No one thought I knew, but I wasn't a blind woman. It hurt I admit it. He loved another woman.

That first year had been blissful. The feeling of falling in love was something, if done right, only happened once. We'd been happy and had spent all our time together. Now that I think back on it, what I thought I saw in his eyes was merely admiration, not love. It hurt to think of my naïve self. It hurt to think that I'd been tricked.

I looked at him now. Age had given us wisdom, as well as wrinkles. But Caspian was still handsome in my eyes. He still held himself proudly and spoke in a clear, commanding tone. It wasn't at these moments when I had realized that he loved another.

I can't really remember when I had realized he loved another woman. It was more I realized that he didn't love me. A few years ago when Rilian had been just a baby, I had walked into the room to see Caspian simply holding him with a look in his eyes that I didn't recognize. Then a few days later, it came to me. Caspian had been looking at Rilian with love.

That led me to think he didn't love me. Everything just seemed to fit together. I watched other couples, some of the nobles and the servants. They had this way about them, it was hard to describe.

Not that Caspian didn't care for me. I knew that much. At least now I did. During my epiphany, I had thought Caspian had lied to me all these years and had put on a façade for the good of Narnia. But now I see that he loves me in a different way.

But who was the other woman? I asked Trumpkin and Caspian's advisors but they wouldn't budge. They simply assured me, he was not having an affair.

Then one day Cornelius came to me with a sad smile. "Trumpkin told me that you have discovered our dear King's secret."

At first I was confused, then embarrassed and then it slowly sank in to me that it was true. Someone had finally confirmed it. There had been a small hope that all this had been a silly goose chase, but Cornelius's statement had finalized it. Caspian loved another woman. I stood from the chair where I and the nanny were watching Rilian and followed him to his study. The smell of musty books and papers filled my senses, calming me.

"I know, more than anyone else in this castle, that hiding the truth from someone is more poisonous than just telling them. And you should know the truth." Cornelius passed a cup of spiced tea to me. "Has anyone ever told you of Caspian's arrival to the throne?"

I thanked him and sipped before answering. "His uncle Miraz tried to have him killed. And when it was discovered that he had fled to the Narnians, there was a war. Caspian won." I knew the popular story. "King Peter, and Edmund and Queen Susan and Lucy came from their time to help. I met Edmund and Lucy on the voyage of the Dawn Treader." I explained. But what did this have to do with his lover. There was a twinkle in the professor's eye.

"So you know of Queen Susan." He stated simply as if making a casual conversation.

But those words cut through me like knives. The famous Queen Susan. Lucy had told me about her beauty and strength. How she fought in the war like any man. "Lucy told me" I answered in a weak voice. "So that is the woman he loves?"

"You must understand." The professor sat beside the shaking Queen. "It was the kind of love that any Prince can fall into. A love that cannot be. She was of another world. And he couldn't follow her. I suppose he has always and will continue to wonder where she is. I'm sorry this happened to you. But know that Caspian does love you in a different way."

"Just not like he loved Queen Susan." I stated with a hint of contempt I could not compel away.

"Oh my dear. Do not think of it as a competition. Queen Susan was quite the young lady. Fierce and protective. She also fell for Caspian, not something she was expecting I'd wager." He laughed.

I looked at Cornelius and saw there was sadness in his eyes as he said this. He felt bad for them. I could see his point of view.

I thought of Caspian and I thought of the woman who held his heart. They didn't expect to fall in love, but they had. I suddenly felt sad for Caspian. To live an entire life without knowing, without the ability to reach closure. Without the one you really love by your side.

I decided to not tell Caspian that I knew, for now. Perhaps someday in the future but for now, I didn't want Caspian to think that I was unhappy. Caspian has given me a family and a home. And although he doesn't love me like I thought, I understand now.

Caspian will always love her. Queen Susan.

Hey so I know this is kind of off topic, but I wanted her voice in things. Especially with the movie coming up.

SailorKMoonie ^_^