A/N: So...this is technically a songfic to "I Bought It On Ebay" by Weird Al Yankovic. You'll notice that most of the lyrics are in there somewhere. If you've never heard the song, you can find it at / watch?v ZwTLxgXAl6Y (Remove spaces). That is the video that inspired me to write this. I'm so proud that I finally wrote a fanfic that I was willing to post. This is a crack fic, a horrible one at that, but please enjoy!
Disclaimer: Naruto, Sasuke, Ebay, The Smurfs, and everything else in this fic that is probably copyrighted does not belong to me. :Sigh:
"Sasuke! Sasuke! Come look!" Naruto called, gingerly setting down a box that the UPS man had just delivered.
Reluctantly, Sasuke dragged himself out of his bedroom. "What is it Naru—Oh hell NO!" He cried, seeing what his roommate was holding.
"What's wrong Sasuke?" The blond asked innocently, getting up to find a scissors to open the box with.
"What's wrong?! What's that?!" Sasuke yelled, pointing at the offending box.
"I don't know yet, Sasuke, I haven't opened it. But maybe it's the pink bathrobe, or that mint snowglobe, or better yet, the smurf TV tray! I bought it on ebay!" Naruto chirped happily, having finally found the scissors.
"That is EXACTLY the problem Naruto! It's ANOTHER ONE! Wait, you found a smurf TV tray? Never mind! The point is, my house is filled with this crap!" Sasuke was getting angrier by the second, and it didn't help that Naruto wasn't actually paying attention, being too excited about his package.
Apparently ignoring the outburst, Naruto said, excitedly, "Hey, Sasuke, you know it always shows up in bubble wrap? I LOVE bubble wrap, it's so much fun to pop—hey, where are you going?"
Sasuke had moved to the wall, where he began to repeatedly beat his head against it. "Almost every day. Another box, more obnoxious bubble wrap popping noises, and then another item to add to the pile." He moaned.
"But Sasuke...it's what I bought on ebay." Naruto pouted.
Sasuke whirled on Naruto. "Tell me why I need another pet rock! Tell me why I got that alf alarm clock for Christmas! Tell me why you bid on Shatner's old toupee!"
"Well, duh," Naruto murmured. "They had it on ebay."
"Naruto, you tell one more random ebayer 'I'll buy your knick-knack' and I'll murder you, got it?" Sasuke growled.
"But Sasuke," Naruto whined, "Just check my feedback! It's always A+! They all say they love me on ebay!"
"Shut up! I never want to hear you say you're gonna buy a slightly-damaged golf bag again!" Sasuke screamed, storming into his room and slamming the door.
"What if I told you I was gonna buy some beanie babies, new with tag?" Naruto called through the wood.
"From some guy you've never met in Norway?" Sasuke huffed angrily.
"What?!" Naruto retorted, moving to lean against Sasuke's bedroom door. "I found him on ebay!"
"Shut up! Just SHUT UP!" Sasuke cried, covering his ears and screaming at the top of his lungs.
So Naruto, naturally, started yelling nonsense even louder than Sasuke was. "I am the type who is liable to snipe you with two seconds left to go!"
"Whoa! What the hell?! What is that supposed to mean?!" Sasuke yelled, trying to shut Naruto up.
But Naruto couldn't hear him over his own yelling. "Got or visa, whatever'll please ya, as long as I've got the dough!"
Sasuke's (unheard) retort was, "You don't have any money, you steal MY credit card!"
Naruto continued, "I'll buy your tchotchkes. Sell me your watch please? I'll buy. I'll buy. I'll buy. I'll buy!"
At this point Sasuke turned and flung his door open, depositing Naruto on the floor. He stared down at the (finally silent) younger boy and said, "You sound like a broken record."
Naruto smirked. "I'm highest bidder. Always."
Sasuke snorted. "Yeah, and now junk keeps arriving in the mail from that world-wide garage sale."
"Hey! I happen to LIKE that world-wide garage sale!" Naruto protested, getting up and going back to the box he had yet to finish opening.
"Whatever, Moron." Sasuke said, starting to head towards the kitchen for a drink.
"Hey!" Naruto cried a moment later, "A Dukes of Hazzard ash tray!"
Sasuke poked his head back in the main room. "A Dukes of Hazzard ash tray?!" He asked excitedly.
"Oh yeah..." Naruto murmured, remembering, "I bought it on ebay! It was supposed to be your birthday present..."
"Whatever, Usuratonkachi."
"Hey Sasuke! Wanna buy a pacman fever lunchbox?"
"No."
A few seconds later...
"Wanna buy a case of vintage tube socks?"
"No!"
Later yet...
"Wanna buy a kleenex used by Dr. Dre?"
"Dr. Dre? Who the hell is that?!"
"I don't know, I found it on ebay."
Silence.
A few minutes later...
"Hey Naruto, wanna buy me that Farrah Fawcet poster?"
"And pez dispensers...and a toaster?"
"NO! And stop making that face, it's creeping me out."
"I don't know why, but the kind of stuff you'd throw away I'll buy on ebay."
"Don't you dare say it!"
"Here's the list of what I bought on ebay..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
End