A new fanfiction! It is set after LIAMTT. Mainly because I cannot WAIT for Stop in the Name of Pants! I wasn't originally going to write one after LIAMTT because of the way it was left but I have a good few ideas. I'm not exactly set on a plot yet but I am toying with ideas, but I won't upload this until I've chosen so it is vair irrelevant me telling you this but…you know. :). The reason why I won't upload until it is sorted is because I can't stand it when you find a fanfic but it only had one chapter.

Stop what Kittykat?

Saturday June 30th

10.20pm

Yummy Scrumboes and lip nibbling extraordinairosity!

1 minute later

Merde! What in the name of Mr Next-Door's over sized shorts am I doing? Again my loins have ungirded themselves to the state of ungirdiosity. I am gird-less. Oo-er.

I am such a red bottomed minx. I am in luuurve with the Italian stallion- but try telling that to my lips. How'd I end up in the snog fest type fandango with Dave again?

I pulled away. I said, "Dave, you've got to stop this,"

He said, "Stop what, Kittykat?"

I said with a tint of disbelievosity, "You've got to stop snogging me,"

He said, "Oy! It takes two to tango, missy,"

"You are the one who started it,"

He shrugged, "You entice me, I can't help it, it's my hormones,"

"Dave…"

He tutted at me, "Your problem is that you can't resist me,"

"Dave, I have Masimo, who is my maybe almost boyfriend, I am eschewing you with a firm hand and girding my loins,"

"Gee, don't worry; I understand, you are only human after all,"

Cheeky Cat.

I said, "Your problem is you're too full of yourself, I could resist you any day of the week,"

Then he said, "Let's test that,"

And he pushed me against a tree and pinned my arms above my head.

I said, "What are you doing, Dave?"

He said, "The question is more like what are you going to do?"

2 minutes later

Still pinned against the tree like a pinned thing in a pin factory.

What is he doing? We are so close our noses are touching. Which is not as close as you would think considering the size of my gigantibus conk.

1 minute later

I get it! He wants me to snog him so he can say he is right about being irresistible. Well, as we all know that is never ever going to happen.

30 seconds later

Girdy Loins, Girdy Loins.

1 minute later

Dave said, "What are you thinking now?"

What? Is he expecting me to say, 'Oooh, I want you to snog my head off right now!' He is too bloody cocky. Oo-er.

I said, "I am thinking that my arms might drop off from lack of blood,"

Ha! That will show him. I am all glaciosity.

30 seconds later

Nothing can make me snog him. I am as cools as le cucumber. Cooler. And in cucumber land. Shut up! But the nub and gist of my point is that he will be snogless tonight.

2 minutes later

The bloody snake! He is trying to tempt me back into the ways of nip libbling by self nip libblilating! I cannot believe how cheap and full of cheatosity he is being.

I will never buckle under pressure. I am like what's-his-face. That Catholic Monk who they hung by his wrists. Or was it a bishop? I don't know but I do know that hell will freeze over before I snog him.

1 minute later

It is tempting though…

Down red bottom down! And you too lips, stop puckering! Maximum glaciosity at all costs.

2 minutes later

To snog or not to snog, that is the question.

30 seconds later

Maybe one little tinsy snog…

1 minute later

It wouldn't hurt to have a little flair of red bottomosity…

2 minutes later

How irritating is he?! The answer is vair vair irritating.

I gave into my rampant red bottomosity and leaned forward to snog him and do you know what he did? He leant backwards out of my reach! How dare he?!

He raised one eyebrow.

I said, "What do you want me to do then?!"

He shrugged, "Say something,"

"Like what?"

"Say…you want to snog me senseless and turn me into vegetable boy,"

"Yeah right,"

He said, "Ok, maybe not…hmm…how about…"

He looked down and I could see him swishing his tongue trying to think. Then he looked me straight in the eyes.

"Say…that you love me too,"

I was as shocked as two shocked things, "No!"

"Then we'll be here a very long time then, sex kitty,"

1 minute later

Should I say that?

2 minutes later

But we know it's not true. He's a mate and an accidental snogging partner. I certainly don't love him.

1 minute later

But my arms are becoming vair vair achy being pinned above my head. And my lips are puckering up. Stop puckering stupid lips! I may disown them.

30 seconds later

Maybe I should say it to get him to let me go. It doesn't mean anything because we both know it's not true.

1 minute later

Here goes nothing:

"I lo-"

And then we heard, "Dave? Gee? Where are you two? Gee- Oh!"

Dave jumped off me like a jumpy thing at a jump-athon.

But then in the spirit of red bottomosity I grabbed his head and I snogged him. In front of everyone! Even Ellen. A proper, full frontal snog fest and number 6.

Then I realised what I was doing and stopped. Everyone was staring at me like seeing-eye-dogs with their mouths hanging open like hanging- shut up shut up!

Jas' mouth virtually reached her knees. And Ellen looked murderous.

Merde. And poo.

Even Dave looked shocked. He turned around and stammered out, "H-Hi," to the gawpers.

I ran.

It would have been a good exit if I hadn't tripped over that bloody badgers burrow again.

10.45pm

In my tent. Blubbing.

1 minute later

Why? Why did I have to do that in front of everyone? Jas is right. I am a promiscuous tart. I am going to grow up unloved and be a nun.

2 minutes late

And Masimo would find out through Radio-Jas.

1 minute later

My life is over.

3 minutes later

Oh Great! Thanks big G. Now I really am being plundered by farmers.

I said, "Go away you stupid farmers! Some of us have some crying to do! Go back and shear your sheep!"

And the farmer said, "Gee, are you alright?"

It wasn't a farmer! It was Dave. Back. Probably to say 'I told you so' about the irresistibility.

I shouted back, "What do you care?"

He said, through the tent, "Gee, you basically just ate me back there, so of course I care,"

He is soooo annoying.

He carried on, "I just had a grilling of a life time from your mates,"

Not as bad as I'm going to get.

"Gee? Are you sure you are ok? Err…were you going to…err…tell me something before they burst in? You know?"

Had he turned into Ellen?

He said, "Gee…I meant what I said when you fell in the river…I lo-"

Then I heard Miss Wilson say, "Oh, Good Lord! There's a boy on site! Herr Kamyer! Wake up! Boy! Come here! Herr Kamyer!"

"Was ist it Miss Vilson?"

"There's a boy on site,"

I could here Dave curse under his breath outside. And it wasn't the most politest thing I've ever heard. It is the kind of things that Libby learns at the House of the Elderly Insane.

He said, out loud, "Uh-oh, I best be away laughing on a fast camel,"

And I heard him stumble off like a loon.

11.00pm

The Ace Gang came back. I pretended to be asleep.

Jas said, "She has a LOT of explaining to do,"

Jools said, "I thought she was going out with Masimo,"

And Jas said, "Her and Dave have been snogging behind everyone's backs for ages,"

Then the tent opened.

Mabs said, "She's asleep,"

Then I felt something very wet and cold go in my ear.

I shot up as fast as two fast shooting things, "ERLACK!! What in the name of Billy Shakespeare's PANTS was that?"

It turns out Rosie had licked her finger then shoved in my ear.

Then they all just did that staring at me thing. So I stared back. It was a staring fest.

Then Ellen said, "What…err…why…you know…you and Dave…umm…what?"

Again Please?

Then Jas shouted, "Gee, how could you do this to Masimo again!? You are such a promiscuous tart!"

Jools said, "I thought you didn't like Dave?"

Jas said, "Oh she doesn't like him, she just can't control herself,"

I said, "I do like him! Err…as a mate,"

Jas said, "Yes, whatever Georgia,"

I said, "Ok…maybe a bit more than a mate,"

Jas said, "Then stop pulling him about and go out with him!"

Good Point Well Made. Not. Me and Dave? Is she mad? We will never work because…we just wouldn't. It's impossible.

Rosie said, "Let bygones be bygones!"

Jas said with a burst of disbelifiosity, "Are you even listening to this conversation? Georgia's a promis-"

And Rosie put her face really close to Jas and for one vair vair scary moment I thought she was going to snog her. And I can't be watching lesbian porn in my state of depressivosity.

Then Rosie shouted, "HOOOOORRRRRRNNNNNN!!"

Aaaaaw! Dave wanted Gee to say she loved him!!