Pain of an Antenna

"Ahhh, this feels so good," Remy sighed as he felt the newly carpeted floor of his room with his bare feet. "I've been so sick of having a metal floor in here."

"You said it," Pyro agreed as he finished tucking a carpet edge into a corner and stood up. "It's always so cold and hard in the morning. I keep telling Mags he's gotta put in some kind of floor heater system or something."

"I would not count on it," Piotr set down the dresser he had been holding and pushed it snug against the wall. "Not after seeing what we did when we went and got the carpeting."

"It wasn't that bad," Remy waved and starting putting his socks and boots back on. "So we wrecked a store and barely left the place standing. Big deal. Nothing we haven't done before."

"Yes, but we never caused a building to be flooded from the inside and end up on an incline," Piotr reminded him.

"Details, details," Pyro waved and wiped his forehead. "Boy, this was harder than carpeting my room. I'm thirsty."

"Let's take a break," Remy headed out the door and kicked aside another roll of carpeting lying in the hallway. "We'll grab something to drink and finish off Piotr's room afterward."

"Good idea," Piotr nodded as he and Pyro followed Remy to the kitchen.

"What do you blokes wanna do when we're done? Maybe play some…ow!" Pyro yelped as he was shoved against the wall.

"Get outta my way," Sabertooth growled threateningly, having come up from behind and pushed Pyro. He was cradling his left shoulder and holding his side while limping painfully on his right leg.

"Hey, watch it hairball!" Remy snapped. "You don't always have the right of way."

"Stow it Cajun," Sabertooth snarled and continued walking. "I'm not in the mood."

"What happened to you?" Piotr asked.

"I was bored so I went over to Xavier's to pound Wolverine for a while," Sabertooth hissed as he entered the kitchen and plopped down into a chair.

"Looks more like you got pounded with a giant steak tenderizer," Remy quipped and opened the refrigerator.

"Shut up," Sabertooth snapped and held his side painfully.

"Maybe you should go to the infirmary," Piotr suggested.

"I don't need anything," Sabertooth hissed as he waited for his body to heal. "That runt never could do any serious damage. Living with those X-Kiddies has made him soft."

"Really?" Pyro grabbed Sabertooth's injured arm and twisted it up.

"Arrrggghhh!" Sabertooth gritted his teeth from the pain and tried to swipe at Pyro. Pyro easily dodged him and sat down at the counter with a grin. Sabertooth glared at him dangerously. "That…didn't hurt."

"Sure it didn't," Remy drawled and tossed some root beers to Piotr and Pyro. He took a seat at the counter and looked at Sabertooth. "So how badly did you beat up Wolverine?"

"Enough," Sabertooth grunted.

"You didn't even hit him did you?" Remy smirked.

"He's a coward! He hid behind that stupid security system until I was busy and then jumped me as I was taking out a triple barreled laser cannon," Sabertooth shouted and then quickly held his side again. "Ow…"

"Why do you feel the need to fight him?" Piotr asked taking a sip of soda.

"It's personal," Sabertooth growled and then sighed as his leg finished healing. "And a long story."

"Sounds stupid to me," Pyro said.

"Says the master of stupidity," Sabertooth sneered.

"Hey, at least I'm not dumb enough to go storm a mansion full of mutants who hate my guts and guarded by lasers, missiles and who knows what else just to fight a guy with knives coming out of his hands!" Pyro shot back.

"You know, he does have a point," Remy grinned.

"Whatever," Sabertooth growled. "It'll be worth it when I beat that runt and humiliate him in front of all his friends, showing them just how pathetic a fighter he is. Then I'll tear him into a hundred pieces and sew him back together wrong with dull needles and razor wire!"

"Well there are better ways to humiliate people," Remy said. "Like catching them on tape doing something really embarrassing."

"Yeah, like the time Mags got drunk," Pyro laughed and nearly snorted root beer up his nose. "Man that was hilarious!"

"That runt can't get drunk," Sabertooth grunted. "Same reason I can't get drunk. Healing factor, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Pyro scratched his head. "I know! Have Mags go over and use his powers on Wolverine's bones and make him dance the can-can! And have him change into one of those funny dresses too!"

"No way. The boss would never do it. And where would I get one of those can-can outfits anyway?" Sabertooth asked.

"Steal it, duh," Pyro said. "Wait, I got a better idea. Dump him in a big vat of peanuts and then roast them by setting the whole thing on fire! Then run a few hundred volts through it and watch the peanuts explode and Wolverine glow from the current through his metal bones! Then cover him in little blue blinking lights along with the peanuts and throw him into an elephant pit! Hahahahaha!"

The other Acolytes just stared at Pyro for a minute. "Or I could do something that might actually work!" Sabertooth snapped.

"Wait, I have an idea," Remy grinned and finished off his soda. "And it'll take full advantage of Wolverine's metal skeleton."

"You gonna dump him into a truck full of smiley face refrigerator magnets?" Pyro asked.

"Even better," Remy winked and got up. "I think Mags has something we're gonna need in one of the Storage Rooms."

"Whaddya mean 'we'?" Sabertooth grunted as he stood up just as his shoulder finished healing.

"Hey, I'm not going to miss out on something this fun," Remy smirked.

"Fine," Sabertooth gave in.

"Hey, can I come too?" Pyro bounced up and down in his seat.

"Sure. You can get it all on tape," Remy smiled.

"Oh boy! Let's go!" Pyro cheered and ran out to get a camera.

"Wait. What about helping me carpet my room?" Piotr asked.

"Don't worry homme. We'll help you with it when we get back," Remy said as he and Sabertooth headed out of the kitchen.

"If you get back," Piotr groaned and held his head.

One hour later…

"This is perfect," Remy grinned as he easily kept his balance while hiding in a tree. He had managed to bypass the X-Mansion's security system long enough for the three Acolytes to sneak onto the grounds. They were currently hiding downwind in the woods with an excellent view of the outdoor obstacle course.

"So what are we doing again?" Pyro asked.

Remy pulled out a palm sized device shaped like a remote with a small viewscreen. He pressed a blue button and a small antenna extended from the top. He held it up for the others to see. "This is an ultra-powerful multi-frequency electromagnetic amplitude emitter."

"Huh?" Pyro blinked.

"It's basically a miniature radio transmitter," Remy explained. "It can emit radio waves at very high intensity. Since Wolverine has an adamantium skeleton, when he's touching the ground it acts like a weird shaped antenna. The combination of the adamantium and his body make part of it act like a diode. The final sounds are too faint for normal humans, but Wolverine will be able to pick them up due to his enhanced hearing. And there's no way he'll be able to block them out."

"Enough with the technical mumbo-jumbo," Sabertooth growled. "Just get ready to turn it on."

Logan was with the New Mutants on an outdoor fighting area next to the obstacle course preparing for one of his infamous training sessions. All of them were dressed in light martial arts uniforms.

"All right, line up and get ready," Logan shouted as he stepped into the ring. "Time to personally evaluate how much progress you've made on your fighting skills." He gave an intimidating grin. "Who's first?"

"Oh man, we're all gonna die," Bobby moaned as he tried to hide behind Sam. Ray, Roberto, Amara and Jamie tried to hide behind each other as well.

"Berserker, front and center," Logan called out.

"Oh boy," Ray gulped and stepped into the ring. He nervously took a fighting stance and faced Logan.

"Remember, no powers," Logan instructed. "Begin!" Ray tried a high kick followed by a quick jab. Logan easily blocked them and pushed Ray's shoulder, unbalancing him and forcing Ray to recover his footing.

"Okay, ready?" Remy asked as he watched the two mutants fight.

"Ready," Pyro said holding a video camera to his eye.

"Do it," Sabertooth growled. Remy nodded and pushed a red button on the emitter.

"Concentrate on your footwork," Logan instructed as he dodged Ray's attempts to hit him. "Wait until you've got the right position and then strike…"

EEEEEEIIIIIIEEEEEEIIIIIIEEEEEE!

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Logan screamed and clasped his hands to his ears right as Ray threw a punch.

POW!

"Wow," Jamie blinked as Ray's shocked face. "You just punched Mr. Logan in the nose!"

"Uh…" Ray gulped nervously. "Uh…sorry about that Mr. Logan. Are you okay?"

"What?" Logan shook his head and tried to regain his senses. Remy had turned the emitter off right after Logan had been hit. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Nice hit. Good work." He waved Ray out of the ring while muttering to himself. "What the heck was that?"

"Did you say something Mr. Logan?" Roberto asked.

"I said get out here on the mat," Logan recovered as Roberto stepped into the ring. Soon the two of them were sparring with Roberto on the attack while Logan simply evaded his blows and evaluated his style.

"That was great," Sabertooth chuckled from his hiding spot. "You better have gotten that on tape."

"Don't worry, I did," Pyro snickered. "Do it again!"

"You got it," Remy grinned and pressed the emitting button.

EEEEEEIIIIIIEEEEEEIIIIIIEEEEEE!

"AAAHHHHHH!" Logan yelled and reeled back in pain from the ear-splitting noise.

WHAM!

"No way!" Bobby blinked and rubbed his eyes. "Man, you did not just kick Wolverine where I think you did."

"Ow…okay…that…hurt," Logan cringed and keeled over in agony.

"Uh oh," Roberto began to shake nervously. "Uh…Mr. Logan?"

"Sunspot," Logan hissed through his clenched teeth. "If I find out you used your powers on that kick…"

"Uh," Roberto began to sweat. "Um…um…Mr. Logan…um…please don't kill me!"

"Just get out," Logan managed to growl. Roberto immediately ran out of the ring and hid behind Bobby.

"Are you okay Mr. Logan?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah…just…give me a second," Logan muttered as he tried to straighten up.

In their hiding spot the three Acolytes shook with barely restrained amusement. "That was priceless!" Sabertooth chortled and slapped his thigh. "That kid is lucky to be in one piece after that kick."

"Bet Wolverine puts more padding in his lower uniform after this workout," Remy snickered.

"Okay," Logan grunted and tried to regain his composure. "Let's try this one more time. Magma, you're up."

"Right," Amara replied and entered the ring.

"Come on, focus," Logan muttered to himself as they assumed fighting stances. "Just forget about that weird noise and concentrate on…AAARRRGGGHHH!" he screamed as Remy pressed the button again. Logan staggered forward and clenched his fists in pain.

SNIKT!

"AAAHHHHHH!" Amara yelped in surprise at Logan's claws and accidentally shot out a fireball.

WHOOOOSH!

"YEEEOOOWWW!" Logan screamed as his uniform caught on fire. "HOT! HOT! HOT!"

"I got it!" Bobby shouted and took aim.

"NO WAIT…GAAAHHHHHH!" Logan shouted as he was hit by Bobby's ice beam.

"Oops!" Bobby gulped.

"Way to go dummy!" Ray snapped as he stepped forward and tapped the large ice block Logan was stuck in. Logan had been frozen with a funny mixture of pain and shock on his face.

"Come on, we'd better try and get him out…whoa!" Sam stepped forward and slid on a stray patch of ice. He activated his powers and took off straight at Logan just as Ray dived out of the way.

BOOM! SMASH! SHATTER!

"Aaahhhhhh!" Sam yelled as he flew toward the mansion, leaving behind several chunks of ice and Logan's unfrozen form sprawled all over the ground.

"Ohhh," Logan moaned while lying on his back. "Who hit me? What happened? Icecube…"

"Uh, I'd better go check on Cannonball," Bobby gulped and ran off after Sam.

"I'll go too!" Roberto said quickly and ran after him.

"Wait for me!" Ray and Amara instantly followed suit.

"Hey, get back here!" Logan shouted and started to get up, only to wince and fall back down. "On second thought…"

"Don't worry Mr. Logan. I'll get them," Jamie said and punched his hand three times, creating a dozen clones. "HEY YOU GUYS! COME BACK!" They all chased after the new mutants, not noticing that several of them ran over Logan as well.

"And they wonder why I make their training sessions so hard," Logan groaned in his wet, burned and footprint covered martial arts uniform. "Those kids are more dangerous than Sabertooth. At least with him I can always fight back…"

EEEEEEIIIIIIEEEEEEIIIIIIEEEEEE!

"AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!" Logan screamed and starting pounding his head against the ground.

Back in the tree the Acolytes were almost falling out of the branches in laughter. "I love this!" Sabertooth guffawed. "I could watch it all day! Make sure to make lots of copies!"

"Hahahahaha! We should drop by and do this more often!" Pyro giggled hysterically. "And did I see that shelia make a fireball? I gotta check her out!"

"If Wolverine thinks this is bad, wait until we start broadcasting polka music directly into his head!" Remy grinned. "Then we can really watch him crack up!"