Almost

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or Chuck and Blair sadly.

Blair

She looked in the mirror. Her hair wasn't shiny enough and the bags under her eyes were disgusting. Her face looked sickeningly fat as well. Her mouth wasn't thin, it was almost pouty. Almost. Everything about Blair Waldorf was an almost. She was almost pretty enough. Almost thin enough, almost good enough. She got the guy, but lost him to her beautiful blond best friend. Her Dad was great till he left for some hot French guy. She was Queen Bee until she lost that too, another blond. A poor freshman named Jenny Humphrey. That was all in the past now. She was Queen Bee again. She and Serena had made up a while ago and things were going fine with her father. Why did she still feel almost good enough? Was it the guy thing? Nate had broken up with her after her relationship with Chuck had come out. Chuck too had abandoned her. Well first he said cruel, horrible things to her. He had apologized for that. They had gotten together again, for real this time. He had kissed her at the most talked about social event of the year, than he had to ditch her in Tuscany. That was it. Chuck had made her feel wanted and loved and good enough and than he took it all away. Chuck Bass did not have that power over her. It was impossible. She refused to allow Chuck to have the satisfaction of actually affecting her. That was a completely ridiculous thought. She erased the scene from the perfect movie of her life.

Chuck

Why did he tell her he would be late? He knew when he sent the text he wasn't going to make it. He lied and cheated. No, no he had almost cheated. Almost. Chuck Bass, terrified after his father's talk, had made some rather rash decisions and he wasn't sure what he was going to do about it. The soul heir to the Bass fortune, notorious womanizer was always in control even if he wasn't always right. Except when it came to Blair Waldorf, he would never control her. He didn't want too, just like he didn't want to hurt her. Blair Waldorf was the one who would be hurt most in all of this, but it was better now than later. Chuck Bass wasn't a boyfriend. He didn't do love, disregarding the fact that I'm totally in love with Blair.

He had those annoying, stupid butterflies. He was trying to murder them like he was supposed to do the last time. He wasn't having any luck with that. From her bright chocolate brown eyes to her beautiful thin figure Blair Waldorf was unforgettable. No blond could replace her. But Chuck Bass wasn't supposed to care about any of this. He was supposed to see some random hot slut and take her back to his suite, If he could wait that long. Was he Chuck Bass anymore? It was still his name, duh. But the reputation that name entailed, that wasn't Chuck anymore. He was almost Chuck Bass. He was still lecherous and he liked to party and make pervy comments. And sex he still loved sex. He just only wanted to have it with one girl, one perfect brunette girl. dammit.

Blair

Why did I believe him? I'm so stupid sometimes; ugh no it's all Chuck's fault. I hate him! He got her hopes up. He had crushed her and it wasn't even the first time she let him do it.

Flash Back:

She was walking though the city all alone, the sun had just settled behind the horizon. Finally this day is over. The longest and arguably worst day of Blair Waldorf's life seemed to have finally ended. She had started the day light and airy. Nate loved her and everything was going to be better this time. They were better and than it all fell down. It landed on Blair, crushing her under the withering gazes and whispers. Nate knew. Everybody knew. She was virgin queen no more, she had been dethroned. So she was wandering the city all alone and she needed to make it go away. She was going to Chuck just like she had the night of Victrola. He had been there than and she thought he would be there now. He was her escape. Besides he got me into this mess. Having finally picked her destination Blair felt some of the weight lift off her back. It was Chuck, but maybe it would be o.k. maybe he'll save me again. Ew! No never again. Blair erased the memory. She never thought of Chuck, it never happened.

End.

When she finally saw Chuck he had called her a smelly gross horse. The worse part is no matter what he said or did Chuck always seemed to be there, but he just let her walk out. No hysterics or hitting. Chuck Bass had crushed her and than just let her go. He didn't fight or try and stop her. No yelling "Blair!" after she left. Instead he watched her shadow. Haunted by what could have been. His heart ripping open before him, the pain spread across his face, as the beautiful brunette girl left him all alone. Blair had been numb from the world, a hollowed out skin of who she used to be after that day. She had tried to flee only to be convinced to stay and fight by Serena. She was finally whole again. Things were different this time. No games or masks. Blair and Chuck put on a great show for the world, each adopting a different persona that only touched on the human underneath the costume. For each other the facade melted away, and this time they let the other look closely enough to see the cracks each was struggling to keep hidden from the outsiders looking in.

Flashback: C&B's perspective

Chuck and Blair stumbled into the vacant coat room. Blair's lip stick was smeared in a completely adorable way and Chuck's own hair was rumbled. They were both in disarray from kissing and both had huge smiles on there faces. Chuck had paid the frumpy looking girl at the booth outside to get lost so they were all alone. Taking it slow though right? Why did I say that? He caught Blair's eyes and they were shining. The light he always saw burning a little more brightly, just for him. His thoughts were interrupted, when she kissed him enthusiastically on the mouth. They fell to the ground and Chuck's hand slid up Blair's leg slowly, we are taking it slow. Eventually sticking to his taking it slow rule, the making out subsided, though not without some protest.

"Why you stopping Bass? Don't tell me you have performance anxiety. I know it's been a while, but it's like riding a bike. You just have to get back in the saddle or back in me," Blair suggested, a smirk forming on the curve of her lip. Chuck eyeing her ruby mouth, planted the kiss on her this time. This time there was no snark behind Blair's wit. She was glowing and joking around. This wasn't defensive it was just fun.

"Let's leave the performance anxiety to Humphrey." Chuck pulled her back in for a kiss before he continued with mock sympathy "My poor Sister."

"At least she's getting some. Chuck Bass won't even put out"

"Taking it slow Waldorf," He whispered the second part in her ear "Remember I'm a romantic." A single shiver when down Blair's spine, it really was going to be different this time.

They settled in the corner farthest from the door, huddled together as if they needed warmth. Blair's legs entangled in Chuck's, his back slouched against the wall and her head had fallen to his chest. There was silence but it wasn't awkward or painful, it was peaceful. Either could talk if they wanted too, but this moment didn't need words. No puns or complex sentence structures. It was perfect in its simplicity, that these two people were finally comfortable enough to just be themselves. No lines or distractions, pure unabashed vulnerability, lying out in the middle of a closet for the other to see.

End.

What about the moment? If he wanted me to know it was different why did he leave? Chuck Bass is playing games on me. I won't let him! No one screws over Blair Waldorf. So much for not giving up on true love, even when the object of you affection is begging you too.

Chuck

So what do I do? Chuck Bass' head was more full of thought them usual. He was concentrating really hard on something that did not involve breast, a rare occurrence. It was about Blair, a not so rare occurrence. Blair occupied a lot of airtime in the mind of Chuck. Whether it was sweet or dirty, Blair was constantly on his mind. Even during the time period after the bar and before the wedding she was always in the back of his head. He was unable to completely get rid of her, to stop wanting her. He remembers Blair telling him at the wedding he didn't really try. Maybe he didn't, why would he ever consciously give up Blair Waldorf.

Flash Back: C&B perspective

In a lazy haze of champagne and giggles, Chuck and Blair were snuggled together on the floor of some closet at the Van der Bass wedding. They had been reunited less than an hour and a half and neither wanted the moment to ever end.

"What did you do while we were apart?"

"Harassed my new step sister," a smug smile forming on his lips. There was a twinkle in his eye as he remembered a particularly interesting bathroom incident. I wonder if she ever did get those new hand towels.

"I already heard about that. What else? Spill your dirty little secrets. I know you have some"

Sitting up, Chuck laid his back against the wall as Blair moved her head into the now available space on his neck, "Want to hear a secret?" Chuck paused unsure to continue," I spent the entire time apart trying to forget you." He finished in a low wistful voice.

Blair sat up to look at him, his hazel eyes and messy black hair. He's can't be serious? "How did that work out for you?"

Pursing his lips Chuck responded, "I'm sitting here with you aren't I?"

"You must have not really tried than," Blair said with a haughty look. In the mind of Blair Waldorf that was the only possible explanation.

"Oh I tried." Chuck was almost laughing now. Why were we arguing about me forgetting her after everything that's happened today?

Blair believed him but was enjoying the return of there sparring to much to quit now. Besides Blair Waldorf always has the last word, "Liar"

Chuck shook his head, "I think lover is more apt term to describe me."

"Not yet, taking it slow remember?" Blair was so animated, alive in away she only was when she was with Chuck.

"We can go slowly if you want. I have great stamina"

"So fickle, you know that's a very unattractive quality," Blair responded eyes glowing, her cheeks slightly rosy.

"Says the person who changed the code word from Versace to Burberry because she didn't like the fall line and you could at least let the other person know next time, you scarred me Waldorf"

"That collection was hideous!" Blair leaned forward.

"My latest scarf is from there" leaning closer, daring her to continue their trivial mock argument.

"My point exactly" Blair scored her point. Leaning even closer again, she was close enough to kiss him.

Half joking, half serious Chuck muttered, "That is the last time I ever expose Boris to your crude behavior."

"I can't believe you named your scarf Bass." Than he kissed her full on the mouth, both channeling all their passion and pent up frustration into the kiss. Slipping his tongue into her mouth they continued their playful battle on a more intimate level. They took it slow; Chuck was a lover not a liar.

End

Here he was trying. Why and I am consciously giving up Blair Waldorf? Because Chuck was in love and emotionally stunted. Word of caution, but those things don't mix well. Which left Chuck running away with out actually running anywhere at all, he had all he ever wanted, which left him terrify to screw it up. His insides shook at the very thought, he wasn't a screw up, he just did things a certain way. His very Chuck Bass way, which meant leaving Blair in Tuscany? She'll hate me. But it's for the best. I can't be me and in a relationship. I mean its fucking ridiculous to ever consider it. Except he had considered it, he had fought and apologized, with everything left in the air Chuck had stayed grounded, focusing just on wanting Blair and than he got her. I can't give her up. She belongs with me. Chuck wanted that moment back. He didn't want to lose himself, but he couldn't lose Blair either. He had to see her, even if just to make a fool out of himself. Looking at Blair always made him feel better. Maybe a look into her eyes would save him. Maybe she could help save him. Yeah right.

So I think I'm going to make this a two shot just to rap everything up, but I'm not entirely sure. Anyway hope you liked it.