Scatter

(from Sasuke's POV)

The day of your funeral, I stood underneath the open sky and let the raindrops pummel me until I was soaked through. At first I only seemed to feel vaguely wet, and then I only felt chilled to the bone…cold and dripping with rainwater, irritable.

…But you came through for me, dobe. Finally all I could feel was nothing. –And I'd love to say that it was blissful and wonderful and great, but then I'd be lying, now wouldn't I? Because I felt nothing.

I was still standing there two hours after your ceremony ended, and Sakura came hunting for me with an umbrella, trying to coax me underneath its shelter.

She asked me why I was all alone, she begged me to go with her, and she pulled on my elbow when I wouldn't look at her. On any other day, I would have spared her a glance just to make her stop talking.

But it was the day of your funeral. I couldn't stare at her because I was afraid I'd see right through her.

…Did you know, Naruto? Sakura was like shallow water…or maybe a glass figurine, and you hid yourself in her unintentionally, behind her eyes. Every time she ran up to me with a glimmer of hope shining in them, there was a streak of your mischief hiding there too.

There was something about the tilt of her lips when she laughed that reminded me of you, also. Something in her furious determination that was so like you. Something about her hair that caught the sun the same way.

While we're on this topic, you hid yourself in everyone. For that, you're a coward. I can't forgive you. I won't.

You should have seen Kakashi that day. His face was solemn without looking jaded, a feat that you'd always accomplished in times of war. …You were a good Hokage, dobe. Sometimes I wonder how Kakashi would have fared had he been interested in politics too.

His promises were so convincing that they were almost tangible. I'd always wanted to reach out and break one, but the stupid man was full of so much hope that I think it might have killed me if I tried.

That little crescent moon smile that he always did…well, that was you hiding inside his shell. You're a coward.

And when you died, you took away my best friend.

That's why I hate you. …More than natto, more than the Konoha Council, more than Iruka-Sensei and his friendly waves under the streetlights (stop controlling him, stop hiding, stop being him, just stop)…more than Itachi, even, I hate you.

I hate you, dobe. Do you hear me? I want you here and if you're gone, I can only offer hate towards your memory.

(So come back. Please?)

…Hating is hard work.

Fin.

Author's Note: Natto equals fermented soy beans. Also Sasuke's least favorite food. :P