Repent

chapter 1

Shuichi walked out of the doctors' with an envelope with the results of the recent test on his left hand. His face rivalled the colour of snow at what the test had revealed. He went straight home knowing that Yuki would be out today. He had a book signing and wouldn't be back until after 6:00pm. It was 4:00pm right now and yet for the first time since he met Yuki, he hoped 6:00pm wouldn't come.

Shuichi sat on the couch slowly, putting the papers on the table in front of him. He still couldn't believe what was happening. He was both happy and horrified, not to mention scared. Shuichi decided to stop thinking about which emotion to settle for and simply cried. He lay softly on the sofa hugging a cushion close to him crying silently and sobbing. He felt so scared, lonely, and it was all his own fault. Yuki was not to blame. It was all his fault. He had decided to stay with Yuki, even after Yuki had clearly said to him he loved Kitazawa. Shuichi cried a bit harder as he remembered how stupid he was for thinking he could change Yuki's mind and make him love Shuichi instead. That had been over a year ago. Shuichi had stopped asking after a while, it hurt too much to hear him say it again. To declare his love for Kitazawa every time Shuichi had asked him if he loved Shuichi instead. Most of those times were after sex, for that was all it was to Yuki, plain free sex for when he was in the mood. Shuichi hugged the cushion tighter and brought his knees as close as he could to his chest. Reality just hurt more than the fantasy he had been living in for the past two years. He was only Yuki's fuck toy, nothing more... and Shuichi had been fine with that, with the hope that Yuki would grow to love him... how naive he had been... Shuichi just couldn't stop crying. He was finally shedding the tears he had kept inside these past months now that his hopes had come crashing to the ground and reality hit him square in the face with the information that was inside that envelope. Shuichi managed to control his tears enough to sit up and take the envelope and read the information inside it once more.

He cried harder. Fear, happiness and sadness rushed through him once more. But then it all came back to Yuki... how was he going to tell him? No! Shuichi couldn't tell him, he couldn't tie Yuki to him with such a cheap excuse, it had all been his fault not Yuki's.

... but what if Yuki had changed? What if his feelings had changed? What... what if he loved Shuichi now?! It had been a whole year since he last asked! Maybe he had grown to love Shuichi. Shuichi smiled once more at this thought falling into his fantasy world. He wiped the tears away and put the letter in the drawer where he kept all his strawberry poky. He would ask Yuki about his feelings for him once again today.

Just as he finished this thought the sound of the door opening reached his ears and Yuki walked in. Shuichi rushed to him with a wide smile as he came in.

"Yuki! Welcome home!" Shuichi said with a wide smile. Yuki glared at him, he was tired as hell from sitting on his ass all day having to hear all his fans' anoying words, most which were about him and Shuichi. He just passed Shuichi but the pink haired singer clinged to him giving him a hug from behind. Yuki was pissed off. Right now all he wanted to do was to take a shower and go to sleep.

"What the hell do you want brat?!" Yuki muttered loud enough for Shuichi to hear. Shuichi let him go noticing the anger in his voice and started getting nervous.

"I erm... Yuki... I- Hey! I want to ask you something!" Shuichi said as Yuki walked over to the bathroom. Shuichi ran to block Yuki's way, he had to ask now. "Yuki, I just want to ask you-"

"Get out of my way brat! I'm not in the mood for you right now!" Yuki said but Shuichi didn't move.

"Yuki, I... Do you love me?" Shuichi nearly whispered, he didn't look up to Yuki. Yuki was pissed off even more. He was asking again! Why couldn't the stupid, selfish brat understand he couldn't be rushed!?

"I TOLD YOU I LOVE KITAZAWA!" Yuki yelled louder than he intended. Shuichi flinched. Yuki had to get away from him. He pushed Shuichi aside and entered the bathroom. Shuichi was on his knees where he fell from Yuki's push. His eyes were covered by his hair, tears streaming down his face. Slowly he picked himself up and headed towards his and Yuki's room. He got a suitcase from under the bed and started putting his things in it. Once he was done putting the clothes in he closed it and walked out of the room, and sat on the couch waiting for Yuki to come out. He only had to wait five minutes before Yuki emerged from the bathroom in a towel.

Yuki walked into the bed room and got dressed in comfortable clothes. All of his anger had disapeared during that 20 min. shower. He came back out wondering why the brat was so quiet. He was going to ignore Shuichi as he was probably just sulking on the couch and go get something from the kitchen but froze when he saw the suitcase and Shuichi playing with the key to the apartment on his hands. Tears were still rushing down his cheeks but when he noticed Yuki was there he wiped the tears from his face and stood up. He placed the key on the cofee table and dragged the suitcase with him, the weels' sound was louder due to the silence in the apartment.

"I um..." Shuichi studered as more tears rolled down his cheeks. "I think it's best if I leave. I know now, Kitazawa will allways be the one you love...so..." Shuichi stuttered, his voice was a bit higher than usual and he looked at Yuki who was still frozen. "I wont bother you any more Yuki..." He said turning away as he cried harder. "I hope you do find someone who can make you happy some day." Shuichi said and walked towards the door. Yuki finally registered what was happening and rushed to the door grabbing Shuichi by the hand and turning him around.

"What so you're just going to LEAVE?!" Yuki yelled. He was confused, all his mind was registering was Shuichi and leaving. Shuichi tried to pull his hand away but Yuki wouldn't let go.

"Yes! I'm just going to leave! I've had it! I don't want to burden you any more! I can't take this any more! I LOVE YOU!! I can't keep living with you! I Don't want to burden you! I want to be loved back!" Shuichi cried trying to get loose.

"I don't want you to leave!" Yuki yelled.

"I don't want to be just a fuck toy anymore! It hurts! It's hurts!" Shuichi cried. Yuki let go for a second but Shuichi took his chance and grabing the suitcase rushed out of the apartment. All Yuki could do was try to make the pain in his chest go away but the longer he looked at that empty doorway where Shuichi just walked out, the more that pain increased.

OOOOOO

Shuichi nearly ran down the road almost not paying attention to his surroundings. He rose his hand as he saw a cab passing by and went to a hotel. The money inside his bank account would more than cover it. It was a three star hotel, not too fancy and not too much of a dump. Once he entered his room he laid down on the bed and hugged a pillow close to him. He had to do it. He had to do it. Shuichi thought of the painful future without Yuki. Alone... well, he still had Bad Luck and his family... but it would never be the same without the blond author. His mind went back to the letter... why did it have to happen to him. Shuichi shook his head. No, he was happy it happened but Yuki... If he had told Yuki it would have held him to Shuichi against his own free will.

"The letter!" Shuichi sat up and looked through the suitcase. "Not here, not here, not here." Shuichi started crying. All of that was for nothing! All Yuki had to do was open a drawer and read the letter... No. Shuichi laughed softly. Yuki probably thought that it was either a joke. Yeah. It was the most likely thing Yuki would believe. But... what if he did figure it out? Shuichi looked out the window. He had to disapear. Shuichi sat on the ground leaning against the bed and put his face in his hands as he sobbed softly. Just what had he gotten himself into. Who could he talk to about it? He needed someone who understood, but who? For now, it would be better to just stay away from public view.

OOOOOOO

AN: Yey! Gravitation fanfictions to the max! XD First chapter up! Can anyone guess Shuichi's problem? YukiShuichi forever! XD