Disclaimer: I don't own YYH

Why

X -x-x-x-x- X

Botan awoke to somebody crying. In her half-sleep state she wondered who it was. Remembering that she was rooming with Yukina, she shot up in her bed.

Yukina was sitting on her bed with her pillow in her lap. She was crying letting her tear gems fall on the pillow. Botan assumed she did that so she wouldn't wake her up.

"Yukina, what's wrong?" She asked in a drowsy voice.

"Oh, Botan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

Botan got up and walked to Yukina's bed and sat next to her. "It's okay. Did you have a nightmare?"

Yukina nodded. "What about?"

"My brother."

Botan gulped a little. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Sure." A few sniffles later, Yukina started talking.

"I was back in my village were I was born. I could see the elders talking. They were saying to my mother that my brother was a sin and should be abolished. It's a little hazy, but I remember that no matter what I said, they couldn't hear me. I screamed and nothing happened." Another sniffle.

"Next, I was at the edge of a cliff. I was holding a baby but I couldn't see it's face. One of the elders told me I had to do it. I looked back and my mother was being held by two other Koorimes and she was sobbing. She looked right at me and begged me not to do it. I looked back at the baby and saw nothing. His face was black, like looking in a void. I lost control of my body and dropped the baby. I killed my brother..." Yukina was sobbing uncontrollably now.

"No you didn't..." Botan rubbed her back as she sobbed.

"Why? Why did they do it? They killed my brother..."

"Wait, I thought that you thought he was still alive?"

"He isn't..."

"How do you know?" The gems were hitting Botan's feet.

"Mr. Hiei told me."

Botan felt rage build up in her. "What?"

"Mr. Hiei said that if he couldn't find somebody with his gifted eye that they were dead."

Botan comforted Yukina the rest of the night and gently urged her back to sleep. When she knew for sure Yukina was asleep, she left the temple and headed towards the woods.

She had a few things on her mind.

How could Hiei do such a horrible thing? She thought he had changed but she was wrong. Botan had become much closer to Yukina in recent years - Keiko had college and Shizuru had her job - so, Yukina was the only one she could spend time with. In a way Yukina felt like her sister.

She stopped her trek and looked up. Sure enough, there he was. He always chose this tree far away from the temple so he could watch Yukina. She had hoped that Yukina wasn't the only one he watched, but every time she thought that she shook her head. No way would he watch her.

"What?" His tone was icy cold.

"How could you do something like that?" Her voice matched his.

"Do what?"

"How could you tell Yukina her brother was dead?"

A pause. "To protect her."

"That's bullcrap. You didn't do it to protect her. You did it to protect yourself."

When Botan didn't hear a response she flew into a rage. "You selfish bastard! How could you! All Yukina wants is her brother!" She was clenching her fists as she yelled.

"Do you see her with that eye, or do you just watch her to make sure she's breathing? Do you actually pay attention to her? If you did, you would how much she talks about her brother! That's all I hear! That's all she wants! Why, Hiei? Why? I would give anything for a family! I have nobody! And now Yukina feels just like me and that's all your fault! Why won't you give her the one thing she wants most in the world? WHY!"

"You stupid fool! What do you think would happen if others found out that I, a criminal who has many enemies, had a weakness? A sister? What do you think they would do!"

"Again, more bullcrap. You can easily watch her with your Jagan. That is why you got it, right? Also, she lives in Genkai's temple, which is in the middle of nowhere. Try again."

"You know nothing. You think you know everything but you know nothing."

"At least I know Yukina! You won't even try! I know more about her than you ever will! She was crying tonight! She had a nightmare that she killed her brother! Do you know how sick that is? That's your fault! Do you even know how many tears she has shed for you? Do you know how much you've hurt her, Hiei!"

A long pause. "Yes."

Another pause. "You were watching tonight weren't you? You knew."

"Yes."

"You really don't care do you? All you want is what you want. You really are a selfish bastard."

She really didn't mean that. She was just testing his reaction. The one she got was not the one she wanted.

"Yes..." His voice dripped with malice. "At last you know. I've waited for one of you people to figure it out. Yes, I am a selfish bastard. All I care about is that Yukina is alive. Her happiness is not my concern. As a matter of fact, none of you are my concern.
I could care less."

"You liar! Say that to my face!"

He chuckled wickedly. "First you tell me I'm a selfish bastard, then when I admit it, you call me a liar. You really are a stupid fool aren't you?"

"Say it to my face Hiei! Come on! Say it!"

Before she could blink she was pinned against the tree with his sword at her neck.

"I don't care about any of you." His glare was death itself. She glared right back at him trying her best to match his hate.

"You know too much about me. Maybe I should finish you." His eyes were burning holes in hers.

She brought her hands up around the sword. "Go ahead then. Do it."

After a minute of staring he ripped the sword away cutting her hands. "Don't ever come near me again. If you do, I'll kill you."

The cloudy sky parted and revealed the full moon. The moonlight reflected on something in the grass that Botan noticed.

It was like a small marble and dark in color. The moonlight reflected and bounced off even more of the small marbles.

Her eyes widened at what she thought they were. She looked at him, and in the moonlight, she saw what the darkness had concealed.

His eyes had a faint pink color around them, as well as his cheeks and nose. In that moment, she knew. He did care. He was just afraid.

Afraid...of rejection.

"Oh, Hiei..." His eyes widened and his sword lowered a little.

"Why won't you just - "

"Don't ever come back." And in a second he was gone.

She approached the grass and picked up one of the marbles. Sure enough, it looked just like one of Yukina's Hiruseki stones, except that it was black. Tears welled in her eyes as she tucked the small gem in her pocket. She let out a sob and ran back towards the temple.

She knew if he wouldn't give Yukina, the person he loved most, what she wanted most, he would never open his heart to anyone.

"Why...?" The word escaped her lips in a loud wine as she ran further away.

"Because..." His voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't deserve her. And I don't deserve you."

~End