"Wow, Rufus, I didn't know I could get pregnant."

Rufus clenched his fists, taking in a sharp breath.

He couldn't believe this.

No, really.

Of all the things that had happened during the past two years, this was the one that pissed him off the most. It took the cake, and proceeded to stomp it into oblivion, ruining everyone's fun, but particularly his.

He counted to ten in his head. Slowly.

"DAMN YOU, HOJOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed in a terrible, window-shattering rage, as Reno dived under his desk in alarm.

'I knew that counting to ten business was always bullshit,' he thought to himself, as Tseng kicked in the door with a dramatic shout, brandishing a rifle.

There was a brief, tense silence.

"Eh, Rufus?" Reno's voice came timidly.

Rufus took in a shuddering breath.

"Yes, Reno," he said stiffly, keeping his eyes trained on the pristine white wall ahead of him.

"I... it's just that... the baby probably won't be able to handle stuff like that," Reno continued, and Tseng gave a moan of horror, "You know. The, uh, screaming."

Tseng's usually serene mask of a face gave way to an expression of terror, expressed only by a slight knitting of his brow, and his tight grip on his rifle.

He always knew this day would come. The day when he would have to kill one of them.

He was ready.

Rufus' teeth broke the skin of his lip.

If they all ended up surviving the next nine months, it certainly wouldn't be any fault of his.

END