A/N: Okay, here's the second chapter. I'm sorry about the delay between updates, I don't have access to a computer everyday. I promise to update as often as possible.

A few things you should know about this chapter, words written in bold italics are the song lyrics from the movie, words written in (bold parenthesis) are what J, A and R are yelling at the screen and words written regularly are the story. K?

Thanks so much to everyone that's reviewed, you guys completely rock!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or RHPS. Sniff.

Chapter Two: Sweet Transvestite

I couldn't tear my eyes away from Emmett. It was like a train wreck, you want to look away but you simply can't. He strutted proudly into the room on white, sparkly platform heels. He was covered neck to ankle in a shimmering cape and his face was done up elaborately, black shadow on his eyes and dark red lipstick on his mouth. He sang along with movie, strutting his stuff for all he was worth, while his three accomplices continued to shout at the screen.

How do you do, I see you've met my faithful,(HAND JOB MAN!) handy man. He's just a little brought down because when you knocked he thought you were the Candy Man. Don't get strung out (ON COCAINE!) by the way I look,(SAME THING) don't judge a book by it's cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day, but by night I'm one (SICK MOTHER FUCKER) hell of a lover.

Emmett whipped off his cape and I swear felt my eyes fall out of my head, I know my jaw dropped to the floor. He was wearing a black corset, black speedo-like underwear and fish net thigh highs. The words "Oh My God" went round and round in my head as I watched him continue to sing and strut. He was obviously having a ball.

I'm just a sweet Transvestite, from Transsexual, Transylvania. Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound. You look like you're both pretty groovy. Or if you want something visual, that's not too abysmal, we could take in an old (KEANU) Steve Reeves movie.

I turned around to look at Edward, but he wasn't looking at me or at Emmett for that matter. He had his eyes tightly closed, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger the way he did when he was upset. Not that I could blame him. Seeing Emmett dressed this way was a fairly traumatic experience. I don't think I'll ever be the same.

Well you got caught with a flat well, how 'bout that? Well babies, don't you panic. By the light of the night, it'll all seem all right. I'll get you a satanic mechanic. I'm just a sweet Transvestite, from Transsexual, Transylvania.

Now he plopped down in a chair and the other three surrounded him.

Why don't you stay for the night? –Night!- Or maybe a bite? –Bite!- I could show you my favorite obsession.(SEX!) I've been making a man,(WHAT'S HE LOOK LIKE?) with blond hair and a tan, and he's good for relieving my(HARD ON!) tension.

Oh my dear Lord. What kind of movie was this?

I'm just a sweet Transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania. Hit it!

Emmett stood, slapping himself on the ass, and resumed his previous strutting.

I'm just a (DIESEL LOCOMOTIVE, WOOO! WOOO!) sweet Transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania! (WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?) So! Come up to the lap, and see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici.(SAY IT! CONSTI)..pation. But maybe the rain is really to blame, so I'll remove the cause,(WHAT ABOUT THE SYMPTOM?) but not the symptom!

With that, Emmett left the room. Unable to hold it in any more Alice, Jasper and Rosalie collapsed on the floor in helpless fits of laughter.

"Oh Bella!" Alice gasped, "You should see your face!"

I glared at her. "What the hell are we watching Alice?" I demanded.

"Only the most fabulous movie ever created," Rosalie said. I looked at her blankly.

"Rocky Horror Picture Show!" all three shouted happily at me.