I don't own Greys Anatomy or the characters.

"Losing My Religion"

Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool


Oh no I've said too much
I set it up

Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream"

Meredith was sitting in the corner of her bathroom, the cool tiles soothing her naked body. Scattered in front of her were 5 tests, all showing a smiley face.
Her body shook, as she urged for tears to come, her tear ducts too proud to allow it.

Her thought wandered, to Derek, to his dreams for them, knowing that this is what he had wanted... but also knowing that this was not something she wanted to tell him.

She had successfully avoided him for 2 weeks, her heart broken, her hiding places limited, and her head swimming. She had not felt as much pain in all her life, compared to what she had in the past two weeks.

Little tuck had pulled though on that night, at least he had been healed, but something's were left broken. There argument the final straw. She wanted to trust him, was scared to trust him, and the thought of his mouth on roses caused her rouble to breathe.

If only he had told her, instead of her hearing from George, if only he hadn't attacked her, if only he had given her time. Time to breathe, time to be ready... time...

Now here she sat on the cool floor of her bathroom, alone, yet full with the thought of the life developing inside of her. She didn't know whether she should fear this, or embrace it. Confusion racked her, as 

she wondered where does she go from here?

Her friends had been kind enough to leave her alone, kind enough to give her space and not ask questions, kind enough to let her breathe.

There is a knock on her bathroom door, she tries to ignore it. "Mer" Christina says quietly, as she is worried about her friend who had gone upstairs 2 hours ago for a shower, and had not come back down.

Meredith tried to ignore her, not wanting her friend to see her like this. Her breathing gets shaky as she starts to shiver from too much cold. She forces herself up, as Christina knocks on the door again. She pulls on her robe before opening the door.

Christina steps back to look at her friend. "Oh Mer" she says, as she help Meredith to her bed. She can tell that she was cold, and that her head was full of emotion, as Meredith was a person whose emotions were reflected in her eyes.

Helping Meredith lay down, she pulled her close and spooned her, being there for her person the only way she knew how. Communication 

lost in the sobs of her friend. Christina knew not to hassle her, as Meredith would talk in her own time. Christina knew when to push, and when to walk away... and she knew that this situation, just by the look on Meredith's face was not a time for her to be pushing.

So as they lay there, with Meredith sobs, lulling from the comfort of her friend, both eased in to sleep.

Derek sat in his car, his steering wheel gripped tight in his hands. He had come here every night, the ocean lay in front of him, soothing his conflicting thoughts. This was where Meredith had brought him to watch the ferry boats. Every night since he had fought with Meredith, he came here, before driving past her house, in hopes of catching a glimpse of her, before driving back to his cold, empty trailer.

He knew she had seen him leave with Rose that night, and if she hadn't been broken from their fight, he had shattered her then. He knew, he didn't know why he did it, but he knew.

Mark had sworn at him, threatened him to fix things... Knowing too well that Derek had sunk back into the lull that he was in when Meredith had almost drowned. But he could not see a way to come back from this, God knows he wanted her, he wanted every inch of her, Dark and Twisty as she may be. But he pushed and pulled until the finally had snapped.

Tears welling in his eyes, this was not the first time he had cried since their fight, and he was sure it was not going to be the last.

He had not seen her since that night, and after stumbling his way through dinner with rose, he realised that he couldn't do this. He couldn't break away. Meredith had avoided him, Bailey had refused to put her on his service, and her friends guarded her tighter then fort Knox...

He had to find away to get her back, well that's what his heart was screaming, but his head was telling him to let her go. He had damaged her enough as it is.

Starting his car, he drove away from their site, venturing slowly past 

her house, before returning to his empty trailer. Knowing full well that he had lost her...