Title: Missing Out
Rating: T
Genre: Drama/Romance
Pairing: Chloe/Oliver
Summary: Sometimes, she had doubts.

Missing Out

1/1

She loved her life; she really did, but sometimes... She had her doubts. It was her first night off in a really long time and most of the League were out celebrating. Bart, Victor and AC were enjoying their night at a bar down the road, probably playing pool and horsing around, maybe even singing karaoke if they drank enough. Clark sped home to Lois for some "quality time." Dinah simply disappeared as soon as the news that it was a free for all night broke out and they hadn't heard from her since earlier that afternoon. Bruce was back to his usual haunt, Gotham. And Oliver... well, he was currently sitting next to her on his far too comfortable and likely incredibly expensive couch. The same one she had spilled coffee on and simply turned the cushion over the week before. His feet were propped up on his coffee table and his arms were bent back behind his head as he closed his eyes and just relaxed. After working with him for nearly five years, this wasn't unusual at all. And that was the problem.

The rest would go out or return to their usual day to day lives while she and him would just... sit and wait. Wait for something more to happen or for their lounge time to end. They were so used to the hunt for all things bad, that the closest thing they really had to down time was just sitting on the couch and breathing. But they were always on alert; waiting for that next alarm to go or some sort of click to go off in their heads, the pieces falling together and a new plan coming into play.

While Oliver was their boss, he was also their friend. He understood the hardships of being a superhero because he lived the life every day. Sure he was the hardworking CEO of Queen Industries as well, but she was pretty sure that was his secret identity and his real one was the green leather suit waiting for him to pull it on. After five years of playing Watchtower, she'd become one of the gang. The men that weren't currently around were her closest friends and she often felt like part of a family when with them. With Oliver, there was something else. Something she couldn't quite explain. Usually that would be cause enough for her to investigate, but some part of her wasn't sure she wanted to know what it was between them.

His relationships in the past had been few and far between and he hadn't actually dated anyone in at least three years. She'd often wondered if it was because of Lois, but when he stood as best man for Clark at their wedding, smiling the whole way through, she knew it wasn't. A couple years ago, she was sure he and Dinah were going to get together. The way the Black Canary looked at him... It was just a given. But he didn't return those looks and one day Dinah stopped directing them towards him. Seemed he was following in Bruce's footsteps and putting off his own happiness for the welfare of the world. She wanted to slap him upside the head for it. Here he was, handsome and charming and completely able to have that relationship. No secrets, no worries, no long unexplainable trips, and he was throwing it away like it didn't matter. What she would give to have that...

With a sigh, she turned her eyes upward, looking through the skylight to the stars above, the moon glowing brightly in the distance. There were no ambulances or fire trucks or cop cars screaming for them to gear up and come out and help. But when those sounds were gone, she was left with nothing but her thoughts. And her mind could be abundantly cruel. She was alone. Utterly alone. She had the League, her friends, her dad and her cousin. But sometimes... Sometimes she looked around and she realized that she'd spent five years wasting away what time she had to really grow and learn and live and love.

"What's wrong, Sidekick?" his low voice asked from her side.

She didn't reply right away, but she could feel the shift of the couch beneath her head as he turned his face toward her, eyes opening to stare curiously.

She licked her lips, eyes staring pointedly at the sky. "Do you ever sometimes feel like you've spent so much time preserving life for others, that you haven't really lived yours?" She let her gaze wander to him, finding his brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head slightly. "I mean, last week I went and saw Pete - he's married, he has two kids, a job with a dental plan, and a retirement fund going. I... I can't remember the last date I was on." She laughed rather pitifully, hoping her fake smile might hide some of the sorrow. "My whole life is making sure other people can live and sometimes, I don't know, I just... I wonder if in the end, I'm missing out on something." She stared at him; he was supposed to have all the answers. He was their fearless leader. Perhaps not physically impenetrable like Clark, but she'd seen the lengths he would go to for them and anybody, stranger or not.

He nodded slowly, brow lifted. "You want marriage and kids, Sidekick? Or you want out of the superhero life?" he wondered, his tone betraying no insight to what his feelings were on either subject.

She turned away for a moment, sighing. "I don't know, Ollie. I just..." She lifted a hand, rubbing at her forehead. "I was sitting there, watching him with these beautiful little girls and interacting with his wife, and all I could think was... Am I ever going to have that?" She lifted a shoulder, turning back to him, her face distraught. She felt so lost.

He reached out, brushing her bangs behind her ear. He smiled soothingly. "Of course you will," he assured. He shook his head, "Any man would be crazy not to want to marry you."

She laughed, rolling her eyes. "Yeah I can hardly keep them away," she muttered.

He chuckled. "Okay, so they're not lining up at the door." He winced slightly. "Admittedly, that may sort of be our fault. You're surrounded by four or five guys that won't let anybody within a five mile radius of you." He grinned. "How many pick up lines are you expecting to hear?"

She chuckled, shaking her head. "I guess."

His hand fell, rubbing his shoulder, thumb stroking her neck in a way that was oddly comforting. "And hey, if you're really hard up, I'm sure Bart will happily marry you or just conceive a child." He made a face. "But please don't. That's... more than I can handle at this moment."

She rolled her eyes. "I love Bart, but I don't love Bart. And frankly, doing anything more than hugging him is just... beyond our relationship."

He nodded, eyes turning off but fingers still stroking her neck absently. "You know, dating someone in the League would probably be your best choice. Less secrets, more understanding."

She smiled slightly, tilting her head a little more, enjoying his touch. "Pretty slim on choices there, Leatherboy."

His mouth quirked. "Well what are you looking for?"

Her eyes glittered with amusement. "Are you going to play Love Doctor, Oliver?"

"For you? Sure," he agreed, nodding. "Pros and cons list, Sullivan. Let's hear it."

She shook her head. "All right. Uh... I guess he has to be funny but know when to be serious. And he's got to be smart, but not to the point of making me feel dumb. And he's... He has to believe in justice like I do." She lifted a shoulder. "I don't think we could really work if he didn't understand and support this part of me."

With his head leaned back on the couch, he simply nodded, listening to her. His hand was still at the crook of her neck, thumb sliding back and forth beneath her ear. He had incredible hands; a little rough, large and warm against her. The ends of his four fingers were around the back of her neck, threaded in her hair. Looking back, she couldn't remember the last man who'd done anything remotely as intimate as this, besides him. For five years she'd spent the majority of her time at Oliver's side, playing sidekick. But it wasn't like how it had been with Clark. It wasn't him calling her for help whenever he needed it, or just arriving when she happened to get into danger. It was sitting in various hotels or apartments around the world, tracking down the worst people they could. It was having her shoulders rubbed after hours of just sitting and typing, leaning into his strong grip as he supported her and waited patiently for her Intel to come in.

Some nights were serious and others were fun. She'd once sat with him for seven hours straight while he tossed popcorn and grapes from various distances while she caught them in her mouth, all the while waiting for their lead to come in. He missed more often than not, but it took the edge off of everything. And then there other nights where he would work through folders on one side of the room and she'd peruse through her computer, searching for info, on the other. Their only interaction a, "You empty?" on the coffee front or a, "Got anything?" every few hours.

Their business was saving people, but they couldn't let it jade them too much. The things they saw, the people they lost... It could be too much sometimes. But she was working with the most incredible people, and that often made it a little better. Bart could cheer her up with one of his cheesy lines most of the time. And when he couldn't, AC usually coaxed her into a game of PlayStation where he would let her win until she got annoyed and made him play properly, where he then totally crushed her. And if she absolutely refused to play, then Victor faked a computer problem and left her at it for the next five hours, just letting her work her frustration out. And when all else failed and she couldn't help but cry, Oliver would hold her until every single tear was spent and she was left with nothing but an emptiness that would eventually fade into a dull ache and then to the drive to save the next one.

Her boys; they were the greatest men alive. They brought her mint chocolate chip ice cream when she was upset and they made her coffee for her, just the way she liked it, every morning. They called just to say hi and see what she was up to. They treated her like an equal, and not just a girl behind a computer with the information they needed. They made her smile and laugh and they took care of her when she was hurt. They stayed at her side when she "died" for someone else. They showed her there was still good in the world and they preserved it. They were her best friends and her family and everything in between. And yeah, she wanted something a little more, something more intimate, but they made up for the lack of relationships just by being themselves.

"Anything else?" Oliver asked, tugging on her earlobe to draw her attention back to him.

She lifted her gaze, catching his warm brown eyes.

"He has to know my favorite ice cream," she decided.

His brow furrowed. "Mint chocolate chip?"

"Yeah, and he has to love PlayStation and play against me without holding back. And he has to admire my hacking skills while still pushing me to be better. He has to make me laugh and make me smile and hold me when I cry. He has to be every single one of you guys rolled into one!"

Oliver chuckled slightly. "You want a band of heroes all in one guy?"

She nodded, staring at him defiantly. "What? You think I'm being a little high maintenance."

He lifted a brow. "Where do you think you're going to find him, Sidekick?" His smile faded slightly. "There's not a lot of guys like that out there. Not a lot of people who can accept this lifestyle, let alone live it with you."

"I know," she murmured. "You think I'm reaching too far, Ollie?"

"You deserve someone like that," he said, shaking his head. "I'm just sorry this life has taken away your chance for it."

"It hasn't," she disagreed, turning in her seat and frowning. "I thought I was missing out, but I'm not. If anything, I'm gaining more than any other woman could." She lifted her shoulder. "Pete's wife, she's a great person, but she's never going to know what it feels like to skydive out of a plane to an unmapped location to save a village of children. She'll never know what it feels like to wake up in a hotel, step outside and see the most beautiful cities of the world. She's not going to listen to AC and Bart fight over something stupid or Victor antagonizing them." She laughed. "She's never going to feel the satisfaction of saving hundreds, no thousands, of innocent people from the likes of Lex and every bastard like him." Her voice was rising with her pride. "And she's happy! Really, really happy. She's lucky and blesses and she has a wonderful family. But I have four of the greatest people alive around me every single day! And I wouldn't trade that! I really wouldn't! I love Victor and AC and Bart and... And you, Oliver." Her eyes softened. "I love how you give me a reason to wake up every day. 'Ready to save the world, Sidekick?' Well I am. And I'm going to, every day. With a cup of coffee at my side and a computer ready to go." She grinned. "I'm happy. I might not have the husband or the children or the dental plan, but damn it, I'm a hero!"

He smiled, nodding. "Yes you are."

"I'm not missing out," she told him decidedly. "A date here or there would be nice, but I can handle it. I mean... Seriously? Who do you think is going to be able to handle me?" She laughed, shaking her head. "I'm neurotic and bossy and I disappear randomly. I'm always getting hurt, I die for other people on a regular basis - forget the fact that I come back, that's a lot harder to accept than it seems-"

"Really hard," he interrupted, nodding.

"And I cry - a lot. I mean, with the things I see, I'm surprised I don't cry more. But men don't like emotional women and they're gonna hate that I can't even tell them why I'm crying. Right?" She shook her head. "I think I'm doomed to being single. But..." She lifted a shoulder. "It's for the greater good, right?"

He laughed, before reaching out and pulling her into a hug.

She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. He had a really nice neck; long and lean and tanned. Was it weird that she suddenly wanted to lick the crook? Probably. She closed her eyes and sighed. Wow, he smelled good. Like spice and coffee and hero. That probably wasn't a scent, but she wasn't going to think it over much. She'd never tell him, but he really gave the best hugs. Tight and strong and grounding; like he wouldn't let anything take her out of his arms; shielding her from all things bad. She could fall asleep in his arms, easily, and wake up more content than ever.

"You're not going to be single forever, Angel," he assured.

She smiled - he'd been calling her that for years. You watch over us, don't you? He'd asked, and she'd awkwardly agreed. Then you're our Angel. He was the only one who used it though; the others didn't dare. It was always Chloelicious for Bart, 'Tower to Victor and CC to AC who had decided she was Cute Chloe when he was very, very drunk one night during a celebration for their breakthrough over the 33.1 warehouses.

"Some guy's going to sweep you off your feet and you'll abandon our band of merry men for married life and various cute blonde children who are far too smart and snarky," he assured, his tone oddly sad and brittle.

She laughed, shaking her head. "I don't plan on abandoning you guys, ever. So you can forget that idea." She squeezed him and snuggled her head against his shoulder. "The blonde children do sound kind of great though?" She pulled back slightly, lifting a shoulder. "I don't know how great a mom I'd be, but-"

"You'd be a great mom," he cut her off, eyes serious. "You already take care of all of us."

She lifted a shoulder. "You guys are easy."

He smirked. "Try telling that to Lois. I guarantee she'll disagree. Whenever she fills in, she tells us that you're insane for sticking with us for so long."

She laughed, leaning against the couch once more, this time a little closer. One of her hands lifted from around him to play with the drawstring of his hoodie. "Lois can be overdramatic." She licked her lips. "You all have very different personalities, but you mesh well together. Bart, AC and Victor, they're like brothers, and you're... You're the dad, I guess." She lifted her eyes, catching his amused grin. "I mean, you have the brotherly tendencies, but more often, you're the leader, so you give off the dad vibe." She lifted a shoulder. "It's not a bad thing." She shook her head, her lips quirking on one side. "You're a great dad," she assured, pressing her palm against his chest. He covered it with his hand and she felt the warmth seep into her skin comfortingly.

They were quiet for a moment, just sort of taking it in. He smiled, the moment fading to join the millions of others just like it. "How drunk do you think the kids will be when they get back?"

She chuckled. "Really, really drunk. I'm hoping Bart doesn't try and run drunk, last time wasn't pretty."

He grinned, obviously remembering how they had to search for the younger man when he'd gotten lost and accidentally hit on an undercover cop posing as a prostitute. He still hadn't lived down that moment. AC tended to rant for hours about tuna when he drank too much while Victor slowed down due to his computer half becoming bogged down and sluggish. "Well, it's always amusing. And they deserve a little fun."

She nodded agreeably. They'd been out of town seven months, non stop working, and the guys had been getting restless. They'd accomplished a lot, but still, they were young men and they too felt like they were missing out at times. But they never said it; they were more than loyal to the group mentality of Justice For All. There were too few people like them.

"Why didn't you go out with them?" she wondered.

He looked at her for a moment. "Why didn't you?"

Her eyes fell, staring at the cleft of his chin. Her hand rose naturally, thumb pressing against the cleft. She did that sometimes; she didn't know why. It was a greeting of sorts when she hadn't seen him in awhile. And when he was upset, she usually did it just to let him know she was there if he needed her. She was closer to him than the rest, mostly because she spent the majority of her time with him. They understood each other and the silences were bearable. Bart couldn't handle the quiet, and Victor usually just went off on his own anyway. AC was often occupied with Bart and so she and Oliver spent their time together. Wayne was in and out of the group, splitting his time between Gotham and the world. Dinah too was in and out; she wasn't much of a team player, but when they needed her, she was there. Clark helped when he could, but he was better solo. Superman was mostly a Metropolis figured and they'd accepted that. They were doing well enough without him.

The question went unanswered. Sometimes, they just needed to separate from the group and when that happened, they ended up together. He yawned and she did the same, laughing slightly at the end. It was rather late and their conversation had made her a little more comfortable. She wasn't so sad anymore. Sometimes, acceptance was all a person had left.

Some part of her was still in Watchtower mode, and reminded her that there were files she could be reading through, but she was relaxed and it was her night off. Besides, if she walked toward her computer, she knew Oliver would just drag her away.

"AC picked up a racing game the other day," he told her.

She smiled. "Yeah?"

He nodded. "Yeah, and Bart picked up some mint chocolate chip ice cream."

Maybe she wasn't that tired.

He stood up, "You set up, I'll grab the ice cream." He winked at her. "You're going down, Sullivan."

"Please, Heroboy!" She rolled her eyes, "I'm the queen of racing games!"

He chuckled, walking off to the kitchen, shaking his head. "We'll see, we'll see."

She stood up from the couch and made her way over to the TV, setting up the PlayStation. As she was putting in the new game, the elevator dinged and she heard the loud ruckus the boys were making as they came home. Arms around each other, they were swaying back and forth and singing at the top of their lungs. "You gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure, it's a very good sign, Cruel to be kind, means that I love you, Baby, you gotta be cruel to be kind..."

She cringed, shaking her head. "Please! Stop!"

They laughed, grinning at her drunkenly.

"CC!" AC shouted, stumbling forward. "I met a girl who likes fish but like, doesn't eat them!"

"Really? Wow," she told him, smiling in amusement. "Did you get her number?"

He frowned. "No," he said sadly. "Oh man," he sighed, turning to the guys. "I forgot!"

Bart laughed, shaking his head. "I didn't!" He pulled out a handful of napkins with numbers on them. "She's in here somewhere."

"Dude, you got my fish girl's number?" AC shoved his shoulder.

Bart pushed him back. "For you, not me!"

"Whatever," AC muttered, glaring at him suspiciously.

Rolling his eyes, Bart sped off, knocking into an armchair on the way, and then appeared at Chloe's side. "Hey Clicious." He frowned, brows furrowed. "Chlocious." He shook his head. "Cishious... Closhious..."

"Just say Chloe, Bart," she told him, shaking her head.

"Hey baby," he said instead, grinning at her and leaning close.

Rolling her eyes, she maneuvered around him. "You should get some sleep, all of you."

"What? It's not that late! Come on! It's our night off." He sped forward and took her hand, spinning her around and dancing all over the place. "Let's celebrate."

Her eyes widened as he spun her in too fast circles, accidentally letting go of her hand. She flew off out of his grasp, far too fast for her to stop herself. Thankfully, Oliver caught her just as he was coming out of the kitchen. The bowls of ice cream in his hands didn't fare well, falling to the ground with a crash.

"Aww man, that's my ice cream," Bart whined. "What a waste!"

Chloe, breathing heavy and feeling a little dizzy, leaned back against Oliver's chest. His arms were wrapped around her waist, thumbs stroking the underside of her forearms as her hands clasped over his against her navel.

"I don't feel so good," AC muttered. His face scrunched up and then his eyes widened and a minute later he was running for the bathroom. She winced, shaking her head.

Bart stumbled back and fell into an armchair. He stared blearily up at the two of them in the doorway of the kitchen. "So... Chlo- Chli-" He grinned, chuckling. "I was talkin' to the guys at the bar and they said that you guys didn't come 'cause you were back here all in love and stuff." He shook his head, lifting his hand and letting it fall against his chest. "I's okay, Chloelicious," he managed. "I always kinda thought you an' Ollie would get together. I don't... I don't blame you. He's like... and you're like... You know?" He shook his head. "You guys get each other and... And I'm okay with that. We're all okay with that. AC's got his fish girl and Victor's got... some girl he's always chatting to on the computer and I... I got this really hot red head's number tonight." He grinned, nodding. "So, y'know, y' don't have to hide it, 'kay?" He opened his eyes to look at them and then lifted his hand in a thumbs up sign. "Go for it, man!" And with that, he climbed out of the chair and stumbled his way back to his bedroom.

Chloe and Oliver watched with furrowed brows. Slowly, Chloe stepped out of Oliver's arms and licked her lips in confusion. Is that what they thought they'd been doing all these years when they didn't come along? How many of them thought she and Oliver were together? It would certainly explain the way Clark and Lois always smiled at each other in that "all knowing" way whenever she and Oliver walked off to talk alone.

Oliver cleared his throat and bent down to pick up the fallen ice cream. "I'll, uh, get you a new bowl."

She nodded absently, still lost in her thoughts. She watched him walk off and bit her lip. What were her feelings for Oliver? He was handsome, sure, and like Bart said, he "got" her. And he was all those things that she'd listed for him pertaining to the kind of guy she wanted. But... No, no, no. Oliver was...He was Ollie. He was Green Arrow; the hero, the leader, her boss. He was... Kind, caring, warm, friendly, funny, charming, and... One of her closest friends. He listened when she talked, and not just about League stuff. He spent hours waiting up with her for information when he could easily be asleep in his bed. He cheered her up and understood her and he never once made her feel inferior. Oliver Queen was...

A bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream with a spoon and a spatter of sprinkles on top was waved beneath her face and she grinned. "Come on, Sidekick. You still have to prove your queendom at this game," he said, his hand falling to her waist, directing her back toward the TV.

Perfect.

As the game loaded, she filled her mouth with chocolate minty goodness and licked her lips. She turned her eyes in his direction. "You ever wonder about the whole 2.5, picket fence life?" she wondered.

He leaned back, tipping his head in thought. "I've wondered a few times."

She nodded, scooping up a spoonful of ice cream and holding it out for him.

With a grin, he wrapped his mouth around it and let out a whoosh of breath at how cold it was, his brows lifting.

"Well, if you're ever gonna get it together, Heroboy, you might want to start dating again. I don't think I've seen a giggly heiress on your arm in years," she reminded teasingly. She ignored the way her stomach tightened. She'd gotten used to him not dating; to having him all to herself. What did that mean?

He smiled rather sadly. "I've gotten tired of the fake scene. The society pages will thrive without me, I'm sure."

She lifted a brow. "I don't know. You were their favorite blond billionaire to write about." She reached out, wiping away a smudge of mint ice cream from the side of his mouth. "That mug of yours is a blessing to the camera, I guess." He caught her hand as she was pulling it away and brought her thumb back to his lips, licking away the melted ice cream. She felt her heart stutter in her chest and her breathing slow down. Her eyes fell to her hand for only a moment and then rose back to his gaze. He let go of her hand slowly, fingers lingering over her skin.

The loud music of the game was blasting, calling their attention back, but she couldn't seem to draw her eyes away from his.

"You figured it out yet, Sidekick?" he asked, smiling.

"Figured what out?" she wondered, voice soft.

"Why I never go out with the guys." He reached out, pushing her hair behind her ear, his finger tracing down the side of her face. "Those fears you have, that you'll never experience life like all those other people, they're unfounded." He lifted a shoulder. "I'm just waiting for you to open your eyes, Angel. I've been waiting for years."

"Years," she repeated.

"I don't want a giggly heiress." He shook his head, unaffected. "I want a genius computer hacker with a knack for getting into trouble."

"What's your pro and con list, Queen?" she asked, her mouth ticking up with a curious smile.

"She has to be blonde, green eyes, big smile. She's gotta love computers and give her all when going against me in PlayStation. She has to believe in justice like I do and fight for it by my side. She's gotta be curious and tenacious and just a little bit of a daredevil." He grinned, his thumb stroking beneath her ear once more, that sensitive spot that always made her smile. "She has to love the guys for who they are and handle this lifestyle like a pro." He sighed, his eyes falling. "It's a long list though, Angel. Perfect girl is hard to find."

"You know what they say about perfection?" She lifted a brow. "It's overrated."

He chuckled. "I've spent most of my life both looking for and avoiding this, you know? And you've been sitting right beside me the whole time."

"Well, we're all allowed to be a little dense every once in awhile," she assured, patting his shoulder.

"Says the woman who only just realized her feelings," he shot back, lifting a brow.

"Yeah, you think you know what I'm feeling, Queen?" She smiled, eyes thinning. "What am I thinking about right now?"

He leaned in close to her, their noses brushing. "You're thinking about how much you want me to kiss you, but you're a little worried that your ice cream is going to melt because you're not going to be able to stop once we get started."

Oh he was good.

She shook her head. "Close but no cigar." She tipped her head slightly. "I was thinking about how much I want to kiss you, but I'm a little worried my ice cream might melt because you aren't going to be able to stop!"

He grinned, his hand falling to cup her face. "I'm still going to win in the end, Sidekick."

She wasn't sure if he meant the game or her, and she really didn't care. "I don't think there's a loser in this one," she whispered before pressing her lips to his. Her arm wrapped around his neck, fingers delving into his hair. Yeah, her doubts were really unfounded. She loved her life; she really did. And she loved the man kissing her just as much. They had an interesting future ahead of them. It was everybody else that should rethink their lives; she wasn't missing out on anything.

Author's Note: My sister is really sick and so I only have a few minutes, otherwise I'd be writing Amorous. Instead, you have the oneshot I finished up last night but didn't have the time to edit. Hope you liked this! Reviews are sustenance, readers! Luv yas - Fina!