A Tangelo-Flavored Death

Summary: So Kankuro was supposed to marry Hinata. And that's the only reason why she doesn't try to leave the Akatsuki. Yep, it has nothing to do with Tobi… or Deidara… or anyone else… Nope, nothing to do with them. Featuring HinaTobi, all six Pein's bodies, and some shenanigans having to do with a doggie that wandered inside the hideout. CRACK, yaoi, het, Bored!Pein, Coy!Hinata, Sneaky!Tobi

Insert disclaimer here.

Author note:

The names of Pein's bodies are:

Dein, Gein, Sein, Pein, Kein, and Hein.

Also note that personalities are as such:

Dein, the body with a long ponytail: responsible and semi-logical, but the tiniest bit vain; kinda like Deidara, but less vain and only slightly more mature.

Gein, the angry-looking one with a messy mop of hair: heavyset and stubborn; peacemaker.

Sein, the grinning body with the cone-things on his head: nice person, good sense of humor. Emotion-driven, likes being flashy. Obsessed with sex.

Pein, the person you're all familiar with: can be silly if he feels like it; good at acting serious when he needs to. Is usually pretty laid-back. See 'Akatsuki watching dramas' for reference. See also lots of other materials.

Kein, the man with the long, loose hair: quiet. Scary when angry. No sense of humor except for sarcasm.

Hein, the person left over (I think he's bald… maybe?): trickster, but doesn't seem it.

I hope you enjoy this!

"Ugh."

Kisame tromped through the dense underbrush, muttering angrily under his breath.

Hinata was panting heavily. She was being chased.

Correction: more like being hunted down.

She had been assigned a special mission: to seal the alliance between Suna and Konoha, a political marriage had been set up. And since Hiashi had been looking for a fiancé for her anyway, Hinata was immediately volunteered. And if that wasn't enough of a nightmare already, her suitor was even worse, in her opinion. She was at least hoping for the Kazekage, but no; it was the puppet-man, the middle, perverted, makeup-wearing, kitty boy who was caught during the Chuunin Exams by Asuma-Sensei reading porn.

Not that that wasn't normal, Kakashi being a prime example.

But she had to be optimistic. Didn't he save her teammate for certain death when trying to retrieve Sasuke? Hinata was pulled from her tangled thoughts by the loud hum of rushing water. She was puzzled. "There aren't any rivers around here..."

But at that moment, a massive amount of water pressure gored her and sent her flying into a tree.

As she fell into darkness, she heard a voice.

"Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu: success. Let's get her back to the base, Itachi-San..."

Then Hinata blacked out.

As Hinata went limp, crumpling uselessly onto the forest floor, Kisame stole a glance at Itachi beside him. It seemed almost like he was pouting, for some reason. Did it have to do anything with that chicken the other day?

...Well, it must've been serious, because Itachi never pouted, just glared.

Actually, that approach made it seem all the more silly.

The blue man stifled a laugh, making a sound halfway between an attempt at doing a Donald Duck impression and an uncontrollable giggle.

Itachi, watching him, allowed his lower lip to quiver, testing Kisame. Unfortunately, the other man wasn't up to the Ice Block Uchiha standard, and laughed out loud, biting his lip quickly before he sounded like a moron.