasing into her room he laid her down on her bed, he made to move away from her, but suddenly her arms tightly squeeze his midsection, beckoning him to stay close to her sleeping form. She furrowed her brows in a sleep-like frown, almost resembling a kitten who had her ball of yarn taken away. Alucard chuckled and reached out, wiping away her tears.

"My little kitten, if you only knew what you meant to me," he sighed. He passed his hand through her hair, smoothing it from her face.

Once she started to act as her nature entailed her too, his advances would be a bit more meaningful and valued, until then, he could do nothing but wait and see and maybe even push her down her chosen path. With that in mind he left, fading into the shadow of the room.

Red eyes lingered in the darkness, achingly watching the sleeping beauty's form upon the bed, before they too disappeared into the darkness.

Bid me to live, and I will live

Thy Protestant to be;

Or bid me love, and I will give

A loving heart to thee.

A heart as soft, a heart as kind,

A heart as sound and free

As in the whole world thou canst find,

That heart I'll give to thee

Bid that heart stay, and it will stay,

To honor they decree:

Or bid it languish quite away,

And't shall do so for thee.

Bid me weep, and I will weep

While I have eyes to see:

And having none, yet I will keep

A heart to weep for thee.

Bid me despair, and I'll despair,

Under that cypress tree:

Or bid me die, and I will dare

E'en Death, to die for thee

Thou art my life, my love, my heart,

The very eyes of me,

And hast command of every part,

To live and die for thee.

-Robert Herrick