Summary: "Why don't you just shut your gab Bleek?! Just because you have a plan for college doesn't mean you have to bitch about me not having one!"
Disclaimer: I don't own Juno, I just watch the movie
Chapter one
The monkey on my back
Spring
I watched in amazement as my boyfriend of one year stepped out of his house and onto the porch, his golden shorts glistening against the rising sun. I cross my legs as I slouched even further in the chair I set in his front lawn last year, gazing on as he continued with his morning rituals.
He must not have noticed me since he munched soundly on his hot pocket, bending forward to stretch his legs before he began his run. My eyes basked in his pale, skinny legs, loving how the small muscles contract beneath his flesh. He Bleek managed to make the track team amazed me. He was bonier than I was and now that I wasn't pregnant it made our weight difference obvious.
I pulled my pipe from my jacket pocket, watching on as he jogged down the three steps of the porch.
"Hey Bleek." He paused in mid-stride, his brown eyes widening upon inspecting me. He began tugging at the worn wristbands he wore, his gaze averting mine. I don't know why but even after the pregnancy, Paulie Bleeker still was a nervous wreck. Every time I greet him in the front lawn on that same freakin' magnificent chair that I swiped from Miss Ransick's lawn, he thinks I'm pregnant.
"H-hey June-bug, I-I didn't see you there." His gaze hovered over my flattened stomach covered beneath my favorite jacket, relief soon captivating his eyes. I know I said I was off the sex for good but I couldn't resist not showing my obsession for my shy boyfriend.
The image of those sickening grape-sucker condoms flashed before my eyes before I gave Bleeker my full attention.
"S-so w-what are you doing here?" "Oh, I don't know, waiting for Carole to tell you that your obnoxious-deadbeat girlfriend was in her front lawn ready to see her puppy." I smiled sarcastically, my head resting against the back of the recliner.
He chuckled, his hands patting the front of his shorts self consciously.
I knew he wanted his trusted orange tic-tacs.
"I like your shorts today; they're like extremely gold today." "T-t-thanks, m-my mom used colorsafe bleach again." "Go Carole." I removed my pipe, rising from my comforting recliner. "I-I have to go…" He pointed in the direction of the other runners that I failed to acknowledge. I shrugged, slumping over to him.
"You seem tense Bleek; you wanna go chuck doughnut holes at that one guy with like eighteen kids?" I knew he wouldn't skip track but it was worth asking. "Geeze June-bug, I really w-wish I could but I have a track meet." His brown eyes pleaded with mine to understand. I hated when he did that. It was like I wasn't seeing my Bleek at all. I barely got to spend time with him at school and it was even worse after. Deputy Carole wouldn't let me come in close rage to steal Bleek away for a few hours.
She hated me.
"Whatever Bleek. Just call me when Carole isn't controlling her puppy." I stuffed my hands into my pockets, trudging out of his way. "W-why do you always have to do that?" His voice squeaked.
Bleek hadn't quite hit his changing voice puberty yet but it didn't lessen my attraction to him. I thought that his high, silent voice suited him.
"Do what Bleek?"
"M-make stupid comments about my mom." I wanted to chuck my pipe in his face and call him a douche bag but this was Bleek. My Bleek.
"You know Carole hates my guts." She would probably blow a can if she knew it was her 'puppy' that had me knock-up for nine months. "S-she doesn't hate you Juno." "Yeah, of course you would say that. You're her freaking son! She adores you!" I felt like I needed a blue slushee at that precise moment to complete my 'fo' shiz' attitude.
He scratched his nearly combed brown hair.
"June- bug…" "I'm just going to go plunge my head down a toilet and just give myself a swirlie. Call me when your mouth isn't stuck up your ass." I walked off, leaving him paralyzed in place.
Okay, so maybe that was kind of harsh but he didn't have to take shit from Carole the hobbit. He just had to live with her. I held out my thumb as I walked along the sidewalk, hopping some psychotic driver would pull over and offer me a ride.
I needed some Sunny D right now.
I walked faster as one cars signal light began blinking, the car swerving in my direction.
If I were able to see more of Bleeker, besides basement Fun Park, I wouldn't be bitching so much about Carole. I guess when I didn't want to admit I was jealous, Carole was my vice. It wasn't really that hard to talk about a woman that despises me from the day I met Paulie Bleeker.
I stomped my feet against the worn doormat at the front door before entering for if I didn't I wouldn't hear the end of it from Brenda.
As I entered the all- too- familiar dwellings of my home, I'm greeted with something that oddly wasn't Sunny D. Instead of the Sunny D that I had been craving for the last two hours, I was greeted with pictures. Pictures of wicked dogs.
German Shepard's, Dalmatians, Hunting dogs, large eyed dogs, every other four-legged beast in the book. This methyl methacrylate smelling woman must've blown a gasket. "Dude, what's up with you and you're fantasizing about dogs Bren? This is like the fourth time this week that you've done this."
I did feel kind of guilt for pro-longing Brens dog search. It wasn't my fault I happened to be allergic to dog spit. It was weird seeing her kitting and crotchet pictures of bug-eyed dogs.
"Which one do you like June-bug?" "How about none?" My voice held just the right amount of sarcasm to upset her, my eyes on her precious urn.
Maybe after I visit Bleeker tonight I would throw up in it just to have her bitchin' more.
"You know that graduation is coming up, don't you June-bug?" I reserved my oncoming witty comments for later on as I plopped down on the stiff couch. "Yeah, and your point?" I hated when she started this conversation cause every time it always ended with her comparing me to some bum that hasn't eat in like years. It's always a load of crap when she says Leah is smarter than me.
"You're going to be moving out soon right?" She ditched the blown up pictures that she was just holding in my face, setting herself down before her sewing machine. "I don't know; I may stay here until Liberty Bell moves out. I may even stay for your funeral." My witty batter began with me even knowing, my arms crossing over my 'micro-boobs' as Leah calls them.
"You sure are dreaming big." Her sarcasm annoyed me. "What of it? Sure I might move out and, I don't know, get a job maybe." The look in her eyes told me that she didn't believe me.
Okay, so maybe I wasn't that straight A, suck up that wanted to go to college. I was more along the lines of barfing chick magnet that ate tacos for breakfast…..well maybe not the barf chick magnet part.
"Well as soon as you move out I'll get rid of all these dog pictures and get a real dog." "You're such a dick Bren." Despite my foul mouth I smiled.
In my dreams I always called Brenda a dick.
She turned to her sewing machine, beginning to sew. Maybe it was another ugly dog. Hopefully I was so I could shove it in Carole's face when I saw her again.
I thought that once my pregnancy was over she would turn wizard and just forget about getting a dog but I guess I was dreaming way too big.
Brenda would always be the nail designer that fantasized about dogs instead of male parts like normal adults. I guess I would consider that normal since I do it and I was basically an adult since I did get knocked up last year.
The dirty image of pork swords covered by golden shorts crossed my mind.
Maybe I was corrupted for thinking like that but don't all girls do that? Or maybe it was just me.
I rose from the couch, the springs protesting against my weight. As I rushed up the stairs, I almost bum rushed Liberty Bell back up the rickety stairs. "Whoa LB; kill my feet much." I steadied her tiny swaying body, her small feet smashing down over mine. She mumbled a short apology as she wiggled free. She whizzed by so fast I almost didn't notice her superman underwear. "Wizard undies LB!" I called to her as I dashed up the rest of the stairs.
I shouldered my door as if I were a hardcore hockey player, eliminating my opponent.
I do tend to get carried away but I just throw it over as a case of ADHD.
I know I really don't have ADHD but I like to rattle the people that haven't met me before. It's a real conversation starter.
I bring much needed charisma to the table.
I flick on the light, seeing that my name tags that I stuck to the wall haven't been pealed off just yet.
Sweet mother of Moses.
That was the first words that came to mind as I gazed on at the magnificent sight before me.
A life-size cardboard version of Pink Floyd stared back at me, balloons tied around the head of Syd Barrett. The hot one.
"This is…wicked sweet." I cautiously walked toward the cardboard as if Pink Floyd was really in my room. I ran my fingers over Roger Waters's face, my face brightening.
"I thought you might've liked it June-bug."
"Mark?" I asked as my dad stepped into my room, his hand resting on my shoulder. "Yeah, he said you should hear theirs album 'The Dark Side of the Moon'."
"I know; that CD was wizard." I gazed up at my dad, the crown of his almost bald head winking at me.
Mark left Vanessa once I gave the baby away. He found an old abandoned studio to settle in. I guess that was his niche, an old abandoned building that was soon to be demolished. I don't know why but its always rich people that have to have the most worn and broken down homes after they leave their spouses. I guess dark and mysterious suited rich depressed people like Mark.
"Bren cooked tonight"
"Oh great, now I can barf my way out of hell."
"June-bug." My dad scolded me, his hold on my shoulder tightening some.
"Just tell Bren to not choke me with the dog hairs she stole from the neighbors' dogs." That was one of the few weird things Bren did after she closes the nail salon. I swear the last time I caught her doing it; she had her nose up the dogs butt.
It was so awkward I couldn't even look at her the same and ended up throwing the rope licorice I chewed up in the urn by the door. She must've ate the rest of it cause I hadn't seen it in days. "She does not steal dog hairs from the neighbors' dogs." He was in denial but he knew just as well as I did that in her last crotchet the dog's fur look too real.
"I'm going over to Bleekers so I probably won't even eat. Carole might even cook for me tonight." I smiled tightly as my dad exited the room. My dad was just one of those people who easily understood my spasmodic behavior other than Bleek and Leah.
But what would Leah know; she was into beardy, wrinkly teachers who wear un-prescription glasses that were a weak overdo. If she wasn't my slushee bud I would've shanked her to death already.
Blood and Guts.
The image of him, my baby that was covered in blood and guts.
God, he was so small but he looked original to me, guts and all. I thought he looked more like Bleeker but I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open to see him.
He was Vanessa's boy now.
I found myself remembering that groudy video I watched with Mark.
The Wizard of Gore.
Just as he said, it was gruesome and full of gore. I laughed as I was reminded of the woman's body being pulled in half as her blood dripped from the table. Dude, you had to be there to see it. It was so stupid I had to laugh.
I tugged free the balloons that suffocated Syd Barrett's head as I pushed the cardboard out the middle of my floor. (Bren has bitchy mood swings when my room is 'shitty' as she says). I twisted the colorful balloons in my hands, wondering why he had sent balloons with this gift. He didn't usually send balloons with his gifts; so why now?
Was this gift so wizard to him too?
Holy noodles!
I rushed to the door and down the stair, stopping at the edge of the stair case.
"It's my freakin' birthday!"
"So you finally got that monkey off your back?" Brens witty comment didn't damper my happiness as I fast walked to the kitchen. My dad was at the small round table, the newspaper hiding his face. "No 'happy birthday June-bug?' No 'have a bitchin' time at Bleekers'?" He lowered his paper. "No 'Fo' shiz'?" His comeback made me laugh as I yanked the paper from him.
"Seriously, why didn't any of you homeskillets tell me it was my rockin' B-day?" My lingo was obviously confusing him, so I left instead of making him understand.
"Going to Bleeks, don't wait up!" I grabbed the keys off the hook and ran out the door before Brenda could bitch to me.
How did I end up in this predicament?
Not remembering my own damn birthday!
Maybe that pregnancy slooged some of my brain cells.
I thought that over as I drove the rusting van to Bleeks house. Once I was on their street, I practiced how I would get pass Carole this time. I gazed at my self through the rearview mirror, uttering lies that would hopefully get Bleeker out of studying. "Okay ummm…Bleek has, no; Bleeker needs, no, Paulie, fuck!" My foot rested on the brakes as I paused before their house. The Bleekers.
I shut off the van, leaving the vehicle for the Bleekers home. I stood at the door, ringing the doorbell constantly. I knew Carole knew it was me; it was the reason for her taking so long to answer the door. God she's such a wiener. Her body took up most of the doorway, leaving me with just a little portion.
"Is Bleeker home?" I jammed my hands into the pockets of my red sweater, waiting for her to shoot me down. "I'm terribly sorry Juno but puppy has to study for his S.A.T" "And I don't?" I forced myself inside, soon fighting with her up the stairs. Her huge body is squeezing my up against the wall but the little stairway was already cramped enough without her hobbit ass. I found an open space and took it, making it to Bleekers room before she could.
"Puppy, Juno is here!" She called as I entered his room and shut the door behind me.
"Whoa, is this study time on cable?" Books on top of books on top of books toppled over his racecar bed, leaving him with just enough room to sit on the edge. "Hey June-bug." I watched as he dug into his jeans pocket for his orange tic-tacs. "How's it going Bleek? Looks like you're frying your brain trying to study. Carole's making you're brain grow or somethin'?" I sat down on the beanie next to the bed.
"Yeah; s-she doesn't want me to end up like you." He pushed the tic-tac pack back down in his pocket, his eyes glued to the paper he was writing on. "Ouch, don't you think that was harsh. I mean you just shanked me without even assaulting me." I rested my hand on his knee, remembering his whole body erupted in orgasmic spasms when I did that.
I might have been totally weird but it was a turn-on for me.
"J-J-June-bug," I could tell it was working as his pencil dropped, his skinny legs beginning to shake. "I-I need to s-study." A groan escapes his lips, exciting me. I don't know why but every time I hear Bleeker moan in ecstasy or groan in pleasure, I get this turmoil that won't stop in the pit of my gut.
Was that normal?
His hand grasps mine urgently.
The last time he did that was when we actually had sex on the recliner, his hand gripping mine as I took his virginity. I guess I was being kind of a douche for taking it and just telling anyone who wanted to hear but that was the first time I took someone's virginity. You only have one time to give it up and I felt honored to take Paulie Bleekers virginity.
"S-s-stop June-bug." He pleaded, his high voice holding back a whimper.
We were soo an off sex couple right now.
I loved Juno and I hope I portrayed her character right. She's like quirky as hell and so out there but I think I did pretty well.
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