Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

Fall of the Sake King

By annyenil

"Taichou! Where are you? Taichou?" A flustered Ise Nanao had searched around the Division Headquarters a few times and still unable to locate her Taichou, who was, unusually, not lazing around on the rooftop of the office, chewing some sort of un-named grass plucked off the courtyard. Nanao had just returned from a trip to the florist to pick up her Taichou's latest stock of flower petals and found the most urgent and terrifying document from the Fourth Division.

Nanao sighed very loudly and stomped her feet. Her Taichou had just done something very humiliating to himself. Kyoraku Shunsui had failed the Monthly Division Officer Health Check! He was the only person who did not pass the test aside from Ukitake Taichou, but that was for a different reason. Nanao put a hand to her perspiring forehead, "Goodness me. Taichou is overweight!"

Immediately, Nanao went out to the Division Kitchen and instructed that all the sake in the pantry must be given away or hidden, and that a new menu must be imposed for their Taichou. She was beginning to have a headache, "That wrenched man. He wouldn't listen no matter what I say. He is fifteen kilograms overweight!"

That night at dinner, Kyoraku Shunsui was the most miserable man on earth. "Nanao-san why is my dinner only a bowl of salad?"

"Taichou. That is not a bowl. That is a bathtub."

"But, Nanao-san, oh lovely Nanao-sanwhy can't I have like, I don't know, rice and meat like everybody else?"

"Taichou! You know you have failed the Monthly Health Check because you are overweight, now eat your salad!"

"Oh, Nanao-san, you have underestimated me." A grinning Kyoraku Shunsui pulled out a packet of Monaka Sake, his favourite wine-flavoured rice cake with bean paste, and began tossing them into his mouth one by one.

"Ouch!" A heavy book had landed on Shunsui's head. He quickly kept his monaka and fled the dinning room. Upon stepping into the pantry, the servants bowed to him and all said, "Taichou, we have kept the sake in your secret compartment as you had instructed."

Ise Nanao thought she was having hallucinations when she entered the Office that night and found her Taichou drinking sake and eating monaka. She could feel her capillaries burst. Hastily, she grabbed the bottle of sake and the monaka out of her Taichou's hands. "Taichou! This is serious problem. Do you know that in the history of Gotei 13, no taichous had ever failed the Health Check because they are overweight?"

"Awww, Nanao-san. You have injured my feelings so. But you see, if I do not get my sake and monaka, I will be extremely disturbed. And when I am disturbed, no work can be done."

"Taichou, I am the one who is doing the work."

"No, no, Nanao-san. When I said no work can be done. I meant no work can be done. I shall disturb you instead."

"Taichou……please take care of yourself. I will be off to complete my duties."

"Not so fast, Nanao-san you must either give me back my sake or monaka, or play with me" Shunsui was cleary having fun with his fukutaichou, who was as uptight as he was not.

"For the sake of the Taichou's health, I suppose I must……sacrifice myself." Nanao thought, sitting down next to Shunsui like a mother gently loving her child. "What would you like to play, Taichou?"

"Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors? The loser has to take off clothes!" An evil twinkle had appeared in Shunsui's eyes.

Protectively Nanao raised up a book over her lack of blossom. "That's not fair, Taichou! You have at least ten layers of clothing!"

"Aren't you dying to look beneath, oh Lovely Nanao-san"

"Taichou!" Nanao considered punching her Taichou, but seeing as how he was in a lunatic cold turkey from the prohibition of sake and monaka, she took pity on him and agreed to play with him.

"Rock-Paper-Scissors!"

"Aha! I won! Do the honours, will you, my Lovely Nanao?"

Ise Nanao had never felt so violated in her life. Just as she was blushing, her angel jumped through the window to save her.

"Sui-Sui!" Kusajishi Yachiru clung on to the huge form that was Shunsui, "Where is my candy?"

"Not now, Yachiru. I am in the middle of something very important!"

"I want my candy NOW!"

Nanao blinked.

"Not now, Yachiru. Be a good girl. I will buy you monaka and candy later, ok?"

"I don't want monaka. Sui-Sui, I want candy. And I want it now!"

"Yachi-"

"Sui-Sui! You pwomised me that if I clung on you and kept quiet when you were doing the health check, you would give me candy!"

Nanao blinked.

"TAICHOU!!"