Disclaimer: I don't own it, and after you read this, most of you will probably be very grateful to whatever deity you worship for that.
WARNING! This fic is not for the intensely logical, or anyone who likes to read stories that make any sense. Randomness and Beatles references abound!
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Chapter 1
Harry Potter sat on the floor of the basement, drawing shapes of lines of words into the grass. Ginny Weasley his Girlfriend1 came up the stair for coolness and drew a picture of a kitten.
"Hi Harry. I was just talking to Peter Petrelli about you; he thinks you should leave the saving-the world thing to the super-powered peoples, instead of trying to defeat Voldemort."
"Oh, okay, I'd rather go to Alex Carpenter's house and learn to play Wizard Rock," said Harry as an ultra-violet rock came rolling out of a chicken in the ceiling.
And so, Harry set off to Alex Carpenter's house. Along the way, he met Murtagh, who asked him, "Where you headed to, fellow emo-brother?"
"I'm going to Alex Carpenter's house, to learn to play Wizard Rock."
"Sweet. That will give me a chance to learn Spanish backwards and how to play Gin-rummy tummy! Thanks, fellow emo-brother!"
Harry walked a little bit fatter, until he met Homestar Runner. "Hey, bud, where you going to on this-a lovely day?"
"I'm going to Alex Carpenter's house, to learn to play Wizard Rock."
"Wight-o!"
Just then, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat came up. "What are you doing?" asked Strong Bad.
"I'm going to Alex Carpenter's house, to learn to play Wizard Rock."
"Meh!" said The Cheat.
Harry walked on, through the Seven Levels of the Candy Cane forest, past the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then he walked through the Lincoln Tunnel. In the tunnel, he ran into Mohinder Suresh.
"Where are you going?" said Mohinder.
"I'm going to Alex Carpenter's house, to learn to play Wizard Rock."
"Ah, yes, we all have a quest…some more difficult than others…but, still, we persevere, because we know — Augh! Sylar! You know how much I hate having my monologues interrupted!"
"Well, too bad. You don't have any powers, so I'm not gonna pretend to be interested in your monologuing to gain your trust because you talk like a chicken when you talk and I'm going to pull the queen of hearts in here so she can scream at you!"
"OOOOOFFFFFFFFF WITH HIS HEAD!!" screamed the Queen of Hearts.
"Run, Mohinder, run!" said Harry, pulling out his rubber chicken and smacking Sylar across the universe. He then set his and Mohinder's fangirls after the Queen of hearts.
Moving on…Harry went on his way, and came across a pancake syrup bottle. Suddenly, the pancake syrup bottle spoke to him:
"Daniel Radcliffe! You are awesome! Where is that lovely Mr. Rickman, I must speak to him!"
"AHHHHHHHHHH! Voldemort's possessing a pancake syrup bottle! Run Forrest, run!"
"See how they run/ Like pigs from a gun/ See how they run," said Bono.
A little farther along the road, Harry met Paul and Joe DeGeorge, of Harry and the Potters.
"Yay! We're on a Swedish trivial pursuit card!" said the brothers.
Harry kept on walking. Then he met Sally, and they had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly. Then Ginny came and got jealous, and kidnapped Hannah Montana and President Clinton to prove how much she loved Harry. Then Harry continued on his journey to Alex Carpenter's house, to learn to play Wizard Rock. On the way there, he saw a fanfiction author busily typing away at her computer. When he asked her what she was writing, she said, "I'm making you sing 'Achy Breaky Heart' by Billy Ray Cyrus."
"What!"
"Don't worry, be happy, Voldemort can't stop the rock and he's not getting video of your singing, since the vampire equivalent of the mob is holding the Death Eaters hostage, and Voldemort is technologically inept, unlike Micah Sanders, who couldn't be more tech savvy if he was a computer."
Harry left the fanfiction author, and met Angela Petrelli, who slapped him with Sylar's watch, which happened to be one of Voldemort's horcruxes, but since Harry had given up fighting Voldemort, he ignored it and moved on.
Someone is watching Harry with kaleidoscope eyes, and cellophane flowers of yellow and green are towering over his head. He looked for the girl with the sun in her eyes, and she's gone.
"Lucy in the sky with diamonds, Lucy in the sky with diamonds, Lucy in the sky with diamonds, Ahhhhhh…" sang Harry.
Just then, Voldemort jumped out of a bush in front of Harry. "Haha!" he said.
"Bah," said Harry.
"What?"
"What?"
"What did you say?"
"I asked you first."
"No you di'n't."
"Yes I did."
Voldemort walked away confused.
Suddenly, Harry came upon Severus Snape. "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape."
"Dumbledore!"
"Hey Jude
Don't make it bad
Take a sad song
And make it better..." sang Hugh Laurie in a chipmunk voice.
"Stop it! I'm trying to get to Alex Carpenter's house, to learn to play Wizard Rock."
"Oh, well then go right ahead," said Snape, Snape, Severus Snape.
Harry ran into Luna Lovegood, who was sharing a box of cheese crackers with the fanfiction author Harry had met before. Suddenly, out of the blue, Luna pulled a monkey wrench out of her robes and started swinging it around in a circle. "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball," she said, throwing the wrench at Snape, Snape, Severus Snape. Apparently, Snape, Snape, Severus Snape can dodge a ball, since he dodged the wrench Luna threw quite easily.
"Hello Harry," said Luna, noticing him. "Where are you headed to?"
"I'm going to Alex Carpenter's house, to learn to play Wizard Rock."
"Oh, I don't think you should be a Wizard Rocker, Harry."
"Why not?"
"Wizard Rock is too awesome for you to be listening and gray dragons are flossing through the Root Beer and making Larry the Cucumber very mad."
"Oh. Then you think I should learn to play Gin-Rummy-tummy with Murtagh, who can teach me Spanish backwards and play Ping-Pong with Alex Russo, and pull silver dragons out of the Root Beer and make Larry the Cucumber happy and find his hairbrush? Oh, where is my hairbrush? / Oh, where is my hairbrush?/Oh, where, oh, where/Oh, where, oh, where/Oh, where, oh, where/Oh, where, oh, where/Oh, where is my hairbrush?" sang Harry.
"Exactly! Save the last email for Strong Bad!" sang Luna.
"Save the last email for meeeeeeee..." sang Da Huuuuuuuuuuuudge.
"Wow," said the fanfiction author, "Da Huuuuuuuuuuuudge is a very good singer."
"We haven't met
And that's okay
'Cause you will be asking for me one day..." sang Hannah Montana.
"La la la la
La la la la la..." sang Harry, Ginny, Voldemort, Snape, Snape, Severus Snape, Dumbledore, Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley, as Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Da Huuuuuuuuuuuudge, Homestar, Homsar, Marzipan, and Paul and Joe DeGeorge sang backup. And they all wandered off into the sunset, followed by a little blond boy saying, "Wait for me! Don't forget about me!"
The End
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For those of you who are still sane after reading that, I'm so sorry. I'm just very random. And I did warn you.