Chapter 1: the child that never was

Roxas stood outside Vexen's lab, anxiously waiting in front of the locked double doors. It was his first time to move about inside the castle after recovering from his last mission with Axel and Xigbar.

A failed mission.

Or at least, he assumed they must have failed, for him to wake up in his bed a week after the mission without any recollection of what had happened in the past seven days. Demyx had attempted to be reassuring ("Well, of course you won't remember anything after falling from a thirty-foot building, landing on a stack of hay and slamming the back of your head onto the rear end of a horse. Hey, are you sure you still know who you are?"). Roxas also gathered—from Zexion, because Demyx's over-exaggerated secondhand narrations made his fingers itch to summon his Keyblades and slash the annoying sitar player's throat—that Xigbar had escaped with minimal injury, and was in fact the one who practically dragged the knocked-out Roxas and Axel back to their stronghold after single-handedly disposing of the unexpectedly powerful hordes of Heartless that had gone berserk on them.

Zexion said that Axel was pushed off the same building Roxas was, already half-unconscious after receiving a particularly debilitating blow from a stray Morning Star. Fortunately for him he landed in a fountain. Equally unfortunately for him, it was an unusually ¬deep fountain and Axel had nearly drowned.

Which explained why Roxas was here in the first place, frowning at the still-closed doors and wondering what in the thousand worlds had happened for Axel to still be bedridden after all this time. As if confining him in Vexen's lab wasn't suspicious enough, in itself.

It cost him another hour of imitating a despondent statue before the doors finally opened. Roxas' eyes shot up, only to meet a pair of amber ones devoid of any considerable emotion. "Ah, Roxas. Come to collect Axel, have you?" Xemnas asked.

"Yes, sir." Roxas shifted uncomfortably, biting his lip when Xemnas made to turn away. "Is he okay? What happened to him? Why is he still locked up in there?" he blurted out, immediately regretting his outburst when Xemnas gave him a piercing stare.

"How…unusual," Xemnas murmured, his eyes hovering over Roxas' countenance in a way that made Roxas feel extremely small. "You are worried about him." It was a statement, not a question.

Roxas' face flushed slightly. "I… It's just that, he's my partner and—"

Xemnas held up one hand and Roxas immediately closed his mouth. "It's all right, child. All of us long for the same thing, do we not? To be able to feel again." He glanced up at the ceiling, spreading out his arms grandly, and Roxas feared that his Superior was going to subject him to another winding speech about the Organization's noble objectives and their dreams for the glorious future of Nobodies everywhere, et cetera, et cetera... "Soon. Soon, with our efforts, we shall complete our Kingdom Hearts and we will attain that which you most desire…"

Roxas cleared his throat, desperate to cut off Xemnas' monologue before he fell asleep standing up. "Uh…sir? May I request for permission to enter the lab?"

Xemnas slowly lowered his arms, gazing at Roxas as if he had never seen anything quite like him before. Then again, it was the first time that anyone had dared to interrupt one of his grandiose discourses. Roxas shrunk back, bracing himself for an appropriate punishment for his audacity, but Xemnas did nothing of the sort. "There is no need. If you are that anxious for another mission out on the field, I will assign you another partner. I believe Demyx would be eager to accompany you—"

"NO! I mean," Roxas amended when Xemnas shot him another sharp look, "I don't need a different partner. Axel's fine."

For a moment Roxas thought that the corner of Xemnas' mouth twitched, but he must have imagined it. "I see. Well. I thought it would be a problem, but since you are so insistent…"

"Sir?" Roxas blinked, not quite understanding what his Superior was getting at.

Xemnas ignored him and rapped briskly on the double doors. "Vexen! You may let him out. Roxas shall look after him."

"Wait…look after him?" Roxas repeated, his eyes darting from Xemnas to the door, where a very peeved Vexen was emerging.

"It's about time!" Vexen hissed, marching forward and grabbing Roxas by the arm. Roxas had never seen Number IV look so enraged before. "It's been an entire week; I was starting to think you would never wake up and leave that stupid, snot-nosed brat in our hands until Kingdom Hearts knows how long—"

"Patience, Vexen. He is not quite himself; you must allow—"

"He nearly blew up my entire lab!" Vexen screamed, all the while shaking Roxas violently by the arm as if it were his fault Vexen's sanctuary had narrowly avoided going up in flames. "Three times, Xemnas, and that was in the past hour alone!"

Xemnas smiled wryly, not deigning to humor Vexen's complaints as he turned heel and sauntered down the hall without another word.

Vexen glared resentfully after him before sneering at Roxas. "No matter. He isn't my problem anymore." And with that, he forcefully pushed a baffled Roxas into the room.

Roxas barely got through the doorway when he knocked his knee into something. He looked down. And gaped.

Two eyes stared back at him, bottle-green and watery and huge. They wavered and glistened and leaked two fat teardrops that slid down the tattoos just slightly beneath them, down slightly chubby cheeks and trembling, pouty lips. And then the lips parted, emitting a loud, high-pitched wail.

"Shut up shut up shut up!" Vexen shouted, pushing Roxas aside and grabbing the crying toddler by the shoulders. "If you break another flask—"

"Vexen," Roxas said very, very quietly, his normally blank blue eyes widening in shock. "Is that Axel?"

The redheaded child stopped crying long enough to kick Vexen's shin, and Vexen howled, releasing his charge and clutching at his leg in agony. "You little demon!" Vexen spat, lifting said little demon by the scruff of his neck and shoving him into Roxas' arms. "Get him out of my sight!"

"But—" Roxas protested, wincing as the child wrapped his arms around the blonde's neck in a leech-like grip and stuck his tongue out at Vexen.

"Out! OUT!" Before Roxas could blink, he was kicked out of the lab, doors slamming behind him.

Roxas sighed, cradling the diminutive Axel into a more comfortable position against his chest. "What the hell did you do to yourself, Axel?"

Axel happily chewed on the drawstrings of Roxas' hood in response.

"How long is he going to stay like this?" Marluxia asked amusedly, raising a perfectly-plucked eyebrow as the three-year-old kid trotted around the Organization's common room, tripping over his little black Organization XIII cloak every other step.

"Awww, come here, iddy widdle Axie-waxie-poo!" Demyx cooed, squatting on the floor and beckoning Axel into his outstretched arms.

Larxene choked on her drink but managed to expertly throw one of her knives very close to Demyx's head whilst in a fit of hacking coughs. Demyx squeaked and toppled over. "Say something that disgusting again and it'll go right between your eyes next time," she threatened.

Demyx got onto his knees and reached out to Axel again, undeterred but now wisely silent. Axel took two steps towards him before changing his mind and running to Roxas, who was sitting on the couch.

Roxas sighed and pulled Axel into his lap, glancing at Marluxia. "Vexen's working on a cure right now. He says it'll take him a while…"

Larxene snickered and watched as Axel nibbled on his thumb. "So he literally fell into the Fountain of Youth? Do you really think he'll become normal again just by drinking one of Vexen's toxic concoctions? You should consider finding yourself a new partner instead of babysitting, brat."

Axel's eyes lingered on Larxene's vicious smile and he started to sniffle, Roxas' arms unconsciously tightening around him. "Leave him alone, Larxene," Roxas warned.

"Ooh. You've got yourself a protective little daddy, have you, Number VIII?" Larxene cackled delightedly, swooping forward and painfully pinching Axel's rosy cheeks. Roxas glared and slapped her hands away as Axel whimpered. Larxene merely smirked. "And he bites, too."

Roxas said nothing, gently pushing Axel out of his lap and getting to his feet. "Come on, Axel," he sighed, taking one of Axel's tiny hands into his own.

"What, is it time for his daily potty-training session already?" Larxene mocked.

"It is? Hey, Roxas, want me to help?" Demyx bounced up eagerly, and Larxene tripped him.

Marluxia rolled his eyes—it seemed that it wasn't just Axel who lost his maturity in the past week.

"Idiot," Larxene told Demyx disdainfully. "Hey, brat!" she called out to the retreating pair. "You ever want a new partner, just say the word. I need some fresh meat to pick on."

Roxas stiffened but didn't turn around. "The Superior ordered me to look after him," he answered softly. Axel looked up at him and beamed.

CRASH

"Axel, stop throwing that around before you hurt yourself."

SHATTER

"Axel, no. Stay put. How many times do I have to—"

"Hee hee. It's okay, Roxas. Let him play! Axel as a kid is really cute!"

"Whatever you say… But I don't think it's a good idea to let him trample around your room like this…"

"Oh, I know! I should draw his picture! I'll give it to him later. Do you think he'd like that?"

CRACKLE CRACKLE CRACKLE

"Uh, Naminé, are those your drawings he's burning…?"

"Hm? What? AXEL, NO!"

Roxas sighed, contemplating the bowl of mashed-up vegetables in front of him. It looked disgusting. And inedible. Too bad Axel seemed to think so too.

"Dun wanna!" Axel screamed, slapping the incoming spoon with his palm and splattering vegetable goo all over Roxas' coat, face, and hair.

Roxas' eye twitched. "Axel, eat your food."

"No." Axel crossed his arms and pouted.

Roxas gritted his teeth. "Axel. Eat. Your. Food. Now."

Axel pushed the bowl further towards Roxas. "Tha's not food!" he retorted accusatorily.

The two engaged into a heated glaring match.

Axel won. But only because his face looked so funny all scrunched up like that that Roxas nearly, nearly burst out laughing.

Roxas groaned and clutched at his head. No way was he going to let a kid manipulate him. Even if it was Axel, the only guy who could trick Roxas into doing what he wanted on a regular basis. It wouldn't be fair if Axel could still outsmart him while in the body and mental state of a three-year-old, too. "Axeeeeel, eat your food. Please?"

Axel shook his head vigorously, arms still crossed, spiky red locks flying. "Nuh uh!"

Roxas sighed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "Pretty please?"

Axel scowled at him. "NO!"

Roxas scowled ferociously back, patience drastically thinning. "Axel, open your mouth and eat your fucking food or I'll slit a new hole in your throat and shove it in."

That did it. Axel opened his mouth…

…and broke into the biggest tantrum that Roxas had seen yet. Not counting the one he had when Roxas had refused to relinquish the box of matches he had been playing with in Naminé's room, or when Roxas didn't kiss the bump on his forehead after he smacked into the floor after stumbling over a slithering Dusk, or when…

"Crap crap crap crap crap." Roxas moaned, dodging the bowl of veggie chow that Axel flung at him. Roxas stared sadly at the state of his bedroom's once squeaky clean white floors, wishing that the Castle That Never Was had a dining room. A castle that big ought to have at least one, Roxas thought gloomily as he gingerly picked up the shards of glass from Axel's latest handiwork. He tuned out Axel's wailing, thinking of how unfair it was for him to be stuck picking up after a little kid's mess instead of attending to more important things like killing off more Heartless. But it wouldn't be as fun, he supposed, if he didn't have Axel around to watch his back and eat sea-salt ice cream with once the mission was over…

He snapped out of his thoughts when Axel squatted next to him and made to pick up a broken piece of the bowl. Impeding the child's attempt, Roxas shot his hand out and pushed him back. "You'll cut yourself. Just sit over there; I'll handle this."

Axel slowly stood to his full height, which was barely level with the kneeling blonde's head. "Are you mad at me?" he asked apprehensively.

Roxas stared at his friend, mesmerized at the sheer emotion teeming in the large green eyes—guilt and fear and timid repentance. Such a sight would never have been possible if it were the normal Axel. He wondered if Axel's Other had been like this as a child.

But it didn't really have anything to do with Axel's Other, did it? Because Axel was a Nobody. Axel had never been a kid…

And this child never should have existed. This child had no memory whatsoever of whom he used to be. He was vulnerable and cutesy and helpless and just not Axel, not the Axel that took Roxas months of exercised patience to tolerate and accept, not the Axel who never gave him a straight answer but was the only person who gave him one regardless, not the Axel who obnoxiously took hold of the title of Roxas' best friend.

Roxas really shouldn't care, but Larxene's voice was ringing in his ears—get another partner—and he wished that he had the old Axel back.

"You're really mad at me, aren't you?" the child said, almost to himself, softly but steadily as if he were repressing the urge to cry.

Roxas was silent. He didn't know—couldn't remember—what to do if a kid cried. The real Axel wouldn't, if Roxas were mad at him. Axel would laugh and make some smart-assed comment about Roxas not being capable of getting mad at him for long, because they were best friends and Roxas didn't have anybody to substitute him for, anyway. Roxas gazed long and hard at this kid-Axel, this tiny, weak thing that could so easily be swayed by a subtle change in Roxas' temper.

Roxas really, really shouldn't care, but he didn't want another partner, and he would do everything that was necessary until the old Axel came back. "I'm not mad at you."

Axel's face looked confused for a split-second, and then it practically glowed. "Really?"

"Yeah." Roxas could feel himself smiling. It was absurd, but Axel's emotions seemed real, and somehow that made it easier for Roxas to feel. Or pretend to feel. There didn't seem to be much of a difference between the two, if he thought about it. At least, when he was with Axel. Normal or not.

"Great! But I'm still hungry, Roxes," Axel whined, smile instantaneously morphing into a grimace that didn't come across as unpleasant, because he was a kid, and kids could usually pull off looking cute whatever expression they wore.

"It's Roxas," Roxas corrected automatically, ruffling Axel's wild red hair.

"Uh-huh. I know, I've got it mem'rized," Axel said huffily. When Roxas shot him a look of surprise, he added proudly, "I learned that word from that mean old guy who locked me up 'n that weird-smelling room! I thought he wuz gonna keep me there forever. He wuz shouting at me when I was jus' playing with the insinirater 'cause I threw a couple of his books 'n there and he said I wuz a—umm, I didn' get what he said 'cause it was a hard word and I dun know it—and then he said somethin' about digging a grave even if there weren' no dead people in the funny-smelling room, just me and him an' we're both still alive. He said there wuz stuff in the books that wuz vaitle to the medicine he wuz gonna give me and he couldn' mem'rize it all so I wuz in big trouble—whut's a vaitle, anyway? So I told him I'm not sick, maybe he wuz sick 'cause his face was goin' all blue like that other man's hair, I thought he wuz okay, 'cause he didn't yell at me like the mean old guy and…"

Roxas grabbed Axel's hand and absentmindedly summoned a dark portal as he listened to the child's continuous rambling. Axel suddenly hugged his leg, startled at the swirling purplish-black smoke that appeared out of nowhere, and Roxas laid a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "This is a shortcut. We're going to get some ice cream. You like ice cream, Axel?"

Axel grinned. "Yep! I thought you'd never get around to givin' me real food."

"Don't worry, this is the last time I'm going to force you to eat something the mean old guy gives me," Roxas answered.

Axel made a face. "Bleargh! No wunder it looked funny!"

Roxas laughed. Maybe having this Axel around for just a bit longer wouldn't be so bad.

tbc