Disclaimer: I don't own ER or the characters. They are property of NBC and Michael Crichton.

Regret

Chapter 1

The tears flowed from her eyes as she held her son in her lap. The toddler's screams were deafening, as he cried out for attention. Abby tried her best to coax her son but nothing seemed to calm him. They were both crying out for the same thing; they both needed Luka. Every time she tried to make an attempt to get near him something kept holding her back. She had failed as a wife and a mother.

Abby kept replaying the events of the night over in her head and it was like a broken record. That night after a long and tiring shift Abby came home to the babysitter and her sleeping son. She paid the babysitter for her service and made her way up to Joe's room to check on her son.

"Hey baby, mommy's home," Abby soothed as she ran her fingers through Joe's hair. She gently bent down and planted a soft kiss on the baby's forehead before quietly leaving the room.

She made her way downstairs to the living room and sat down on the couch with a big sigh. Her eyes wandered to the bottle of wine that sat on the kitchen table; it was a get well gift that Neela had recieved after being in the hospital. She knew as a recovering alcoholic, that the want and the need to have alcohol were two totally different things. She had no explanation for the sudden temptation but there it was staring her straight in the face. She slowly got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen, all the while trying to convince herself that one little drink wouldn't hurt anything. She retrieved the wine opener from a nearby drawer and slowly screwed it into the cork. She took a deep breath as she popped the top. She stood still for moment contemplating whether to pour the wine into the glass. After several moments, she titled the bottle towards the glass as red liquid dispensed.

It had been several hours since her first drink. Abby was lighted headed and a little tipsy. Joe was still sound asleep upstairs in his crib. Suddenly, the load shirk of the telephone filled the apartment.

"Hello," Abby answered.

"Abby, where are you?"

"Neela?"

"Yeah, you said that you were going to meet us at Ike's for the party after work."

"Um, what party?"

"The work party, everyone's here," Neela reminded her.

"Okay, I'll be there in a little while. Bye."

"Bye."

Just as she had hung up with Neela, Abby remembered about Joe and cursed under her breath. She dialed the babysitter's number. After the babysitter came and Abby explained to her that she was going out for a while but that she would be home no later then ten, she grabbed her coat and headed out the door. She boarded the El train and got off at the stop near the hospital and walked down the street towards Ike's.

As Abby entered Ike's, it was bustling with activity. She eyed her co-workers and friends, sitting at a table towards the back. They were sharing a few drinks and having a good time. Abby walked over to the table. They invited her to join them and engage in conversation. The alcohal must have really gotten the best of her because she started making a fool of herself and making stupid comments just to draw attention to herself and her current situation.

As the night wore on and more people started to leave, Abby found herself sitting at the bar, a martini in hand, next to her boss. They had engaged in causal conversation at first but then it turned more intimate. He had asked her about Luka and she instantly went into pity mode. Oh, how she longed to be in his arms again.

"So, how is your husband?" Kevin asked Abby.

"Good. It's hard though," Abby stared down at the glass in front of her; it was empty just like she was. Kevin sensed Abby's sadness and reached for her hand. She wanted to pull it away but for some reason at that moment it felt comforting.

"The whole raising a kid thing can be hard sometimes."

"I wish it wasn't this hard. I never imagined myself alone like this."

"Why don't you come and stay at my place tonight," Kevin offered. Abby's heart began to race as the adrenaline ran through her body. She couldn't explain the feeling and she knew that it was wrong; she couldn't betray Luka. She tried to fight the desire to say yes but it just slipped out.

Abby squinted as her eyes adjusted to the light. She sat up as she tried to make sense of her surroundings. Her clothes were scattered haphazardly around the room and her body was cold against the sheets.

"Do you want some breakfast?" She heard a familiar voice say.

"What?"

"Do you want some breakfast?" Abby looked in the direction the voice was coming from and there stood Kevin in just his boxers. Abby groaned as the memories of that night flooded back to her. Her throat began to tighten and she felt as if she was drowning. She had broke a promise; she had broken her promise to the one person that she loved the most and she was not sure that she could ever get it back but, she had to try…for her family.

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