IRREVERSIBLE

CHAPTER 26

You're taking steps that make you feel dizzy

Then you learn to like the way it feels

Goodbye...And it's emotional
Good night...I'll be up with the sun
You're still holding on U2-GONE

Nick stood in front of the doors waiting to be escorted into the prison, his hands shoved deeply into his pockets.

Behind him were Warrick, Greg, and Grissom, and as much as Nick didn't want an entourage with him he wasn't given much choice when he told them he wanted to come back and confront the ghosts of the past.

"You're not going in there alone!" Warrick had told him.

"Fine!" Nick sulked as he got into his new SUV Hybrid. He'd traded the Tahoe in.

"I'd rather you not go there at all!" Mandy grumbled from the steps, wearing a seething look.

"I'll be fine," Nick assured her.

"Yeah right! You're not fine now, Nick," she retorted and started back into the house.

Nick blew out a breath of exasperation and glanced at his buddies who shrugged. "Let me go back and just talk to her."

Slowly he ascended the steps and walked into the house where Mandy sat on the loveseat crying with Figaro in her arms. He sat down beside her and asked, "What did you mean by that?" He wanted to add 'and in front of my friends' but chose not to.

She sniffled as she gently placed the old blind cat on the floor and looked at him. "The past few months…there's probably at least four nights a week where I'm waking up to your nightmares. And I'm not complaining, Nick. It's been better, but I don't think going back there is going to improve this."

Nick bit his bottom lip and nodded. "I know. I'm sorry about all the nightmares."

"No, I told you not to be sorry." Mandy wiped the tears from her eyes and cleared her throat. "Honestly, please don't be sorry. I just had an argument with my mom today. I'll tell you about it later."

Nick felt his heart jumping a bit, wondering what had happened and did it have anything to do with him?

"It's not you." Mandy read his thoughts clearly. "I'll be fine. I'm having lunch with Wendy today and then we're going shopping."

"Good!" Nick relieved to hear she wouldn't be by herself today. "I'm kind of wondering if you're developing cabin fever?"

"Yeah, I am," the lab tech admitted. "I miss the lab, the people… even Hodges."

"Hey!" Nick agreed. "I know all about it. Except, I don't miss Hodges." Then he leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead. He took a good look at her, studying her dark hair, then running a hand through it.

Mandy met his intense gaze, took his hand, and held it to her face. She held his stare for a long moment, emitting a deep connection, one formed from months of good times, bad times, medium times, and all kinds of times.

A little voice inside of Nick was telling him this one was a keeper, and although they'd been together a very, very, very short time, perhaps a certain question should be popped. But his more reasonable side cautioned him to wait at least until they returned from their trip.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Mandy asked, her eyes narrowed, as she studied his thoughtful reflection.

"How am I looking at you?"

"Like you wanna ask a question."

"No, no, I just…" He shook his head. "I gotta go…the guys are waiting."

"Okay." Mandy smiled tenderly at him. "Be careful."

"I will." He stood up, smoothed down his coat, scratched Figaro's ear, and headed out.

Warrick was leaning up against the SUV smiling. "You guys kiss and make out…I mean kiss and make up?"

"If you did, that didn't take long," Greg jested. "You could be a little more generous."

"Yeah! Yeah! Let's go." Nick ignored their hidden bantering and headed toward the car.

"Grissom's gonna meet us there," Warrick told him.

Andrew Butler and Director Cowell walked out and escorted them hastily through the security checkpoint, first the metal detector and then the wand up and down their torsos, and then the CSIs were on their way.

The first thing Nick noticed was the number of CO's walking about. There was one on every corner. Twice the number he recalled on the picket line.

"As soon as I got in," Cowell told Nick as he mentioned this, "I lobbied for more guards. Luckily our law and order senator was right on our side. We've increased everything and enhanced the technology in here. Hell, a mouse can't go undetected in this place."

"Not to mention we got our raise and better benefits," Butler said happily.

"You guys deserve it!" Nick told him. "It's not an easy job."

"Someone's gotta do it." Cowell led them along the corridor while cameras and mirrors peered down from the ceilings.

Nick smiled at Chan, from Clark County holding, who walked by and said hello.

Nervously, he turned to Butler who walked beside them. Another guard brought up the rear. "Umm…"

"Nobody knows, Nick. Just me and Cowell and that's it," he assured him.

"We're on lockdown," Cowell said. "And you're not going in there alone."

"No, he ain't!"Warrick shot out. "If you're going to confront ghosts, Nick, you're doing it with us."

"What are we?"Greg joked. "Ghostbusters?"

Nick snorted and looked at them, amused. "Yeah! Ghostbusters. So does that mean I'm going to get slimed?"

"No, I'll probably get slimed," Greg groaned

"No, it would probably be me. I'm like my character on that crime show; the writers' bitch."

"Well," Grissom said, "the star of the show can't be."

"Oh, of course not," Nick answered flippantly.

Finally they reached the library. It was lit up inside and the shades were drawn. Nick studied it for a second, then turned around, staring at his entourage apprehensively. Each reflected how he felt; scared, nervous, and unsure if they themselves wanted to go in there, particularly Greg.

There was only one person who wore a stoic look.

"Listen, can I pick who comes in with me?"

He looked at Cowell who looked uneasy but then said, "As long as Butler comes in with you, that's fine."

Nick turned his gaze on his boss. "Grissom, do you mind?"

Warrick folded his arms and appeared to be okay with it, but his eyes said otherwise, while Greg's body seemed to ease a bit.

Grissom's eyes widened behind his glasses as he took full stock of Nick's request before answering, "No, I don't mind at all."

Nick then took a deep breath and looked at Butler. "Okay, I'm ready."

The guard swiped the card through the lock. The red light turned green as he pushed the doors open, turned on the light, and gestured for the two CSIs to come in.

With Butler leading the way, Nick entered first with Grissom behind him and heard the doors softly click behind them.

For a moment, nobody spoke as Nick slowly walked forward studying the counter for a moment, sliding his hand along it, and then a smell tingled in his nostrils. Leaning over, he took a whiff and looked at Grissom with a twitch.

"Pledge. The tables smelt like Pledge."

Grissom slid his hands into his pockets. "Small, benign objects…"

"Yeah, it doesn't take much does it?" Nick griped. Even passing by the product at the supermarket still made him uneasy.

The Texan studied the white, compressed wood of a counter for a moment and ran his hand along it. His eyes were lost in the memory as he spoke in a flat voice, "This is where they left my gun." Then his eyebrows knitted together as he asked. "I wonder how they got to the chapel."

"I know," Butler answered. Nick turned and looked at him. "There's a door over there." He pointed to the right side of the counter at the very end. "That's the office supply room for both the chapel and the library. It used to never be locked. Now it is though, and there are security cameras in there."

Ears ringing, Nick walked over to the photocopier and said in a tight voice, "When I realized what was on the rag they stuffed into my mouth, I threw up in a pail and hid it behind here."

Grissom walked over and looked behind the copier. "You had the presence of mind even after your attack to hide the evidence." He scanned around for a second before adding. "And not just here." The entomologist raised an eyebrow, causing uneasiness in Nick.

Butler read the body language and moved off out of ear shot, but keeping an eagle eye out for their safety.

"Yeah," Nick confirmed, "I did. I went home and showered. For days after I washed myself with everything in my house, even Mr. Clean. That burned."

"It's a household cleaner with skin irritating chemicals," Grissom told him. "But I bet after using it, you still felt..." The words escaped Grissom.

"I felt them on me," Nick finished his boss's halted empathy, knowing Grissom was looking at him as a crime victim and not as a fellow CSI, thus earning the shift in dynamics. It was the only time Grissom could relate well to him, and he accepted it. As he finished his sentence, he stumbled along the next reflection of that horrid day. "It didn't matter how much I washed myself. I felt them on me for weeks."

"It only took the first shower to wash evidence away for an SAE kit," Grissom told him.

"Agreeing to one of those meant acknowledging there was an attack, Grissom," Nick retorted.

"There was blood on your clothes, and you never chose to seek medical attention for yourself," the older man continued with statements he'd held onto trying to gage what went on in the Texan's mind, even though he knew for a fact he may have reacted the same way.

Nick leaned into him, eyes brimming with tears. "Tell me something then; who could have I gone to? You?"

Grissom raised an eyebrow before answering. "I suppose at the time you felt there was no one you could report what happened to you to."

"No." Nick's jaw clenched. "There wasn't anyone I felt at that moment I could go to."

"So you washed the evidence off you and hoped it would be the end. But for some odd reason, Nick, you didn't get rid of your clothing?" Grissom asked, folding his arms thoughtfully. "I always wondered why. Was there a part of you hoping we'd find it?"

"I don't know." Nick's eyes grew dark. "Maybe I did or maybe I thought if I went through with my plan I could use it as evidence in an insanity plea. Truth is, Grissom, I don't know why."

Grissom studied the younger man before drawing a conclusion. "Shell shocked. You were working on autopilot those first few weeks. You stuck with what you know and the routine and it enabled you to continue forward."

"I guess my job was my saving grace, but I spent a lot of time planning…" he checked to see if Butler was out of earshot.

"I know." Grissom solemnly nodded as there was no need to go further. "The important element for you to remember is you never went through with it because you knew deep down you wouldn't be able to live with yourself, no matter how much you felt McVeigh deserved it. You have a strong moral compass, Nick, that remained so in spite of the chaos."

Nick cleared his throat to rid himself of the lump that was forming. The swell of emotions was becoming too much to bear. So he turned away from Grissom and took a deep breath, knowing his boss wasn't much for teary-eyed men.

Taking in the full scope of the crime scene, Nick's eyes settled on the table where they violated him.

"There's the crime scene." He gestured to the table and then slowly made his way toward it, his nostrils flaring at the benign object that aroused the deep-seated anger in him that remained and probably always would.

Nick observed the table with disdain and disgust before turning an angry glare at the corrections officer, wondering why in God's name did they not use this money given by the state to at least buy a new table. "This is the point of impact. I recognize the carving on the end…someone's initials." He looked at Grissom, his mouth tight. "They had the decency to dress me afterwards. That still blows my mind, you know?"

"It was Smith who dressed you…the remorseful one," Grissom told him.

"Yeah, if he was so remorseful, he wouldn't have attacked me in the first place." Nick felt the rage simmering again, like a pot of water on a low lit flame ready to spiral at any second. Then he laughed ironically and looked at Grissom. "I remember standing there with my hands on the table and hearing that stanza from The Hollow Men…this is the way the world ends, and then the prickly pear one...my brain was just all over the place like I had ADHD or something."

Grissom thought about how sad it was that one of the greatest poems of all time would now be tainted for Nick - who was not known on the team for his literary repertoire.

"McVeigh threatened to kill me if I said anything," Nick told him. "And he was stalking me for a few weeks after and then he was gone." Glancing heavily at the table he asked, "Why is this table still here?"

A smile formed on Grissom's face as he told him. "They've been saving it." The bearded man motioned to Butler who went behind the counter and brought out an axe. "We thought you'd like to dispose of this item yourself."

Eyes wide, Nick watched as the corrections officer carried it over. "This was his idea." He pointed at Grissom.

The Texan turned and looked at Grissom quizzically who explained, "You've read Stephen King novels?"

"Of course. He's the master of horror." Nick answered.

"Do you recall a few years ago when he was hit by a minivan while he was out for a walk?"

"Yeah, I remember. The driver was talking to his dog or something."

Smirking, Grissom continued, "Well, after Stephen King recovered, he purchased the car off the owner and had it demolished. It was therapeutic for him. So when you asked us to come with you to the library, I had Catherine arrange with Cowell to have this table replaced and for you..." He motioned to Butler who handed the axe to Nick. "…to destroy it."

Nick gingerly took the axe, stared at it, and then looked at Grissom with a triumphant gleam in his brown eyes. "This is gonna be very therapeutic."

However, before he carried out this unique form of therapy, he had another look at his personal 'point of impact'. Gently laying the axe onto the table and kneeling down, he studied the legs and called Grissom over to join him.

Grissom could see the Texan's eyes growing dark and his jaw flex as he pointed to some jagged etches on the round legs. "Here are the scratch marks from the ropes they used to tie my legs. I had rope burns on my ankles for days." He ran a finger along them and continued to stare at them almost as they were a dead body.

"And burns on your arms," Grissom recalled. "And a bruise on the right side of your temple. You told me that you bumped your head."

Nick knelt down even further and ran his hand along the carpet. "The colour of this carpet is different."

"They replaced it after Catherine carved out some of it," Grissom said, feeling his neck and facial muscles tightening, hoping he didn't need to dredge up any further forensics details as to why the old carpet was taken from the prison by his colleague and her teammate.

Thankfully, Nick put an end to further clarification by saying, "I really tried to fight them, Grissom, but I was really sick and there were two of them. Guess I didn't stand much of a chance."

"The odds were not in your favour," the bearded man agreed. "You were outnumbered and overpowered."

Slowly, he stood back up with Grissom following suit. Nick explained, "They were dragging me along and I tripped, and for a second I thought I was going to get away, but it didn't happen like that. They were hell bound and determined to..." He exhaled deeply and finished, "…to do to me what they wanted to do."

Nick tightened his mouth and folded his arms, looking down. "You know, this sounds pretty bad, but I'm almost glad no one found me while it was happening." He waited for a shocked response.

"No, it doesn't," Grissom said to his surprise. "Given the nature of our profession, Nick, I think anyone in your situation would feel a similar emotion. It's unfortunate."

"Yeah, maybe fate or something like it allowed for my attack to be discovered in the manner it did to keep my…dignity intact," Nick reflected. "But I've been online with support groups for guys...like me...and well, they weren't as lucky as me to have people knowing exactly what I needed - my privacy and my self-respect."

Nick turned a grateful smile toward Grissom. "I know you played a role, Grissom. You all played a role and I really appreciate it."

"Catherine was instrumental as was Maddie Klein, but I'm glad I had a role in it and as cliché as it sounds, I hope one day you'll feel comfortable enough to work cases similar to yours, as I'm sure you'll afford them the same treatment," Grissom told him and then pointed to the axe. "Now it's time to slay the dragon."

Telling the CO they were ready, Butler handed Nick some orange safety goggles that he fished out of the supply room and Nick slid them on. Grissom stood off to the side to avoid being pierced with wood chips and splinters. Then everyone stood back as the Texan took one last look at the table and swung the axe. He was fairly good at using the tool as he'd cut logs at his daddy's ranch.

Down the axe came onto the table and the sound of wood splitting pierced the air. Nick grunted and took another swing, putting the axe right into the centre of the table.

It took about 30 minutes, and by the end all that was left of the table - the point of impact - was a sad looking pile of wood. Nick had chopped every inch of wood over and over until there was nothing left.

Sweat soaked Nick's face, back, and chest as he handed the axe over to Butler and looked at the two men with extreme gratitude and breathed, "Thank you for this." And he smiled. "You're right, Grissom, this was therapy. The best kind."

"I'm glad to hear it." Grissom smiled and then turned to ask Butler, "You want us to help clean up the mess?"

"Should have put a tarp under the table," Nick groaned. It would take hours and hours for these guys to clean up the mess.

"Naaaw...I'll take care of it. Actually, McVeigh's dad will be down here taking care of it," Butler told them with a smug grin.

Eyes wide, Nick laughed. "Good one!"

"I owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything man." Nick told him. "Nobody does."

As Butler got on his radio and called in some guards to get McVeigh ready for his 'job', Nick turned to Grissom, wiping sweat out of his eyes. Choosing his words carefully, Nick fumbled out, "Look, I know we've never...well...I mean, I know Warrick is your favourite CSI and Greg your second and Sara was...your...forensic muse, but what I'm saying is...I appreciate the support you gave me, Grissom."

The two men eyed each other warily for a moment. The unspoken tension of expectations unmet on either side hovered between them like a lost chickadee.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say Warrick and Greg are my favourites, Nick," Grissom finally explained. "If I had to consider you guys like my kids, you would be considered the problem child." Nick felt a small pang of pain at hearing this but held onto his knee jerk reaction, allowing the man to explain his theory. "Parents always favour the child who wants to be like them; the ones who make their lives easier and less challenging. Then there are the spirited children; the ones who are as far from being them as possible and make life more difficult. Warrick would be the prodigal son, so to speak, and you're the spirited one…the more difficult one. However, from what I've heard about the spirited ones, they tend to be the ones who shine the most as they come into their own."

Nick chewed on this thought and thought about how not so long ago he'd been the epitome of the lab playboy, a reputation he earned quite rightly.

When he joined the lab years earlier, he was a young cocky kid who was eager to show off his new found profession.

"Yeah, I guess I was a brat when I joined the lab," Nick chuckled.

"You were," Grissom agreed. "You had a sense of entitlement about you, and I had to knock that out of you because it was going to be your downfall. I always wanted my team to be more than who they were…Catherine more than a showgirl turned CSI; Warrick more than a gambler turned CSI; and you, Nick, are more than the judge's son."

These words were like music to Nick's ears, causing him to wonder if he should look at career opportunities in Texas, but probably not.

"Well, I've confront the ghosts," the Texan said finally, breaking the silence. "And that's it." He looked toward Butler who had respectfully stayed out of earshot.

As they filed out of the library, Warrick asked, "Get some anger management therapy while you were in there?"

"You could say that," Nick answered and then felt the need to explain his choice. "Look man, it wasn't personal."

"No, don't worry about it. Grissom was always the one with the right words to say at the right time." Warrick patted his shoulder heartily. "Let's go get a beer and celebrate your honeym…"

Nick laughed. "Yeah, you go on thinkin' that thought."

"Hey," Warrick said as the men made their way out of the prison, "about time you settled down and had some rug rats."

"Like I said, you just keep thinkin' those thoughts.."

"Long as you don't name any of them Hodges!" Greg quipped.

"Hell no, and I'll be sure to teach any of my kids to grow up never kissing anyone's ass to get anywhere." Nick quickly gauged Grissom's reaction and was relieved to see a smile.

"I think if anyone can teach a child to be resilient and committed to their profession without resorting to groveling, it's you, Nick," Grissom commented as prison officers handed them back their weapons.

Surprised and stunned, Nick said, "Two compliments from Gil Grissom. I'm on a roll!"

"I hear Wendy is working on Hodges in the groveling area," Greg added.

"Yes, so I've heard," Grissom said. "If anyone can do that, it will be Wendy."

"Whoa!" Warrick said as they opened the doors and headed out noticing dark clouds in the air. "I should have hooked up with a lady lab rat. Must be something in those chemicals they inhale all day."

"You're not getting mine," Nick told him. "She's a keeper!" And before anyone could respond, Nick jumped into the driver's seat leaving the wide-eyed stares of his colleagues behind.

xxXXxx

It was pouring rain when Nick pulled into the driveway. As he got out of his car, he pulled his jacket over his head to keep dry as he slid out of his vehicle and ran up the steps two at a time to get in. He grabbed the door handle and then noticed the note.

Nick, Zack went missing. I'm out looking for him.

Grabbing his cell phone he was dismayed to realize he hadn't charged the damn thing.

"Shit!" He unlocked the door, raced into the house, and plugged in and called Mandy.

"Hello!" a panicked voice answered.

"Where are you?"

"I'm at Hanson's Park, just three blocks from here. I found him. He's under a maintenance crew trailer." Her voice hinged on fear and panic. "I've been trying to call you."

"Is he hurt?"

"No, just freaked. I was in the off leash zone when Paddy the stupid Irish Wolf Hound charged at him and he took off…stupid guy just laughed and went home. I was railing at him."

"Mandy! It's okay. I'm on my way. Just try to keep him where he is."

Hanging up the phone, Nick grabbed another leash off the hook by the door and dashed out the door and back into his car.

The rain was starting to clear as he got to Hanson's Park. As Nick pulled into the parking lot and parked the vehicle, he could see Mandy curled up and looking under the trailer.

Nick quickly ran over and called to her. He was quite surprised to see what a mess she was. She was coated head to toe in mud, dirt, and leaves.

Observing his astonished look, she wiped some hair out of her eyes. "I was crawling through a lot of foliage after him before he finally settled on this spot."

Nick ducked his head and got down to the task at hand. He knelt down and laid flat on the muddied ground, looking under the trailer with a flashlight, and saw a very dirty and very unhappy looking dog curled into ball, eyes wide with fear and confusion.

Nick whistled to the dog and called, "Hey bud!"

Immediately, Zack turned and saw Nick and his tail began to wag slowly.

"C'mon dude. Let's get out of here. You gave poor Mandy a heart attack," Nick said gently, then brought out his secret weapon - Pedigree dog cookies.

Sniffing the treat, Zack slowly began to scoot along on his belly toward Nick, inch by inch until the dog was close enough for the Texan to hook the leash into the clasp on his collar and Zack slid out from under the trailer licking Nick's face joyfully.

"I should be insulted, but I'm too relieved," Mandy said as she knelt down rubbed Zack's head. The dog turned to her and licked her face as if to say sorry. "I didn't bring his treats with me."

"They always work," Nick told her and helped her stand up. "It happened to me the second time I walked him. I guess he's always gonna be a bit of a scardey cat. Too many bad things happened before he came to live with me. Some stuff never leaves you no matter how hard you work to try to make it go away."

Mandy rubbed his arm and then noticed the rain had stopped. She looked down at herself, observing the caked on mud on her shirt and jeans, and groaned, "Oh man, I just bought this hoodie."

"Well, we've got Spray and Wash at home," Nick said. "And some laundry to do before the night is over."

"You're not mad at me for Zack?" Mandy asked.

"No, why would I be? I knew we'd find him."

xxXXxx

Nick hoisted Zack into the tub, set up the tap with a hose, and reached for the shampoo to wash the filthy animal. Mandy, meanwhile, went into the utility room where the washer and dryer were and began to pull off her clothes to scrub them.

Zack panted away as Nick poured the shampoo along his back and lathered up the animal real good. The suds turned muddy brown as the Texan scrubbed with a rubber brush shaped like a dog.

"You sure scared us tonight," Nick told him. "But I know how you feel, dude. There are just some bad memories that won't go away no matter how much you try." Rubbing the dog's head, he picked the hose up and began to rinse the animal down. As the dirty suds slid away, a clean, shiny dog emerged from them.

He hadn't heard Mandy pad into the washroom and was somewhat startled as he heard her say, "I'm just gonna grab a shower. Are you almost done?" Nick turned around and his eyes widened slightly as she stood there nonchalantly in the nude. She was still sort of shy about her body, no matter many times he told her he'd seen all there is to see, so why bother being shy? So this parade was big progress for her.

His gape was interrupted by a spray of water as Zack took matters into his own paws and shook the remnants of his bath off him. Sputtering, Nick dropped the hose and along with shaking dog water came hose water. He griped as he found himself drenched from the rivulets of water and grasped for the tap, turned it off, and wiped the water off his face.

Zack, meanwhile, jumped out of the tub and raced out of the bathroom looking for cover.

"Dammit!" Nick grabbed the towel he had placed beside the tub and ran after the dog while Mandy slipped into the shower stall.

After Zack was thoroughly dried, Nick walked into the utility room and dropped the towel into the small pile. There were just a few items to be checked off their list before they headed out in the morning. He looked down at himself and groaned at the sight of his drenched clothes. He pulled his shirt off and his jeans, boxers, and socks soon joined the pile.

Then with a glare he strolled back into the washroom where Mandy was still under the shower humming a merry tune. He opened the door and said, "You did that on purpose."

Eyes wide as the water poured down her back, Mandy turned her head and clandestinely asked, "Who me?"

"Yeah you." He stepped in and closed the door behind him. "What? Did you think I was gonna let you get away with it?" He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, feeling her sex against his, igniting him like fire to a stick.

"Guess I gotta make up for it, right?" she asked, her eyes filling with raw lust.

"Naww….you just gave me an excuse to join ya," Nick drawled, his hand clasping her breast, thumb rubbing a nipple which rose at his very touch.

"Oh, well I still want to make up for it," Mandy huskily told him.

Her hand reached down and massaged him, earning a longing groan from his lips as he told her, "If you insist."

Her mouth caught his, the drops from the spray dribbling onto their lips as Mandy continued with both hands, one working his sex while the other reached below and trailed the soft skin.

He cupped her face and deepened the kiss, their tongues entwining, the heat generating like molten lava.

"Can we…" Nick panted, his body protesting at having to break the kiss, "…in the bed?"

Tapped into his desire, Mandy nodded and switched off the shower.

They were barely dry by the time they reached the bed. Their damp bodies collapsed into a heap as Nick made love to her with an earnestness, wanting to chase the demons from his visit to the prison away one final time. Mandy wrapped her arms and legs around him and held on for dear life. Her head lolled from side to side before she leaned up and kissed him on his bottom lip, moaning his name over and over.

They climaxed in unison as he collapsed onto her, feeling her hands caressing his back as she murmured, "You never cease to amaze me."

Buried into her shoulder, he laughed, brought his head up, and studied her flushed face. "Yeah…you're a hell of a gal, Miss Webster."

Rolling off her, they maneuvered themselves under the covers, both agreeing it was pointless to get dressed. They'd be getting up again in no time and heading out with three animals in tow off to Texas.

"You excited?" Nick asked as she lay in the crook of his arm.

"Excited and nervous," Mandy answered, stroking his chest.

"Nervous about what?"

"Your family. What they will think of me?"

"Well, don't worry about that. I'm sure y'all get along," Nick assured her.

Mandy perched herself up and said, "I'll bet that southern accent of yours will come back in full throttle."

"Yeah, probably. I lost some of it when I moved here," Nick agreed.

"I love it."

"I'll be sure and pick it up again real quick."

"Can't wait," Mandy said and then her mouth tightened. "And then there's your mom's disapproval of you living with me. My mom's not happy about it either."

Ears perked, Nick looked at her. "You didn't tell me that."

"I didn't want you to freak out since you know we don't get along very well," Mandy explained.

Nick nodded understandably. Mandy had a rather strange relationship with her mom who was a fundamentalist Christian and had tried to force the faith onto her girl, only to have it backfire. Yet, Mandy still loved her parents so, especially her father - a professor with a more liberal view of issues. But since her mom was the matriarch, the rift between them also carried over into her relationship with daddy Webster.

Mandy had paused a bit and then went on, "She just gave me this adage of 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'"

"Ahh...yeah…my mom said the same thing to me." Nick smiled crookedly as he reached over and stroked her face. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm not. I just don't like it when I fight with my mom because then she puts up a barrier between my dad and me." Her eyes welled with tears which she wiped away. "Anyway, you have enough on your plate, so don't worry about me."

"That's like asking George W. Bush not to worry about the bailout plan on Wall Street. Or McCain wondering what's gonna spill out of Palin's mouth at any second," Nick answered causing Mandy to smile.

"You're not gonna vote for that guy, are you?" Mandy asked in exasperation. Nick was forever the Republican, following Dad's foot steps to a T.

"I don't know who I'm going to vote for. I'll probably make my decision the night before," Nick told her and skirted back to the issue at hand.

But she got there before he did. "Just forget about it, okay?" Mandy told him.

"Well," Nick reflected. "If it makes you feel better, you could tell her that I can see this becoming permanent."

Mandy's eyes grew wide at the mere expression and Nick could see her gauging his facial expression to garner whether this was just another joke or was he serious before jokingly asking, "You wanna visit the Elvis chapel?"

"Well, not tonight," Nick answered. "And it wouldn't be the Elvis chapel, and I meant what I said, just not right away. Not tonight at least."

A slow, happy grin spread across her face as she answered, "Yeah, I could see it going in the same direction as you too." Then immediately the grin dropped. "Just not tonight, or tomorrow for that matter, or even next week."

"Course not," Nick yawned. "And it would definitely not be tonight because I'm exhausted."

Mandy snuggled into him and he could feel her smiling against him as she twirled her fingers around his chest. He felt relieved at the response as he wasn't sure what she would say. With the answer of the future solidified, Nick told her about his visit back to the prison - ground zero of his hellish year.

"Was it hard?" Mandy asked him delicately.

"What?" He studied her and then the question came into context. "Oh, visiting the prison?" He sighed heavily as his eyes became reflective. "To be honest, it was easier than I thought it would be." He told her about the table, and she let out a small sound of surprise and delight, adding that she never thought Grissom would know anything about Stephen King.

"But hell, he was right. When I chopped that damn table up into bits it was like every bit of rage went into that axe. I was a machine, and I kept going and going until you couldn't even make firewood out of that thing," Nick explained to her. "And after, I felt...nothing…and then I felt like I'd been through an exorcism."

Mandy smiled warmly and voiced a question that had nagged at her since the time they had started dating. "Nick, I really need to know something from you? Would you and I ever have gotten together if you hadn't asked me to do a private DNA analysis for you? I'd hate to think our relationship was founded in a..."

"I don't know, Mandy," Nick answered her honestly. "I think so. I do believe in fate and had it not been for the attack, I'm sure our paths would have crossed, just in a different way."

"Really?" Mandy asked. "I was just a lab rat to you."

"Yeah, you were. The cutest lab rat, unlike Hodges who is just a sewer rat pretending to be a lab rat," Nick griped and brightened at the thought that it would be another six weeks before he had to deal with the kiss-ass lab rat. Then he looked at Mandy who rolled her eyes at the ongoing conflict.

Taking a deep breath, Nick allowed the words he'd been saving up for this question, as knowing his fretful Mandy she would be asking this sooner or later. So he gave her the answer he'd been waiting to give her and she needed to hear. "I'll tell ya again, my dandy Mandy, you were my unwitting rock in those first few weeks. I was like a zombie. Working, coming home and hanging out with George, and getting up and doing it all over again. You were the first human contact I had afterwards. You were a safe person to be with. I knew my team would flip out and want to solve the case while I just wanted the whole attack to just go away and never come back. Being with you meant I could do just that. And yeah, there was conflict, but we overcame it."

Mandy listened aptly, her eyes welling up and her throat looking as if she were swallowing a lump. Nick chuckled and asked, "Does that alleviate any pressing concerns, darlin'? And when I came back to work after being in the trailer park, I was scared shitless to tell you why I freaked on you. I wondered what kind of reaction I'd get and I wasn't expecting that one…compassion. And then I touched your face and you looked at me like I was still King of the Hill…and not the TV show."

The lab tech laughed. "I like that show. Maybe we can move to Texas and you can work in a propane store." He snorted at the idea.

"So does that answer your questions Miss Mandy Dandy Webster?" Nick asked.

She wiped the tears away and nodded. "You bet, dude, and let me tell ya this. Let's consider tomorrow a fresh start for us. I know there will still be nightmares on your part, and I know every so often you'll have dark days, but let's consider tomorrow the first day of our life together, even without the formalities of government sanctioned relationships."

Nick beamed brightly. "I like that idea. Tomorrow is the first day for us."

"Especially for you!" Mandy said and kissed his fingers. "You've earned it."

Fatigue washed over them and they curled into each other in a peaceful slumber, oblivious to Zack jumping onto the end of the bed, flopping down and huffing a contented doggie sigh. His fur shined in the dim lamp lit room, and Figaro sniffed his way up in between them and planted himself in between their legs.

George, meanwhile, strolled saucily up and planted himself between Mandy's and Nick's sleeping heads on the pillows and rested his orange chin on the Texan's forehead, but not before giving it a couple of loving licks.

-finis-

I cannot believe it's over. But it is! Do you know I started writing this story back in January of 2008 and then posted my first chapter in March. Now here are in October. I never intended to go this long. Twenty six chapters. Wow! That's a book.

Writing this story has been a wonderful experience. I was lucky to have found a wonderful Beta in Smokey who gave me great ideas, nudges, feedback as well as enduring horrific grammar and editing mistakes.

Your reviews were totally awesome. I was not expecting them to be as detailed and positive as they were given the nature of this story. And as well reading through long ass chapters, so I promise my next one will have shorter ones.

As I wrote before, this was a difficult topic to write about. I worried when I delved into the idea that some people were going to think this was sick voyeuristic fantasy I had and believe me it wasn't. I just read some other fan fics that were kind of strange and not to criticize fellow writers. I wanted to explore the topic in a way that allowed me to explore the mind of my favourite TV character and how he woud handle it. It would never happen on the show, ever. I think the actor would high tale it if asked. No matter how much money offered him.

In terms of character creation, some of my original characters were easy to develop and others I really had to think through. I really worked with Eponine to ensure she was not a Mary Sue-the only common factor I share with her is our single parent status. Primarily, Eponine was a composite of a couple of friends I know and simply formed her into one character.

If anything, my voice in the story probably shone through Mrs. Matthews the crazy cat lady. I liked the idea a female tormenting Nick in a nonsexual way, a woman who wasn't in awe of his good looks and charm and to knock him off his pedestal every so often.

As for shipping this with Mandy, believe or not I had planned on this being more of a Nick/Sophia romance. But I really, really struggled to write her and when I wrote the first date Nick had with Mandy it felt more natural for me, so I went with it.

Aww George….the kleptokitty. I felt so bad for Nick in the first few chapters, I wanted to add a bit of comfort to him, but I didn't think he was ready for a human comfort, so I was reading a story to my daughter one night called "Mr. McGratt and His Ornery Cat" about a guy who lives a lone and has this cat hanging around him and the cat scares off pesky neighbours. Thus, the story of George.

Now the kleptomaniac part is based on a true story about this cat in England who used to sneak out of its owners house and steal clothes and toys out of the neighbours' back yards. So while I was writing this story, I thought about the irony of a crime fighter with a thieving cat.

Furthermore, I was going to have Nick call the cat, "Cat" but I was worried about confusing the readers with Catherine, so I just decided to name the cat George which gave me the opportunity to crack jokes about George Eads and CSI. I had a lot of fun writing this cat. I think my favourite part was the first time Nick and Mandy made love and he sat on the bed and watched. Not to mention the afterlife.

And I chose an orange tabby because most cat lovers know orange tabbies are personality plus. I have one myself.

I added in Zack after I watched an episode of the 'Dog Whisperer' where the trainer, Ceaser Milan, worked with a guy who adopted a dog who was terrified of everything to the point where he could barely leave the house He spent time at Milan's Dog Psychology Centre to 'learn how to be a dog'.

Now in terms of him being an 'ugly dog'. Again I decided to take an ironic twist on this-good looking guy with an ugly dog.

So then Nick had a thieving cat and an ugly dog. Then a really old cat.

Figaro is a real cat I took care of. I thought it would nice to see Nick with an older animal knowing he would be very gentle with one.

Finally.

The premier has certainly endowed me with ideas. I am struggling on with CSI fan fic given there were three characters we lost. Even in this story, I felt Sara needed to be back in some form.

Warrick's death is going to make it hard for me, but I've got one in the works and will try and take a page from the show.

Thanks guys. You rock!