Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers.
A/N: Short, little one-shot about Glen and Sides. I had a lot of fun with it, even though it's so short. I don't expect a lot of hype from this one, but as I said in the Ratchet and Jason one-shot, I can't post some of them because they reveal too much about Of Sparks and Hearts. Anyways, I hope you still like it.
Sideswipe's Kitchen
A Sideswipe and Glen Story
Companion Story to "The Ties that Bind"
The concoction before him was disgusting, yet so many people enjoyed it. It was mostly green with a little red and orange thrown in. They were such happy, bright colors. Now, they represented misery. This had to be considered cruel, unusual punishment. Did it have to be so big? Did it have to be so leafy? Did he really have to eat the whole thing? Why, oh why, oh why did it have to be a salad?
He was clearly wearing a look of distain. The man across from him sighed heavily, running hand over his shaved head wearily. The other man didn't have any food, because frankly, he just couldn't eat it if he tried. His eyes were bright blue, not normal, almost robotic, and they were clearly frustrated.
"Is this going to be a usual thing?" he asked.
Glen glared at him. "Yes."
"Just eat it," the other replied.
Glen picked up his fork and stabbed at the meal. "Remind me never to let you help me with anything ever again."
"It was your idea to eat healthier."
"Yeah, well, it was a bad idea."
"And don't even think about caving." The man grinned diabolically. "Because while you might, I won't."
"You suck."
"Love you too, man."
Glen groaned miserably as he shoved a tomato and lettuce into his mouth, cringing at the taste and texture. It wasn't the tomato. Tomatoes were excellent on burgers, but with nothing else but lettuce and fat free Italian dressing, it ruined it. His supposed friend was grinning ear to ear at his misery as Glen suffered through his meal in discomfort and whining complaints.
When the plate was empty, minus a few remnants of shredded carrots and onions, Glen pushed the plate away and leaned back in his chair, holding his stomach like he was going to vomit. It wasn't that he didn't like salads. That was a misconception for over-weight people. It was merely that he was sick and tired of eating them every single day. He gagged every time he saw a head of lettuce now.
"Whoo!" the 'man' cheered, tossing his hands into the air. "We've got ourselves a new record! It took you twenty-three seconds less to eat that salad then the one yesterday. I think you're starting to like them."
"Not really," Glen said, burping painfully. Dropped his head onto the table he spoke bitterly into the wood, "Never…asking…for your help…again."
Sideswipe dropped his arms and merely laughed. "Eating healthy is a good thing though. You'll live longer and the chances of cardiac arrest, heart disease, and diabetes have decreased since we started."
"Yeah, well," Glen sighed, unable to find a good argument to refuter the mech's statement, "Ratchet's going to be thrilled."
"Don't do this for Ratchet," Sides said. "Do it for yourself."
"I know, I know," came the tired reply. "But it doesn't mean I have to like it."
"You know," the other said teasingly, "it's probably a good thing that I'm not human."
"Why?"
"Because if I was, I would could eat your food and just to be a prick I would eat ice-cream or a huge fatty steak right now, just to spite you."
"…" Glen looked up slowly from the table. "That's cruel man. Very, very cruel."
Sides leaned back in his chair, hand clasped behind his head as he grinned. "Like I said," he said pleasantly, "good thing I'm not human."
"Yeah, well, there's another reason you should feel lucky you're not human."
"Really? What reason is that?"
"If you were human it would be a lot easier for me to whoop your ass."
A/N: Ah, the joys of dieting...
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BOOOOO! *hisses* Just kidding! Well, not really. I like working out and running and stuff, but eating healthy all the time? I think not! I will take my bugers with cheese and a crap ton of other stuff and a gallon of ice-cream with whip cream and sprinkles thank you very much! Ooo! And hot fudge! Alright, now that I've made you all want ice-cream...Thanks for reading!
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