AN: (SPOILERS COMING) This occurs months after team 7's reunion, Shippuuden episode 52 and before Sasuke kills Itachi. I was going to wait to upload this story, but I figured what the hell. It may or may not go anywhere after this. I am already working on a full length SasuSaku, His Darkened Soul. So I dunno if this will become anything more, but I will probably add some to it, if only to have the chance to write more steamy Sasuke Sakura love fests, lol.

Sasuke's Falter

Sakura closed her eyes as the warm water soaked into her skin. Even submerged in the heated water, she felt cold, and the icy metal of the kunai clutched in her hand was beginning to make her fingers numb. She held her eyes open, refusing to let herself succumb to her thoughts. She watched as the blood from a battle on their recent mission was ebbing away from the blade… the scattered droplets were dispersing through the water… free from the dried, grotesque visual of it clumped to her weapon.

She felt a thick pulse in her veins, her blood grudgingly flowing through her like an icy river. She felt like she was dying, and she would always feel that way because Sasuke was never coming back. No matter how hard she trained, how much sweat and blood she poured into her efforts to retrieve him, it was all in vain. He was truly gone from her… forever.

The flickering candle light caught the blade of her kunai just before she closed her eyes, unable to retain her previous motivation. In the depths of darkness, Sasuke appeared. Only then was he visible to her, when she succumbed to his level--his state of mind. Now she understood the true emptiness he felt. She didn't understand how he could bear it… maybe if she had a hope of him one day returning to her, like he had a hope of one day killing Itachi, she would be able to allow that to drive her.

Until recently, that was exactly what drove her. That shimmering ray of hope kept her alive and pushing herself like she never had before. But since that day… that day she had seen how different he had become… she no longer had any hope. Not since he made it clear he would rather see his old teammates dead than in his way. He had fallen so far and yet he was still the same. She didn't know how she could have missed it before. No matter how much she wanted to believe he was coming around before he left Konoha… it took only the slightest tap for all of that to shatter. That dream laid in shards at the bottom of her heart, constantly tearing at it, the hope of piecing together the sharp edges no longer existed. Now her heart just bled without any reason to heal itself each night.

The picture of him in her mind was clearer than her vision was. She could make out all the details of what he now looked like, the vision forever burned into her retinas as she gazed at him into the sun. She was shocked and yet unsurprised to see the garb of the sound, and while it only made his betrayal more real, she couldn't deny the fact that he looked more appealing than ever before. His Kusanagi attached at his back was strange because she knew he had never trained with a blade before. Seeing his skill with it only made the length of the time he was away feel longer. The only thing that hadn't changed were his eyes. They were still cold and distant--hiding any emotion he was feeling, hiding the immense suffering he endured. It was a pain that Sakura only came to understand as she realized how much he was willing to give up… including his life. It was a life he claimed was in the past, a dream that had died long ago, destroyed by the hands of who he had admired most.

Sasuke was on a never ending path that continuously led him into darkness… and the light only grew fainter as he continued. At the end was Itachi, and beyond that only death. Sakura was now aware that this was a one way street and she was inevitably following him whether he liked it or not. She couldn't let go of him, she mentally could not abandon him to walk this path alone. Even if remotely, he still had someone there for him and when his path came to an end, she knew hers would too.

Only now, she felt like she wasn't moving. She could no longer see Sasuke, didn't know where to look and was certain she may never see him again. His face lingered in her mind. She slowly opened her eyes, the warm water still encasing her body. As she gazed ahead of her, she became aware of a presence to her side. In her peripheral vision she was aware of someone standing there… but the clear long white sleeves and black hand guards were familiar enough for her to realize it was only a hallucination. Now her mind had taken over reality as well as her thoughts. She couldn't escape the pain any longer… she slowly turned her head and was inwardly shocked at how perfect the illusion was.

Fake Sasuke stood unmoving, his onyx eyes transfixed on her. The look on his face alone was proof that it wasn't him. He seemed… resigned… like something was bothering him. Sasuke was never readable; he never let any thoughts show through his expression.

Sakura turned her head to face forward and closed her eyes again. It was simply too much to handle… Why would anyone deal with this when there was no future to look forward to? With nothing awaiting her but pain, she realized the harsh reality of her situation. There truly was no purpose in leading this life any longer… Instead of walking the path aimlessly, bidding her time, she would reach the end quickly and wait for Sasuke there. In death, maybe he could learn to love her and be satisfied once Itachi too was dead. There was no chance Sasuke could be happy in this life, so she desperately wanted to leave it behind…

While her mind was falling further into darkness than ever before, her body did two things simultaneously. Her wrist gripped the kunai and lifted it out of the water from the bottom, bringing it into view for the first time. As she meant to deeply slash her wrist, she sensed movement on her side.

Sakura snapped her eyes open, her reverie long over and reality crashing down around her. There was someone firmly gripping her wrist, preventing her from committing the deathly wound she almost inflicted upon herself without hesitation. She stared in horror at what she had almost done… what about Naruto… how could she ever leave him alone in this world?

After the relief of being brought out of her thoughts washed over her, she recognized the black hand guard that was gripping her wrist so tightly. Illusions weren't able to grip and be felt… but then…

Sakura slowly met Sasuke's gaze, his eyes glowing red. He looked fierce… angry. However, it wasn't his anger that made Sakura faint… it was the fact that he was really standing before her, having just stopped her from taking her own life.

XXX

Sasuke stared into the unseeing eyes of his former teammate, his grip still tight on her limp hand. There was a sadness within them that could rival his own and it shook him. Sakura had always been a normal, happy and typical girl… seeing the effect he had had on her made him angry. It wasn't supposed to happen like this…

Sasuke loosened his grip and took the kunai knife from her hand, residue of blood still clinging to the blade in places. Pocketing the kunai he dipped his hand into the ever-cooling water and lifted her into his arms. He was only slightly uncomfortable she was nude, simply because it felt improper, and quickly wrapped a towel around her. Her head hung limp in his arms as he carried her to her bed and recalled the thoughts she had been having before he realized she had the blade.

It was all because of him. Everything. Her pain and suffering, her near suicide attempt… he was to blame for it all. The most disturbing part was that everything she had thought was true… He would never find happiness, even if Itachi was dead by his own hand. Even after that, he didn't know what he expected. Death would bring peace to his troubled soul and sounded welcoming… but Sakura was never meant to fall as far as he had. She had not been meant to follow him, that is why he would have never considered taking her with him when he left Konoha.

Her words that night… were haunting. He had never believed a word she said. He knew what she thought she felt, but they were only children. How could she have been in love with him? Her infatuation with him fooled her… or so he believed. He had not wanted this for her; he had wanted her safe, away from him--he who would only cause her harm. It seemed like nothing he could have done short of becoming a different person would have changed what happened.

Sasuke lay her on the bed, pulling the wet towel from her and placing the sheets over her skin, his gaze avoiding her body the entire time. As he stood over her, he gazed down at her. She looked so fragile. Completely broken. She looked like how he felt.

That day months before, she had grown, that much had been clear. Physically, she was a monster, any landed blow could have incapacitated him, that much he could tell. Emotionally, she seemed lifted… at first. He wasn't sure what had changed her state of being in the short amount of time he saw her until he thought about it later. It hadn't occurred to him how different he may have seemed to them, especially Sakura. Naruto may not have been surprised by his reaction to seeing them, but Sakura was only used to him protecting her…

If they were going to stand in his way, he had no choice but to remove that obstacle. That was all he could think. Now, only in retrospect could he see what damage he had done to Sakura. His willingness to raise his blade to her, ready to kill her was more than she could handle. However, he had been aware that the Kakashi replacement was going to intervene… he had never intended to strike her. She could have been disabled with much less force. It would have been unnecessary to kill her. Only upon evaluating what had happened later did he realize how very far Sakura had fallen. The guilt was so strong and only continued to grow. Once Orochimaru was dead and he had formed Team Hebi, he could no longer expel her state of mind from his. That was what led him to her room that night. Never had he expected to find what he did.

Sasuke stared at her. He didn't want her to end up like him. He didn't want her to follow him down his path. He wanted her to have what he couldn't. He wouldn't wish his life on anyone and never Sakura. Her innocence was astounding and in the silent darkness of the night, he found that he wanted to protect that. She was precious to him. No matter how hard he tried to sever his ties to his former teammates, they would not break. However, his tie to Itachi was stronger and more detrimental to his sanity than ever. Nothing could ever compare to that bond and could never deter him from what his heart desired most—Itachi's blood coating the ground. But what was more important? Sakura's life, or Itachi's death?

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. He would never choose. He would have both.

One thing was certain now—she loved him. The problem was what to do about it to ensure this incident never happened again. The silence was soon broken when Sakura began murmuring in her sleep.

"Sasuke… SASUKE! No… don't leave me," she sobbed, her voice never above a whisper.

She suddenly shifted under the covers and sat straight up, the sheets thankfully staying in place. Her eyes were wide and she looked like she was seeing something other than the darkness that consumed the room. Sasuke could only see because of his Sharingan.

XXX

Sakura closed her eyes and turned her head to look in his direction, clearly sensing his chakra signature.

Her mind was numb from her recurring nightmare… unable to get it expelled from her mind as the memories of the evening began to form.

Her hallucination… wasn't a hallucination… and now, the blaring read gleam of Sasuke's Sharingan was staring at her in the darkness. She could make out his outline and his shirt was visible, but she couldn't make out his face. It seemed so surreal, she wasn't sure she hadn't dreamed the whole thing… would she have really tried to take her own life… surely not…

Sakura felt a tear slide down her cheek as she tried to convince herself this Sasuke standing by her bed wasn't real. To confirm her hallucination, she reached out, pulling herself forward on the bed and grazed her fingers against his skin.

She froze. It wasn't a dream… it was real. She felt a shudder wrack body as her fingertips fell away from his skin. Her hand collapsed to her side, a numbness overcoming her. How could this be real?

"Sakura."

She felt her heart pause. His voice was angry and steady, but it was familiar… it was truly him. Her anxiety dissipated as she bodily reached out for him, the sheets falling away from her. She hadn't realized she wasn't clothed, nor did she realize as she pulled Sasuke into her arms. He had to grab her to keep her from falling off the bed and was more than disgruntled at her action.

Sakura could feel his heartbeat increase, and his breaths quicken. She was shocked she had an affect on him at all, but it was a pleasant surprise… maybe he did care… which reminded her.

"Sasuke. Why are you here?" she asked.

He said nothing for a moment, and did nothing to push her away or make it clear he did not want her close to him. She expected him to push her away at any moment and was clutching him like she was hanging onto her last thread of life.

"That's none of your concern," he said.

Sakura ignored this, not sure what she expected him to say.

Sasuke's body grew slightly rigid as he gripped her arms and pushed her a few inches from him so he could look into her eyes.

"Sakura, I'm in your room, it has everything to do with you and you aren't even angry with my response?"

Sasuke couldn't stand how little backbone she had with him. She was the strongest Kunoichi he knew until it came to him and he hated it.

"I'm just glad you're here. I figure if you are going to tell me why, you would on your own. You know I'm curious, so why should I have to ask?"

Sasuke stared at her, realizing she just knew him too well; it wasn't that she was weak. "Why did you do that?"

Sakura stared at him, knowing exactly what he was referring to. What could she say to him, to make him understand?

"I miss you, Sasuke. I'm not sure what will happen to me once you leave again. I don't expect you to stay here with me… I don't know how I ever believed I could have made you. I thought you didn't care at all, though," she finished curiously.

Sasuke looked away from her. He could still feel her breasts firmly pressing against him and he wasn't sure how she was still unaware of her state of attire. She was incredibly modest and was certain she wouldn't have remained in his arms if she was even remotely thinking of it. She was so lost and fixated on the fact that he was there she hadn't taken anything else into account. This fact alone made him dangerous to her. She dropped her guard entirely around him… it would get her killed one day if she wasn't more careful.

He wanted to tell her to get dressed, but thought bringing attention to it would only make it more uncomfortable. He was also having a hard time telling himself he truly wanted her to move. It had been a long time since anyone had held him so closely as she was once again doing… in fact, the last time would have been Sakura. She had held him as the curse mark coursed through his blood, taking over his body. The immense pain was unendurable, and yet he had survived it… had known he would be alright because Sakura was clinging to him with her life. Before that, his mother had been the last to hold him so tightly.

Now, however, it was slightly different. Sakura had made it clear she loved him, was willing to die for him and now she clung to him unclothed with every fiber in her being. Her bare breasts were touching his skin, the soft rigidness of her nipples against him at the opening of his shirt. He had always believed he was above these desires… but he found he didn't want to let her go.

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do now. He had almost witnessed Sakura taking her own life, all because of him. Now he was only planning on leaving her again. He had no love to give to her. To take away her memories would be the only solution--an impossible one. There was a gust of wind from the window, causing Sasuke to shift and accidently graze his hand across the side of Sakura's breast.

She felt a foreign desire overcome her at such close contact and her body was overcome with shock. She had finally realized she was unclothed and pressed against him.

His mind told him to let go of her, immediately, but at the same time, he felt abandoning her so abruptly would only cause more damage.

"Sakura… I don't know what to do for you. I can't give you what you want. I can't stay. I don't even know if I want to live after Itachi is dead. But I do know I want you to be happy and live your life… don't follow me anymore… I won't allow it."

Sasuke felt her relax in his arms.

"It's not your choice to make, Sasuke. It never was."

Sasuke felt the anger within him rise, overcoming this strange desire at her words. "Why would you choose a fate that has no future?"

"You gave me hope tonight, Sasuke. Hope that you will change, because you still care, even if only a little. I have to have faith that you will come back and live your life, even if it's not with me. If I could see you happy, I would have a reason to live. The hope of that dream is all I have."

"You know that isn't true," Sasuke said angrily.

Sakura looked up at him, "That's how it feels."

Sasuke didn't have a chance to say anything before he was overcome with confusion. Sakura had shifted into a different position to where she now had pulled him to the edge of the bed, his waist between her legs and held firmly.

Suddenly very aware of her intentions and the disastrous outcome this situation could have, he pulled away from her. He found very soon that he couldn't move away.

His Sharingan easily saw the thick chakra strings attached to him from Sakura, keeping him from moving away from her. He couldn't sever them…

"What are you doing, Sakura?"

She didn't answer him, only clutched him closer to her body. She was trembling, from fear or excitement he couldn't tell. He was very aware that he could easily throw her into a genjutsu strong enough to break her hold on him, but he just didn't have the will power. To some extent, he was glad he couldn't get away from her.

"I can feel you against me, Sasuke… I think for the first time since I've met you, there is something I can do for you," she said quietly.

Sasuke knew he shouldn't have been surprised, but he just didn't expect Sakura to be so ready to give him her virginity. He was the last person who deserved to have her and he didn't want to take this from her. However, given the current situation, she was making it rather difficult to tell her no. He had never wanted any of the other women who threw themselves at him and they had been easy for him to brush off. But Sakura… she was undoubtedly beautiful and the only girl he had any kind of history with. He would be a fool to say they had never had intimate moments, even if they only compared to the extremity of the situation they were in. If there were ever a girl he would want and be able to feel this way about, it was Sakura.

He had just never expected this to happen.

"Sakura… I can't let you do this," Sasuke said, sounding surer than he felt. "Save yourself for one who deserves you and will take care of you. I will only ruin you…"

Sakura shook her head against his chest. "There will never be another, Sasuke. It's only you. I will die untouched if I can't have you."

Sasuke heard her words and wished he hadn't. Who could know how she would feel in five years… but the pain in her voice… was so familiar. He knew her words were true, and she would only ever have him touch her. He let the notion pass through his mind briefly, realizing he too would never be with another, but he had planned on dying long before he ever cared, the idea of rebuilding his clan too much of a dream for him to rely on. He wondered, if maybe that dream wasn't too unrealistic.

"I have to leave soon, Sakura. If you continue this, you will only hurt more. I cannot stay, and I cannot take you with me and I cannot promise I will ever return."

Sakura thought about this for a moment and to Sasuke's surprise, she smiled.

"Then there is still hope," she murmured.

Sasuke sighed, certain he was only giving her false hope. There was still a strong chance he would die in his battle with Itachi. And yet, maybe there was a way he could make this advantageous.

"Sakura. I will allow this, if, and only if, you swear to me you will never give up on life as you were about to tonight. I cannot allow myself to worry over you; my chances of success only decrease in this case. No matter what happens to me, you will go on and live your life… because that is what I wish."

Sakura stared into his eyes certain she was hearing him wrong. Everything she had believed… was it all wrong? Did Sasuke always care this much? Had he only buried his emotions so deep he had forgotten? It didn't matter. What did matter was that he was here now and he was giving her the very thing she needed to live…

"I swear…" Sakura said, a tear escaping her eye and falling down her cheek.

Sasuke grazed her cheek, brushing away her tear and held her chin up to him, looking into her eyes.

"You should have never fallen in love with me," he said before he carefully pulled her lips to his. He wasn't used to being gentle with anything, but he felt any harsh or sudden movements could damage Sakura's already fragile state, so when she eagerly kissed him back with passion, he was a little taken aback.

The strangeness wore off as quickly as it came and she pressed herself even further into his kiss which was already becoming more heated than either of them had anticipated. Sasuke realized the time for modestly was long gone and gave in fully to his desires.

He slid his hand from her hip to graze her breast, the slight touch sending chills through Sakura's body so effectively Sasuke could feel them. He didn't understand why he had such an affect on her, but was glad since this was actually happening. He continued to kiss her, breaking it only when he began to kiss her neck much less delicately.

He reflexively grabbed her and slid her back on the bed so he could have unrestricted access to her. Fully supporting his weight on top of her, he touched his lips to her breast, disbelieving how much this was making him ache for her. Sucking her nipple into his mouth, he heard a sharp intake of her breath.

Her responsiveness to him was probably the most intoxicating to him, making it harder and harder to continue to please her before he took her. He was fully aware once he entered her, her pleasure would end and didn't want that moment to come too soon.

Sakura was hardly able to keep her breathing anything close to normal as Sasuke showed more interaction with her than in all their time as genin together. His touch was so surreal and extraordinary she didn't want his hands ever to leave her skin. His lips on her body were like a drug and nothing would ever be so mind numbing as Sasuke Uchiha's tongue grazing her belly button…

When his lips left her skin, she was about to protest and opened her eyes to see his Sharingan gazing at her intently. She wasn't sure why he had left it activated, but she felt it had something to do with not letting his guard down, even now.

He had a wry smirk on his face, ensnaring the shadows with his his handsome features and she found herself seeing glimpses of a nonexistent future. One where Sasuke, the smiling, happy child who admired his older brother more than anything in the world had not been destroyed and forced to mature beyond his years… One where the Sasuke she had fallen hard for had not been taken from her…

Just as these thoughts crossed her mind, another new and complex emotion filled her body as she let out a gasp.

Now she understood what Sasuke was grinning about. He wrapped one arm around her waist, holding her arching body steady so he could continue to thrust his fingers inside of her. She had so readily spread her thighs for him she hadn't realized what he was about to do. Everything about Sasuke being here with her felt natural to her, there was nothing out of place. Had she not felt certain he had never been with another girl, she would have believed he had plenty of experience, not once, save for the initial kiss, having been hesitant with her.

She suddenly felt strong waves of pleasure coursing through her body, her vision literally blurring for several moments. When she opened her eyes again, she found Sasuke looking directly at her, much closer to her than before. She wasn't certain, because he was rather skilled with hiding his emotions and his Sharingan made it hard to read his eyes, but he definitely looked like he was pleased with himself.

Sakura could now feel him pressing into her lower abdomen, the sheer length and hardness sending shockwaves through her body. She ran her hands up his chest and slipped his shirt over his shoulders and tugged it out of place. Realizing he had never removed his katana from his back, she unsheathed it, earning a concerned stare from Sasuke as she sliced it through the ropes holding the clothes restraining him from having her.

He let out a familiar "Hmn," as he realized what she was doing. The action brought back so many memories she had to fight back tears. She was fairly certain Sasuke hadn't missed her reaction, but didn't comment.

Regardless, she was thrilled she had finally got him slightly closer to being as exposed as she was. His shirt was now piled in the floor under the shredded ropes and his katana case. She let Sasuke take the katana from her and put it out of the way.

She was having a hard time accepting the fact that this was reality and this was really Sasuke here with her… She had never imagined he would give in so easily. It told her exactly what she wanted to know… that he really did want her and not just sex… but her. She had never laid eyes on a more attractive man and was more than aware that he could have any girl he wanted. That meant there was something special about her… or else he wouldn't have been so taken by her body.

"Sakura, are you sure you want this… you can still stop me," he said, his lips nearly touching her ear as he spoke softly. She could feel his heart beating against her skin, reverberating into her soul, giving her very core life once more.

"I want you more than anything, Sasuke," she said, certainty laced in her words.

Sasuke grazed his skin against hers, cheek to cheek, until he was looking directly in her eyes.

"I never would have imagined how good you feel, Sakura," Sasuke said, closing his eyes as he finished his sentence. The forlorn look on his face was heart shattering and she wished she understood it.

"Sasuke?"

He opened his eyes again.

"What if life itself could be what you never could have imagined it… after you kill Itachi?"

Sasuke watched her for several silent moments, clearly perplexed with her question.

He had set himself up for that, he realized. However, was there not truth in her statement? He never would have believed how emotionally intertwined his relationship with Sakura was until he was about to claim her as his own forever; take something he could never give back… Was he really going to do this and give her nothing in return?

"I don't want to give you false hope, Sakura," Sasuke said. "but I can't lie to you… I never believed it would be possible for me to feel this way about anyone again…"

Sasuke felt her heart begin to race again and realized what he had just said. So much for not giving false hope…

He looked away from her, certain he was treading in dangerous waters.

Sakura gripped his face and pulled his gaze back to hers, silent tears falling from her eyes. "Sasuke," she said forcefully, "I can't stand the uncertainty… Do you care for me… at all?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. He thought that was clear. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

She bit her lip, trying to stop the tears. "Do you… love me?"

Sasuke closed his eyes. Never in a million years would he have believed this night would turn out the way it did. What could he say to that… He didn't not love her… and yet… could he even say it?

"Yes."

Sakura stared at him in disbelief. Sasuke as well was surprised the word left his mouth, but relieved it was over anyway. He was getting frustrated and in his discomfort about admitting he loved her, he firmly kissed her before she had a chance to say anything.

He was tired of waiting now and easily gave himself access to what he coveted most at the moment. He knew Sakura wasn't thinking about what was about to happen, but that was probably for the best… she was as wet as ever and would feel the least amount of pain as possible.

Making sure she was focused on his intrusive kisses, he slid inside of her, forever changing the course of their lives.

Sakura was more perceptive than he thought and rather then being shocked, she arched her hips to make it easier for him to push deeper inside of her. He knew she felt the pain, but started to realize that as a Kunoichi she had felt much more severe pain and this would only be a slight discomfort to her. As he gazed into her eyes, he wanted to know what she was thinking and allowed himself to delve into her private thoughts once again.

She was thinking of pleasing him, the idea of him being so close to her a miracle she never believed would happen. The discomfort was nothing compared to how happy it made her to be with him and Sasuke still didn't understand why she cared so much for him.

But he was glad that she did.

She pulled his shoulders down so she could whisper into his ear, "Take me, Sasuke… I'm fine."

That was all he needed, never having realized how difficult it would be to remain in control of his desires. Each moment he was with her, he knew it was only going to get harder and harder to leave her.

After the first several minutes, his mind had very little, if any control over the situation. Before he was fully aware of what happened, he was clutching Sakura, his head resting against her breasts, still buried deep inside of her, breathing harder than he could ever recall. He could feel Sakura's hand lightly grazing his hair, the other firmly gripping his arm as if to keep him from moving.

Sasuke pulled away from her chest, sitting up and pulling out of her body. He hadn't intended to… he glanced at Sakura, worried she was going to be anxious about it.

As soon as she saw the look on Sasuke's face, she touched her hand to his cheek. "It's okay, Sasuke…"

Sasuke closed his eyes. He wouldn't forgive himself if he made Sakura a mother at 17. She could no longer be a Kunoichi… another thing he fucked up in her life…

"Sasuke. Don't worry… what happens, happens. It will all work out in the end. I have faith now."

Please review.. I love those. :D If you guys like it, I will add to it and use new manga info for it. Oh, also, I have never in my life put suicide in any of my stories, but it seems to fit Sakura's depressed state, not her personality. In no way do I agree with it. Her reaction to what she almost did should sum how I feel about it up. Just so we're clear.

Omg... I had just corrected several errors... and clicked save, but it made me login again and it's gone. GRRRRR!! There is a double his in there somewhere... a then that should be a than and some more things... Dammit!