Third Base, a naruto fanfic

Note: This fun fic is brought to you by the song 'Home Sweet Home' by HOME MADE 家族 (Kazoku), because I couldn't stop listening to it while writing this little gem.

Also, can't remember specifics about what Sai calls Kakashi, so just go with the little inconsistencies, k?

Enjoy!

Third Base--

Although books were fantastic sources of knowledge on nearly every subject imaginable, Sai couldn't completely grasp the complexities associates with physical contact. He had read volume after volume on everything from friendships to sex, and even a few self help books that were not very helpful at all.

It wasn't that he couldn't see why people bothered with it at all. He knew all about the necessities of reproduction, but the thing that confused him was this so called 'foreplay' that people his age seemed to be so fond of.

The books sad foreplay felt good, among other things, but he reasoned that laying outside on warm days felt good too. And the only person he knew that wasted mass amounts of time doing that was Shikamaru.

Of course the next logical thing to do was ask Naruto and Sakura. Anytime he had a question they usually did their best to answer. Maybe they would know.

It wasn't difficult to find the two of his comrades since they usually had lunch together just outside of the hospital on Tuesday. The familiar orange and pink colors stood out against the grey of the spacious benches against the building.

Sakura waved him over cheerfully and scooted closer to Naruto to make space. The confused man smiled his usual smile and took the offered seat.

"You look like something is on your mind," Sakura said.

"How can you tell that?" Naruto asked. "His face never changes. It's always the same."

Sai looked thoughtfully at the ground as he collected his thoughts. It was difficult to ask a deeper question when you knew the surface answers. And he already had such a difficult time making himself clear anyway.

"Ignore Naruto," Sakura said. "We both know he's an idiot."

"Oi!"

"Well…" Sai began. "I was wondering about touching."

He was met with the same mildly-interested faces that usually accompanied his asking of questions. It meant he needed to be more specific.

"I don't understand why people touch each other more than they need to."

"Well it's necessary for all humans to maintain same form of physical contact with other people. It's healthy," the medic in Sakura explained.

"Oh," he said thoughtfully. "So it's for your health."

"Just what kinda touching are you talking about?" Naruto asked suspiciously. "The friendly-hug kind or the Ino-kind?"

"Naruto!"

"The Ino-kind," he answered with a light blush.

It was no secret that Ino enjoyed being affectionate with anyone that happened to be there when the mood caught her. Not that Sai had ever been one of those people, but he knew what went on behind her closed doors. Most everyone did.

Sakura seemed even more interested after this.

"What's got you so curious? Is there a girl?"

"No," he shook his head.

"A boy?" Naruto asked with a teasing grin.

"No! I just want to understand relationships and physical feelings better. I've been trying to piece all of this together…"

"You've come a long way from when we first knew you," Sakura praised. "If you want to know more maybe you should go ask someone who has a lot of experience."

"Yeah, I'm sure Ino would have no problems giving you some first-hand lessons- Ow!" Naruto rubbed the back of his head from where Sakura had slapped him.

"Well I assumed you would know more about this, Sakura," Sai laughed.

She gave a good-humored smile and sipped at her juice for lack of anything else to say.

"I mean, I saw the way Kakashi had his hand down your pants after your sparring practice last weekend."

The juice that had been on its way down Sakura's throat was sucked into her windpipe as she gasped in surprise. She coughed and sputtered as she tried to catch her breath.

"W-what?" she asked shakily. "How do you know that?"

"Sometimes I watch people during their training," he shrugged. "You two were fighting, and then his hand-"

"Oh god," she groaned.

Naruto, however, was growing increasingly red in the face. Sakura could see each vein in his neck as he tensed in anger.

"Naruto…"

"Kakashi?" he bellowed. "You're with Kakashi?"

Sakura's guilty face gave away the answer without a spoken word. Her cheeks blazed red at the embarrassment she felt. Not that being with Kakashi was embarrassing, but knowing that Sai had been spying on them…

"I'll kill that bastard!"

"You'll do no such thing! And calm down, people are going to stare."

The two began to argue back and forth about the situation, oblivious to the fact that Sai had walked away. He had caught sight of Ino, or at least he hoped, and had a few questions he wanted to ask her.

From the doors of the hospital the copy-ninja himself stood, listening to the argument that was happening some dozen or so yards away. It hadn't been his intention to interrupt their lunch, but he had reports to deliver, and besides, those two were being so loud.

He looked apprehensively at the envelope in his hand. It was the last in the stack (purposefully so), but he wasn't so sure that he wanted to jump into the middle of their mini verbal battle. Especially when he was the topic of discussion.

"What are they arguing about now?"

Sasuke looked absolutely bored as he stood next to Kakashi.

"Me."

"You? Why?"

"Well I'm not entirely sure what started it, but apparently Naruto is just now catching onto me and Sakura."

"You two have been at it for over a month."

"At least," he nodded.

The two watched Sakura slap the jinchuuriki hard across the face. Even from the hospital doors Kakashi and Sasuke could hear the sharp, clear crack of flesh against flesh. It was quite possible, from the way Naruto's body shifted, that she had used some chakra on the contact.

"I better go stop them before they really start going at it."

Sasuke nodded and shouted something at Kakashi as he walked away.

"…and so help me, if you lay one finger-"

"Yo!"

The two stopped as Kakashi walked up. He gave his usual smile and hand wave before giving Sakura the envelope he had been carrying around with him all morning. She smiled back at him and leaned up to give him a peck on the cheek. She knew it would infuriate Naruto, which was a double bonus.

"Don't be angry at Sakura-chan," Kakashi said brightly. "After all, it wasn't her hands that were doing the work!"

Naruto turned slightly green at the imagery that flashed in his mind. The last thing he wanted to think about were those two doing anything other than standing three feet apart behind barbed-wire fencing. No touching whatsoever. None.

"Well my work here is done," he grinned. "Guess I'll get going. You two stay out of trouble."

He began to walk the other direction, digging in his bag for the book that usually occupied his hands. As an afterthought, he looked over his shoulder at Naruto.

"By the way, Naruto, Sasuke says not to be late for dinner."

Fin--

Note: I think writing Sai is more comfortable for me than any other character. He's so entertaining. I love it (even though most everyone hates him).