Title: Facade of a Game
Rating: T
Characters: Entire Strawhat Crew
Pairing: Zoro x Sanji
Words: 3,442

Usopp wasn't sure how it had all started; a few minutes ago they had all been drinking and having a good time. He had been dancing around an impromptu fire with Chopper and Luffy while Brook sang a song about a pirate and his true love being separated. Somehow that had quickly turned into the entire crew lounged across lawn and chairs (and even a lap or two) partaking in a juvenile game that was downright petrifying with this group of people.

"C'mon Usopp! Choose!" Luffy exclaimed with a grin.

Usopp glared at the rubber boy who was sprawled in a position only he would find comfortable. It must have something to do with being made of rubber because Usopp seriously doubted he bent that way. He turned to meet the empty caverns of Brook's lack of eyes trying to judge what the correct choice would be but a chorus of echoing sentiments hurried him along and he chose blindly.

"Truth"

He saw Nami's eyebrows skyrocket and sprawled on the lawn to her left Zoro scoffed. Usopp wasn't sure if the scoff was because he doubted his ability to tell the truth (which he could do very well thank you very much) or if it was because he hadn't been courageous enough to choose dare. The truth was he feared Brook might dare someone to do something involving the girls' panties and it was healthier for him if such a dare didn't involve him.

Brook tapped one long, bony finger against his chin as his black hole eyes bore into Usopp. The sharpshooter fought the urge to shudder as he met the gaze. After what seemed like an eternity and a half (it was really no more than a minute) Brook raised his hand triumphantly and let out a chilling 'aha!'

"Usopp," pause for emphasis, "have you ever seen Nami's panties?"

The response to the question was almost hysterical and it would have been if it hadn't been directed at Usopp. Nami surged out of her chair with an indignant shout that resulted in her stumbling and falling into Sanji's lap who had been in the middle of protesting the inappropriateness of the question. The arrival of Nami in his lap cut that off effectively and he immediately started to swoon, impressively being able to do a noodle dance in a sitting position with the navigator in his lap. Zoro who was between Nami and Sanji had let out a groan at the predictability of the skeleton's question but laughed at the navigator's expense. His laugh had cut off upon Sanji's love tirade and he was currently glaring at the two looking like he wanted to rip Nami off of Sanji and possibly throw her overboard. Meanwhile Luffy was rolled up in a fit of giggles at the whole thing while Chopper blushed bright red through his fur at the question. Franky had groaned at the question but was now too busy laughing at the reactions it had ensued to be bothered by it. The only one who had remained calm – not surprisingly in the slightest – was Robin. She remained in her chair, dignified despite the alcohol blush to her cheeks, chuckling daintily behind one porcelain hand.

For his part, Usopp was frozen in fear. He suddenly wished they weren't playing this game (well not that suddenly really, he had never wanted to be playing it) while simultaneously hoping desperately (naively) that the ruckus would result in the question itself being forgotten. However, eventually Nami righted herself, hit Sanji over the head for "copping a feel" which he denied as Zoro fumed and settled back into her chair. Once the navigator was sitting all eyes turned to him expectantly (well except Chopper, he was too embarrassed to look Usopp in the eye). He was visibly shaking by now and he decided it was best to just do it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid.

"Yes. Luffy truth or dare?"

"What!" Seven crewmates chorused back (Brook had passed out in excitement).

"When did you see them?" Robin asked, having been the first to recover.

"Wait no one said we have to explain our answers. Brook only asked if I had, not when."

This excuse of course didn't work and by the look in Nami's eyes there probably wasn't one that would. He briefly contemplated a thousand and one lies that would have let him innocently see the undergarment but he opted for the truth. He had a feeling they wouldn't accept anything but anyhow.

"It was a few days ago and Luffy, Chopper, Brook and I were playing hide and seek. Well Chopper was the one seeking so I needed somewhere to hide and Luffy had already stolen my best spot. So I decided the bathroom was a good place to hide."

By this point Nami's cheeks had started to redden as she recalled the day which he was referring to. Usopp dared to meet her eyes for a moment and flashed her what he hoped was an apologetic look before continuing.

"I was in the corner behind the door so that if you just looked in you wouldn't see me. Nami came in and I meant to say something, I swear I was just about to Nami, but then you started to undress and well I thought it would be better if I just closed my eyes and left when you got in the shower."

"You saw Nami-swan undress!" Sanji seethed.

"Will you shut up, dartbrow." Zoro grumbled, throwing an elbow out to connect with the slighter man's ribs.

"Usopp?" Nami asked, sickly sweet. "Did you really close your eyes?"

"Yes! Of course! The great Usopp is a gentleman and would never do such a thing to you."

Usopp ignored the sniggers and laughter and meekly accepted Nami's 300 beli fine. As soon as Brook had asked the question he knew it had been coming. Wanting to change the topic he repeated the truth or dare question to Luffy who pondered it mock-seriously (or perhaps it was seriously for Luffy) before settling on Dare. Usopp grinned evilly and clapped his hands together in excitement before setting out the challenge.

"I dare you to kiss Sanji!"

Usopp almost took it back when both Sanji and Zoro sent him death looks and Zoro's hand went to his hip. Thankfully Nami had instated a no-violence rule and as a result had made Zoro leave his katana a few feet away. It was Nami's gleeful expression that gave Usopp the courage to simply smile somewhat sadistically at the cook. If Nami thought it was a good idea then surely Sanji wouldn't do something to him. For his part, Luffy didn't seem all that fazed, he furrowed his brow and bit his lip before setting his shoulder and crossing the haphazard circle to sit in front of Sanji. Sanji looked downright horrified and he attempted to get out of it slightly by offering up his cheek.

"Not the cheek, Cook-san. For the purpose of truth or dare a kiss must be on the lips and last for a minimum of thirty seconds."

Robin spoke with such authority that no one dared argue it even though Usopp highly doubted there was any such guidelines in place for the game. Sanji let out a pitiful whimper and looked over to Zoro for help. The swordsman however was too busy keeping his temper (jealousy) under control to offer the cook any support and Sanji was left to succumb to the dare. Sanji looked at Luffy and nodded slightly in an indication to do it, then he closed his eyes. After a second he seemed to think keeping them open was a better idea and his bright blue eye was once again visible.

Usopp watched as Luffy leant in and closed the distance between them. The boy seemed to move easily and Usopp was left wondering who he had kissed before because this was going all too easily for it to be the first one. Usopp felt better with that realization because he thought the world of Luffy and he didn't want his nakama's first kiss to be on a drunk dare with the cook. Sanji's eye seemed to be darting from Luffy's lips to his eyes (which were half-closed) to nowhere to Zoro. He was looking around so much in the few seconds that it took for Luffy to make contact that Usopp figured he had to be getting dizzy. Then Luffy's lips were on Sanji's and for a moment they just stayed pressed together without movement and Usopp was just about to demand some when Luffy did indeed move. His lips slid across Sanji's and it must have felt good for Sanji's eye was fighting to stay open and his hands – hands that were normally so calm and in control – were twitching at his side. His eye was firmly on Zoro now and Usopp didn't notice anything but the swordsman must have sent the cook some sort of signal for his eye drifted closed and he reached out to tangle his hand in Luffy's hair, slipping above the hat that was around his neck. Usopp watched the pair, intrigued and barely registering the counting of Franky and Nami. When they reached thirty Luffy pulled back slightly, running his tongue over his lips before pressing one more almost chaste kiss against Sanji's lips. The cook smiled softly as Luffy scurried across the circle back to his spot. There was silence as everyone tried to finish processing the scene they had just witnessed.

"Pass me a drink, Marimo." Sanji said, breaking the silence.

Usopp watched the swordsman and cook as Luffy picked out the next victim (Robin). There was a silent conversation passing between the two young men in shared looks and actions. As near as Usopp could figure Sanji had asked Zoro permission to react to the kiss which the swordsman had granted and now the cook was communicating that while it had been a good kiss it had meant nothing. The way Sanji easily swiped Zoro's drink, taking a hearty gulp before passing it back and how Zoro simply let him a smile threatening to pull through the frown all seemed to Usopp like things were fine. Satisfied that his dare hadn't caused any lasting damage he returned his attention to Luffy and Robin.

"Robin, if you were trapped in Rainbow Mist forever with only one person here, who would you want it to be?"

There were murmurs of surprise rustling around the crew and Usopp could tell that it was in deference to Zoro that Sanji wasn't already pleading his case. Usopp was impressed that Luffy had come up with such a good question (and that he had remembered the name of Rainbow Mist) and judging by his crewmates expressions he wasn't the only one. Robin let out a contemplative hum before reaching to take a sip of her drink. She mulled it over as she swirled the amber liquid around her glass before seeming to come to a decision.

"That's a tough question Captain-san. I would choose Doctor-san for his companionship and for his medicinal expertise."

"Aahh! That doesn't make me happy at all! Baka!" Chopper squirmed happily.

Robin giggled and offered the reindeer a charming smile which he bashfully looked away from. Usopp was surprised to hear Zoro chuckle and indicate for Chopper to cross over to him, the reindeer happily went over to the swordsman and settled in his lap comfortably. The swordsman wasn't a very affectionate person and Usopp could count the things he showed true affection for on one hand. There were his katana, Sanji, Luffy upon occasion and Chopper. Somehow the reindeer always brought out an affectionate response in the swordsman and it wasn't uncommon to see the furry ball cuddled up with Zoro while he napped.

Zoro scratched lazily at Chopper's head (who was making some strange pseudo-purring noise) while Robin took in her crewmates with cool azure eyes. As she scanned them all Usopp decided that she would probably be worse than Brook and he prayed that her sense of fairness would have her picking on someone who hadn't been recently asked. Sure enough (thankfully and with a sigh of relief) she focused on Zoro. He narrowed his eyes and stared back at her in a clear challenge to do her worst. Robin responded with her trademark smile; the smile that caused shivers to run up (and down) his spine.

"Swordsman-San. Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." Zoro said calmly, refusing to back down.

"I dare you to remove your pants and have Cook-san sit in your lap for the next three rounds."

"Oooh, Onee-chan that's evil! I love it!" Nami exclaimed happily.

"Robin-chwaannn, why do you do this to me?" Sanji complained bitterly.

Usopp had to admit the cook did seem to be getting punished in a lot of everyone else's dares. Not that he was complaining because he found it entertaining and in his mind if a dare worked against two people instead of just the one that meant it was that much better of a dare. Robin showed Sanji no mercy and simply apologized to the doctor for making him move again. Usopp noticed a faint flush that was creeping up Zoro's neck and he was starting to fidget where he sat.

"I'll do your damn dare, woman. Just let me run to my room quick." He said gruffly.

"You planning on changing your underwear, bro?" Franky asked with a grin.

Nami jumped on this comment to state that changing would not be allowed so there really couldn't be a need for him to go to his room. Zoro tried swearing he wouldn't change but Nami insisted that the only way he could go to his room was with her as a guard and he reluctantly backed down. Defeated he got to his feet and moved his haramaki out of the way so he could remove his pants. Usopp was intrigued, waiting to see what kind of embarrassing underwear would be revealed. Surely it would have to be something bad for Zoro to be flustered. Maybe they were women's underwear or were covered in hearts. He remembered seeing a movie where a girl had written her crush's name on her panties and he briefly envisioned Sanji's name bright red in an equally red heart on Zoro's briefs. What he hadn't been expecting was Zoro to have been going commando.

Nami's laughter was pure evil as Zoro flushed red whilst trying to cover up with his hands. Sanji looked amused for a split second followed by something indistinguishable and replaced with mortification as he realized he was going to need to sit in Zoro's (naked) lap. Seeing his hesitance Nami also jumped to deny Zoro draping his removed pants across his lap. She claimed that a dare was a dare and it was his own fault for going commando. Sanji could have his revenge when it became his turn. She knew it was safe to say this because embarrassed (mortified, excited, repulsed) as he was Sanji would never do anything to purposefully embarrass her or Robin. As such, Robin was one of the only two people who had any chance of getting away with such a dare.

Zoro sat down stiffly not moving his hands from their strategic positioning. He shrugged helplessly at the cook and inclined his head towards his lap. Sanji sighed pitifully before lowering himself daintily onto his lap. There was a low groan from Zoro that could barely be heard as Sanji shifted to get comfortable. His hands came up to grip Sanji's waist to stop any movement and he quickly zeroed in on the game's next victim, no doubt in a hurry to get three turns over with.

"Nami, truth or dare?" he asked coldly.

Usopp shuddered, he was eerily impressed with the swordsman's courage.

"Truth."

"What is the most you have done sexually with someone? Don't hold back on details now."

Usopp wanted to hide and as it was he shifted so that he was hidden a bit by Franky. Nami was spluttering, her hands clenched into angry fists at her sides. Zoro (never knowing when to back down) took the opportunity to cheerfully remind her of her self-imposed no-violence rule. Nami drained her drink and asked Franky to pour her another before she answered. She finished half of her new drink and placed the glass down albeit a bit heavily.

"Fine. If you must know I have had sex with a boy. I don't owe you any details but I will tell you it was really good."

"Details were part of the question my dear navigator, so spill."

"Well what kind of details do you want to know, Zooorrro?" Nami asked, her words starting to slur.

The question seemed to be exactly what Zoro wanted and his eyes shone with a head full of questions he was ready to unleash.

"Who was he? When was it? What position? Did you come? Did he? How long did it last?"

"Zoro!" Sanji cried out, twisting to glare at the other man.

"Relax Blondie, she started this game."

By now enough alcohol had gone to Nami's head that her tongue had loosened and she seemed to be willing to answer Zoro's questions despite Sanji's protests that he didn't want to hear this.

"He was a pirate that I crossed paths with during our travels. Plenty of positions, some that don't even have names yet. I said it was really good so yes I came and I'm insulted that you'd even suggest that I didn't make him come. And the time, well, the shortest was five minutes and the longest was forty-five. Satisfied?"

Nami finished her spiel with a flourish and took another healthy swig of her drink before leaning back in her chair with a self-satisfied grin. Chopper was curled up in a ball with his hands over his ears and Usopp felt bad for the young doctor as the game had quickly progressed to something more than he was used to. Usopp reached out and pet the younger boy softly trying to comfort him. Chopper snuggled closer to him and Usopp kept a comforting arm around the small furry frame. After a moment Nami was encouraged to continue the game and she chose Chopper. Chopper was forced to reveal his biggest fear (oddly enough it was sponges) and in turn Luffy was dared to see how many bottles he could fit in his mouth at once (32).

"That is super crazy!" Franky exclaimed.

"More like super disturbing." Nami tossed out.

Usopp wasn't sure whether he should be impressed or disturbed. On one hand being able to fit thirty two bottles into your mouth was pretty cool but seeing Luffy's mouth stretched around those thirty two bottles definitely ranked somewhere on the disturbing scale. Slowly they started to remove the bottles careful not to let Luffy swallow any or let them break in his mouth.

"The three rounds are up Swordsman-san. Cook-san can get up and you can put your pants back on." Robin informed the pair.

Zoro nodded curtly but Usopp noticed that neither boy was in a huge rush to move. He also noticed that somewhere in the three rounds Zoro's death grip on Sanji's hips had loosened into a caress and the cook had relaxed back into Zoro's chest. Zoro leaned forward and whispered something into the cook's ear which elicited a pink flush to spread up his neck and over his cheeks. He looked away from the scene and found himself meeting Robin's gaze. She gave a small smile and raised an eyebrow. Usopp indicated Nami whose face was red from alcohol and Chopper who was half asleep leaning against Usopp. He nodded slightly and Robin cleared her throat to gather everyone's attention.

"I'm getting tired and could use some rest. Perhaps we could continue the game another time?"

Usopp quickly agreed with ending the game and the rest seemed to be of similar sentiments. Soon everyone was getting ready to turn in for the night except for Sanji and Zoro who hadn't moved from their position on the lawn. Franky scooped Chopper up who seemed too tired to walk and the rest of the boys headed to their quarters. As he was walking away he heard Robin address the swordsman.

"Swordsman-san since it's your turn on watch do you think you could help Cook-san clear this mess?"

Usopp didn't hear the answer but as he went to bed that night he knew that Sanji wouldn't be joining them in their quarters.