Hey guys!

After receiving a few friendly critiques on my writing for this story, I just wanted to tweak it slightly to suit Edward's higher level of vocabulary.

I don't think I did him enough justice, but I ran out of good synonyms for words so I thought I'd leave it at that (haha).

Enjoy :)

OH. And P.S., all the 'rules' used in this story are from a Girlfriend magazine I wasted $5.00 on. Don't judge, it came with a cute headband.

Hahahhaa.

***

Edward's POV

Edward Cullen.

Reflex reaction. I turned in the direction where my name had been 'called' to find Alexandra Henderson, pulling out her math books with a small frown. I diverted my gaze back to my books, but continued to listen to her thoughts.

Alexandra was a predictable human, and although we'd never physically conversed, I quite enjoyed the tenor of her thoughts. They were quite amusing. Usually, anyway.

No matter how clearly I made my relationship with Bella, the misplaced infatuation of the naïve children of Forks High haunted me at every turn.

I sighed, disappointed by Alexandra. I thought she'd been an exception.

Yeah, Jackson Harding liking me is about as likely as Edward Cullen liking me. Impossible.

I felt a small smile creep to my lips, internally sighing in relief and laughing at my own arrogance. I'd obviously made judgements too soon.

Through her mind, I observed a slightly obscured version of the male in question through her peripheral vision.

Though, he is still looking at me… No, don't be stupid. It's just your imagination. He's probably looking at Lauren beside me. Yeah, that'd be it. Now, what was that trigonometry rule again? Something about sine or tan…

I resisted the strong urge to roll my eyes. Alexandra's self-confidence was utterly deplorable. Intrigued however, I turned my attention to Jackson Harding's thoughts.

Wow, she's so god damn cute! Mike did say not to waste my time though; I mean Lauren said she was a real bore, but… Damn, she's just so hot!

Jackson was practically salivating upon his trigonometry. I stifled a laugh at the sight.

Who knew the once predictable 12th grade math could be so amusing?

I focused back upon Alexandra, who had taken another fleeting glance at Jackson by this stage, with the clear intention of being stealthy, now unable to concentrate on her math.

Could he really be staring? It looks like it… Okay, okay, play it cool. What did that magazine say again? Um… something about being gorgeous… Oh, 5 Time You're Gorgeous And You Don't Know It! Yeah, that was it!!! Okay, number one…

1. Wearing Glasses: Some girls feel nerdy in glasses. Nothing could be further from the truth. Glasses give a girl character; it's the whole sexy librarian thing.

I stifled another laugh; I had been under the impression that even the adolescent youths of the human race had more maturity then to pay any attention at all to the drivel written in thus said magazines. The blatant exploitation of teenage self-esteem issues seemed to be a pivotal selling point in the publication and I had assumed that this was obvious to the target market. Unable to help myself, I stooped to the level of slipping into Lauren Mallory's mind to observe Alexandra's actions, curious. Truly, she couldn't actually believe the nonsense?

Apparently she did.

The body of Forks High hit another all time low.

Alexandra was, extremely self-consciously I might add, pulling out a small spectacles case from the depths of her bag. From the tenor of her thoughts, she'd been struggling all morning with impaired vision without them, but had chosen to take the meaningful advice of Jessica Stanley and had kept them 'as far away from your face as possible!' Well, at least the garbage was useful in one sense.

I turned my interest back to Jackson, expecting to observe yet another example of the fickleness that was the human mind. For the umpteenth time that period I was pleasantly surprised.

Oh man! Just when I thought she couldn't get cuter, she pulls out the specs… No, if I don't want to be teased, best to go with Mike's advice… Right?

Alexandra was internally ecstatic as she observed through her peripheral vision that Jackson had yet to turn away in disgust.

Okay, okay, what was number two again?... Oh right,

2. Biting your lip. When a girl bites her lip, guys' legs start shaking uncontrollably. They're like dogs trying to stand up in moving cars. They just lose it.

The temptation to roll my eyes skyward was increasing by the second. A human had actually been payed to write that nonsense? Even more alarmingly, it had even been published and obviously sold?

Literature these days was quite the disappointment. I comforted myself with the knowledge it hadn't always been so.

I watched through Jackson's thoughts Alexandra's horrible acting skills as she feigned difficulty with a math question that was deplorably simple, half her lip disappearing in the process. Even my beautiful Bella could act better than that and she was quite hopeless. I chuckled at the memories as I listened to Jackson.

Wow, she's gorgeous, even when she's having trouble. Should I go over and help her? Nah, who am I kidding, I suck at math, and Mr Varner would probably have my head.

I had to pry my lips together in a firm line to control the laughter that was threatening to expose me. The mere idea of Jackson attempting to help anyone with math was, at the very least, hilarious.

Alexandra however would have enjoyed nothing more.

Who knew these would work? Moving right along…

3. Playing with your hair. It allegedly means you are digging boys like a shovel. It makes them think of running their fingers through it; basically, there's no bigger turn on.

Alexandra, very 'subtly', leaned her arm against her desk and rested her head onto her palm, nearly bumping an irritated Lauren Mallory in the process. Recovering quickly, she used her free hand to twirl the end of her tresses, held in a twist around her neck, between her fingers. It seemed to have the desired effect; Jackson's eyes were becoming slightly unfocused as he blatantly stared.

Her hair looks so cute up; nah, who am I kidding, it looks cute full stop. I bet it's soft too… Aw come on man concentrate! You can't afford another fail on your report card; Dad already took away the car! Gotta do math, gotta do math…

Jackson tried, unsuccessfully, to turn his attention back towards his math, still watching Alexandra through his peripheral vision. No longer able to control the urge, I rolled my eyes; sine 60° definitely did not equal Alexandra Henderson.

Alexandra however couldn't see Jackson's glances in her direction, and was crestfallen.

Well, there goes that. Did you really believe any guy, let alone Jackson Harding, would really like you? You're more stupid then I thought!!! I knew he was actually looking at Lauren, now I've gone and made a fool of myself!

Concentrating deeply upon her math to hide her disappointment, Alexandra's shoulders slumped slightly. Her self-esteem had decreased once again alarmingly; though could one really expect any less from a girl who sat with Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory?

Just when it appeared my 5th period entertainment had ceased and I began to prepare to endure the tedium once more, Alexandra sneezed, unintentionally 'recapturing' Jackson's attention.

Aw, I've never seen anything more adorable! Damn! But she'd never like me, right? Nah, that's almost as likely as Rosalie Hale liking me. That wouldn't happen in a million years.

I smirked, making a mental note to mention this particular thought to Rosalie. No doubt she'd take pride in the knowledge that the entire male body of the school used her level of affections towards them as a reference to the impossibility of a situation.

Oh wow, thanks rule number four!

4. Sneezing. When a guy sneezes, big globs of phlegm fly in all directions. When a girl sneezes, a cutesy, "a-choo" squeaks out. Some say "Bless you". Guys say, "You are sooooo good lookin'!"

I shook my head in utter disbelief, dumbfounded. And these magazines sold? It was simply inconceivable!

And to remember the rules so precisely meant she'd managed to read the drivel more than once without burning it in disgust!

Okay, ten minutes left… That means there's just enough time to test the last rule…

5. Laughing. A girl giggling and smiling is incredibly hot. Remember happiness, like hepatitis, is infectious.

Alexandra quickly scrawled a note to Lauren about the state of the math teacher's hair, passing it to her lithely. Lauren enjoyed nothing more then laughing at the expense of others, and had been ridiculing Mr Varner for his poor fashion sense mentally since the start of the period. Alexandra hit her mark and the pair instantly broke out into quiet convulsions of laughter, Alexandra 'stealthily' peeking once again to see the reaction.

That's it, screw Mike!!! I'm asking her out after class!

As the bell's shrill ring signified the end of class, the corner's of my mouth turned upwards slightly as I watched Jackson's 'casual' approach to Alexandra. Hopefully Alexandra would continue to purchase these magazines, who knew what new material they could provide her with? 5th period would never seem tedious again.

Shaking my head, I departed to lunch, eager to share the stupidity of my classmates with Alice and Bella. The sight that presented itself in front of me however stopped me dead in my tracks.

There, sitting innocently, looking like an angel, was my Bella. My mature, intelligent, sensible Bella.

Open in front of her was a glossy magazine. The topic?

5 Times You're Gorgeous And You Don't Know It!

***