A/N: I like to be random. Most especially when I'm bored.

The Alphabet According to Hermione Granger... and Draco Malfoy as an Unwelcomed Participant.

A is for ambition. It was Hermione Granger, after all.

B is for books. They were the equivalent of drugs to her.

C is for controlling. Though, she'd never admit it.

D is for Draco Malfoy. She hated him more than words could even describe, but he was the love of her life.

E is for educated. Seven years of post-secondary education could do that to a person.

F is for forgiving. Draco Malfoy was the love of her life, remember? That pretty much explains it.

G is for giving. Ask the elves, they'll tell you.

H is for hair. It was her defining quality.

I is for invincible. Which she was not, emphasized by the scarred burn she had running down her arm from the time she tried to save dinner from the blazing inferno that was her conventional oven.

J is for judgemental. She was working on this particular characteristic. Her greatest success on that level was when she stopped judging Draco Malfoy. There's no need to remind you of how that turned out.

K is for killjoy. Draco added that one, and now Hermione must go kick him where the sun don't shine.

L is for loved. Hermione takes back her former statement about kicking him where the sun don't shine and wants instead to kiss him where the sun—Nice try, Draco. Nice try.

M is for marriage. It's a lot of work for Hermione, but she likes work, and loves Draco.

N is for neurotic. She really can't deny it, but it doesn't stop her from trying.

O is for overdramatic. She resents that. Draco doesn't care, it's still true.

P is for pregnant. Kidding, Draco, don't get overdramatic, now.

Q is for quick-witted. Draco will give her that much.

R is for right. She always is.

S is for stubborn. Draco agrees, but thinks sex-maniac would be a more accurate description and requests the opportunity to prove his point.

T is for tease. 'Nough said.

U is for unreliable. Now Draco has to take a cold shower.

V is for victorious. She always is.

W is for wicked. Not to be confused with the musical, which she has yet to see… Draco.

X is for x-rated. Thanks, Draco… if she could think of another "X" word, she would definitely change it.

Y is for young. She was carded at the bar the other day… and Draco didn't have to remind her of it, thank you very much.

Z is for zebra… sure, Draco, z can be for zebra.

Now I know my ABC's, next time won't you sing with me.

Draco thinks that's lame.

Hermione doesn't give a shit, that's the way the Muggle song goes.

Draco thinks Muggles are—

Draco better not finish that sentence or he won't be getting any tonight.

—amazing. Hermione should not be so quick to assume. You know what they say about people who assume, right?

They are normally wrong. Is that the same mouth you'd kiss your mother with, Hermione?

The end.

Reviews welcomed. That is all.