Have you every held a secret, one so big that if anyone ever found out, you felt like the world might implode

Rating: T to be safe, just because Miley's imagination can be a little suggestive and primal, if you know what I mean  Plus, there may be some 'bad language,' alcohol, and drugs at some point in the story.

Synopsis: Unrequited love. Why did it have to hurt so much, yet at the same time fill her with a sense of the world having a purpose? Throughout the years that Miley continues her friendship with Oliver, from high school through college, she comes to realize one thing. Love isn't something you should run away from.

Authors Note: So, I decided to turn my one-shot Hold Me into a longer, more detailed version. The story line isn't entirely the same, which you'll notice if you read both of them. Most of this is based on my relationship with my best guy friend, although we aren't together in real life. But everything Oliver does for her, and their friendship over the years, is inspired by him and real life events. I would also like to take the time to thank my beta readers...you know who you are :)

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Hannah Montana or Disney. I'm a poor, starving college student who eats pop-tarts for dinner. All other characters not owned by Disney are mine though, including most of the story.

Chapter One

Have You Ever Held a Secret?

Have you ever held a secret, one so big that if anyone ever found out, you felt like the world might implode?

Ok. I may have held my fair share of secrets over the years, one in particular concealing my alternate identity (Hannah Montana – don't tell anybody!), but this one in particular tops them all.

You see, when I first moved to Malibu, California in the 6th grade, I met this boy. He was cute, and charming, and he always brought a smile to my face. Despite the fact that he decided to tell everyone I ate opossum because I came from Tennessee. However, I forgave him for that, and seeing as he was the best friend of my new best friend, it was inevitable that he and I became best friends as well. And you know what they say – once you're in the friend zone, you'll always be a friend. There is absolutely no chance of a relationship.

So we continued to be friends, our little adventures bringing us even closer over the years. I had hoped that those slight feelings I had for him when I was twelve would fade over time. I mean, what twelve-year-old knows anything about love? And that is true. I didn't know anything about love. In fact, I had no idea what love was. I had a crush, and naïve as I was, I automatically assumed that those feelings were of greater importance than they were.

But boy was I wrong! It reminds me of that time Uncle Earl thought he was a contortionist and went to the State fair to prove his point. Sweet Mama! That's a sight I don't think I can handle ever seeing again!

Any who, how I felt five years ago doesn't compare even in the slightest amount to what I feel now. Because if this isn't love, I don't think I'll ever know what is. All I know is that when he smiles at me, his chocolate brown eyes gleaming in happiness, I feel like nothing is wrong with the world and I could melt into a pool of love-sick gooeyness right then and there. Or when he speaks my name, my ears ring with pleasure (if that's even possible) and nothing has ever sounded so sweet. When he hugs me I could almost cry with how right it feels, and I have to restrain myself from wrapping my arms around him every time I see him. When he looks at me with compassion when I'm feeling down, I can't imagine anyone else ever making my world right again.

Everything he does makes me proud to know him and be his friend. Well, I hope to be more, but I live with what I've got. I want to show him off to the world, tell everyone how amazing he is, and everything he does for me. I don't love him because I need him in my life, I need him in my life because I'm so in love with him that I don't think I could go on living if he wasn't here anymore. When I'm around him, I feel like I'm home, you know?

And so all of this brings me to the present. I'm sitting here at the beach with my other best friend Lilly, watching Oliver as he makes his way out of the pacific blue ocean with his surfboard. The light breeze lightly scented with the smell of salt water blowing in from the ocean is the only thing keeping me from dying of heat exhaustion, or from my body flushing with the sight of him. Let me just say this – Oliver with his shirt off, wet hair plastered against the side of his face and the sun glistening off the water droplets as they stream down his body is enough to make me die and go to heaven right here and now. It's like he's taunting me. Over the years as it's become clearer that he will never feel the same way towards me and we'll never be together, he has only become more attractive. And sexy.

He joined the track and cross country teams our sophomore year, which only made him stronger and his muscles more defined, giving him a six-pack where there used to only be a one-pack and toning the rest of his muscles. And all that shirtless running in the hot California sun gave his body a nice sun-kissed glow. I couldn't help but stare and drool whenever he would run by me on the beach, laughing and talking with his teammates. But he always managed to turn to me, give an amazingly warm and heart-melting smile and a small wave before returning to his conversation with the rest of the boys. Lilly always thought I was checking out the rest of the team as they ran by (and I will admit that some of them were very cute), but I only had eyes for one boy.

And that boy is walking straight towards me at this very moment! Sweet nibblets!!

"Hey Miles! Man, did you see that last wave I rode in? That thing was killer!" he grinned as a few water droplets dripped on to my leg. Sadly, I would savor those small innocent drips as if they were sent from God himself.

"Huh? Oh, I wasn't payin' any attention," I lied, not letting on that the only thing I had given any attention to for the past hour had been him. In fact, my eyes had been wandering down past his amazing abs and had settled right above the rim of his navy blue board shorts, longing to know what his muscles led to underneath the fabric, and if it was as incredible as the rest of his body. I wasn't sure if it was a trick of the sunlight or if he actually looked somewhat disappointed when I told him I hadn't been watching him. It must have been the light. "The waves are good today, huh?"

"Yeah man, they're awesome! Smokin' Oken had a chance to show off for the ladies!" A small chuckle escaped his lips as he posed with his surfboard, and I couldn't help but grin back at him. "Hey, I'm going to head back to my place to get cleaned up – but what are you and Lil up to later tonight? Me and a couple guys from Cross were going to go bowling over at Sunrise Bowl. You guys should really come!"

A smile crept up on to my face. I know, it was not a date! But still, who am I to turn down any opportunity to spend time with him?

"Yeah, sounds like fun! What do you say Lilly?" I asked as I nudged my other best friend lying next to me.

Up until this point, I wasn't even sure if she was awake. She had been sunbathing on her towel for the past hour, sunglasses covering her eyes and an iPod in her ears, her long blonde hair messily pulled into a bun at the top of her head. "Hmm? You want something?" was her groggy response.

"Yes. What do you say to bowling with Oliver and a few guys from his team?"

"Graham Palmer will be there," Oliver added, knowing she had a huge crush on the leading varsity runner for the team. At this, Lilly bolted upright.

"Graham? Really? What time? Where? What should I wear?" She yelled as she turned to me and began shaking my shoulders.

"Relax Lilly. We'll find something for you in the Hannah closet. And I don't know what time. Oliver?" I asked, looking back up at his face, shielding my eyes from the sun in the process, which was now directly behind his head creating a halo around his perfect face. Seriously, I need to stop! Anyway, I could have sworn that he was checking me out when I looked back up at him, his eyes no longer on my face but somewhere along my body in the vicinity of my chest. I have to admit, I had picked out one of my cutest bathing suits after Lilly had mentioned that Oliver would be down at the beach today as well. It was a dark rose color with white polka dots, and the top was a halter, tying at the neck. I knew the color went well with my olive skin tone.

"Huh? Oh, umm...time...right...I don't remember. How about I give you a call in about an hour?"

"Sounds good," I smiled at him as he began to walk away. "Oh, and Oliver!" I yelled at his retreating figure, catching his attention as he turned back to me. "Next time remember my face is at the top of my body, not on my chest."

At this comment, his face turned bright red and I could hear a mumbled "right..." as he continued on his way back to his house. Well, that confirmed my suspicion that he had been staring at certain anatomical features on my body other than my face earlier.

I glanced over at Lilly and all I received was a look – eyebrows raised in question and a small smirk on her lips. "What?" I asked innocently.

"Oh, don't pretend you didn't like him checking you out. I have it on pretty good authority that you've been waiting a long time for him to notice you."

My eyes widened in alarm and my heart sped up. Oh God, did she know? "Blondie say what??"

"Please, Miley! I'm not deaf, dumb and blind! Did you think I wouldn't notice you drooling over him in the hallways, in class, or when you drag me to watch him run in his meets? I mean, hey! I love Oliver too! Don't get me wrong. He's a great guy and a great friend. I just don't love him as much or in the context that you do."

Gulp. That's all I could think or do. I suddenly felt how hot the sun was beating down on me and involuntarily broke into a sweat. Is this what suffocation felt like? No. NO. NO!! NonononoNoNoNoNONONO!! No one was supposed to find out how I felt about him. I was going to continue to not act on my sometimes almost debilitating feelings, and eventually it was supposed to all just go away. I mean, it was the summer before our senior year of high school. Only one more year until I was most likely going to be separated from him. And despite all the sayings that 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder,' I had told myself that distance from him would finally allow me to move on with my life. By having someone else know about these feelings, it was somehow etching them in stone, forever there, staring back and agonizing me.

Oh, who was I kidding? I was going to be in love with this boy for the rest of my life, and there was nothing I could possibly do about it.

At Lilly's expectant expression, I finally caved. "Alright! Ya got me! But it's not like I asked for this to happen, ok? It just did." I sighed, slumping back down on my towel. "Sweet nibblets..." I groaned, suddenly realizing the implications of Lilly knowing my secret.

The world really was going to come to an end. If she had learned anything from me over the years, it was how to concoct grand schemes and meddle in other peoples lives. I had taught her well, and now it was coming back to haunt me.

"Oh, don't worry. It's not like I'm going to say anything to Oliver. Although, I will tell you this. If I have to sit through another year of watching you two pine over each other, I will do something about it," she mumbled, readjusting herself on her beach towel.

"'You two'? What do you mean?" My breath slightly hitched in my throat as I thought of the possible meanings behind her words. Could it be? No. Impossible. Oliver had never thought of me as more than a friend. He had flat out said so to my face after he found out that his celebrity crush, Hannah Montana, was actually me. And ever since then, his actions have done nothing but prove that point. I was his buddy, his pal, his friend. And nothing more. Right?

"Come on, Miley! How can you two be so oblivious? I thought that was my job! I mean, it's obvious to me how you both feel about each other. If I was right about you, then that can only mean I'm right about Oliver as well. You just need to tell the boy how you feel, get married, have babies, and get it over with!"

I could only lay there in response, staring up at the clear blue sky. My mind was going over every encounter I've had with him, trying to decide if Lilly's words were true or not. And if they were, what I was going to do about it, and how I was going to go about doing it.

And was this what I really wanted? In a few months we were all going to be taking the SATs and applying to colleges. While I planned to stay in the state, and in the vicinity of L.A. or Malibu, I had no idea where Oliver was planning on going. I know he had a lot of pressure from his dad to go to his alma mater – Columbia. And his older sister had gone to Texas. Oliver had no reason to pick an in-state school. He certainly had the grades and the support from his family to go anywhere he chose to go.

So, was it worth it, to tell him how I feel, only to be heart broken a year later? Oliver was a good looking guy with a great personality to go along with it. I'm sure he would have girls crawling all over him, and in no time at all, he would be calling me to break off our relationship (that is...if he even felt the same way in the first place). I know I'm being pessimistic, but I'm only trying to protect my heart here! If I don't get too emotionally involved, then there won't be as much heart ache later on down the road.

Slowly, I rolled up on to my side, head propped in my hand as I glanced at Lilly. She was smiling rather smugly as she continued to listen to her music. I reached over and yanked out an ear-bud, grabbing her attention.

"Ouch! What was that all about?" she glared, only to soften up her expression as she saw the serious one on mine. She rolled on to her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows as she glanced at me expectantly.

"Lilly, I know what you're thinking. But I just don't think that Oliver and I being together would be a good idea. I mean, what if I finally realize once he kisses me that I don't actually want him to, you know? And what about next year? What happens when we all leave to go different places? I don't like the thought of a long-distance relationship. I just feel that dating in high school is pointless. After Jake kept leaving me, and I realized that people our age just aren't mature enough to handle relationships, I made a promise to myself not to get involved in them anymore. I just...I want you to promise me to let me think about this myself, okay? Trust me, you'll be the first to know if I ever change my mind about this." I ended, my voice trailing off as I once again let myself think of the possibility of Oliver and I ever getting together.

"Miley...you know you have nothing to be scared about. If you feel strongly about a person, and it's really meant to be, then distance or time apart really won't affect the relationship in the end. If you're supposed to be together, then you will be. But you're right – you need time to consider your relationship with Oliver and how you want it to go. So I promise that I won't meddle around with it. However...if you guys are thirty and still single and depressed, then I seriously will do something about it." A warm smile appeared on her face, and I was grateful once again that she was my best friend. I knew I could trust her.

--

I groaned in frustration as I peeled my shirt off, throwing it into the growing pile of clothes on my bed. I couldn't find anything to wear tonight! I wanted to look good for Oliver, and I also didn't want Lilly to be the best looking girl at the bowling alley. I had finally decided on a pair of white linen Capri pants that would show off my tan but still keep me warm from the cool night air and ocean breeze. But I still needed to choose a shirt, which would affect which make-up I would wear and how I would style my hair.

Letting out a sigh, I flopped down on to my bed and stared at the ceiling. When did it become so important how I looked around him? He saw me everyday in my normal school clothes. In fact, he had even seen me right after I woke up in the mornings, hair a mess and still wearing my pajamas! And shouldn't I care less about how he thinks I look anyway? "When did I become such a confused mess?" I mumbled to myself before rolling over and screaming into my pillow.

"Whoa! What happened in here? Did your closet throw up on you?" Came Lilly's voice from the doorway.

"No. I'm just a pathetic loser who can't decide what to wear to her non-date with a boy that she doesn't necessarily want to be with anyway," I mumbled into my pillow, avoiding looking her in the eyes for the time being.

"Ahh...I see how it is now." She snickered as she made her way over to the pile of clothes on my bed next to me. "What's wrong with this?"

I glanced to see what she was referring to. She was holding the shirt I had just discarded only moments before. "I don't know...it didn't look right," still mumbling in to the pillow.

"Well, let me be the judge of that. Try it on," she replied as she tossed the shirt on top of my head.

I reluctantly sat up and put the shirt on, fixing my hair once I had straightened the shirt out and smoothed out my pants. "See? My arms look too long and my neck looks fat." I pointed out as I stood dejectedly in front of the mirror. It was a silk halter top with a deep v-neck cut, a light rose color depicting cherry branches over a lighter peachy pink. I had to admit, it was probably one of the nicest and flattering shirts I had. But for some reason, absolutely nothing looked good on me today. Maybe I should just go in a potato sack. Or not go at all.

No! I couldn't pass up the opportunity of spending time with him. I physically ached when I wasn't around him. Being near him made me feel whole again.

"Girl who works with a personal trainer four days a week, say what?" came Lilly's response, mimicking the saying I had become known for using over the years.

"Come on! How can you not say that my arms look too long! Look at them!" I said, dangling my arms at my sides in response. "And the way this comes up around my neck – don't you think it makes my neck look bigger?"

"No. Now you're wearing that. Go do your make-up, and maybe you'll change your mind about not looking good. I'm going to go pick out something in the Hannah closet. Then we can work on your hair."

"Lilly, I should be the one making you look good for Graham tonight, not the other way around!" I exclaimed, turning away from the mirror to look her straight in the eye.

"I know, but right now I think you need a little more help."

--

Forty-five minutes later, Lilly and I found ourselves standing in front of the bowling alley. I could see Oliver inside, joking around with his friends in front of the counter. He had showered, obviously, and was now wearing a green and white striped polo with khaki shorts. I recognized it as the one he bought a few weeks ago when Lilly and I had drug him to the mall to do some back-to-school shopping. He reluctantly went, and I ended up picking out all of his clothes for him since he had no idea where to even start. Not that I minded.

I suddenly realized that Lilly had grabbed my hand and was pulling me through the doors. I must have been staring for longer than I thought. A blush crept on to my cheeks as Oliver noticed us out of the corner of his eye and turned to give me a smile, my heart speeding up slightly as well.

"Miley! Lilly! You guys ready to get your butts whipped?" He grinned as he came up between us, putting an arm around each of our shoulders and steering us to the counter.

"Oliver, you already know that I'm horrible at bowling. Anybody could beat me, including five year old girls," I replied, bumping his side with mine as we paid for our shoes and games.

"Yeah, you really didn't inherit any athletic genes at all, did you?" he laughed back, patting me on my shoulder as he left to pick out a ball.

"Hey!" I yelled. "I'll have you know that dancing around a stage for several hours takes a lot of work and talent! I'm not completely worthless in the athletic department."

"That's true. You're not completely worthless," he whispered in my ear as he walked past me to the lane to bowl. Shivers ran down my spine at the feel of his warm breath against my ear. I couldn't even think clearly to come up with a come-back. Instead, I just watched him go through the movements as he rolled his ball down the lane. Like all the other times I had been bowling with him in the past, he threw a strike. Turning back, he smirked at me. "Now that, ladies, is how it's done."

When it was my turn, I focused all my energy on where I was rolling the ball, but it still ended up in the gutter. Wonderful. Now I'm going to make a complete fool out of myself in front of him. I turned around, and sure enough, he was smiling at me. "What? And I suppose you know what I did wrong?"

He merely shook his head in response and got up to walk toward me. "Here, when you go up to the line, make sure your arm swings like this," he said as he moved his left hand on to my lower back with his right hand grabbing on to mine. He then swung our arms in a pendulum motion, back and forth. I could feel his body heat seeping through the layers of clothing separating us, his warm breath back on my neck again. His proximity to me was making it difficult to pay attention to what he was telling me. Instead, my brain decided to focus on how good he smelled. I could detect a light soap smell, most likely his shampoo. There was also a very light warm cologne smell mixed in, making my head feel light and my eyes slip closed as I reveled in his scent. But just as sudden as the feelings he was producing in me overwhelmed me, they were suddenly gone as I realized he had stepped back, only his left hand remaining on my lower back. My eyes snapped back open at the sound of his voice. "Now just remember that when you go up there. If you turn your shoulder, then the ball will go in that direction. So just keep it straight and throw the ball in the motion I showed you."

I nodded in response and made my way over to the center of the lane. Looking down at the pins, I tried to visualize the ball rolling straight down the center towards them. Instead, all I could feel was Oliver's arm on mine as he had demonstrated the motion of the ball earlier. I shook my head, attempting to clear out those thoughts, and went to roll the ball down the lane. When it finally released from my fingers, I stood in anticipation, fingers crossed, as it made its way toward the pins. It hit them slightly to the left, and in the end, only three remained standing. Squealing, I turned back around to find Oliver laughing at my antics.

"Boy, you sure do know how to teach 'em, don't ya?" I asked, giving him a high-five as he put his hand up in the air.

"Nah...Only when my pupils are as good as you. Now you still have to knock those last pins down. Do you think you can handle it?"

My right eyebrow raised in response to his challenge. "Oh, you haven't seen Miley at her best yet! I was only getting warmed up" I sassed back as I made my way up to the bowling lane again. Unfortunately I only managed to knock down two more pins, the last one standing there, mocking me.

The rest of the game continued in the same fashion. Oliver attempting to correct my bowling form, and the two of us bantering back and forth. Occasionally Lilly would glance at me knowingly, but for the most part she was too absorbed in flirting with Graham Palmer to notice or care.

After we bowled two more games, Lilly came up to me and grabbed my arm. "Graham wants to go get some dinner with me! I know I was your ride. Do you want me to say no?"

"Girl, don't even think about saying no to the boy! Go! I'll be fine walking home. It's only about three miles to my house. I think a nice evening walk is what I need anyway."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she squealed, and then ran off to where Graham was waiting by the doors.

"Looks like both your ride and mine ditched us tonight" came Oliver's voice from behind me. Turning around, I noticed that he was the only one left of our group besides me.

"Well, can't stand in the way of true love, now can I? Would you care to join me on my walk, or are you going to call your parents for a ride?" I asked, secretly hoping that he would agree to come along.

"I'll walk with you, if you don't mind. It's getting dark anyway...you'd be safer with me. But first, I'm going to wash my hands. They're all sticky from the bowling ball" he grimaced as he stared down at his hands.

"Me too. I'll meet you outside" I stated, making my way towards the women's restroom. When I came outside, I found Oliver already waiting. He was leaning against a post, hands in his pockets as he stared out at the sidewalk in front of the building. I stopped for a few moments to watch him, memorizing his profile when he was calm and relaxed. I loved how his shaggy long brown hair lightly fluttered when the breeze picked up. Even the color of his skin after a long summer of running and surfing seemed to give me goose-bumps. Once again I restrained myself from walking up to him and wrapping my arms around his waist. This seemed to be getting harder to do. After a few moments, he turned and noticed me watching him, a small warm smile forming on his lips.

"You ready?" he asked, holding out an arm for me to link mine through.

I nodded my response, and together we began the walk back to my house. As we neared the neighborhood I lived in, Oliver steered us toward the beach, heading over to a small play-set with swings and a slide. We both sat in a swing, facing the ocean, as we slowly swung back and forth.

"Hey, Oliver? What do you want to do when you're done with school?" I asked, glancing down at the hole I was creating by dragging my feet each time I swung by, sand sifting through my toes as it fell back to the earth.

"I don't know," he sighed. "For a while I wanted to eventually go to medical school, but now I'm not so sure. One, it's expensive. Two, I won't be able to be as involved with my family as I would like. And three, I'm not so sure I'd be good at all the memorizing I'll most likely have to do. My dad is barely home, and while that may be partly his choice, I think I would rather have more time with my wife and kids than be stuck at the hospital all day. Even if it meant making less money for them. So now I'm not so sure. Especially since I don't really know what else is out there, you know? Hopefully I'll figure it out in college."

I leaned my head against the chain supporting the swing, looking over at him with a smile on my face. I always knew he was a sensitive guy, I just never expected that out of him. And the thought of Oliver as a doctor, for some strange reason, seemed to turn me on. If it was at all possible, I think I fell even more in love with him in that moment.

I sighed. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Instead of asking for me to clarify, he only nodded his head in response. I think he already knew what I was talking about. The only reason I was going to college in the first place was to study business and a little music, in order to ensure I knew how to manage myself and not allow other people to take advantage of me. But after that, the only thing I had going for me was Hannah Montana. Sure, I would have my business degree to fall back on, but I was hoping that Hannah would remain popular long enough for me to live off of her earnings. Maybe some day down the road I would give up the secret identity and just become Miley Stewart. But until that day, if I decided it would ever come, Hannah was my life. And that meant the life of a celebrity. Constant press releases, CD signings, concerts, meet and greets, public appearances...the list never seemed to end. Raising a family on that life would be difficult, and the past examples I had to look at weren't very reassuring. What I wanted in the end was a loving husband and good environment to raise a family with him in. Would that be possible for Hannah Montana?

I let out a long, exaggerated breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding in. Why did the future have to be so uncertain? I sometimes wish I knew what would happen if I chose certain directions in life. But like my daddy said...what would be the point of life if you knew? So I guess I had to remain in the dark, not knowing if my decisions would end up being the right ones. Like choosing to remain friends with Oliver. Or choosing to be Hannah instead of Miley.

"Miles?" Asked Oliver after several minutes of silence.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if I've ever told you this...but I want you to know that who you are and what you are about is amazing. I look up to you, you know?" he questioned, directing his gaze over to me. "What you've done with your life so far is pretty amazing. I'm proud to be your friend. And I can only hope for an incredible future for you. You deserve it. And I think you'll blow them all away in the end."

Speechless. That's how I felt as my swing slowly came to a stop. The light from the sun was almost completely gone now, making it difficult to make out his features. However, I could still see the glimmer in his eye as he looked over at me, and for some reason it seemed to empower my spirits. Through his words, I suddenly felt like I really could reach the stars if I wanted to.

A small tear made its way down my cheek as I huskily replied, "Thanks, Oliver."

So...what did ya think? Let me know, please!!