DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, and I am in no way affiliated with the author(s), producer(s) or publisher(s). I am writing strictly for entertainment purposes with no material or monetary gain.

Playing Favorites

"What is your favorite position?" Roy asked casually one day at lunch.

"Hmmm?" Ed replied, not paying much attention as he lifted his cup to his lips to take a drink. "What do you mean?"

"When we have sex. What way do you like it best?"

Edward spent the next several seconds trying not to choke to death.

"Roy," Ed hissed across the table. "You can't ask me that here!" He glanced nervously around the mess hall, packed with military personnel.

"No one is listening," Roy waved him off. "Do you like missionary or reverse cowgirl…" a smirk spread across his face. "…cowboy, I suppose…better?"

Ed scowled.

"I don't even know what that means…but we're not discussing this here," he added quickly.

"If you don't understand the terms then I'll speak plainly," he said, ignoring Ed's protest. "Do you like it better when I lie on top of you, or when you sit backwards on top of me?"

Edward's blush was both flattering and immensely satisfying.

"Roy," he said through gritted teeth, "you have no idea how serious I am. If you have to know, ask me when we're alone."

"Ah," said Roy, smirking and leaning back in his chair. "So you're saying you want to try a few out before deciding?"

"No," he said emphatically, "you pervert. Someone could hear us."

"Let me assure you," he said, sitting back up to lean across the table. "I've been an officer for ten years, and it's my professional opinion that no one is listening to our conversation. In fact, no one is paying us the slightest bit of attention. Now answer the question, Ed."

Edward hesitated a moment more, glancing around, but he never held out long when Roy used that tone.

"…You on top of me," he mumbled finally, carefully not looking anywhere near Roy.

"Ah," said Roy, quite pleased. "And why is that, do you suppose?"

"I don't know," he snapped, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance.

"Alright, fine. What about me on top of you versus sitting up together?"

Edward thought for a moment, inspecting the innards of his cup.

"You on top of me," he said grudgingly.

"Alright," said Roy with a nod. "Me on top of you, or you on your hands and knees as I mount you?"

At that, Edward's furious eyes snapped up to Roy's.

"Don't say it like that, you bastard--"

"I'm only calling it what it is because you don't know the proper names," he countered smoothly. "Now which is it?"

"The former," Ed said stiffly, golden eyes glaring.

"So, we could call me on top of you- missionary- your favorite position."

"Sure," Ed agreed, eager to get the conversation over with. "Matter closed."

There was a silence, and Roy took a drink of his coffee, his eyes wandering off to the right.

"Well?!" he demanded. "What about you?"

"Oh," said Roy with a smile, his eyes finding Ed's and dropping to a lust-filled half-mast. "It doesn't much matter to me when you're the one I'm making love to," he purred.

Edward flushed a deep red, and was about to mutter a response when, to his horror, a voice sounded over his shoulder.

"Ah, is this a bad time?" Hughes grinned, twinkling eyes flicking between the two.

Roy Mustang missed the next several days of work recovering from wounds he sustained that afternoon.