Forgiven
A/N: This is my first Angel Sanctuary fanfic. I hope it's as in-character as it can be. It's just a short ficlet on Sara. No one seems to write much on her, so, here's my piece. It's kinda cannon (or rather pre-cannon). It's set before she knows about Setsuna's feelings. I hope everyone enjoys it!
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel Sanctuary or any of the characters, nor do I own the lyrics. The lyrics are property of Alanis Morisette ©1995. Angel Sanctuary and characters are property of Kaorou Yuki.
You know how us Catholic girls can be
We make up for so much time, a little too late
I never forgot it, confusing as it was
No fun with no guilt feelings
The sinner, the saviours, the loverless priest
I'll see you next Sunday
Mudou Sara knelt in front of the altar of the church's dais, praying. Her hands were clasped tightly together, her head bowed and her eyes shut in sombre thought. Her lips formed what would be a prayer begging for repentance for what she felt for her brother.
She didn't know if he returned them. He never seemed to give any such hints. No luck of that. After all, it would be such the perfect coincidence if he did. But, that was in a dream world if he was to.
A tear slid down her face. She knew that allowing the invasion of such sweet sensations and feelings roam her body was sinful in such a sacred sanctuary of forgiveness in the eyes of heaven. She wouldn't be able to seek the repentance for her sinful thoughts and feelings if she allowed them to rule her in such a place.
We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did
She sighed, lamenting. She didn't want to give up her brother and what she felt, but society was too rigid and far too unforgiving for a girl like her to live in. She was forbidden from possessing such feelings. It was wrong…
Her eyes gazed up at the cold stone face of the Virgin Mary. The Immaculate Virgin of Concept had such a sombre face, her head bowed modestly, her hands pressed together indicting her observation of a zealous reverie toward her Lord.
The delicate orbs of Sara glazed over with a jealously, masking a hint of admiration in the payment of tears for the obvious purity of the Virgin. She wished she could have such control and purity on her soul. She longed to feel the chastity that the virgin did; none of the fiery human passions that she did.
I sang Alleluia in the choir
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man
My brother's they never went blind for what they did
But I may as well have
In the name of the Father, the Sceptic and the Son
I had one more stupid question
Her eyes, though riveted to the head of the altar, she found that she was slowly moving her body to the confessional booth. She desperately longed for the proper guidance of the Father. He had always listened kindly to her in the past and hadn't excommunicated her for it. Surely now that wouldn't be the case.
Biting her lip, her gentle eyes seemed pained as tears fell from them. Confusion shone in her face as she drew her eyes from the virgin to search for the Father. She needed to speak with him. She needed someone to talk to.
It was most surely out of the question if she were to bring this up with her mother. Her mother was far too zealous and would assuredly hit the roof, demanding that Sara be brought before a Father to confess her sins and serve a penance for the sinful feelings and thoughts that were going through her mind.
The young woman cringed at that thought. She also reasoned it would be possible for her mother to consider subjugating her to a form of exorcism. After all, a penance wouldn't be sufficient in the eyes of her mother. Her mother would no doubtfully claim that Sara was possessed by some form of demonic creature of the satanic ranks.
We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did
'Aniki.' Sara thought sadly, her rested on the door to the closet that served as the confessional. Her slender fingers traced over the fine craftsmanship engraved into the woodwork of the door. The engraved image was strikingly handsome and filled with detail.
It depicted a heavenly scene with the hierarchy of the seven arch angels in their respected areas of the levels of heaven. The scene was so blissfully innocent and so free of sin, yet, in the back there was an underlying hint of blood lust and luxurious life of ecstasy.
She withdrew her hand. Why was she confessing her sins of evil doings?! Why was she condemning her own feelings when while they were sinful and impure, they felt so right and perfect. Just the sensations alone sent her to heaven and back. She didn't know why she did need to pray for her salvation and suppress something as wonderfully forbidding love.
If this was a sin that would condemn her soul to eternal torture in the purgatorial fires of hell, she would die the happiest sinner on earth… if only the one she held dearest to her heart returned the same desires and lustful love.
What I learned I rejected but I believe again
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven
'Should I alleviate this burdening sin from my soul and forget that my beloved Aniki ever existed on God's green earth and confess this to the Father?! Or…I could confess this to my beloved and hope my sins let me live with my beloved in eternal bliss…' Sara thought, contemplating her options. Some had their pluses over the others. Nonetheless, she felt she would still be sticking her head in the noose.
She wanted anything but to have to concede to this. She longed to confess to her brother, but to the confessor - she wasn't sure if she was quite ready yet; it was too scary. She could face excommunication and have to tell her mother. She didn't know if she could face such a horrific thought, let alone a reality.
We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did
Sighing, Sara turned from the confessional and wandered back to the dais and faced away, staring up the aisle. She didn't feel like caving into the salvation of her soul quite yet. She got all the bliss of heaven she could get just from being with her brother and his antics.
It brought a small smile to her face. The corners of her mouth quirked her thin pink lips into a serene smile at the thought of her brother. Though he didn't know about what she felt or thought about him in an unsisterly way, she knew that he held her with a certain way in heart that most siblings wouldn't haven't have.
She dashed up the aisle, her feet lightly brushing over the floor with feather soft clacks, as her shoes were hard-soled. Reaching the end, she turned her head back to face dais. Her dirty blonde braid flew around, landing over her shoulder, the loose strands falling in her face.
As she did, she nodded, not clasping her hands in sombre prayer. She felt saved for now.
We all had delusions in our heads
We all had minds made up for us
We all had to believe in something
So we did
Once outside, she sighed and ran off, in search of her reckless brother. He'd likely have been in a fight by now with some other stupid youths from his school. It figures, after all, it always happens the day she has to meet him…
Fin