Tabloids And Games
An all-dialogue fiction.
By Lara.
--o0o0--
"Hey Lils, did you read the new Glam Bam?"
"I don't read those tabloids, Joe."
"You should read this outrageous headline, Lilly!"
"OW! You didn't have to throw it at me.""Just read it, Blondie."
"I don't have to. These things are so--"
"Told you."
"What the heck is Loe? And this picture, totally photo-shopped."
"It's a celebrity name joint thingy-ma-bobber."
"Like TomKat or Brangelina?"
"You got it."
"PUKE CITY!"
"Wow, thanks for making my feelings hurt. It's like you would never, ever date me. Because I'm so disgusting or something!"
"Note that sarcasm."
"That actually hurt, Lilly!"
"Well, we need to prove this wrong. Got any bright ideas?"
"Let's do it-"
"Don't go all superhero on me, Jonas."
"You used the dreaded last name cliché! I'll get you for that!"
"By what? Calling me Truscott?"
"Damn, my plans are foiled…"
"Wow, you are seriously crazy."
"Crazy for you, Babe."
"Don't wink at me! This is where they are getting this 'Loe' stuff. You have got to stop saying that. Now, about these tabloids…"
"How about…"
"…"
"…"
"You've got nothing, do you?"
"Nothing at all."
"Good. Your ideas usually end up with me on my butt anyways. Now… oh my! This picture is rather flattering."
"Stop looking at yourself!"
"Can't help it, Joe."
"I need to fix that ego-head of yours."
"And I need to fix your brain, period."
"STOP HURTING ME!"
"Suck it up, Joey."
"What if I don't feel like it? Huh? What'cha going to do about it, TRUSCOTT?"
"Congratulations, you beat me!"
"Thank you."
"…"
"You can stop clapping now!"
"Sorry Joe. Hey! I have an idea!"
"What smarticle idea would that be?"
"I'll just pretend you didn't say that. Anyways, how about you call them, and tell them is rumour is totally, and utterly false?"
"Yeah, because that would work."
"Why not? Usually you are hitting it off with the ladies, just make some girl up."
"…"
"NO WAY!"
"What?"
"Joseph Jonas is having trouble with the ladies. Ha! I never thought I'd live to see this day."
"Sometimes, I think you like one of my brothers. Why is it such a big deal that I'm in a dating slump? Huh, Lilly?"
"Because! You are never in a dating slump!"
"Well, maybe there is a reason!"
"Pfft, and what would that be?"
"Because! I'm always with you and Miley!"
"Thanks. I'm sure Miley and I will get you for that. HEY, ANOTHER GREAT IDEA!"
"Like your last one? I'd rather not."
"How about Moe?"
"Blondie say what?"
"Moe; Joe and Miley. Now how smart am I?"
"Apparently not very. Sorry to break it to you, but that 'Moe' stuff has already happened if I remember correctly, in fact."
"AND I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS!? How dare you not tell me you and Miley had a thing. How dare Miley tell me--"
"Loe and Moe are rumours. You overreact too much. So Lilly, think of another smarticle idea?"
"Don't ever say that smarticle thing again."
"Smarticle."
"My Gosh, Joe. You are so impossible!"
"DJ DANGA!!"
"Is it every time that I see you, you say that? Because I don't remember…"
"I remark that all the time."
"Don't act smart with me."
"Don't act smart with me."
"Stop mocking me!"
"Stop mocki--"
"Finish that sentence and your dead, Joe."
"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"
"Joe, Joe. Calm down retard."
"Okay."
"Wow, that was quick."
"Yeah, yeah. Because I'm just awesome that like."
"What a way to gain posture with yourself, Joey boy."
"Posture? EW! You talk like I am a girl."
"Because, you talk like one."
"True dat. So, anyways. The tabloid?"
"We have to put down that magazine, Joe. Hey, do you think that that picture is actually a picture of us?"
"I don't know. It's weird."
"Awkward."
"My word, Lilly."
"Calm down. I'm trying to think if we were actually in that position…"
"Dude, you are on my lap and staring in my eyes. Do you really think that has happened to us?"
"…"
"…"
"YES!"
"YES!"
"We totally synchronized that."
"Sweet! High-five!"
"OW! That one hurt."
"Now what?"
"I have no idea."
"Let's play a game!"
"No, Joe."
"Why can't we play a game of truth or dare?"
"Because that is typical girl sleepover stuff."
"Well then. I'll turn into a girl and sleep over at your house."
"Fine, if you want to play the game that badly. I'll go first. Okay, Truth or dare?"
"DARE!"
"First, what time is it?"
"It's almost midnight, Lil. You know, we just came home from a concert?"
"Oh yeah. Okay, let's prank call Nick and Kevin!"
"They are just down the block though…OHHHH!"
"Why do I always have to wait for you to clue in? Okay, go get the phone."
"…"
"Thanks, okay. What's their phone number?"
"Nick's cell is 546-1234. Kevin and him share a room since I kind of got sick of Kevin after a while."
"Okay, I put it on speaker phone."
"Hello?""Hello Sir-Poops-A-Lot, this is King PeePee from the land of Urine. Do you mind if we borrow your land for the annual Pee-Festival?"
"WHO THE HELL IS IT AT MIDNIGHT?"
"What the hell? How'd you get this number."
"Not another prank-caller. UGH!"
"I have my evil sources. Bah-bye."
Click.
"Joe, that was so awesome! Kevin in the background was priceless. He sounded so angry."
"Yeah. I'm known as the sleeper in the family, but get Kevin up after he fell asleep and it's not time to get up, watch out. He's vicious. Trust me, it was super scary that one time."
"I bet. Okay, ask away."
"Okay, Lillian. Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"When we first met… when was that? Like a year and a half ago? Anyways, what did you think of Mister Joe Jonas himself?"
"Way to be egotistic."
"Hey, you are too. Shut up and answer the question!"
"Well, I thought that you were hot. Of course, is there any girl who didn't think you were hot?"
"You met me 2 times under different alias. I didn't even know it was you, Lil. No wonder Nick thought you smelt good…"
"Are you saying I smell good?"
"Uh…yeah?"
"Awe, Joey. Aren't you sweet."
"Yeah. So, all you thought about me was… hotness?"
"No. I thought you were like.. the funniest person ever. I loved your personality, and the way you laughed. Your smile was awe-inspiring, which brings me to your nose. Your nose, it's so button-y and cute. Your eyes. Your eyes take my breath away, and I swore I fell in love when I first locked eyes with you."
"Heh, funny. Are you still in love with me Lilly?"
"I don't think so, no. Nah, I'm not. You are my best friend, who has heard of best friends falling in love? 'Cause I sure haven't, yeah. Aha!"
"Yeah, that's it."
"Okay, Joey. Truth or dare?"
"Dare!"
"Why can't you pick truth!?"
"Stop whining little girl, and let's get this dare on."
"I dare you to… make out with… a pillow!"
"Yeah, because that's where I want to put my lips. A pillow full of your brother's dandruff. Thanks, Lilly. Thanks."
"Do it or die."
"AHH! Okay, okay."
"…"
"…"
"You can stop now."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Get off of me, Joe!"
"Sorry, but that was gross. Did you know that your brother should use some Head-and-Shoulders."
"He doesn't like the smell."
"I agree, it smells putrid."
"How do you even know what putrid means?"
"Because, I'm awesome like that. Truth or dare, Lilly."
"Dare."
"Let's see. Let's go call Glam Bam right now, and tell them Tabloids are dumb and stupid. Let's flame them!"
"So, you want to help me with this?"
"Duh!"
"Okay, 5-4-2-1-7-5-4."
"…"
"It's ringing."
"I don't think no one is going to be there, put it on speaker."
"Okay."
Glam Bam, where the front page is always true.
"Heeellloooo, this here is Lilly Truscott's best friend, Miley."
"And Oliver!"
"We are calling you 'cause this crap on the front page is totally not true!"
Are you sure? Lilly and Mister Jonas seem pretty cozy.
"Because, Lilly is a good friend of both of us, right Miley?"
"Yeah! And that picture is totally fake!"
"She would have told us by now!"
Click.
Glam Bam, where the front page is always true.
"Why did you hang up on us!?"
"Yeah, we are reporting you. What's your name?"
Halina.
"Oliver, do you have that name down?"
"Got it."
"You better not report on our friends ever again."
"Even if it comes true!"
Click."You got Miley's accent down perfect."
"Joe! What was that?"
"What?"
"Even if it comes true!"
"You know you want it too."
"In your dreams, boy."
"Definitely, in my dreams."
"Joeeeeeee."
"What?"
"Stop flirting!"
--o0o0--
"Kev, can you believe that cover?"
"Glam Bam? What can I say? Photoshop can do wonders."
"Good thing you're awesome with computers, 'cause I wouldn't be able to do that."
"Yup. But those retards decide to prank call us, how cool are they?"
"I was the one that had to hear the nonsense. It was all about… urine."
"That's Joe for you."
"Okay, c'mon we are going to go over there. We have to sneak out'ta here though."
"Okay."
"…"
"…"
"OW!"
"Shut up, Kevin!"
"It's not my fault, Nick. You stepped on my heel!"
"…"
"…"
Another 2 minutes of silence.
"Okay, let's go to the back window. I've been here too many times to spy on these two, there is a perfect view from there."
"Kev, you are… mentally challenged. How long have you had this up your sleeve?"
"For a while now. What can I say, I'm genius."
"Sure you are."
"Okay, let's just watch."
"I wish I brought popcorn…"
"Are you like obsessed with that crap? It's gross!"
"This is like a movie, c'mon Kevin! Oh…OH MY!"
"What are they doing?"
"Uh, Kevin. I think that's what you call full-blown."
"They aren't as innocent as they appear…Nick, we have to get out of here."
"Uh, why?"
"LILLY, LET'S GET 'EM!"
"AHH!!"
--o0o0--
That's an attempt at some really bad humour.
Ha! All-dialogue is harder than it looks.
Reviews please?
-Lara