A/N:- Wohoo!! I managed to update at last!!! Thank you soooo much for the fantastic reviews! I have such fab readers!

Warning.... Bit of angst ahead, but I promise to get back to the Spuffyness asap :)

Chapter Twenty.

It all seemed to happen so fast. Spike was pulled up from his knees and cuffed, Buffy moaned, her breathing sounded more like wheezing and the special task unit burst into the room. The agents that were already there and holding Spike were now disarmed and stood watching as the new unit advanced on Matthews. Outside, the sound of ambulance sirens echoed off buildings as they made their way through the traffic.

Buffy rolled onto her side and started coughing. Her hand held her neck gently as if to support it. Her eyes watered profusely from the effort being exerted on her throat and lungs as she tried to breathe. Her head pounded to the beat of her racing pulse, letting her know that she was alive. Her eyes rolled as she turned onto her back again, dizzy and disoriented.

Paramedics rushed in, pulling a gurney behind them and went to the bed to take care of her, completely ignoring the rest of the room. They took no notice of Spike still cuffed in the corner of the room or the armed unit that had their guns aimed at the tall, naked man.

Matthews went to his knees, his hands cuffed and on his head, reminiscent of Spikes pose just minutes ago. He smirked, then looked up at Spike again. "It will not stop.... He will never stop. This whole thing is bigger than you can imagine. I'll get eight years for this, but I will come out a wealthy man. He managed to sway me over to his side, how many more will do the same? "

Spikes jaw tensed and you could hear him grinding his teeth. Spike looked up at the agent closest to Matthews and got his silent question answered. Spike approached Matthews and bent from the waist so he was eye to eye with the man.

"I don't care how many he sends after her, after us, mate. I'll be there. " He leaned in closer and whispered in his ear. " How can he send people after us if he's dead? You said it yourself, as long as he breathes he'll never give her up. " Spike pulled back from Matthews, a cocky grin on his face. " Still think it was worth it? Sure you'll be a rich man when you're released? "

Matthews sneered at Spike as an agent pulled him to his feet while another threw a hospital robe around him and tied it behind his back. He was then lead from the room and downstairs to a waiting car. From there he was taken into custody.

An agent uncuffed Spike and he immediately went to the gurneys side. Buffy looked up and silent tears ran down her cheeks. She tried to say something but couldn't, her throat too sore to talk.

Spike swept her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. "Don't try to talk, pet. I'm coming with you. Never leaving you again. " He held her hand as they walked to the elevator and out to the ambulance.

The morning after Matthews attempt on her life had been the hardest. She woke in hospital to see Spike sat in the most uncomfortable chair, his eyes fixed on her.

He cleared his throat, his leg bounced as it always did when he was tense, and he rubbed his sweaty palms down his pant legs. " Don't say anything love, just listen. "

Buffy frowned and nodded.

"I know what happened before I got there , he told me everything. I even had to watch it on a video he had made to send to Angel. "

Buffy winced and a sob broke from her .

"I won't pretend I'm not hurt by it, cos that'll be a lie. It hurt so fucking much. " He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and huffed out the breath he held. " I know you did it so you could hurt me the way I hurt you. You did. I'm not sure where we go from here but I'm not about to leave you because of this. Seeing you laying there on that bed... I thought you were.... " his voice broke and he sniffed, holding back the tears. " I thought he had killed you and that pain was greater than any other. I think, once this whole thing with Angel is over we need to seek help... To deal with it, get over it, I'm not sure .... I love you, more than life itself. Whoever said love was easy, lied. It isn't. Love hurts. "

Buffy could only watch as he got up, tears running down his cheeks and left the room. Buffy fell back to the pillows and looked out of the window at the bright sun and cried.

Spike arrived at his office in a foul mood. When he saw a detective heading his way, he blew air over his lips in annoyance. He was not in the right frame of mind to be dealing with him. Hoping that he would leave him alone, Spike went into his office and slammed the door, hard.

He wasn't that lucky.

"We need to talk. "

"Sure we do, take a seat. " Spike answered flatly. He sank into his chair and waited.

"Buffy's safe. " Spike stared angrily. "Good. We've come to a decision and have decided that we're taking you off the case. As of today, you're on leave. " Spike went to argue the decision but his upheld hand stopped him. "Buffy will be moved to a safe house until after the trial and she'll have guards with her constantly. I realize that you will be in danger as well, so we have arranged for you to go with her. But. " He paused and groaned. " You so much as cause one problem, interfere or upset one of my men and you'll be hauled out of there and we won't let you see her. Got it? "

Spike wasn't particularly happy, after the warning that Matthews had given him, but how could he argue? As long as he was with Buffy, he could keep her safe. "All right, so when do we go? "

The agent smiled, knowing that Spike was at last engaging his brain before he spoke or acted. "We'll move you both into the safe house as soon as Buffy is well enough to be released from the hospital. "

Spike looked at the F.B.I. agent, he knew what he was doing. Again, someone was bending the rules and using the tiniest of loop holes they could to make sure that he was with his girl.

"Thank you, mate. Appreciate what you're doing. " Spike shook his hand and watched him leave. He sunk into his chair again and smiled. He had to go and check on Buffy, see her and tell her what was going to happen.

She felt numb. Like she was anaesthetized. Her body ached from the attack, true, but it felt disconnected. Like the pain was muted. After years of systematic abuse at the hands of Angel. She was physically, mentally and emotionally drained to the point where Buffy wondered if she would ever feel again.

Watching Spike leave the hospital room had been like a stake to her heart. She heard him say that he wouldn't leave her and yet, he had left when she needed him. It had driven the final nail in the coffin for her at that point. Buffy had laid in her bed, staring at the window, oblivious to anything and everything that carried on around her.

"She's shutting down. " The resident psychologist said over his shoulder.

Spike looked up, a frown creased his brow, "What do you mean, shutting down? "

"Buffy has suffered years of torment, physically, emotionally, mentally. She lived with the man that killed her parents, raped her, used her as a toy and as a whore. She still had the strength to gather enough information to put this man away for a long time, she had hope. Then she found you, after thinking that you had been killed by the man that had tried to destroy her. Now you have told her that you'll be there for her, but you aren't. You walked away from her, left her when she needs you the most. I understand what happened between you two is hard to cope with, but that woman is still going through it and will go through it until the monster that hurt her is out of her life. For good. She is free from the man and the lifestyle he imposed on her, but she is still his prisoner. He made an attempt on her life. Hired another man to seduce and kill her. She needs someone, you, to free her. You have been the only person that she has let in, that she trusted. I don't know what happened but you broke that trust. That is why she is shutting down. She has lost hope, lost any trust that she had. "

"I hurt the girl. "

"And now you have to show her that you won't. Show her that she can trust you. Be there for her. It won't be easy. "

"Since when has my life been easy? "

The psychologist snorted. "Its been a walk in the park when you compare it to what Buffy has been through. You have a good job, security, a nice house, friends. What has she got? She has nothing! A long list of men that have used her in one way or another! "

"She has me! " Spike growled, his temper flaring up at the reminder of what Buffy had been through.

The psychologist slammed his fist onto his desk, making the items on it rattle. "Then for gods sake, prove to her that she has, because right now, she doesn't think she has! "

Tears were falling unchecked from Spikes eyes. He knew that the man in front of him was speaking the truth. Buffy was closing herself off and his one mistake, had been the straw that broke the camels back. He had given her the last push over into the abyss that she was now lost in.

He stood abruptly and left the office without saying a word. He had to get to his girl. He had to fix her. He had to prove to his girl that she could trust him, that he loved her and nothing would change that. Buffy needed him to save her.

The nurse watched as Spike opened the door to Buffy's room and blew air over his lips. He shook the tension from his body and walked in quietly, closing the door gently so he didn't disturb her.

Buffy was still staring out of the window as she had been for hours. Spike swallowed hard, his throat felt tight and his mouth had suddenly dried . His hand ran through his hair, a nervous habit of his.

He tried to speak, but his dry mouth and constricted throat made it hard. "Bu-ffy? Pet? " He cleared his throat and coughed. "Sweetheart? "

She ignored him, he wasn't sure if she even registered that he was there. He went to the chair and pulled it against the bed, to sit beside her, with her facing him. Spike reached out and took the hand that lay lax on her hip above the covers. It was relaxed and didn't grip his hand. It hurt that she was so cut off from him and his eyes welled with tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, love. I... "

He sniffed, his breath hitching in his throat. He let the tears fall and buried his head against her and cried. All the pain, all the stress of now and of the past caught up with him and he wept.

Her hand moved, shakily she took her hand from his and stroked his face, then she rested it on his head as if to hold him to her. Buffy didn't speak, didn't meet his gaze. It was a connection though, one that made his heart miss a beat. He stayed there, all night, talking to her gently, reassuring her, telling her how much he loved her, worshipped and adored her and that he would never leave her again. They both fell asleep in the early hours of the morning, her hand cradling his head to her chest and that was how the nurse found them when she went in to check up on Buffy. She smiled and backed out of the room, leaving them to sleep and to hopefully reconnect.

Word reached Angel that Matthews had failed. He punched the walls of his cell and hurled obscenities into the air. Had his cells cot not been bolted down, he would have thrown it against the doors, the walls and ceiling as well. The bitch had survived and the feds had a better case against him now that they had Matthews.

Matthews arrived at the station and had been processed quickly. He had said nothing since he had been arrested, knowing the system and procedures. He held out hope that word would reach Angel and that O'Connor would hire him a lawyer that would get the charges against him dropped. Dressed in only the hospital gown that had been loosely secured around his nude body, he was thrust into a cell. His eyes widened when he realized that his cell mates were all criminals that he had put there.

Buffy was the first to wake. Her hand flexed in Spikes hair, then stroked through his now ruffled from sleep, soft curls and tufts. She snatched her hand back when she realized what she was doing. She stifled her yawn and stretched. Spike, roused from her stretching, nuzzled into her chest and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into him. Buffy froze and stiffened. Her eyes stared hard at the top of his head as Spike stirred and looked up at her.

"Morning, " his voice was quiet, as if not wanting to spook her.

"What are you doing here? " Buffy asked, her tone was even.

Spike sat up, wishing he hadn't as his back protested by aching. Spike stretched and scratched his chest, hoping to alleviate some of his back pain. " I came to check up on you. " he winced at his words. " I ... uh... came to see you so we could talk. Maybe. I want to prove to you that I am here for you. That I meant what I said. I want you to trust me again. "

She wanted to believe him, really. But everything was hard, so hard for her at that moment. Her emotions were a pit of negatives and her thoughts were scattered as if a tornado had whirled through her mind. She knew that they had both done things.... That they had both attempted to sleep with other people to hit back at each other out of pain and spite that neither of them really felt towards the other.

Okay, maybe she had done it because he had tried to sleep with someone first, which when she thought about it, was rather childish. Plus she had pushed him away, so part of the blame laid with her anyway. She sighed loudly and pushed herself up so that she was now sitting up on the bed.

" I want to, too. I just, I can't think straight right now and you, with the being here, kind of not helping. "

"I don't want to leave you. "

They both sighed. Buffy watched as he toyed with the edge of the sheet. " Can you just give me a little time? I want you here but I kind of can't deal with the emotional stuff. It's too hard right now. "

"So we see each other, we talk but we keep the relationship low key? "

She nodded.

He hurt and Spike felt as though it really was the beginning of the end. Holding back the emotions that threatened to drown him, he made his excuses and went to get a coffee. He only hoped that Buffy would change her mind and that he could convince her to trust him again. Staying with her in the safe house was going to be torture.