INCONCEIVABLE COUPLE

by Gunman

Disclaimer: I do not own Black Lagoon or it's characters

Summary: Rock and Roberta get exposed to a new designer aphrodisiac that causes them to be hot for each other, mostly against their will.

Author's Note: This is my first Black Lagoon fanfic, so please be kind. Also... I am writing this story based entirely without having seen any of the anime. I've read several of the fanfictions and the bio's on the net, so I have a basic idea of what's what and who's who. Also... I started writing this story after reading the Rock/Roberta story 'Loose Ends' in which the pair were merely friends. Therefore, I thought 'How could I make it a type of romance which involves Rock and Roberta'? It's a problem since Roberta isn't a romantic character. She's like a female Terminator.

Then again, I kinda like challenges like that. So here it is, my romantic Rock and Roberta story!

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Chapter 1

Dazed and Confused

Rokuro 'Rock' Okajima blinked his eyes open as he stared up at the slowly turning fan overhead. Right away he knew something was wrong. Too long had he spent his time asleep in the main office of the Lagoon Traders to know that they didn't have a ceiling fan.

It was then that Rock realized something else. His sense of touch, which had become rather sensitive in the short time he had been with Lagoon Traders, alerted him to the fact that 1-he was naked. 2-he was covered by a blanket. And 3-he was not alone.

This last fact caused him to panic as he slowly turned his head to see who it was.

Please let it be a girl. Please let it be a girl. But not Revy! Or Eda! Or Balalaika! Or... he froze when he saw a pair of long brown and rather messy braids strewn wildly about across her naked shoulders. He gasped as he realized who it was.

Rosarita DeCisneros, the Bloodhound of Florencia, a.k.a. Roberta.

Not only from her facial features, but also from the fact that there was a familiar-looking crumpled chambermaid's dress on the floor, next to his own clothes, round thin-rimmed glasses on the floor next to them, and an orange parasol just within arms reach of the bed.

Rock was frozen, his heart beating like a Hummingbird's wings as he took in the very dangerous woman who had her arms around his torso and her head on his bare chest. He couldn't move. He could barely breath. He had no idea how he had ended up in bed, without clothes, with Roberta of all people. And if he was right about what he was feeling, then both of them were naked. And considering that... well, Rock didn't want to think about that. Given his current situation he started praying, because the second Roberta woke up, she was going to send him to his maker.

While he and Roberta had never been friends, and he had done everything to stay on her good side, he was well aware of her abilities, which had more than earned her the reputation of 'one of the three most dangerous women in the world', alongside Balalaika and Revy.

And yet... he thought as he looked at the sleeping woman. She looks rather... peaceful. Cute even. He thought at seeing her messy hair streamed down her glasses-less face.

Never would he have suspected that the infamously well-known Roberta would ever be peaceful or cute in any way, shape or form.

And yet, here she was.

Suddenly, Roberta stirred.

Uh-oh. Rock thought, his pulse racing again.

Her eyes turned upwards and took hold of his, the Japanese man's eyes widening in both fear and uncertainty. He was trying to figure out in which way she would kill him.

"Rock-san?" she said, slightly confused at meeting his face in the morning.

A mood which quickly changed as she lanced up out of bed, unwrapped her arms from his chest, quickly scanned the room before grabbing her shotgun parasol with her right hand and spun back around to wrap her left hand around his throat.

All without leaving the bed.

"Oh.. Uh... I can...Hi." he managed to say, which wasn't easy when someone had your throat in a vice grip.

"What Are You Doing Here?" she snapped. "Is This A Trap? Did You Drug Me? Answer Me Fast Of I Will Rip Out Your Throat!"

"I... don't... know... how... we... got... here!" he coughed.

"Do Not Lie To Me!" she snapped again, tightening her grip.

"I... wouldn't... lie... to you!" he gasped, barely able to breath now.

Roberta suddenly felt her anger dissipate as she found herself believing him. Releasing Rock from her grip, she settled back into a sitting position before looking at her naked self, the sheet of the bed covering her lap, but her athletic chest sticking out towards Rock, who was trying desperately to look at her face. Roberta lifted the sheet, causing Rock to blush, she looked around and then lowered the sheet back into position.

"It would appear that we have had intercourse." she said casually.

Oh... 'shit'... he thought as he felt his energy drain, falling backwards and pressing down on his left arm. "AAAAHHHHH!" he suddenly shouted, the pain in his left arm causing him to jolt and practically jump out of the bed and onto the floor. "ARGH!"

Roberta quickly tossed the sheets aside and leapt from the bed to him, kneeling next to him with her parasol still in hand.

"What is wrong?" she asked.

"My arm!" he groaned, pointing to his left arm with his right.

Roberta set down her parasol and examined his arm with both her hands.

"It's broken." she said simply, completely undistressed by both of their nakedness.

"W-What?" he asked, thinking that maybe he had just twisted it at a wrong angle when he laid back, but as he tried to move his arm, the pain overtook him. "ARGH!"

"As I suspected: You're left arm is broken."

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Doctor's Office)

"Your left arm is broken, and your left shoulder is dislocated." the doctor said, examining the x-ray, which showed a pair of cracks below the elbow closer to the hand. Rock had actually known about the dislocated shoulder. Roberta had reset it before they came to the hospital.

Though calling this place a hospital was like calling the Black Lagoon a luxury liner.

"Is there anything else I should know?" Rock asked.

"Yes. Have you been attacked by a dog recently?" the doctor asked.

"Uh... no. Why?"

"I was trying to figure out what kind of animal made those teeth marks over your rib cage."

Rock pulled his shirt open and looked in the full-length mirror. And right where he said, there were a set of teeth marks, upper and lower.

Bloodhound of Florencia indeed. He thought, realizing that they looked like human teeth marks.

A few minutes later, metal-splint on his left arm, Rock emerged from the doctors office, where Roberta was waiting for him in the reception area.

"What did the doctor say?" Roberta asked, standing up from her chair when she saw him reemerge.

"I dislocated my shoulder, I have a broken arm, and... something else." he replied.

"Something else?" she asked.

"Uh... nothing, just a... couple of bruises." In the shape of teeth.

"I see." she said, pausing several seconds before saying, "I apologize for that." she said, actually surprised at herself that she had in fact apologized.

"It's not your fault." Rock said, almost automatically.

"It is logical to assume that I am responsible for your injuries."

"Well... I... it's, probably best not to dwell on it."

"I see."

The pair exited the doctor's office and headed back to Lagoon Traders. While they walked, Rock felt his ribs act up slightly.

Jeez! Rock groaned as he held his ribs with his good arm. Broken arm, dislocated shoulder, and teeth marks besides. I don't get this banged up when I go out on job assignments with Revy and the others. But sleep with one woman... then again, it is Roberta.

"Are you alright?" Roberta asked, noting his discomfort.

"I'll be fine, Roberta. Thanks." Rock assured.

The pair kept walking, not seeing Mr Chang of the Triads who say them leaving the doctors office.

Interesting. He thought, at seeing the pair together.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Lagoon Traders Office)

"Rock? What happened to you?" Benny asked as soon as Rock walked into the office about noon.

"Uh... long story." Rock replied.

"You look like you got laid." Benny suddenly said.

You have no idea. He thought. "How do you figure that?" he asked, trying to make it sound like he was being sarcastic to the techie.

"Well, either you've been in a fight, or you just got laid. Considering the type of women Roanapur has, I figured it's one or the other." Benny explained.

"And you automatically assume it's the latter." she challenged.

"Well... in a fight, you would have a black eye." Benny reasoned.

"Riiiiight." Rock replied.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

About a half-hour later, Roberta walked through the doors of the Lagoon Traders, her parasol and suitcase in her hands, having retrieved the case from the hotel. At that same time, Revy showed up.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Revy asked Roberta. "I thought you're job here was finished."

"I did. But I cannot return to the Lovelace family just yet." Roberta replied to the other woman.

"Oh? Why not?"

"I require Rock-san's help on a private matter." she said, trying to be delicate.

Rock immediately got what she was hinting at and agreed before Revy could say anything else.

The pair walked out of Lagoon Traders and proceeded down the street.

"So... what exactly did you need my help with?" Rock asked.

"Somehow, both you and I ended up in a cheap motel and apparently had intercourse. I am convinced that you did not drug and rape me, as it is not in your character. And I am sure I did not have any form of alcohol. I am also sure that you could not have forced or coerced me into that situation." she explained to him.

"So... what does that leave?" he asked.

"I wish to retrace my steps and find out exactly what resulted in our intercourse." she said.

"Could you not call it that? And could you not say it out loud?"

"Does the subject upset you?"

"No, but you don't need to broadcast it."

"I see."

The pair spent the rest of the day retracing their steps the day previous.

As Rock recalled, the whole thing started when Roberta had come to Roanapur on assignment for the Lovelace Family.

An American drug syndicate had come to Roanapur to manufacture a new designer drug, with a key ingredient that was stolen from the Lovelace Family.

The ingredient is actually a new type of perfume with an aphrodisiac aroma to it. The syndicate had stolen it in order to make their drugs more appealing to their buyers, both aromatic and delicious.

The current head of the Lovelace Family, eleven year old Garcia Lovelace, had dispatched Roberta, his terminator-like maid and former FARC (Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia) guerrilla, to either retrieve the perfume or destroy.

The reason being that he didn't want the reputation of the Lovelace Family to be damaged upon the discovery that their perfume was being used to enhance the attractiveness of drugs.

Since Roberta had been to Roanapur she knew just who to ask for help in this situation.

The Lagoon Traders: Revy, Dutch, Benny and Rock.

She acquired their help in the most effective way possible: she paid them!

Benny and Dutch were able to track the American syndicate to their hideout, where both Revy and Roberta let loose with the skills that earned them their reputations.

However, during the firefight, the leader of the group had managed to escape with the formula and a couple vials of an enhanced perfume-aroma they were making. While Revy, Dutch and Benny were busy with the other syndicate members, Roberta followed after the leader, unaware that Rock had actually followed her.

When they finally cornered the man in the upper levels of the warehouse they were using, he tossed the vials at them on impulse, the liquids in the vials mixing and exploding, sending a cloud into the faces of the Japanese salary man and the Columbian guerilla. It stunned them briefly, allowing the man to get a few shots off, only to have Rock push Roberta out of the way. Unfortunately he landed on top of her as she snaked out her parasol and blasted the man with her SPAS-12.

He died, but the damage had been done.

"The vials that he threw at us must have had an aphrodisiatic effect on us." Rock said, the pair stopping for dinner at the Yellow Flag. Rock paid, of course.

"The vials must have contained a concentrated form of the perfume that was stolen from the Lovelace Family." Roberta stated.

"Which must have... compelled us to... act like we did... against our will." Rock said, trying to be delicate.

Roberta stared at the Japanese salary man, her vision, and reason, starting to blur.

"Why do you believe... it was against our will?" she asked, more sultry than she intended.

"Well..." he started to say, feeling his skin get hot as he looked at her. "...you and I both know that... you'd never want to sleep with me."

Roberta put her fork down next to her plate and reached over to grasp his still-good hand.

"You don't know that." she said, her breathing almost a pant now.

"I think I do." he said, a bead of sweat rolling down his brow as he stared at her.

"I think... I'm going to prove you wrong." she said, getting up and pulling Rock to his feet.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Roberta's Hotel Room, The Next Morning)

Rock was the first one to wake up, staring at the ceiling fan that he recognized from the morning before. A sense of dread going through him.

"Oh man! Not again!" he whispered/cursed to himself.

"Rock-san?" the familiar voice of Rosarita DeCisneros spoke.

"Yes, Roberta-chan?" Rokuro Okajima replied.

"We did it again." she said, lifting herself up off of his chest.

"Yeah. I know." he said, twisting his arm. "ARGH!"

Roberta looked at the arm that was giving him such trouble. She touched it and sighed.

"Don't tell me." he sighed.

"Yes. Your right arm is broken." she replied.

"Great. Matching set." he grumbled.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Author's Notes:

Here's my FIRST chapter of my FIRST Black Lagoon story. Hope everyone likes it. Depending on how many reviews I get, and what kind, I'm gonna post an update probably next month. I also admit that this is a rather bold move at making Roberta a more romantic character. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the story and let me know what you think.