Me: Woot woot, a one shot from yours truly

Bakura: Aren't you working on a RoxasxAxel thing, mortal?

Me: Cha, but I wrote this a long time ago, figured I'd post it, see if people got a kick out of it or something.

-aside-

If you like AkuRoku stuff and insanity please locate yourself to Kingdom Hearts fanfiction and check out my story What Does Not Kill You, it is in progress right now

-end aside-

Bakura: You just advertised for yourself. That's pretty pathetic.

Ryou: Oh geez I don't like the looks of this.

Me: I do not own Yu-gi-Oh! or any of it's characters. And yes people I know that Ryou is not really British but I just love his British accented english dub so much that I always make him english and Bakura english, cuz Bakura sounds hot with a slightly accented voice. You know it's true. Yeah 4kids is evil, but they pick hot voices.

Bakura: She wishes she owned us, isn't that right Hikari. Then she'd give us unlimited smex scenes.

Ryou: You are such a perv. Please read folks

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Bakura Get's A Job At...

Bakura sat tapping his fingers on the sofa as his narrowed brown eyes watched a re-run of some sitcom about six friends who were always doing crazy stuff and trying to get in one another's pants.

He heard footsteps and his ears twitched.

Could it be?

Is it he?

The handle on the door shivered as a key was placed in the lock. Bakura jumped over the couch and tore open the door revealing Ryou standing there blinking surprised while still holding the key in his hand. "HIKARI!" Bakura grabbed him up and took him inside slamming the door and Ryou stared up at him a little shocked.

"What took you so long! You were a half an hour late!" He shouted and Ryou looked up at him. "Oh sorry! I guess I should have called." Ryou said scratching the back of his head and dropping his briefcase on the floor going over to the couch sitting down and Bakura jumped and landed by him. "Yes you should have! Do you know how irritating it is to be stuck in the house all day!" Bakura said grabbing Ryous shoulders and the younger white haired male smiled slightly.

"I'm sorry 'Kura, but I have to go to school, it's the law." Ryou said and Bakura growled. "Why do I have to get a law abiding Hikari?" He questioned and Ryou laughed. "Well, your going to have to get used to me being late, I have a huge project coming up and I'm working with Tristan, Joey, and Yugi on it after school." Ryou said. "Can I help?" Bakura asked.

"What do you know about the Japanese government in World War I?" Ryou asked and Bakura stared down at him. "It was very...Japanese." Bakura replied and Ryou nodded. "Exactly. Don't worry it's only a half hour extra." Ryou said waving his hand as if it were no big deal as he turned to go into the kitchen.

"ONLY! I already was going mad before, a half hour is torture." Bakura said wrapping his arms around Ryous waist and burying his face in the mortals neck. "Can't you just stay at home with me? We'll have more fun then school." Bakura said his hand sliding up Ryous shirt with a smirk on his face.

"Kura, I'm really tired." Ryou said pushing Bakuras hands from his waist. "Unlike you, some people don't get to sit around and relax all day." Ryou said turning to him and Bakura growled irritated. "I don't relax! I'm crawling the freaking walls!" He shouted and Ryou rolled his eyes. "Then get a job." He said his hands on his hips. "A what?" Bakura asked.

"You know, go out and get a part-time job! I don't care where, but it will keep you entertained, and it might wear you out." Ryou said and Bakura crossed his arms. "Then I will go get a job." He said. "Good, it better pay for all those cream puffs you put away. It might even help you stay fit." Ryou said and Bakura held his stomach.

"Don't insult the cream puffs, and are you calling me fat?" Bakura asked pulling up his shirt to reveal his toned stomach but Ryou snickered. "Not at all 'Kura! I just think maybe if you would pay for your cream puffs, I'd feel like having more fun instead of worrying about bills." Ryou said winking and turned away to take a shower leaving Bakura standing in the living room.

"Oh I will get a job Hikari! And I will buy all the cream puffs I desire!" Bakura said and laughed maniacally. "SHUTUP YOU FREAKING MORON!" Someone shouted out their window and Bakura ran over and stuck his head out the window. "YOU SHUTUP MORTAL! OR I WILL SEND YOUR SOUL TO THE SHADOW REALM!" Bakura threatened.

"Bakura! STOP THREATENING THE NEIGHBORS!" Ryou shouted at him and Bakura sat back. "Bakura stop threatening the neighbors." Bakura mocked under his breath. "What did you say!" Ryou yelled. "I said yes Hikari!" Bakura shouted back and crossed his arms. He would get a job tomorrow.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T GET A JOB HERE!" Bakura shouted his eyes flaming as the receptionist raised her hand. "Sir, please calm down! You have to be a lawyer to get a job at the firm." The Receptionist said sweat dropping. "How about I send you to the shadow realm!" Bakura said pulling out his ring. "SECURITY!"

Fifteen minutes later after several thousand Egyptian curses Bakura stood outside the law firm his arms crossed. "Bugger." He muttered and saw a Help Wanted sign outside of a Mackie Dudes.

"Mackie….Dudes?" He questioned and walked in the shop. "Hello, I'm here to get...a job." Bakura said slowly and the pimple faced kid behind the counter stared at him.

"Alright man." He said with a squeaky voice. "You just need to fill out an application." He said handing Bakura a piece of paper. "Just sit over there and fill it out." He said and Bakura took the paper and walked over to a chair sitting down. He read the first question and answered.

Full Name: Bakura The Tomb Robber

Date of Birth: Not Quite Sure

Aspirations (Dreams):

Bakura paused and tapped his pen against his chin.

Aspirations (Dreams): Strip the pharaoh of his power, collect all the millennium items, and take over the world.

Bakura smiled. This wasn't so hard.

Position you wish to have: Ruler of the world

Desired Payment:

Well he hadn't really thought about that.

Desired Payment: Enough to buy all the cream puffs he could ever desire.

He stopped. Well what about Ryou??

And lots of English tea.

Bakura finished his application and got up handing it to the boy. "Okay, we'll call you in three or four days." The boy said and Bakura eyes narrowed. "NO! I must have a job today!" Bakura said grabbing his collar and pulling him over the counter.

"Show me your leader or I'll have your body burn eternally in the shadow realm!" Bakura growled and the boy swallowed hard. "Sounds painful." He said and Bakura tightened his grip. "Alright, you can see the manager." He said.

The manager was a balding man with black rimmed glasses who peered over Bakuras application. "Mr..." The Manager began. "Bakura." Bakura replied with a smile on his face. "Bakura..." The manager said and put down his glasses and the application.

"It seems to me you've written your entire application in hieroglyphics." The Manager said. "Is there a problem with that?" Bakura asked his darkening. "Well...I know that maybe what you do in your home country. But here, we write the common language." The Manager said.

"Do I have a job or not?" Bakura asked. "Well since we've never had anyone smart enough to write in hieroglyphics, sure." He said. "YES!" Bakura said standing up. "When do I start?" He asked. "Tomorrow at ten." The Manager said. "Great, I'll be here!" Bakura said and walked out. "Wait sir! You need your uniform!"

Ryou opened the door expecting to be tackled but he walked in and saw Bakura laying on the couch watching re-runs of a strange yellow sponge cartoon. "Hey 'Kura, have a good day?" Ryou asked and Bakura turned towards him and grabbed him by the collar pulling him down on top of him causing Ryou to cry out slightly.

"Bakura I'm not in the moo-" He began and Bakura put a finger to his lips. "I've got a job!" He said and grabbed a orange and yellow hat. "See!" He said and Ryou sat back staring at the hat.

"It's even got my name on it." He said smirking. "It was written with a sharpie." Ryou said looking at the hat. "Doesn't matter! I've got a job!" He said grabbing the hat back and Ryou smiled slightly. "Well I'm proud you went out there and got one. Maybe one day you'll be able to get a good one." Ryou said and Bakura glared.

"What is that supposed to mean! I have a good job! I'm starting tomorrow at ten!" Bakura informed him. "'Kura, I just don't think it's such a good idea. I mean...with you...around...people..." Ryou said slowly and Bakura stared at him a vein popping from his forehead.

"Alright Bakura! I'll even come to your work tomorrow after school and buy something." Ryou said taking Bakuras hand and kissing his cheek and Bakuras mood immediately lightened and he attacked Ryou pinning him onto the couch. "Bakura..." Ryou groaned and looked down to see Bakura cuddling into his chest closing his eyes and Ryou laughed lightly and pet his hair.

The next day Ryou woke up for school and looked to the other side of the bed to find Bakura was missing. He got up and walked out of his bedroom to see Bakura sitting at the table drinking coffee with a plate of food on the other side and he looked up to see Ryou standing there and he got up and rushed him to the food. "Morning Hikari." Bakura said and Ryou seated himself in front of the food a little worried. Had Bakura poisoned it or something?

"Good Morning, what's all this?" Ryou asked. "Well I thought I'd get you started off with a great breakfast. To show you I'm perfectly capable of getting the job done." Bakura said sitting on the other side.

"Your really serious about this job thing." Ryou said and Bakura nodded. "Well then, I suppose I can do nothing but support you!" Ryou said picking up a piece of bacon and biting into it. "This isn't half bad." Ryou said with a smile. "Great." Bakura said. "You didn't die." He smiled and Ryou froze.

"What?" He asked. "Well you were my test subject, I guess I can cook." Bakura said and Ryou sweat dropped and put down the plate sliding it away. "I've got to get ready for school." He said. "You had better hurry." Bakura said.

"Why?" Ryou asked. "Because your already late." Bakura said pointing to the clock and Ryou checked it. It was ten after nine. "Bakura how come you didn't wake me up!" Ryou shouted. "You looked so cute, in plus I just finished your breakfast!" Bakura said and Ryou growled and ran into the bedroom.

That afternoon Bakura was settling into his job nicely and he had learned how to push buttons, make and serve the food. "Bakura, table one." The squeaky voiced pimple faced kid who's name was Steve said. Bakura walked to table one and saw Ryou sitting with his group of idiots.

The blonde one with an animal fetish, the weird one spiked hair freak who had tried to dispose of him once before, and the Pharaohs' host. Ryou was laughing at something that the one called Tristan said. Bakuras eyes narrowed in jealousy. "Hey look it's Bakura." Joey said pointing to Bakura. "Way to point out the obvious, Wheeler." Bakura said walking over to them and Ryou looked up shocked. "Hey Bakura." He said smiling.

"You look pretty spiffy in that uniform." Tristan joked. "Shut up." Bakura growled. "Bakura." Ryou scolded. "Would you like anything?" Bakura asked and they all placed their orders. "You, Pharaohs' brat!" Bakura said and Yugi nearly jumped and smiled at Bakura.

"Sorry Bakura, I'll just have the Mackie Burger." He said. "I think it's really cool what your doing. Yami volunteers at a suicide hot line, he says he really feels like he's helping the community." Yugi said with a smile.

"Whatever, just stay away from my Hikari got it mortal." Bakura threatened Tristan and Ryous head dropped and he blushed strongly. "Bakura, don't you have work to do." Ryou said and Bakura growled and went to fill out their orders and heard his Hikari laugh again.

"That's it!" He said turning and running towards the table grabbing up Tristan. "Your asking for a one way ticket to the shadow realm mortal!" He said bringing him up. "Bakura!" Ryou said standing and grabbing Bakuras arm. "What's going on here!" The Manager said the door bursting open.

Fifteen minutes later after much yelling, screaming, threats and many Egyptian curses Bakura stood on the outside with the group. "I can't believe you got me fired! Now what am I supposed to do while Tristan is trying to get in my Hikaris jeans." Bakura yelled and Ryou held his head.

"Hey, maybe I could get Yami to hook you up with a job at the suicide hot line." Yugi suggested and Bakura grabbed him up and stopped. "Actually that doesn't sound to bad." He said and put Yugi down. "Yeah." Yugi said scratching the back of his head.

"Listen Tomb Robber, you just wear this, push the button that blinks, and talk about the persons problems." It was the next day that Yami said as Bakura sat in his little cubicle. "And that's it?" Bakura asked.

"That's it, try not to threaten these people or they'll tend to die." Yami said and Bakura smirked. "Isn't that what mortals do best?" He asked and Yami growled under his breath. "Alright Pharaoh, go sit down." He said and Yami walked away and the button started to flash and he pressed it. "Hello." He said.

((Um...hi.)) Bakura glared at the phone.

"Do you need something?" He asked.

((Is this the suicide hotline?))

"Yes." Bakura groweled irritated. "That is the number you dialed is it not!"

((Um yes! I just...I just need someone to talk to, I've felt so lonely.))

"Then get a bloody dog and stop whining!" Bakura said and hung up.

Another button blinked and he pushed it. "Hello." Bakura said.

((Thank goodness, I think my friend wants to kill themselves.))

"Then why are you calling me? You should be calling him!" Bakura said.

((It's a girl))

"Then you should bloody well call her!" Bakura said hanging up the phone and he smiled to himself. Now this wasn't so hard. It was quite simple really. The button blinked and he pressed it. "Hello."

((Please...I want to kill myself.))

"Why kill yourself, when killing others is so much more fun." Bakura said leaning back and putting his feet on his desk.

((What?))

"I mean at least you live to hear their screams. You can't live to hear your own so it's a waste of time. I mean killing people actually accomplishes something. AND It's quite the stress reliever." Bakura said and suddenly the phone was hung up and Yami was standing there an irritated look on his face.

"Can I help you?" Bakura asked a raised eyebrow. "Your inspiring people to go out and be homicidal." Yami said. "At least I'm getting them off this whole suicide kick. That can't be fun." Bakura said crossing his arms. "Look Tomb Robber, we're supposed to bring peace to the public, not insanity." Yami said.

"Well Pharaoh, I saved these peoples lives! If you disagree then I say we settle this in a shadow game." Bakura said getting up and pushing his chair back and the two ancient spirits glared each other down their millennium items glowing. "If that's the way you want to play it Tomb Robber then I'll play it!" Yami agreed.

Ryou sighed yawning as he walked into the house and saw Bakura on the sofa, his cheek resting on his fist as he watched the flickering of the screen. "Hey 'Kura, how was your first day of work at the Suicide Hotline?" Ryou asked. "I got paid five hundred dollars." Bakura said producing the wad of money and Ryous eyes widened. "But...how...it's a volunteer program. You didn't rob a bank did you?" Ryou asked.

"No."

"Steal a ladies purse?"

"No."

"Hold someone hostage?"

"No."

"Well then I don't understand how you got this much money in one day, from a volunteer program." Ryou said and smiled. "Well I'm really proud of you." He said leaning into Bakuras arms and kissing his cheek. "Thank you Hikari." Bakura said. "Would you like to celebrate?" He asked sliding his hand up Bakuras chest. "Actually, I'm kind of tired." Bakura said getting up and stretching and Ryou looked up at him.

"Well alright." Ryou said a little disappointed. "How did you get all that money by the way?" Ryou asked. "They told me they'd give me it if I never came back again." Bakura said and Ryou sweat dropped feeling a little sick. " 'Kura, what did you do?" Ryou asked as Bakura headed into the bedroom.

"BAKURA!"

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Me: Hey all did you laugh at least once?

Bakura: I have a desire for cream puffs now. Oh Hikaaaaaaaaaaaaaaari!

Ryou: Bakura for the last time Mr. Puff-Puff is not a cream puff.

Bakura: But I named it that cuz it was white and full of cream.

Me: O.O Mr. Puff-Puff? You guys are so wrong.

Ryou: Remember kids, review

Bakura; Or Mr. Puff-Puff gets it.

Me: I don't even want to know-walks away-