A/N: XD I just had to. There was no way around it.

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Ryuuk had a tendency to get obsessed with things that weren't boring. Things such as apples, which had to be the least boring things in the universe. Raito was pretty interesting too. Him and his obsessive god-like behavior was always fun to watch. Ryuuk had even found out, after a good month in the Human Realm, that soap operas were pretty interesting too.

He lay on Raito's bed at the moment, idly watching one as Raito sat at his desk in front of the computer, searching for names of recent criminals.

It had been near-silent except for the television for almost an hour when there was a timid knock on the bedroom door.

"Raito?"

Raito looked up from his desk and clicked out of the police files casually, pulling up Google instead. "Yeah?" he called.

"I have a snack for you, can I come in?"

"Sure."

Ryuuk perked up, looking from the television to the door as it opened and Sachiko Yagami walked into the room, smiling, holding in her hands a tray with a plate of apple slices beside a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk. She set it down on the desk next to her son, unintentionally waving her behind right in Ryuuk's face.

This certainly wasn't boring.

Sachiko looked over her son's head at the television. "… Raito, is this what you watch in the afternoons? Soap operas…?"

Raito growled under his breath, cursing the shinigami's name. "Yes," he groaned. "I watch Sunset Waters."

"Oh… okay, dear. Well, you enjoy yourself."

With that, she walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind herself.

Raito turned around to face Ryuuk. "You see that? The trouble you cause - she probably thinks I'm gay now."

"… Are you going to eat those apples?"

Raito squinted a glare and, seeing it had no affect, sighed and handed the plate over to Ryuuk who took it happily and bean to munch. "You know, Raito," he said, mouth full, "your mom, she's…" He searched for the word.

"… What?"

"What is it you people say? … Oh. Right, she's hot."

Raito choked on his sandwich and coughed violently, having to hack it up all over the carpet.

Ryuuk looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "You all right?"

"I-I'm fine…" He regained composure and looked up at the blue shinigami, a worried expression on his face. "Did you just say my mom was hot?"

"Isn't that the term?"

"Not for my mom, Ryuuk. You've got it all wrong-"

"Attractive? Pretty? Bootilicious? That's what it means, yes?"

"Well, yes, but… why?" he asked, almost desperately upon the realization that Ryuuk was serious.

Ryuuk seemed to look out of the window thoughtfully as he chewed on another slice of apple. He said, "Her behind looks like an apple. It's very round and has humps."

"…" Raito gaped, horrified.

"And those wrinkles on her cheeks remind me of a shinigami."

There was a long pause. Raito considered this rationally and still felt like retching. In all actuality, Ryuuk was calling his mother rotund and ugly but to Ryuuk that sort of thing was obviously… hot.

Raito placed his head in his hand and looked away. "I don't have time for this," he grumbled and turned back to his desk. His fingers were soon flying over the keyboard. "Think what you want, but don't act on your feelings, Ryuuk. The last thing I need is L being told of my mother's mysterious, invisible rapist."

"Okay, Raito," Ryuuk said, barely listening. Already he was thinking of how the most interesting of things always came back to apples. And as he bit into another slice, making a lot of slurping noises, Raito cringed inwardly at the thought of what Ryuuk might be imagining.

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A/N: Review, yeah? XD Just so I can hear your thoughts on this… err, crack.