Title: Hitting the High Note
Categories: Humor, General
Characters: Bobby, Alex, Ross
Rating: PG-13
A/N: First challenge response in the Thursday100plus livejournal community, and I just couldn't help myself. The worst part is that it's me I'm making fun of. Ah well.
"So let me get this straight." Leaning back in his seat, Ross is looking incredulous, and Alex really can't blame him. "Timothy Martins killed David Andrews because of a letter?"
"Points required for a letter," Bobby corrects unhelpfully, and from her position perched on the corner of the desk, Alex can see Ross visibly get hot under his collar.
"Thank you for that specification, Detective. Now how about providing me with a little clarification here?"
Alex steps in before the two can get into a brand-new pissing contest. "Martins is on the high school track team."
"Varsity," Bobby sticks in, because apparently he just can't help himself. Ross bristles, and she shoots a warning look at her partner, to which he responds with a contrite shrug.
"Anyway," she continues, and even Ross looks a little chastised by her tone. "To letter in track, apparently, an athlete needs a minimum of twenty-two points for the season."
"Points?" Ross is mystified. "I would understand using that in basketball or football, but in track?"
Bobby straightens in his seat, eyes suddenly alight with the holy beams of knowledge about to shoot forth from his brain, and Alex's inner-voice groans a very loud 'Oh God.' "The sport uses an interesting system, Captain, where points are assigned to each event and--"
"And the point is that Martins didn't have enough points to letter," She interjects loudly, and now Bobby is looking pouty and cranky, like he wants to interrupt, but he knows better. "Which, apparently, means that a lot of potential college scholarships are now out of the picture for him, and several recruiters have lost interest. Which," she pushes ahead, when she sees Ross's mouth drop open to speak, "he blamed on Coach Andrews."
"Why?"
This time it is Bobby's mouth that drops open to continue, but Alex is having none of it. "Because earlier in the year, a track-meet organized by Andrews got cut short because of bad weather, and Andrews never got around to rescheduling the end of it. Apparently, Martins still had another event, and might have gotten the points he needed if the meet had been finished."
"So he killed his coach?"
"Brained him with a javelin." Ross arches a skeptical brow, so she elaborates. "Javelin throwing was the event Martins still had left to participate in."
"And he told you all this?"
"The confession, signed in ink," Bobby confirms, and tosses the yellow legal pad onto Ross's desk proudly.
"Did you have to make him cry, first, Detective?" Asks Ross, in a dry tone meant solely to agitate Bobby.
"No. I did," Alex cuts in archly, and enjoys the bested expression on Ross's face.
"Well," He says after a moment, looking thin-lipped and out of sorts. Sitting stiffly in his chair, Bobby is rubbing his stubbled chin, thoroughly provoked. "It's a little less believable than his torrid affair with Lisa Marsden, isn't it? But certainly more interesting."
"I don't see why it's any less believable," Bobby tosses out, belligerence thick in his tone. "Lettering in sports is a very big deal. Of course," He pauses here to eye Ross critically, and Alex watches the scene the same way she would watch a car wreck: in slow motion and with the same sense of dread. "I can understand how you wouldn't know about that kind of thing. Captain."
Passive-aggressive has never been her style, but Alex almost snickers. Almost. But Ross is turning an unfortunate shade of red, and his eyes are flashing warning signals in every direction, so she holds it in, straight-faced. "For your information, Detective, I lettered three years in high school."
Bobby gives a quiet scoff, and Alex sends mental Shut-the-Fuck-Up-Bobby! beams at him as furiously as she can. "Three years? In what-- chess?" Apparently her mental beams need some practice.
Very nearly outraged, Ross is half out of his seat, and apparently no longer able to keep himself in check. "No, Goren, it was actually in choir, thank you!"
The very air in the room freezes for a split second as everyone processes the words that have just left his mouth. Ross goes very pale and then very pink. Alex's jaw drops. Bobby's entire face blanks over, his eyes glassy before, quite suddenly, he bursts into loud guffaws.
"Choir?"
Fuchsia, Ross narrows his eyes warningly. "Goren--"
"What did you have to do to letter in choir?"
"It was…on a participation basis," the Captain mutters in reply, sitting back in his seat, shoulders hunched in irritation. Bobby bursts into a fresh round of chortles, and Alex lets out a huff of laughter, coughing into her hand when Ross glares at her accusingly.
"Alright, Detectives, go-- go process Tim Martins and get him down to booking." Alex watches as Ross pulls a paper towards himself and begins to read it, apparently not noticing that it is, for some reason, an instruction pamphlet written in Korean.
A quick glance at Bobby tells her that he sure as hell notices, but he has the good grace not to mention it, once she kicks him hard in the shin. "Yes Captain," she says, over Bobby's snickering, and leads her wayward partner out of the boss's office by his wrist.
"Oh, and by the way, you two--" Ross calls to their backs, suddenly sounding ominously smug. "Once you're done with Martins, you have about three months worth of backlogged paperwork. I want it done before either of you are assigned another case."
Bobby stops laughing. A quick glance over her should and Alex sees a faint smirk on Ross's lips as he stares down at the Korean pamphlet, quite calm once again. "Yes Captain," she says on a sigh, and shuts the door behind her.
"I though 'good sportsmanship' was a requirement for lettering," Bobby grumbles, and Alex rolls her eyes in exasperation as she follows him through the bullpen.
"Just shut up,would you, Bobby? Let's go deal with Martins."
fin.
Just a little ridiculosity to get you through your day. Liked it? Love it? Hate it? Want to mash it up and stick it in a stew? Drop me a review and let me know!