Disclaimer: I have seen the future and I will never own Futurama.

Gosh, it's dark. Dark and blurry. How can it be dark and blurry at the same time? Where am I? I need to get out of this place…save Leela…but my legs won't move! My arms won't move either! Urrgh…grunt…why won't my limbs move? I can wiggle my nose just fine…

"Help!"

Nothing's happening. I guess nobody heard me. For that matter, I don't think I heard myself either. What the hell's going on? Am I dead? Is this what happens? Geez…there's a hell for robots, why can't there be a hell for humans?

"Can you hear me, Mr. Fry?" uttered a male voice.

Yeah, I hear you just fine, whoever you are. "Who are you?" There it is again…I speak, but I don't hear myself speaking.

"It's me, Fry. It's Leela."

It's Leela! She's safe! His eyelids flew open. Poor Leela…her eye's full of tears. Well, that explains why it was so dark…my eyes were closed. He struggled a bit. And that explains why I can't move…it's because I can't move!

"How bad is he, Doctor?" asked another voice. "And don't beat around the bush—give it to me straight."

Zapp Brannigan? thought Fry. Why is he here? With Leela? He made a futile attempt to turn his head.

"The chemical agent attacked the region of his brain that controls voluntary movement," droned the doctor's voice. "His entire body is paralyzed, with the exception of his nose and eyes. He has also lost the ability to speak. In the 20th century it was called Locked-In Syndrome, but today we prefer to use a more modern term—Paperweight Syndrome."

"Doctor, I think Fry is listening," Leela's voice interjected.

I wish I hadn't heard that. Am I really doomed to spend the rest of my life as an immovable lump, doing nothing but watching trashy TV shows all day?

"Fortunately, there's a treatment," said the doctor.

Hooray! I'm gonna get better! I can't wait to hop out of this bed, run home to my apartment, plop down on the couch, and watch TV!

"What sorta time frame are we lookin' at, doc?" It's Bender! Did he actually care enough to come? "How much longer do I get to play with his stuff?" Oh.

"Best case, six months," replied the doctor. "Worst case, the rest of his life."

Outrage filled Leela's voice. "What kind of crappy treatment is that?"

"Treatment?" said the doctor, sounding startled. "You misunderstand. I'm talking about the waiting period."

This would be a great time for the Professor to burst in and yell, "Good news, everyone!"

"Oh, Fry, I'm so sorry," said Leela, her face blocking Fry's view like a vast plain of anguish. "This happened to you because of me."

The doctor, now revealed as a human with thinning white hair, held up a chart of blocky figures in front of the young man's pupils. "This list is an arrangement of the letters of the English alphabet in order of frequency of usage. As I recite the list, you…"

"We'll do this my way," said Leela, brusquely pushing the physician aside. "Listen carefully, Fry. Every time I ask you a question, blink once if your answer is yes, or twice if your answer is no."

What the…? How do I answer a question by blinking? Screw this! It's too hard!

"It'll be just like Star Trek," Leela assured him.

Oh, yeah, thought Fry. I can do that. No problem.

"Are you comfortable?"

He blinked twice. I've got itches all over my body. I've even got itches on my itches.

"Are you hungry?"

He blinked once. I know I can't move my mouth, but I'd do anything for a pizza right now, even if you have to shove it up my…

"Do you mind if I kiss you?"

Oh, yes, Leela! More than anything in the universe! I don't care if I stay like this forever, as long as I have your beautiful face to look at instead of the All My Circuits marathon. Yes, Leela! Kiss me! Kiss me until my lips are rough and bleeding!

He blinked forcefully. Once.

Leela gave the doctor a bemused look. "He said he does mind."

To be continued