It was midnight over the house of Sam Witwicky. Somewhere in the night a cat yowled and the wind sighed as it passed through the trees. The suburbs were generally tranquil at night, and this was a beautiful, peaceful night indeed. A full moon shone down from an ebony sky that was sprinkled with shining stars.
In the open garage sat a classy gold Ford Camaro with black racing stripes. It looked like an ordinary, everday car. It wasn't.
Bumblebee was staring up at the stars, wondering if there were any more Autobots left to answer the call from their leader, Optimus Prime, also Bumblebee's commanding officer. They all lived on Earth now, the team did- hiding in plain sight. Bumblebee wished that Jazz were still alive with them. Megatron had ripped the cocky Pontiac Solstice doppleganger in half.
Suddenly he heard footsteps from the street, and fixed his infrared optical scanners on the sources of the sound. Sure enough, there were two men coming up the driveway, one holding a crowbar, the other holding a wrench and a small kit bag.
Crooks, he thought. Thieves. Most likely car thieves.
If they made a move for the house, then he considered it his best priority to transform and scare them silly. If they made a move to steal him...well, he had a plan, one that also included scaring them silly, but with more detail.
"Hey Rick, check it out. Nice car." one said.
"Yeah. Let's take her for a spin, Ted"
Bumblebee let them get in. They were happy that the doors were unlocked.
They wouldn't be happy for long.
Suddenly the doors snapped into lock mode. The car rumbled to life, and the interior lights blazed at a blinding capacity. Sam Witwicky watched them out the kitchen window and shook his head. "Poor dweebs." he muttered, and went back to bed.
Bumblebee sped down the highway at 180 miles an hour, the lights still blazing, the surround sound system turned up to the maximum volume. The radio blared "Life is a Highway" at top decibels. The two crooks were howling and crying and pleading to heaven to release them from this demon car.
Then he took every sharp turn as sharp as he could make it, causing the two crooks to bounce and smack against the car's interior like a pinball machine.
He made sure that the windshield wipers were swishing, the windows rolled up and down and the car bounced on its tires.
He made sure that he braked abruptly at every stop sign and turnoff, causing the two crooks to slam their faces into the dashboard. Both airbags deployed.
Then he swerved into a cow pasture and all the doors opened. Out flew the two crooks and landed face first in piles of cow manure.
"It's possessed! That freaking car is possessed by some kind of evil spirit! Like on the Exorcist or something!" Ted yowled, clutching at his bruised chin.
"Naw, it's like on that movie when that stupid eighteen wheeler was trying to kill this kid!" Rick groaned.
Bumblebee started playing "She's My Cherry Pie" at top volume. And he drove back and forth opening and shutting the doors, flaying the windshield wipers violently and honking the horn.
Rick and Ted stared in abject horror.
"We gotta kill it." Ted said.
"Yeah. I got a crowbar." Rick mumbled.
Ted grabbed the crowbar and stalked toward Bumblebee, poising for the killing blow to the headlights.
Bumblebee revved up the engine and all the lights blazed. Ted jumped back, antsy.
"Just kill it!" Rick hissed.
Ted raised the crowbar for the blow.
Bumblebee decided it was high time to make these losers wet their pants.
So he transformed, unfolded, morphing from the Camaro into an 18-foot-tall yellow and black robot, adjusting his plasma cannon to point right at the two men.
Ted promptly wet his pants. Rick, well, did something different. But we won't go into that now.
Bumblebee stared down at the two humans. If he could smile, he would have had a grin fit to split his face open.
"IT'S NOT NICE TO STEAL." he boomed directly into their faces.
They took off running like a pair of spooked bunnies. It was a fine spectacle to observe, especially since they kept running into cows.
Bumblebee folded back up, content with life once more, and drove off to the tune of "Fast Cars and Freedom.
LATER.
Ted and Rick finally stopped running when they reached a truck stop. They saw a blue and red Peterbilt with hot rod flames idling by the main road and staggered toward it, hoping to mug the driver and get out of town. But when they opened the door.
There was no one in the drivers seat, though the engine was running...and there was no restroom here, or anyplace to be.
Suddenly the lights blazed and the engine kicked up.
Ted and Rick backed off, shaking in terror.
"Y'know," Rick said, "I wonder if"
Five minutes later they were running down the highway as Optimus Prime thundered after them, chasing them down the freeway.
It's safe to say that they never tried to steal cars again.
THE END.