Mrs Lovett and Mr Todd are sitting separately in their rooms. Mrs Lovett has finished whatever it is that she does while we watch Mr Todd being miserable, and Mr Todd is being miserable. Out of randomness, they decide to write letters to their dead parents (don't ask me why, they're freaks).

Lovett: Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsicle.

Todd: Dear Father.

Lovett/Todd: There's been some confusion over life down on Fleet Street.

Todd: But of course, I'll kill some people.

Lovett: But of course, I'll maaaaaaaaaake some pies.

Lovett/Todd: 'Cos I know that's how you'd want me to respond, yes. There's been some confusion for you see my neighbour is…

Lovett: Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe.

Todd: Frizzy.

Lovett: What is this feeling, so sudden and new?

Todd: I felt the moment I laid eyes on you.

Lovett: My pulse is rushing.

Todd: My head is reeling.

Lovett: My face is flushing.

Lovett/Todd: What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame. Does it have a name? Yeeeeeeeeeeeees. Loving/Loathing. Unadulterated loving/loathing.

Lovett: For your face.

Todd: Your voice.

Lovett: Your clothing.

Lovett/Todd: Let's just say I love/loathe it all. Every little trait however small makes my very flesh begin to crawl. With simple utter loving/loathing. There's a strange exhilaration in such total adoration/detestation. It's so pure, so strong. Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last. And I will be loving/loathing you my whole life long.

Toby: Dear Mrs Lovett you are just too good! How can you stand him I don't think I could. He's a terror he's a tartar I don't mean to show a bias but Mrs Lovett you're a martyr.

Lovett: Well, these things are sent to try us.

Toby: Poor Mrs Lovett, forced to reside with someone so disgusticified. I just wanna tell you, I'm still on your side. I share your loathing.

Lovett/ Todd: What is this feeling so sudden and new? I felt the moment I laid eyes on you. My pulse is rushing. My head is reeling. Oh, what is this feeling? Does it have a name? Yes. Aaaaaaah!

Toby: Loathing. Unadulterated loathing. For his face, his voice, his clothing. I'll just say, I loathe it all. Every little trait however small, makes my very flesh begin to crawl. Aaaaaaah!

Lovett/Todd/Tobias: Loving/Loathing!

Toby: Loathing.

Lovett/ Todd: There's a strange exhilaration.

Toby: Loathing.

Lovett/ Todd: In such total admiration/detestation.

Toby: Loathing.

Lovett/Todd: It's so pure, so strong.

Toby: So strong.

Lovett/ Todd: Though I do admit it came on fast. Still I do believe that it can last. And I will be

Toby: Loathing.

Lovett/Todd: Loving/Loathing For forever

Toby: Loathing.

Lovett/Todd: Loving/Loathing Truly deeply loving/loathing you

Toby: Loathing you…

Lovett/Todd/Tobias: My whole life long!

Toby: Loathing, unadulterated loathing!

Todd: Die!

Random customer: Ah!

My first parody, please comment!