Random Acts

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

Act 1: How To Win Friends And Influence People

"You like men, don't you Fullmetal?"

Edward looked up at the General. His eyes looked confused but his voice was even as he replied, " yeah."

"What's it like?"

"Huh?" Edward blinked. The dark haired man was looking at him with a completely serious expression on his face and Edward could see no trace of any teasing or twisted joke just lying in wait for his reply. The bastard wasn't even smirking.

"I asked you what it was like." Mustang repeated his question and Edward straightened up from his reclining position on the couch.

"It's probably the same way you feel with women," Edward managed to say. "Only with men."

"But the anatomies are the same, the whole process would be different."

Edward's eyebrow rose. "It doesn't matter if his body is like mine, it's still two people enjoying those bodies." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "You do realise that sex is as much for pleasure as it is for release, don't you?"

"I am well versed in sex and its uses, Edward." Mustang leant back in his chair.

"Then why ask? It's sex, it's fun and enjoyable. I just prefer my sex to be with men." Edward shook his head slightly, his eyes almost rolling at how pointless this conversation appeared to be.

"But what about the times when you're not having sex?" Mustang asked and Edward stared at him. "The mornings after or going to dinner or out."

"Why are you asking?" Edward turned around and sat up properly, placing his feet on the floor and his book on the cushion beside him. "You've never bothered with any of this before. Hell, when you found out, all you said was 'don't break anything' and that it was not covered by my expense account. That was six months ago and you're only just asking now? What's really going on here, bastard?"

Mustang paused for a moment and then let his breath out. "Women bore me lately." He met the startled golden eyes. "I'm finding them to be tiresome and annoying."

"And because of that you're asking me about men?" Edward nearly gaped at him as he tried to understand. "Women are boring so you think you'll try men for a change? Is that what this is?"

"No!" Mustang sat up. "No, of course not. I was just... curious." The initial strength of his denial had faded by the time he finished speaking and Edward's expression was one of disbelief.

"Oh really?" he queried. "It doesn't sound like it to me. Were you looking for me to introduce you to someone to satisfy this 'curiousity' of yours?" Edward stood up, his disbelief turning into contempt.

"No!" Mustang leant forward, his hands open. "If I had wanted to do that, I would have just asked you..." He never got to finish his sentence as Edward clapped his hands together hard and began to stalk over to the large desk.

"You would have just asked me?" Edward glared at the man as blue sparks flared from his clasped hands. "Just how arrogant can you get? You're an egotistical asshole and if this is how you behave with women it's no wonder they no longer interest you! You don't need women, or even men for that matter. What you want is someone just like you, because sure as fuck, no-one else could stand you!"

"Ed..." was all that could be heard before Edward's hands landed squarely on the desk and the rest was lost in the resultant flare and crash of alchemy.

Edward Elric stormed out of the General's office, smoke and dust following him out through the door. Hawkeye and Havoc exchanged looks and then simultaneously got out of their chairs and went to the door. They stood there and after a long look they turned away and went back to their desks.

General Roy Mustang watched them go with a muffled protest. The wooden hand across his mouth effectively gagged him and he couldn't move his hands to snap his fingers, or even to draw a circle, to free himself. Edward had made sure he was completely imprisoned by the twisted sculpture that had been his desk. It was the other hands Ed had added, that grabbed at places he found rather embarrassing as well the face - his own face - that leered woodenly at him that had him wondering if maybe he should have found someone else to ask after all.

But then he'd never have realised that Edward really was very attractive when he was that angry. Nor how inventive he could be as he looked again at the hands gripping him. He supposed he should be grateful Ed had at least left his clothes intact.

-

Author's Note: I'm at work, trying to give everyone else this flu of mine and this bunny decided to appear ... while it wasn't the bunny I was hoping for - after the last few weeks I'll take all the bunnies I can get...

As is obvious, this is random and pointless and will be randomly and pointlessly updated... I have no idea if it intends to follow a vague plot or become a set of one shots... only the bunnies know

silken :)